My Father's Day started thus

[Ezarc]

I was woken up by the sound of my phone ringing. My back is out, so I missed the call. Finally got to the phone, checked the id, and to no suprise, it was my soon to be ex-wife. Well the kiddos probably wanted to wish me Happy Father's Day.
I called her back. As soon as she picked up the phone she is screaming and cursing. I pick out the fact she isn't happy(I know that took genius), the kids are not behaving themselves, and she is saying that I can have them.
Ok for those readers who aren't up to speed on my impending divorce. I live 7-8 hours away from my kids and it kills me. I would sue for custody but know because of my ex's occupation and work history I wouldn't have a shot.
I then try to calm her down. Can she let someone else take them for a while today? No. Is there someone who can help her out? No. She keeps saying she is ready to send out the kids and they hear her say this. Finally she tells my oldest to get on the phone.
My beloved oldest has been hitting lately according to the ranting ex. So he says Happy Father's Day. I end up ruining the part of my Father's Day that I was looking forward to by lecturing my son about hitting, about listening to his mom, and trying to soften the blow of the fact she would never let them live with me. He doesn't know this so he I looking forward to living with me.
Next I talk to the toughest critter I know, my youngest. He is all of two. I try to tell him to listen to mommy. But he seems to like the idea of living with daddy too. He says a few things and I tell him no more boxing with his brother and he then says "I love you". Then hangs up.
My question is, what the heck should I do? She is having a rough moment and really doesn't want to give them up. But the kids are going to get crushed by moments like these. I want and miss my children so much. I would be driving now if I thought she meant this. What could and should I do? What a start to a Father's Day.
Take Care,
Ezarc

 

[bored1]

What can you do other than tell your sons that hitting their mother is not the way youngmen behave and make sure they understand your dissappointment. Other than that there is nothing more you can do as you are 8 hours away. Live for the day when they can decide on their own to live with you. Happy Fathers Day Ezarc

 

[Kitte]

Im sorry your day started out so icky. There are no easy answers darlin. If she isnt serious then there isnt much more you can do. Just keep loving them as much as you can and trying to work with her to make this as easy as possible on them. THEY are the only thing that matters.
I know visitation is a mess but once things get worked out to a schedule it will be a little easier. And remember that custody isnt totally out of the question, there are many more factors included in deciding custody then occupation and job history.
Just keep loving them the best you can until things smooth out and know you have people around you that care about you and are here for you when things are not easy.

Happy Dads Day baby

 

[cybergirly]

Ezarc, I know it's hard. But your doing exactly what a father should be doing. Teaching his children right from wrong, trying not to let your relationship with your ex get in the way. She's just stressed it happens to us all, and all though I think it's wrong for her to play with the kids feelings like that, it'll work its self out. From every post I've read of yours about your kids, you are a great dad. When they are older they will appriciate you so much. Remeber that kids don't forget and that they see and hear everything. Staying calm and just loving them for they are is so important.

ok now I'm starting to babble, hope that made sense.

 

[alexandraaah]

Move within one hour or less of them; that way, you can see them more and have visits, be available after school, etc..

That's all I got.

Hope things look up for you, Ezarc.

Happy Father's Day, I hope it looks up soon.

 

[erosman]

Move within one hour or less of them; that way, you can see them more and have visits, be available after school, etc..

That's all I got.

Hope things look up for you, Ezarc.

Happy Father's Day, I hope it looks up soon.

I'm with draaah on this.

Location.
Location.
Location.

 

[Aphrodisiac]

The same thing Alex & eros said ... move closer to where they are so you will be able to help out your ex with the kids & you will be able to see your kids more often & partake in their every day lives. Children grow up so fast ....

And mend things over with your ex , if you two are @ odds... you are adults ... be friends for the children's sake ... no ??

Hope all works out well.

 

[alexandraaah]

And mend things over with your ex , if you two are @ odds... you are adults ... be friends for the children's sake ... no ??

Hope all works out well.

From what I can tell and what we know, it seems like Ezarc is more than willing to do this.

A good call, nonetheless, A.

 

[Ezarc]

Thanks all for your support.
For the most point me and my ex have been getting along fine. But this definitely hurts. She knows I would try for custody if I thought I had even a snowballs chance in hell. As for location. I did live in that area for about a year after the separation and couldn't make enough money to support me never mind my child support. So I moved back to my hometown and am making enough for me and child support and trying to catch up on the bills. I would love to live that close, but, Buffalo and the surrounding area holds no good jobs with my qualifications.
Take Care,
Ezarc

 

[Aphrodisiac]

That is good that you and your ex are getting along.

Best of luck ... and even though your father's day did not turn out as you expected ... hope the rest of your day goes well.

 

[SweetNSassy]

Ezarc,

I think you are doing a wonderful job with your kids. Divorce is very hard..even amicable ones...Things will get better for you...moving home was the smart choice because your family is here to support you....

Have a wonderful fathers day and try to focus on how much u love them and how awesome they are!

Sassy

 

[red_rose]

Just make sure you always let them know how much you love them.

My parents divorced a year and a half ago and within 5 months, my dad married another woman and moved to Minnesota - the other end of the country.

Although I know neither of them mean it, both of my parents have been extremely selfish and made my younger brother and sister feel unwanted and unloved on many occasions over these past two years.

If you can't move closer to them, as draaah suggested, just make sure you don't move further away.

Always let them know they are loved and wanted, regardless of whether or not the courts allow them to live with.


Happy Father's Day, Ezarc.

 

[Ezarc]

Again thanks all for listening to my ramblings. I will call later today, when things are calmed down, to talk to my boys again. I will also send an email to my wife asking her not to do that to the boys or me again. I so want my boys with me. It isn't fair to them or to me to tell me that without following through. Which I know she wouldn't or couldn't do.
Take Care,
Ezarc

 

[CAROSI]

Good Luck. I live a country away from my kids. Its hard, but if you keep in touch with them as much as humanly possible, it does make things that much better. Happy Father's Day!!

 

[Ezarc]

My email to the ex.

I am writing back in response to our earlier discussion. If you are serious I can start making arrangement for the kids on tomorrow. I would love to take them in. (edited to remove town name) does have a good school system and I would call some of the people I know to find out more about the local daycare facilities. My sister and brother have both added that they would enjoy helping out too.
If you were not serious about today's earlier statement. I am sorry that you became so stressed out. That however, does not excuse the fact that now both myself and the boys are wishing for something that won't happen. If you are that upset then just call and vent. Don't tell me to take Ian and Devon if you don't really mean it, especially in front of the boys. It will just hurt us all.
I hope your day has gotten better.

I also called and talked to the boys again. They were much calmer. Ian still insisted on moving out to be with me.
Take Care,
Ezarc

 

[cybergirly]

Ezarc, good job. Very polite, calm email. Good luck! I wish nothing but the best for you and your kids. *hugs*

 

[Ezarc]

Thank you cybergirly,
I am trying to be calm about his but my heart is racing at the idea of having my boys. I know she has calmed down so now will not be willing to part with them. I really want to have them and with her job visitation would be alot better for her than me since she will be working a school job and the vacation schedule would be similar.
Take Care,
Ezarc

 

[Allexus_TN]

It sounds like you have your head on straight, and realistically so as well. You seem to have a good grip on teaching the boys the important things, even if it does have to be done from such a distance.
Hang in there, hopefully things will get better and easier.

 

[TantaLiza]

Have faith, Ezarc!!

Things will regulate between you eventually...it's just not an easy thing for kids! You sound like you've got a lot of things already worked out in your head and that's a great start...I was the product of a divorced family...I understand your frustration, two-fold. As long as you keep up communications with the boys, you'll be the best of dads!! They know you love them and that's what is important right now...best of luck!!

Happy Father's Day!

Liza

 

[Suzi]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

I understand how it is to be stressed out over misbehaviour, but as you said, D., she needs to learn how to channel that anger and to express it properly. Making empty threats/promises, esp. withing hearing of the children (nice names btw!) is not appropriate discipline (if that was what she was trying to do---that was MY feeling).

The arrangement you propose IF she were serious sounds sensible though. Have you heard from her yet?

 

[Ezarc]

She of course, has not responded. I didn't expect her too.
Take Care,
Ezarc