My dog predicts the presidential election

[shereads]

For months, Squeaky President Bush's Head was her favorite toy. Wouldn't go outside to pee without finding Squeaky President Bush's Head and taking him with her. He was a gift to her from a Republican friend, but I didn't mind because the toy has that stunned, deer-in-the-headlights look we see on the real Bush Head's face when he's asked a geography question or doesn't know he's on camera.

It was hard to know whether the dog loved Squeaky President Bush's Head, or just enjoyed bullying him. Either way, I was frequently treated to the sight of Bush's Head sticking out of a dog's mouth, bewildered-looking, with a smear of drool.

One day, after a televised press conference, she left him outside under a cluster of areca palms. There he stayed, face-down. He endured tropical storms and began to fade from the sun.

I'm ashamed to admit, I took the dog's rejection of Squeaky President Bush's Head as a good sign. There have been so few good signs, and I was desperate.

Yesterday she took her ball outside, laid it on the ground under the areca palms, and returned to the house with Bush's Head.

This, plus another hurricane on the way. Is there no end to the ugliness?

 

[OhMissScarlett]

bewildered-looking, with a smear of drool.

Isn't that how he always looks though? Have faith, maybe the plastic ball will come back into favor and win the election.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

Dogs are ruled by their stomachs, so I would suggest getting your dog one of those petrified rawhide knots that are so popular with the canine set.

Once impregnated with drool these toys are far more attractive than Bush’s Head, especially a Squeaky Bush’s Head.

If, as it may turn out, your dog has no prognosticatory powers, you will be comforted to know the value of your gift. Just one of those petrified rawhide knots can nourish a medium-size dog pack for nearly two decades.

This might come in handy if your dog manages to get away when the Homeland Security forces scoop you up.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

I'm so distracted by Burley's AV, that I forgot what I was going to post. Oh well, I think I'll just sit here and gawk at it the rest of the day.

 

[cantdog]

It's no small job to resize those things to come in under the Lit board's size limits. It is a fine thing, isn't it?

the AV I mean, not Bush's head

I refuse to believe the Murdoch press and their wallahs are correct, Sher. Bush is toast all the way. Too many people can't abide the idiot.

You'll see. You are merely misinterpreting the dogly omens.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Hmmmm. This makes me wonder how I am to interpret my own dog's behavior regarding her current preferred chew-object. Four more years of ... a dried bull's penis? Does this mean a win for Pat Robertson, or just a rather angry remonstrance from my (female) dog on the topic of all candidates being male?

Shanglan

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Hmmmm. This makes me wonder how I am to interpret my own dog's behavior regarding her current preferred chew-object. Four more years of ... a dried bull's penis? Does this mean a win for Pat Robertson, or just a rather angry remonstrance from my (female) dog on the topic of all candidates being male?

Shanglan

Well, I guess it could be any dried up old male politician, just take your pick.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

Well, I guess it could be any dried up old male politician, just take your pick.

Just choose your prick.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Just choose your prick.

 

[shereads]

Re: Re: My dog predicts the presidential election

Isn't that how he always looks though? Have faith, maybe the plastic ball will come back into favor and win the election.

Squeaky President Bush's Head:

President Plastic Ball:

You're right. It's an improvement.

Great name, OhMissScarlett. Welcome to the AH.

 

[shereads]

Hmmmm. This makes me wonder how I am to interpret my own dog's behavior regarding her current preferred chew-object. Four more years of ... a dried bull's penis? Does this mean a win for Pat Robertson, or just a rather angry remonstrance from my (female) dog on the topic of all candidates being male?

Shanglan

It means she's grieving for Strom Thurmond.

That's dogs for you. Lots of affection, no judgement.

 

[shereads]

Just choose your prick.

You, missy, are about half a post away from Pun Prison.

 

[shereads]

It's no small job to resize those things to come in under the Lit board's size limits. It is a fine thing, isn't it?

the AV I mean, not Bush's head

I refuse to believe the Murdoch press and their wallahs are correct, Sher. Bush is toast all the way. Too many people can't abide the idiot.

You'll see. You are merely misinterpreting the dogly omens.

You're toying with me.



Don't get my hopes up. The last time I succumbed to that kind of hope, Tim Russert had just called Florida for Al Gore.

I felt like WWIII had been averted.

 

[shereads]

Just one of those petrified rawhide knots can nourish a medium-size dog pack for nearly two decades.

Your dog isn't much of a chewer, is he/she? My cocker spaniel goes through a Giant Economy Size rawhide like a wood chipper. Then she throws up.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

... My cocker spaniel goes through a Giant Economy Size rawhide like a wood chipper. Then she throws up.

Does your cocker spaniel have a triangular head and a flat, oval tail?

 

[shereads]

Does your cocker spaniel have a triangular head and a flat, oval tail?

Why, yes. And every time we pass a body of water, she tries to build a dam. You're familiar with the breed?

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

. . . You're familiar with the breed?

Why yes.

I saw a whole dam pack of wild cocker spaniels during a canoe trip when I was a kid.

Funny, but you don’t see many of them when the AKC has its annual dog show.

A friend of mine had a sprinkler spaniel. Every time anybody came visiting, the dog got so excited that she peed in the hall.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

It means she's grieving for Strom Thurmond.

That's dogs for you. Lots of affection, no judgement.

That's exactly who I thought of when Shanglan said something about a dried up bull dick. I keep forgetting Strom's actually dead, maybe someone should dig him up and make sure.

Oh, thanks for the big welcome Shereads, I only recently came out of lurking.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Actually, I think things are looking up for the Dems. Kerry has finally started telling it like it is, saying that Iraq was the wrong war in the wrong place for the wrong reason and has been totally mismanaged from the start, and when I heard that I was just floored by how obvious and effective that was. Forget Viet Nam and the Air National Guard. This president has been a major fuck-up, and it's something that needs to be said.

And what can Bush possibly say to rebut those charges?

If Kerry stays on-message, I think this thing might well turn around.

---dr.M.

 

[Guest]

Actually, I think things are looking up for the Dems. Kerry has finally started telling it like it is, saying that Iraq was the wrong war in the wrong place for the wrong reason and has been totally mismanaged from the start, and when I heard that I was just floored by how obvious and effective that was. Forget Viet Nam and the Air National Guard. This president has been a major fuck-up, and it's something that needs to be said.

And what can Bush possibly say to rebut those charges?

If Kerry stays on-message, I think this thing might well turn around.

---dr.M.

From your lips to God's ears.

 

[carsonshepherd]

Yesterday she took her ball outside, laid it on the ground under the areca palms, and returned to the house with Bush's Head.

Fear not. I was walking my dog yesterday and he hiked his leg up and pissed all over someone's Bush yard sign. He chose it deliberately, not randomly, out of lots of yard signs on the street. Normally he pisses on everything. How I wished I had a camera phone!

 

[shereads]

Fear not. I was walking my dog yesterday and he hiked his leg up and pissed all over someone's Bush yard sign. He chose it deliberately, not randomly, out of lots of yard signs on the street. Normally he pisses on everything. How I wished I had a camera phone!

Good news, carsonshep! Our dogs are in agreement.

No sooner had they posted South Florida's hurricane warning du jour, than Squeaky President Bush's Head was deposited, face-down, in a patch of mud under the banana trees. The ball is in, the shrub is out, and a Cat 3 hurricane is on the way. Hurricanes suck, but if that's what it takes for my dog to correctly predict a GWB loss, so be it.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

. . . the dog's rejection of Squeaky President Bush's Head . . .

Good New!

Your dog seems to be playing with the ball, again.



___________________http://www.zooish.com/_borders/babybeaver_flippingsoccorball_sm_wht.gif______________

 

[carsonshepherd]

Re: Re: Re: My dog predicts the presidential election

Great name, OhMissScarlett. Welcome to the AH. [/B]

It's such a great name... I gave it to my doggie.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

What a wonderful tribute, thanks Carson! I know you're not implying that I'm a bitch, lol.