Munches

[DustyWolfe]

Well, we find that we are trying to decide whether or not we wish to attend a munch. We have two choose from at the moment.
Bound by Desire is a lesbian munch. It's incredibly top heavy and predominately butch/top. My problem with attending this munch isn't the group itsself, it's more that I don't know if I will be accepted well, if at all. I'm transgendered so that complicates things. It's also hard with this group because there is a class that you have to attend that is only taught twice a year before you can play.

I came out as a lesbian, and even though I already had problems fitting in I just HAD to make myself fit in even less. And now, I'm moving forward with my dreams and wants... I'm allowing myself to accept that I am transgendered, and yet again. I'm putting myself into an even more Ambigous group. Funny huh?

Then there is GWNN, Group with No Name. I don't know alot about them except that they are accepting of most walks of life. transgender I am unsure of. Especially two switches.

The thing is that we could really use a play party since we live with my parents until Jess finds a job and I have my finances a bit more under control.

Our relationship has been strange. Jess has been the Dominant one all along except for the bit of time when there was a death in her family and she was still trying to come to terms with how hateful her family is. So she needed nurturing and I stepped into that role as her Daddi, but only in a partnership sense, not really a bdsm sense. I've never left the role of being her submissive and that much is obvious now that I am HER marked sub.

So, in short, I hope this thread wasn't too confusing, and I hope that maybe someone can offer some ideas or insight.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I can understand your dilemma Dusty. Isn't easy going into a group of strangers at the best of times, even harder when you feel there may be reasons in the heads of those strangers to reject you both. I have a couple of suggestions which may or may not work. First one would be to see if you can make contact with someone from both groups and speak confidentially with them about your fears and whether they feel you have any need to be wary. Is still not bulletprooof, but may ease the tension somewhat for you both.

Second would be to take a deep breath, make the decision it is not your problem if others have issues, and go check out both groups to see how it goes. Once again, not easy, but sometimes it is empowering if you are able to put things in perspective by laying responsibility where it belongs and not allowing the shallowness of others to spoil how you feel about you. Once you know how they are going to react, then you can choose to either return or not.

Third would be over time to attempt beginning your own munch where the first rule is no discrimination on any grounds will be tolerated. It sounds difficult but against the advice of many, some who had already tried unsuccessfully to start a similar group but with the sexuality divisions made clear, I started a support group on these terms some years ago in a notoriously homophobic suburb. Not only did the group succeed and flourish where others who previously had hung the welcome sign out to only particular groups such as lesbian only, gay only, etc., and failed, but our group became known statewide for its openness and genuine efforts to communicate and understand across the sexuality groups with the idea of providing a unified front to fight discrimination on all fronts. Of course, with this you may have issues of being outed for your kink, especially to family.

From what you describe of the first group, I would not be overly keen as they sound very regimental (needing to attend their training first before playing), which to me says they are going to have a set way, a set group of who counts, and set rules as to what they see as right and not be willing to open to other possibilities. I could be wrong, but if they make it a rule to attend their training first it is basically saying they feel they have all the answers and you better accept it their way. It could ba argued on safety terms, but from what I have heard about other groups with such play concerns, they tend to have arepresentative who will spend considerable time talking to the possible new members to guage whether they are aware of the safety issues etc.

Either way it seems you need to find some place where you can be yourselves without the burden of being judged and isolated by the less accepting. I wish you well and hope you have nothing to worry about. Take care.

Catalina

 

[DustyWolfe]

Catalina, thanks for responding.

Bound by Desire really isn't a bad group, but yeah, there is a lot of structure and if you don't join up at the right time then you are out of luck.... They teach from a book called SM 101 which I have heard alot of good things about. But I still am not sure if I would be accepted.

I would love to start our own munch but I doubt it would take off. I'm really shy, and not good with motivating groups of people. I'm not really concerned about being outed as a kinkster, but more so that I have nothing to offer. We don't even have our own place. Grrrr. So yeah.. it creates a problem.

I'm going to try to find someone in bondage.com Texas chat to see if anyone knows much about GWNN.... I just seem to make myself more and more ambigous lol. It's funny

 

[catalina_francisco]

Catalina, thanks for responding.


I would love to start our own munch but I doubt it would take off. I'm really shy, and not good with motivating groups of people. I'm not really concerned about being outed as a kinkster, but more so that I have nothing to offer. We don't even have our own place. Grrrr. So yeah.. it creates a problem.

Please let us know how you go. LOL, I am unbelieveably shy as well, but I managed that when I started the group by concentrating on the discrimination and injustice factors which fired my engines enough to forget about my own personal insecurities. I think it was easier too as much of the initial stages were done over phone, and then the way I set it up I wanted it to be a group owned by everyone equally, not run by me in the way I wanted. I printed up material explaining this to new members and advertising and it worked wonderfully as many who joined had been feeling oppressed and invalidated but now had a place to come a be accepted and have a say, and be who they were without need to pretend or apologise. Everyone had to accept responsibility for the running of the group and its activities.

We ended up with a group of people which consisted of lesbian, gay, TG, TS, bisexual, and 1 straight, from ages 16-78, vanilla and lifestyle, and which resulted in our each developing a better understanding of each other. It was wonderful when I received a call requesting permission to do a presentation to our group, from a woman who initially told me (actually yelled it at me) it would never work unless I limited the group to one sexuality group and a particular age bracket, and definately in another geographical area. She warned me I was in for a big fall if I went ahead with my plan. I daresay she was not impressed when her employer told her to offer our group the presentation because of our growing reputation and respect. Proved to me once and for all, nothing is impossible if you believe in it enough.

Catalina

 

[DustyWolfe]

I am glad that things have worked out so well for you Maybe this is something that we could eventually work on. I'm trying to get some ties within the transgender community, but that's tougher than I thought it would be! I would like to get some FtM involvement, but so far the easiest group to come by is still MtF because it's a much bigger population.

 

[Marquis]

How do you find a munch in your area?

Is this the best way for a confident and attractive dom to meet a potential sub?