mulling over the Dominant

[justgem]

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[MissTaken]

IF I am following you

a Dom giving directions when in a mixed group, to show off his sub?

I understand that.
I would want any man who is with me to be proud of me and if that man is a Dom of the more formal code, it would be natural for him to want to show others that I am totally his. It would be hoped that there is some meaning to what a sub feels is a silly direction.

Submission is about serving and pleasing. If it pleases him to show others that I am at his beck and call, then so be it.

I suppose this sort of activity falls under the guise of "whatever two have discussed and negotiated."

If in a vanilla relationship, I enjoy a boyfriend who takes my hand in public. IT gave me a sense that he was pleased and proud of me as a person and as his gf.

I am meandering now because I am multi ing with a phone call now.

 

[lark sparrow]

Hoping this is related to the topic

I wouldn't enjoy a Dominant using me simply and expressly to show off to others. That would tell me the relationship was less important than that of their friends and how things appeared on the surface. I would question their maturity and motivations.

However, there are some things I am asked/told to do/not do that may seem silly to me on the outside (shh! don't tell) - those are entirely up to Her discretion. I don't have to understand or be thrilled with them, I have to choose to obey them. Personally I like understanding why I am doing things, but just because it might not make sense to me doesn't mean I can disregard it. She has the right to make requests of any sort, and I have the obligation to carry them out to the best of my ability in the relationship.

She also knows the things I like/dislike, things that come easy/things that are nearly impossible for me, and it's obvious She considers them, along with Her own needs, whims, desire to push me/make me feel safe, etc. If there was no concern for or understanding of me, and only a desire for ordering me about for Her status... I would stop obeying after awhile.

 

[MissTaken]

Teh second thought I had after reading your post, gem is that yes, for many Dom/mes, they enjoy the power exchange and having a sub do something may be purely because they can.

Or so I have been told.

 

[MissTaken]

My third thought~




"they feed off each other."

Yes, the relationships are interconnected and dependent upon the roles of each.

Feeding off each other? I don't believe the relationship is parasitical, but yes, as with any relationship, two halves make a whole.

A Boss needs an employee in order to achieve bossism.

A Dom needs a sub in order to achieve Dominance.

A sub needs a Dom in order to submit.

A burger needs fries and a drink in order to become a Meal Deal.

 

[A Desert Rose]

in different places ive observed Doms who place tasks and give orders to Their submissives that seem to serve no purpose. to me it often comes off as "Dominant flexing" to show others around just how Dominant they really are.

i have no problem w/a Dom who is proud of Their sub and might require service from them, but it comes across differently... i dont know if im explaining this clearly. but the intent behind a directive is different than the "flexing". (hope U/u can all read my mind there)

my point being this: a Dom can require silly meaningless things from Their sub, but when doing it in an effort to impress others, it is, to me, less than impressive.

the fact that the ability to require something and know that the sub will obey must be part of the turn on and attraction for the Dom, i would imagine. Dom/mes? would U agree?

a good Dom doesnt have to prove anything, a constant stream of orders is not necessary to prove who is in charge. rather a good Dom would see by how the sub obeys Him/Her that the power is there anytime He/She wants to use it. i would think the enjoyment of Domination is the knowledge of the potentials that are there to be embarked on if the Dom wishes it.

power exchange is often discussed. ive been mulling in my mind. just what holds a Dom once the submission is given? the sub gives then depends on the Dom for His/Her domination. is it not as much the same for the Dom? the need to have one who will submit to the potentials? they feed off each other.

the more power that is given the more the Dom is drawn in, the more Domination is exerted the more the sub is drawn. E/each hold is a tight one.

bw

gem

What I think you are talking about is ego. Those few Dom's that I have had extended experience with, do not want to control me 24 hours a day. (If the oil needs changed in the car, He expects me to be bright enough to take care of that without His approval or permission.)

I am sure there are many Doms who because of ego, exert their dominance. But that kind of ego does not sustain a long and rewarding relationship.

 

[justgem]

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[lark sparrow]

I hear what you are saying/asking now, and wait to see what the Dom/mes say.

 

[Grvdigger]

Nice question gem. What I think you are getting at is the intention behind the request. Is the Dom having the sub do something just to play the old game My Domination is better than yours or is there a true desire there.

As to what keeps a Dom there, I think it is many things. The wonder, the pride in being connected with a well trainded sub, the responisabilty that comes with it, the love of it in some cases, and yes the Power. My domination is just who I am, having a sub (gem in My case) lets Me express this in ways I could not do otherwise. gems and My relationship is as 24/7 as it can get at this point, but I do not control every aspect of her life. I do not want another child (have 2 already), I expect her to be able to get along in life with out having to have a life preserver. But I do set plans for her day and events in her life.

I hope I was on the mark with what you were looking for and did not add confusion to it.

 

[MissTaken]

Yep!

Makes more sense.

And I guess I wonder...

I think that watching four Doms play Parcheesi would be amusing...

I have to wonder about the competition between Doms as well as what makes the sort of competition happen.

Nope, I wouldn't want to be part of it.

I rather enjoy a Dom who is serene and confident, not bombastically stating to the world..."See what a great Dom I am!"

 

[justgem]

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[TheWanderer]

A burger needs fries and a drink in order to become a Meal Deal.

...unless you substitute onion rings and a shake instead...

[/end random thought]

 

[Ebonyfire]

Teh second thought I had after reading your post, gem is that yes, for many Dom/mes, they enjoy the power exchange and having a sub do something may be purely because they can.

Or so I have been told.

That is exactly true. I tell my subs to do things A) because I can, B) because it gives me pleasure and C) because I can.

I see no problem with it, and neither do they. They have a choice, to obey or don't let the door hit their ass as they leave.

Eb

 

[MissTaken]

That is exactly true. I tell my subs to do things A) because I can, B) because it gives me pleasure and C) because I can.

I see no problem with it, and neither do they. They have a choice, to obey or don't let the door hit their ass as they leave.

Eb

What a meanie!

 

[Ebonyfire]

What a meanie!

Male subs expect to be used and to be strictly controlled, and I love doing it! The stricter, the better.

Eb

 

[justgem]

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[MissTaken]

Male subs expect to be used and to be strictly controlled, and I love doing it! The stricter, the better.

Eb

I feel a new thread coming on!

 

[P. B. Walker]

I feel a new thread coming on!

I wonder... do ya think male subs are more naughty? or female subs? or is there no generalization possible?


Do ya think female subs like to be strictly controlled, but just not all the time. They like their cuddle time and such. Whereas males are a little less touchy feely and can deal with being strictly controlled at all times? Or again, is no generalization possible?


PBW

 

[lovetoread]

They like their cuddle time and such.


PBW

Bah...the only time I like cuddling is when I'm sick.

 

[justgem]

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[Ebonyfire]

dont know that i would always be that mentally accepting of it if it became consistant and never had a deeper purpose or involved Your "B".

gem, you are a femsub. It makes all the difference. the male subs who appeal to me do not have the same opinion as you do.
They understand what the basis of our relationship will be or they do not submit to Me. Female subs do not interest me at all because we have different goals and I am not bisexual.

It is just my preference for males, and it works out.

Eb <edited for clarity>

 

[Ebonyfire]

I wonder... do ya think male subs are more naughty?

I am only speaking for myself, others may have a different view.

I do not think it is a matter or being more naughty. I want subs who are obedient. My subs are chosen for their submissivemess, and their willingness to serve. I define the service, and subs who have congruent needs are the ones who I accept.



Whereas males are a little less touchy feely and can deal with being strictly controlled at all times?

It is not a matter of being strictly controlled "at all times" but being obedient to my requirements, whatever they may be. As for not being touchy feely, that is not necessarily true. It is the outward expectation of hugs and cuddles that is lacking.

Eb

 

[MissTaken]

Well, geesh.

You all could have waited for me to start the new thread before posting for it!

I was going to start a thread regarding fundamental difference between male and female subs.

This is a topic that interests me as I have made friends with male subs and the interaction is vastly different than my interaction with female subs.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Well, geesh.

You all could have waited for me to start the new thread before posting for it!

I was going to start a thread regarding fundamental difference between male and female subs.

This is a topic that interests me as I have made friends with male subs and the interaction is vastly different than my interaction with female subs.

Well stop dragging you feet! LOL

Eb

 

[MissTaken]

Well stop dragging you feet! LOL

Eb

How can I drag my feet when they are bound tightly!