Moving In

[bisexplicit]

Well, today I'm getting on a plane, going to toronto, and starting living with my boyfriend.

This will be my first time in an appartment, and my first time living with someone who isn't a family member.

So, if possible, I would like advice on everything and anything.

 

[Guest]

 

[silverwhisper]

living w/ someone is a lot of work.

1. you've expressed a preference for financial stability. be aware that when living w/ someone, money tends to be the root of a lot of arguments. be clear about expenses and your respective contributions to them. similarly, discuss purchases which will consume significant space and/or resources prior to doing them.

2. responsibilities. discuss who will do what tasks around your home. who does the dishes/empties the dishwasher? who cooks? those two are usually done by different people. who does the grocery shopping and how much will you spend on it? personally, i think that's best done together, at least at first, so you get an idea of what the other likes to buy, etc. are there pets in the home? if so, who tends to their needs (walking dogs/cleaning litter box/what have you)? one that was a problem for me: who organizes what's where in the kitchen (spices/herbs, pots/pans, etc)? it should be done by whoever does the cooking.

3. cleanliness. yes, it's boring, but this can become a very big issue. if you don't have the same comfort levels re: messiness, discuss how to make things work. i personally detest having dishes in the kitchen sink and will wash things by hand to get 'em out of there if need be.

4. you know the 3 most important words on this forum: communicate, communicate, communicate. take 'em to heart, b/c when living w/ someone, the little things can fester into big things.

ed

 

[Pyro Paul]

under stand, be patent and be prepared to see or hear things that they wouldnt normaly happen.

 

[Undomiel]

Well I've only ever lived with strangers in apartments and it usually works out terrible because people have no respect for each other, but I doubt that with happen as much with someone you know.

 

[EJFan]

very simple. i've done it but didn't like it... i prefer to be alone (odd for an extrovert but whatever).

the main thing, in my opinion, to keep the situation a happy one is to do two things: make and enforce rules & boundaries... and have/keep expectations of one another.

i firmly believe that if people are aware that you have expectations of them, they will do their level best to meet them. it's that simple.

now... while i'm here, let me just say that i tried like hell to find you yesterday to wish you a good trip. no luck, of course. so you owe me one big ass hug!

 

[LadyJeanne]

Living together gives you an opportunity to learn how to share space together, how to be roommates. While that will have its challenges, try not to confuse roommate-type difficulties with your love/feelings/emotions for the guy, and vice-versa. Just because he drives you nuts by leaving his clothes all over the place even though you've told him and told him and told him how much you hate finding his dirty socks in the bathroom, that doesn't mean he doesn't love you.

Make sure to establish your own life out there. Since you're the one moving to a new place, get out once you've settled in and start developing your own friendships and activities. That will help you feel as though you are not totally dependent on him for a social life, and will help you feel more at home, too.

Good luck and have fun!

 

[Guest]

 

[glynndah]

If you both have the same tastes in toothpastes, shampoos, and other toiletries, go ahead and share them. However, if you can't agree on the same kinds, don't fight about it. Just buy two different kinds. Life's too short to be arguing about paste vs. gel.

Respect each other's space. Literally. If the shower is only big enough for the showeree and a bit of water from the shower head, don't stash your entire Bath and Body collection there. Share the closets and other storage space.

 

[BlueSugar]

have an 'out,' or a 'space.'

Sometimes there is a tension in the air that no one can put their finger on. Sometimes you'll just feel overcrowded and always together ontop of each other.

Make space in the apartment where you two can be seperate and not back to back all the time. Move the computer, move the eating area, make yourself a reading nook...

 

[Eilan]

When you move in with someone, you get to see each other when you're not at your best, like first thing in the morning and when you're sick. It's not very romantic, but it's reality. Don't let yourself become disillusioned because of it.

Other than that, I can't really add to what everyone else has said.

Good luck!

 

[bisexplicit]

Thanks everyone. I'm probably gonna re-read this a few times, and try to memorize all the good advice. I have a few different plans, but its nice to hear some of it reiterated and to have some things mentioned that I forgot about.

(I'm in toronto, now, my boyfriend just walked by - I'm just online for a few minutes checking things - and so he asked what I was doing, I quickly explained and he said "Advice? I don't need advice."...hehehe. What a great way to start.)


EJ, I know, I was looking for you, too. I haven't seen you in forever (or since a day ago, whatever. hehe).

 

[EJFan]

I'm probably gonna re-read this a few times, and try to memorize all the good advice.

good.... 'cause there'll be a fucking test.

 

[AngelicAnguish]

My SO and I did this except he moved from Toronto to be with me!

The biggest thing we had to adjust too other than what was mentioned above was the fact I'm very much a loner and he is a very social person. Our backgrounds were extremely different so he had trouble getting used to the fact I needed a couple of hours to myself at night. Now though it's second nature and he doesn't wonder any more, at first though it caused alot of insecurities and worries... a good long conversation cleared it all up though!

Good luck and enjoy!

*** note the cleaniness thing is HUGE! SO and I have WAY different idea's of cleaness so the house usually drives me nutso but since he's the one home every day with the kids that's more his domain at the moment though every 3 - 6 months we have our usual fight about it!

 

[h_i_s]

Not wishing to rain on your parade ... just offering good advice:

1. Protect your personal properties with a written list of personal items (as well as appropriate worths of each), in the form of dated and signed agreement between the two of you prior to living together.

2. Be certain that your name is included on any leasing or rental contracts.

If it doesn't work out, either party could get a bit nasty and act unfairly should they have to go their seperate ways ... and as courts are not quite helpful to unmarried couples residing together ..... it's better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.