Movies To Avoid At All Cost...

[Tom Collins]

Thought I'd start a thread specifically for reporting bad movies to each other, since we have one for DVDs that have recently been seen. I think most people would think to mention the good ones on there...this is for the really bad ones. The ones that they might use as a form of torture.

What's prompted the starting of this thread, you ask?

ZODIAC Killer...OMFG

You know a movie is bad when you keep expecting people to start fucking for no reason because the cinamatography and sound quality reminds you of a porn flick.

I couldn't watch more than about 5 minutes of this movie, cuz it was that bad. Believe me when I say that that's saying something. I don't give up on a movie that easily. This movie was "Jab a sharp object into your eye" bad.

 

[TheEarl]

I'm going to get slated for this, considering the popularity of the film on the board, but....

Brokeback Mountain.

If you go into it just watching it as a film, rather than "the big gay film that's a revolution in Hollywood films with gay people in them," then it has an awful, awful beginning. The two main characters don't appear to have any real attraction to each other aside from a general camaraderie and their conformity to the general homophobia of the time shows when one of them chooses to freeze sleeping outside rather than risk sleeping in the same tent as the other. Yet, two seconds later, after a brief grapple, they're shagging like rabbits. I was convinced that it was a dream sequence, it was so abrupt and unexpected. Yet, seconds later, they were lovey-dovey. These are supposed to be men who have grown up in a homophobic area, who have never done this before and who have shared absolutely no chemistry before their abrupt crazy naked sex?

It destroyed the film for me, as I wouldn't accept that kind of shoddy work in a Lit story, let alone a Hollywood blockbuster. And the anal sex that proceeded nicely with a single spit for lubrication? Didn't help much either.

The film after that actually improved slightly, but it was overshadowed by the fact that I couldn't believe in their trials because I didn't believe in their love. And I didn't believe in their love cause I didn't see where it came from. I didn't see where it came from because they went from manly cowboy men of the what decade it was to screwing like protagonists in the worst Lit story without any transition.

Terrible film. Proceed with the stoning.

The Earl

 

[kromen]

Good thread. I personally try not to watch any movie that is clearly a repeat of another one with a bigger budget. There is another version of "The Poseiden adventure" with a bunch of no names and the ship is turned upside down by a terrorist plot. Any vampire movies resembling "Underworld", "Blade", or "Interview with a Vampire". And absolutely no straight to video movies starring Steven Segal or Jean Claude Van Damme.

 

[Tom Collins]

I'm going to get slated for this, considering the popularity of the film on the board, but....

Brokeback Mountain.

If you go into it just watching it as a film, rather than "the big gay film that's a revolution in Hollywood films with gay people in them," then it has an awful, awful beginning. The two main characters don't appear to have any real attraction to each other aside from a general camaraderie and their conformity to the general homophobia of the time shows when one of them chooses to freeze sleeping outside rather than risk sleeping in the same tent as the other. Yet, two seconds later, after a brief grapple, they're shagging like rabbits. I was convinced that it was a dream sequence, it was so abrupt and unexpected. Yet, seconds later, they were lovey-dovey. These are supposed to be men who have grown up in a homophobic area, who have never done this before and who have shared absolutely no chemistry before their abrupt crazy naked sex?

It destroyed the film for me, as I wouldn't accept that kind of shoddy work in a Lit story, let alone a Hollywood blockbuster. And the anal sex that proceeded nicely with a single spit for lubrication? Didn't help much either.

The film after that actually improved slightly, but it was overshadowed by the fact that I couldn't believe in their trials because I didn't believe in their love. And I didn't believe in their love cause I didn't see where it came from. I didn't see where it came from because they went from manly cowboy men of the what decade it was to screwing like protagonists in the worst Lit story without any transition.

Terrible film. Proceed with the stoning.

The Earl

Actually, Oil, they'll have to stone us both. I hated that movie. Totally unrealistic. In my opinion the only reason it got made was due to it's pseudo-PCness. If it had been a M/F situation where the difficulty is racicial it never would have been made.

 

[arienette]

Me and You and Everyone We Know

...It was just fucking stupid.

 

[human_male]

Date Movie. I saw it because I love Alyson Hannigan but jesus tapdancing christ is was bad. I was embarrassed for Hannigan in some scenes. She's so talented, I don't see why she lowers herself to this kind of juvenile, appalling crap.

 

[oggbashan]

The remake of Operation Petticoat. The original, with Cary Grant and Tony Curtis was light entertainment. The remake is dire.

Carry On Emmanuelle - the worst of the series.

Casino Royale 1967 - waste of a good cast.

Og

 

[Guest]

.....

 

[rgraham666]

Caught one like that recently.

Vampire Assassin.

Lousy plot, lousy writing, lousy acting, lousy cinematography, lousy everything.

There was one sweet looking redhead in PVC and fishnets, but that wasn't enough to make up for the rest of it.

 

[sirhugs]

Flightplan

This Jodie Foster vehicle is a thriller with no thrills, a suspense tale without much suspense. I admit I sat through it, reading a novel, until the end to find out the answer to the puzzle, but it was so dull I didn't pay attention.

There was maybe enough plot for a one hour tv episode.

The solution to the puzzle seemed random, rather than built upon clues.

I suppose it might be supposed to be a character study of Jodie's character, and grief, but if so, it never tied together.

Erika Christensen as one of the stewardesses filled out her uniform nicely, but otherwise, the movie was about as asexual as can be, on top of everything else.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Good thread. I personally try not to watch any movie that is clearly a repeat of another one with a bigger budget. There is another version of "The Poseiden adventure" with a bunch of no names and the ship is turned upside down by a terrorist plot. Any vampire movies resembling "Underworld", "Blade", or "Interview with a Vampire". And absolutely no straight to video movies starring Steven Segal or Jean Claude Van Damme.

I think you forgot Chuck Norris, Arnold Schwartzeneger and Madona from your list.

 

[sirhugs]

Good thread. I personally try not to watch any movie that is clearly a repeat of another one with a bigger budget. There is another version of "The Poseiden adventure" with a bunch of no names and the ship is turned upside down by a terrorist plot. Any vampire movies resembling "Underworld", "Blade", or "Interview with a Vampire". And absolutely no straight to video movies starring Steven Segal or Jean Claude Van Damme.

Jessica Biel and Kate Beckinsale made Blade and Underworld respectively worthwhile for me...

 

[cheerful_deviant]

The Terror of Tiny Town

It's a b-western.

It's a comedy.

The whole cast is midgits.

Not bad enough yet?

It's a musical.

 

[AppleBiter]

Holy Man -- Holy shit, this movie sucked! When we saw it in the theater, when it first came out (yeah, we were duped into seeing it at the theater), we stood up and applauded at the end of the movie -- not because it was good, but because it was finally OVER.

Bogus -- The title says it all, folks.

The Postman -- 4 hours of my life that I will never get back. Maybe Cliff Clavin from Cheers would find this movie interesting, but it would probably bore even him to death. Kevin Costner owes me. Big time.

The Hills Have Eyes -- See the "DVD" thread.

. . . I'll be back when I think of more.

 

[kiten69]

Dark Water....OMG literally put me to sleep...ZZZZzzzzzzzzz

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

Jessica Biel and Kate Beckinsale made Blade and Underworld respectively worthwhile for me...

Possibly another argument starter, but I though "Dogma" was an ugly movie.

 

[sirhugs]

Dark Water....OMG literally put me to sleep...ZZZZzzzzzzzzz

not the best Jennifer Connelly movie ever, but again, perv that I am, she made it endurable.

But then I fell asleep during Matrix and Titanic, so who am I to say?

 

[TheeGoatPig]

Dinner with Freinds - A totally sexless and unromantic movie about romance and... sex... What the hell was that? I hated everyone in it.

Nothing But Trouble - Worst movie I ever saw. I can sit through almost anything, but this...

 

[sirhugs]

Dinner with Freinds - A totally sexless and unromantic movie about romance and... sex... What the hell was that? I hated everyone in it.

...

I agree that it is easy to hate most of the characters ( though I recall some of the women were okay). I on the other hand found it somewhat sexy, somewhat funny, and above al la bitterswet commentary on the complexity of life love and relationships. It really ISN'T easy, we all fuck up, and that's why despite the unattractive qualities of the charaters, they struck me as being more real people than 99% of all movie characters, because they are like us, and the problems they have mirror, in a distorted way, our lives.

 

[Guest]

Anger Management (2003)

Starring Jack Nicholson, Adam Sandler, and Marisa Tomei. "Plot Outline: Sandler plays a businessman who is wrongly sentenced to an anger-management program, where he meets an aggressive instructor."

I walked out of the theater and I've never done that before on a movie. I haven't been able to look at Jack or Marisa the same ever since.

 

[cantdog]

Maybe Sandler is considered a comic genius in France.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

Spawn - I should have walked out on this. I read the comic for the first 100 issues, and enjoyed the HBO animated series, but the movie was just awful. The characters were out of character, and annoying, and the scrips wasn't anywhere near what the stories of the comics were. Just wasn't worth watching.

 

[EmeraldKitten]

Lady in The Water

Oh.. my... god..

The Village was bad enough. But I managed to make it to the end.
However, that was two hours of my life I'm never getting back.

But Lady in The Water... that one wasn't even a failure. It was an abortion.
And I can watch some pretty stupid shit.. some pretty bad movies.. but this.. I..
Oh, it pains me even talking about it. *Shudder* I've gotta stop, lol.

 

[R. Richard]

You guys do not begin to know about bad movies.

When I worked as a computer programmer, we had to watch a security movie where an engineer supposedly sidles up to a babe in a bar and starts his "seduction" by saying, "Do you know the XB aircraft can fly at Mach 4 and has the new peep over the horizon detection system?" Meanwhile a "foreign looking guy" in a black cape is jotting down lover boy's screed. Worse yet, we had to watch the whole damn movie because it was a required security movie.

[In all fairness, it did prevent me from accidently revealing classified information to foreign looking guys wearing a black cape.]

 

[arienette]

The Hills Have Eyes -- See the "DVD" thread.

I loathed The Hills Have Eyes, although I'm biased...it did nothing but trigger me.

Possible arguement starter (and for the same reason as above)

A Clockwork Orange.