Most common reason for not wanting sex

[VeryBadGirl]

I read an article recently that said the most common reason for somebody to not want to have sex with their spouse is repressed anger at him/her. I think that's true.

Has anybody else experienced this? Or are there other reasons that you don't want to have sex with your spouse - or vice versa?

 

[Ezzie]

He smells funky after work. But, after a shower, I show no signs of regressed anger and have no excuse not to attack him.

 

[nasty1]

Never happened to me. But, the most common reason I don't want sex, is, because my body wont allow it.

 

[VeryBadGirl]

Never happened to me. But, the most common reason I don't want sex, is, because my body wont allow it.

nasty1, are you nasty? If you are, I know what you mean. I hate that it's that way for you. I won't repress my anger about it.

 

[peachykeen]

occasionally one or both of us might just be plain exhausted and just want to snuggle up and pass out. Or, you know, one of our moms might call just before bedtime, nothing like a mother in law to kill the mood...

 

[Allexus_TN]

If I'm nearly asleep...right there on that threshold between sleep and consciousness, then I don't want it. If I'm mad, he knows it.

 

[nasty1]

I'm the 1 & the same. I was getting sick of iamman, so, I changed it. Not being able to have sex,(other than orally,)SUCKS!

 

[TN_Vixen]

I never NOT want sex, however I might not want to have sex if my partner doesn't know what the fuck he's doing, or only lasts 2 mins. As it is now, I can't get enough. ;-)

 

[stargazer76]

Usually, it's because he comes to bed too late, and by then, I'm on the edge of consciousness. We seem to have timing issues more often than not.

 

[Sillyman]

Usually what kills my mood is if I think they're a bitch. I could see where this article could be right.

 

[VeryBadGirl]

See? I went through a "bitch phase" and my husband politely declined several times, saying he was tired. Other times, I could tell he was kind of "weeeellllll, okaaaaay." And, being a bitch, I would just think, "oh who cares what's wrong with him."

I blamed it on a lot of things - still fat from the baby, he must be too tired from work, etc. But since we've patched things up, he has admitted in so many words that it was never that - he was just mad at me, and he is not so out-of-control horny that he doesn't care what he's fucking.

Stargazer, why is your husband coming to bed late? Mine did that too.

 

[binkley]

Death.

 

[Bluesboy2]

Mine is pain

I have a bad back that hurts everyday. The only question is how much does it hurt. Sometimes too much.

 

[Freya]

I get it so damn infrequently that I never don't want it. But yes, if I'm pissy at someone, it tends to spoil the mood.

 

[Lucky2bwithu]

Reason for not wanting...

I ALWAYS want sex... I only wish my wife felt the same way...but if she had the same sexual desire I do, I think we'd be in trouble.
I know she enjoys it...in fact, she has tremendous orgasms, every time. She recently confessed that normally she hears it's the man who has trouble with stamina...but she's the one who's stamina is weak. When she cums it nearly wipes her out (her orgams are tremendous).
When she doesn't 'want' it, it's because she's tired...unfortunately for me, she's tired a lot. Mostly because of her job and that we have a 9 mo' old.
She also tells me she doesn't want sex during the week because it seems the cum leaks out the next day at work. Anyone else have that problem? What's your solution?

 

[VeryBadGirl]

Wow. Well, it was during the time that I had babies that I was most bitchy (worked full time, too). But now that they're older, it's a lot easier and I have more energy. She will get her energy back.

And tell her they're called "panty liners."

 

[Calamity Jane]

I'll go with the repressed anger theory. Though, in my case, I've lost a lot of faith/trust in him over tha past couple of years, so I'm just not comfortable opening myself up to him. When I need the physical release that sex offers, I'm all for it. There's nothing else involved anymore though.

 

[thirstquencher]

I have to choose anger. I used to have a girlfriend that was caught in a compromising situation. I arrived at her house when an old boyfriend was hiding in the bathroom.

She never explained to my satisfaction why he was hiding in there at 10:30 that night.

Before we split up; because I couldn't or wouldn't forgive her, I would not have sex with her because of repressed anger towards her.

The worst part was we were great in bed together before the incident.

For me it has to be anger.

 

[Lucky2bwithu]

Trust

Very Bad Girl...great suggestion, unfortunately she refused to wear pads...and she's not going to use a tampon unless it's that time. So instead she complains of feeling me squish around in her panties the following day...or...worse, says...not tonight.
I'd be happy to just go down on her...but she says she doesn't want to let me get all worked up...so buts the brakes on.
She's so beautiful to me, but I'm afraid she doesn't feel that way about herself yet after coming back from the pregnancy. I've given her some room now and that seems to have made her more comfortable. There for a while she felt I was all over her like a "Drooling Coyote" anytime she was getting ready to shower or change or come to bed...
For all of you women out there who are worried about how your man sees you... we see you as the most beautiful woman in the world. We want to make love to you all the time...but sometimes we're inept at telling you that the right way...

Trust is extremely important...Sex is the ultimate intimacy and you have to have that in order for it to be really good.

 

[Lucky2bwithu]

If you're using Sex as a weapon...to get back at someone about something...there's something very very wrong there. Yeah, being angry one night here or there is different...but because of lack of trust...there's more trouble with that relationship that not having sex.
Sex definitely is a reward...but a reward for a good relationship...when it's used ...or Not given...as punishment...that's whacked.

 

[Bluesboy2]

I'll go with the repressed anger theory. Though, in my case, I've lost a lot of faith/trust in him over tha past couple of years, so I'm just not comfortable opening myself up to him. When I need the physical release that sex offers, I'm all for it. There's nothing else involved anymore though.

If thats true then why do you stay? Feel free to tell me its none of my business. But I know you to be very intelligent and insightful and that doesnt sound like something you would do.

 

[bknight2602]

I read an article recently that said the most common reason for somebody to not want to have sex with their spouse is repressed anger at him/her. I think that's true.

Has anybody else experienced this? Or are there other reasons that you don't want to have sex with your spouse - or vice versa?

I think thats right in my case!

But you would think that all would be forgiven after 10-20 years.

 

[stargazer76]

Stargazer, why is your husband coming to bed late? Mine did that too.

Lots of reasons. One, he's a night owl and I'm a morning person. He's content to stay up until all hours. I'm not. Two, he's got his own consulting business, so he stays up very late doing his computer programming. It's great, because it brings in extra cash, but I'm a snuggler, so I miss having him in bed. Three, when I do convince him to come to bed early, he gets "distracted" on the way there....has to go to the bathroom, brush his teeth, feed the cats, etc.... The problem is, he usually wants it more than I do, so the pattern is so self-defeating. Poor guy...

 

[VeryBadGirl]

Re: Re: Most common reason for not wanting sex

I think thats right in my case!

But you would think that all would be forgiven after 10-20 years.

UNLESS it was never resolved to the satisfaction of both sides, in which case it festers until it becomes full-blown resentment, then habitual disrespect, then official ... repressed anger.

whadja do?

 

[Suzi]

Hey Sis!

I get it so damn infrequently that I never don't want it. But yes, if I'm pissy at someone, it tends to spoil the mood.

I'd LOVE to help ya in that department!
(I can't get enough either...but only cuz he lives 2 hours away and with his parents---they make demands on his time---and goes to school now)

My theme song? "I can't get nooooo...satisfaction..."