More?

Re: Lets see if this is working today

Not so innocent said:
It's working alright...Now if only I can get someone interested in taking some more pictures I'll be up and running again...:devil: :kiss:
* jumping up and down, waving frantically *


I volunteer, I have a digi!!!

Berk!
 
i'd hold the camera for you, but the shots would all come out blurry.
 
Not so innocent said:
I'm glad to see you back...I was missing you there...It doesn't help that when I was in from work I couldn't post any pictures. Lets keep our fingers crossed that it's working now...I have all weekend off and I wanta play!:devil:

I'll still be around, just not as much as before. But I will definately be stopping by here to check out your latest offerings. I gotta get some up on mine too
 
THE TRUTH

Prayer for Husbands



Dear God, Keep our wives from shopping sprees and protect them from bargains they do not need and bargains they cannot afford. Lead them not into temptation, for they know NOT what they do!







Prayer for Wives



Almighty Father, Keep our Husbands from looking at other women and comparing them to us. Save them from making fools of themselves in cafés and nightclubs. Above all, please do NOT forgive their trespasses for they know EXACTLY what they do.
 
Another Prayer

" PRAYER'S "

THE GIRL'S PRAYER
Our Cash, Which art on plastic, Hallowed be thy name
Thy Fossil watch, Thy Fishfinger bag In Stuttafords
As it is in Edgars. Give us each day our Platinum Visa
And forgive us our overdraft. As we forgive those who stop our Mastercard.
And lead us not into Foschini, And deliver us from Woolworths.
For thine is the Levis, the Dior and the Armani For Chanel No.5 and
Eternity.....
Amex.

THE BOY'S PRAYER
Our beer, Which art in bottles. Hallowed be thy sport
Thy will be drunk, I will be drunk at home as it is in the pub .
Give us each day our daily beverage. And forgive us our spillage As we
forgive those who spillest against us. And lead us not into poofy wine
tasting. And deliver us from Tequila
For mine is the bitter. The chicks and the rugger
Forever and ever ......
Amstel!!
 
There are two days in every week about which we should not worry,
two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension
One of these days is Yesterday with all its mistakes and cares
its faults and blunders, its aches and pains
Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control
All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday
We cannot undo a single act we performed
we cannot erase a single word we said
Yesterday is gone forever
The other day we should not worry about is Tomorrow
with all its possible adversities, its burdens
its large promise and its poor performance
Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control
Tomorrow's sun will rise
either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise
Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow
for it is yet to be born
This leaves only one day, Today
Any person can fight the battle of just one day
It is when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities
Yesterday and Tomorrow that we break down
It is not the experience of Today that drives a person mad
it is the remorse or bitterness of something which happened
Yesterday and the dread of what Tomorrow may bring
Let us, therefore, Live but one day at a time
 
For those of you who are married, were married, or are contemplating marriage under the assumption that men need (or ought) to be trained for marriage...

TWO YEAR DEGREE
A new two-year degree is being offered at the University that many of you should be interested in: Becoming a Real Man. That’s right, in just six mini-semesters, you, too, can be a real man as well as earn a MA degree

(Male Arts). Please take a moment to look over the program outline.

FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101: Combating Stupidity
MEN 102: You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103: PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104: We Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for Christmas

Winter Schedule:
MEN 110: Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111: Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4am
MEN 112: Parenting: It Doesn’t End with Conception
EAT 100: Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101: Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A: What’s Hers is Hers

Spring Schedule:
MEN 120: How NOT to Act Like a Butt face When You’re Wrong
MEN 121: Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122: YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123: Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001C: What Was Yours is Hers

SECOND YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101: You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102: Morning Dilemma: If It’s Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103: How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201: How to Put the Toilet Seat Down

(Elective)
(See Electives Below)
Winter Schedule:
MEN 210: The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211: How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212: You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213: Honest, You Don’t Look Like Tom Cruise
MEN 230A: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important

Spring Schedule:
MEN 220: Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221: Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222: Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223: Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 2


Course Electives:
EAT 101: Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102: Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103: Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231: Mothers-in-law
MEN 232: Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233: Just Say “Yes, Dear”
ECON 001C: Cheaper to Keep Her

Just a thought for all the women out there.
Ø MENtal illness
Ø MENstrual cramps
Ø MENtal breakdown
Ø MENopause
Ø GUYnocologist (phonetic spelling)
Ever notice how all of women’s problems start with men?
 
ShavedGuy said:
TWO YEAR DEGREE
A new two-year degree is being offered at the University that many of you should be interested in: Becoming a Real Man. That’s right, in just six mini-semesters, you, too, can be a real man as well as earn a MA degree

(Male Arts). Please take a moment to look over the program outline.

I have been married twice...first time 10 years, 18 years this time around. So where the hell was this course 20 years ago
 
This is a hoot

Chat Room Conversation – Cyber Sex!!


Please read ~ this is a ripper!!!

This is a transcript of an actual cyber sex session.
As all of you are well aware, online computers are often used to engage in cyber-sex. Detailed and erotic fantasies are typed into the computer to be instantly transmitted over the Internet. Sometimes these harmless fantasies become fairly raunchy. This is not the case with the following transcript of an actual on-line cyber -sex session. Either this guy is clueless or has the greatest sense of humor known to mankind.


Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing an expensive red silk blouse, a black leather mini skirt and high-heeled boots. I am tanned and very buffed. I work out everyday. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3 and about 250 lb. I wear glasses and have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought at Wal-Mart. I'm also wearing an old T-shirt, it's got some barbecue sauce stains on it and it smells kind of funny.

Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my nightstand. I look up into your eyes and I'm smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and I begin to feel your huge swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now, I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and I'm sliding it softly off.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off of my warm body. I'm rubbing your bulge faster now, rubbing and pulling.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and tears a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's, OK. It wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it! I'm wearing a lacy black bra, my soft breasts are rising and falling as I breathe harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp of your bra, I think it's stuck. Do you have scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly, I reach behind my back and undo the clasp. My bra slides off. The cool air caresses my breasts, my nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby, I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: WHAT?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off of my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking your sopping wet blouse from you and throwing it in the corner of the room.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman! Your hands are cold! Yeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out and nibbling on you. ummm, wait a second.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Is there anything I can do to help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen. Choking wildly. Looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups??

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink!

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm aching for you lover.

Wellhung: Now I'm drying the cup. I'm putting it back in the cabinet.
And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait it's dark, I'm lost. Where is the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tugging off your pants. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: I kiss you passionately. Our naked bodies pressed against each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take your glasses off?

Wellhung: OK. But I can't see very well. I'm placing my glasses on the nightstand.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly to the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet and lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I just realized I peed in your hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bed now. Blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: Now I'm going to put my, you know, thing in your umm, woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, Baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. Ma'am, I'm having a little problem here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth. I can't wait another second. Slide it in! Screw me!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: WHAT?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener all floppy. I'm looking for my glasses to see what the problem is.

Sweetheart: NO! Never mind. I'm getting dressed, I'm putting on my underwear and my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait. I can't find the night table. I'm reaching across the dresser, knocking off cans of hairspray, your picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: Now I've found my glasses. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain! The curtain is on fire. I'm pointing at it with a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell! I'm logging off, LOSER!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Nooooooo!
 
True or Not?

> DEFINITION OF A BBQ:
> "It's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do".
>
> When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is
> put into motion:
>
> 1. The woman goes to the store.
> 2. The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
> 3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray
> along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the
> man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer.
> 4. The man places the meat on the grill.
> 5. The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
> 6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
> 7. The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
> 8. The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
> 9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
> 10. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon
> seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing
> some women
>
 
Re: This is a hoot

ShavedGuy said:
Chat Room Conversation – Cyber Sex!!


Please read ~ this is a ripper!!!

This is a transcript of an actual cyber sex session.

I'll have you know, it cost me $1,500 to replace that carpet
 
TO HUSBANDS FROM THEIR WIVESRE: BLOWJOB ETIQUETTE FOR MEN 1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it. 2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful. 3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face. 4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow. 5. My ears are NOT handles. 6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick? 7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart. 8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now. 9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol. 10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you. 11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior 12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude. 13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content. 14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV. 15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag. 16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".
 
Idiot redneck

Idiot Story-

The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded
into the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve.
The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car.
The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene.

The lab finally figured out what it was and what had happened. It seems
that a guy had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off
- actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military
transport planes and an extra "push" for taking off from short
airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found
a long, straight stretch of road. Then he attached the JATO unit to his
car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!

The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the
1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0
miles from the crash site. This was determined by the prominent scorched
and melted asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating properly,
would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to
reach speeds well in excess of 350 miles per hour and continuing full
power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver, soon to be pilot,
most likely would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for
dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, basically causing him
to become insignificant for the remainder of the event.

However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5
miles (15-20) seconds before the driver applied and completely melted
the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road
surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and
impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened
crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable; however, small
fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater and
fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris
believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
 
Why Love is Blind

A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on
it
for the first time, virtues and vices floated around and were bored,
not
knowing what to do.

One day, all the vices and virtues were gathered together and were
more
bored than ever. Suddenly, Ingenious came up with an idea: "Let's
play
hide
and seek!"

All of them liked the idea and immediately Madness shouted: "I want
to
count, I want to count!" And since nobody was crazy enough to want to
seek
Madness, all the others agreed. Madness leaned against a tree and
started
to count: "One, two, three..."

As Madness counted, the vices and virtues went hiding. Tenderness
hung
itself on the horn of the moon, Treason hid in a pile of garbage.
Fondness
curled up between the clouds and Passion went to the centre of the
earth.
Lie said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of
the
lake, whilst Avarice entered a sack that he ended up breaking. And
Madness
continued to count: "... seventy nine, eighty, eighty one..."

By this time, all the vices and virtues were already hidden - except
Love.
For undecided as Love is, he could not decide where to hide. And this
should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult it is to
hide
Love.

Madness: "...ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven..." Just when
Madness
got to one hundred, Love jumped into a rose bush where he hid. And
Madness
turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, I'm coming!"

As Madness turned around, Laziness was the first to be found, because
Laziness had no energy to hide. Then he spotted Tenderness in the
horn
of
the moon, Lie at the bottom of the lake and Passion at the centre of
the
earth. One by one, Madness found them all - except Love.

Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love. Envious of Love,
Envy
whispered to Madness: "You only need to find Love, and Love is hiding
in
the rose bush."

Madness grabbed a wooden pitch fork and stabbed wildly at the rose
bush.
Madness stabbed and stabbed until a heartbreaking cry made him stop.
Love
appeared from the rose bush, covering his face with his hands.
Between
his
fingers ran two trickles of blood from his eyes.

Madness, so anxious to find Love, had stabbed out Love's eyes with a
pitch
fork. "What have I done! What have I done!" Madness shouted. "I have
left
you blind! How can I repair it?"

And Love answered: "You cannot repair my eyes. But if you want to do
something for me, you can be my guide."

And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind and is
always
accompanied by Madness.
 
Re: Re: Re: Re: Lets see if this is working today

Cozen.rm said:
By someone taking you mean being there to take them? Darn! ;) But definitely interested in seeing what develops. :D

And what would you like to see developed?:devil: :kiss:
 
Re: Re: Lets see if this is working today

berkley2955 said:
* jumping up and down, waving frantically *


I volunteer, I have a digi!!!

Berk!
If you were closer to where I'm at, I would of taken you up on your offer..;) :kiss:
 
JonMB1955 said:
I'll still be around, just not as much as before. But I will definately be stopping by here to check out your latest offerings. I gotta get some up on mine too

Good I like hearing from you...and once I get some pictures taken and posted, I'll be checking your thread to see what you have for us...:devil: :kiss:
 
ShavedGuy said:
THE TRUTH

Prayer for Husbands



Dear God, Keep our wives from shopping sprees and protect them from bargains they do not need and bargains they cannot afford. Lead them not into temptation, for they know NOT what they do!







Prayer for Wives



Almighty Father, Keep our Husbands from looking at other women and comparing them to us. Save them from making fools of themselves in cafés and nightclubs. Above all, please do NOT forgive their trespasses for they know EXACTLY what they do.

Thank you ShavedGuy

If I can't shop, How can I get sexy outfits to wear? As far as my husband goes...I guess I need to make sure he isn't looking anywhere but at me..
 
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Lets see if this is working today

Not so innocent said:
And what would you like to see developed?:devil: :kiss:

An explicit photographic expose` of a not so innocent orgasmic event of timber shivering proportions! I just hope it doesnt overload the server and break the pic posting again. :D
 
Not so innocent said:
Good I like hearing from you...and once I get some pictures taken and posted, I'll be checking your thread to see what you have for us...:devil: :kiss:

More database errors right now. They just don't want me to post
 
ShavedGuy said:
There are two days in every week about which we should not worry,
two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension
One of these days is Yesterday with all its mistakes and cares
its faults and blunders, its aches and pains
Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control
All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday
We cannot undo a single act we performed
we cannot erase a single word we said
Yesterday is gone forever
The other day we should not worry about is Tomorrow
with all its possible adversities, its burdens
its large promise and its poor performance
Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control
Tomorrow's sun will rise
either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise
Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow
for it is yet to be born
This leaves only one day, Today
Any person can fight the battle of just one day
It is when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities
Yesterday and Tomorrow that we break down
It is not the experience of Today that drives a person mad
it is the remorse or bitterness of something which happened
Yesterday and the dread of what Tomorrow may bring
Let us, therefore, Live but one day at a time

I agree with this 100%. Live each day for itself and live it fully.
 
ShavedGuy said:
For those of you who are married, were married, or are contemplating marriage under the assumption that men need (or ought) to be trained for marriage...

TWO YEAR DEGREE
A new two-year degree is being offered at the University that many of you should be interested in: Becoming a Real Man. That’s right, in just six mini-semesters, you, too, can be a real man as well as earn a MA degree

(Male Arts). Please take a moment to look over the program outline.

FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101: Combating Stupidity
MEN 102: You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103: PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104: We Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for Christmas

Winter Schedule:
MEN 110: Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111: Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4am
MEN 112: Parenting: It Doesn’t End with Conception
EAT 100: Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101: Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A: What’s Hers is Hers

Spring Schedule:
MEN 120: How NOT to Act Like a Butt face When You’re Wrong
MEN 121: Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122: YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123: Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001C: What Was Yours is Hers

SECOND YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101: You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102: Morning Dilemma: If It’s Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103: How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201: How to Put the Toilet Seat Down

(Elective)
(See Electives Below)
Winter Schedule:
MEN 210: The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211: How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212: You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213: Honest, You Don’t Look Like Tom Cruise
MEN 230A: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important

Spring Schedule:
MEN 220: Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221: Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222: Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223: Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 2


Course Electives:
EAT 101: Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102: Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103: Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231: Mothers-in-law
MEN 232: Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233: Just Say “Yes, Dear”
ECON 001C: Cheaper to Keep Her

Just a thought for all the women out there.
Ø MENtal illness
Ø MENstrual cramps
Ø MENtal breakdown
Ø MENopause
Ø GUYnocologist (phonetic spelling)
Ever notice how all of women’s problems start with men?

*laughing* Where can I sign my hubby up at for some of those courses?:kiss:
 
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