More?

[Not so innocent]

I have been married twice...first time 10 years, 18 years this time around. So where the hell was this course 20 years ago

I want to know where they are at now....

 

[Not so innocent]

Re: This is a hoot

Chat Room Conversation – Cyber Sex!!


Please read ~ this is a ripper!!!

This is a transcript of an actual cyber sex session.
As all of you are well aware, online computers are often used to engage in cyber-sex. Detailed and erotic fantasies are typed into the computer to be instantly transmitted over the Internet. Sometimes these harmless fantasies become fairly raunchy. This is not the case with the following transcript of an actual on-line cyber -sex session. Either this guy is clueless or has the greatest sense of humor known to mankind.


Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing an expensive red silk blouse, a black leather mini skirt and high-heeled boots. I am tanned and very buffed. I work out everyday. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3 and about 250 lb. I wear glasses and have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought at Wal-Mart. I'm also wearing an old T-shirt, it's got some barbecue sauce stains on it and it smells kind of funny.

Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my nightstand. I look up into your eyes and I'm smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and I begin to feel your huge swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now, I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and I'm sliding it softly off.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off of my warm body. I'm rubbing your bulge faster now, rubbing and pulling.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and tears a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's, OK. It wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it! I'm wearing a lacy black bra, my soft breasts are rising and falling as I breathe harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp of your bra, I think it's stuck. Do you have scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly, I reach behind my back and undo the clasp. My bra slides off. The cool air caresses my breasts, my nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby, I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: WHAT?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off of my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking your sopping wet blouse from you and throwing it in the corner of the room.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman! Your hands are cold! Yeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out and nibbling on you. ummm, wait a second.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Is there anything I can do to help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen. Choking wildly. Looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups??

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink!

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm aching for you lover.

Wellhung: Now I'm drying the cup. I'm putting it back in the cabinet.
And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait it's dark, I'm lost. Where is the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tugging off your pants. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: I kiss you passionately. Our naked bodies pressed against each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take your glasses off?

Wellhung: OK. But I can't see very well. I'm placing my glasses on the nightstand.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly to the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet and lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I just realized I peed in your hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bed now. Blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: Now I'm going to put my, you know, thing in your umm, woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, Baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. Ma'am, I'm having a little problem here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth. I can't wait another second. Slide it in! Screw me!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: WHAT?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener all floppy. I'm looking for my glasses to see what the problem is.

Sweetheart: NO! Never mind. I'm getting dressed, I'm putting on my underwear and my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait. I can't find the night table. I'm reaching across the dresser, knocking off cans of hairspray, your picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: Now I've found my glasses. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain! The curtain is on fire. I'm pointing at it with a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell! I'm logging off, LOSER!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Nooooooo!

Oh my, That was just too funny. Please don't tell me that was for real?

 

[Not so innocent]

Re: True or Not?

> DEFINITION OF A BBQ:
> "It's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do".
>
> When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is
> put into motion:
>
> 1. The woman goes to the store.
> 2. The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
> 3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray
> along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the
> man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer.
> 4. The man places the meat on the grill.
> 5. The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
> 6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
> 7. The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
> 8. The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
> 9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
> 10. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon
> seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing
> some women
>

Kinda been there done that...*laughing*

 

[JonMB1955]

I want to know where they are at now....

where who are at, the wives??...The first one---who cares. The second is at work til about 2:30 AM. That gives me all night to play

 

[Not so innocent]

Re: Why Love is Blind

A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on
it
for the first time, virtues and vices floated around and were bored,
not
knowing what to do.

One day, all the vices and virtues were gathered together and were
more
bored than ever. Suddenly, Ingenious came up with an idea: "Let's
play
hide
and seek!"

All of them liked the idea and immediately Madness shouted: "I want
to
count, I want to count!" And since nobody was crazy enough to want to
seek
Madness, all the others agreed. Madness leaned against a tree and
started
to count: "One, two, three..."

As Madness counted, the vices and virtues went hiding. Tenderness
hung
itself on the horn of the moon, Treason hid in a pile of garbage.
Fondness
curled up between the clouds and Passion went to the centre of the
earth.
Lie said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of
the
lake, whilst Avarice entered a sack that he ended up breaking. And
Madness
continued to count: "... seventy nine, eighty, eighty one..."

By this time, all the vices and virtues were already hidden - except
Love.
For undecided as Love is, he could not decide where to hide. And this
should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult it is to
hide
Love.

Madness: "...ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven..." Just when
Madness
got to one hundred, Love jumped into a rose bush where he hid. And
Madness
turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, I'm coming!"

As Madness turned around, Laziness was the first to be found, because
Laziness had no energy to hide. Then he spotted Tenderness in the
horn
of
the moon, Lie at the bottom of the lake and Passion at the centre of
the
earth. One by one, Madness found them all - except Love.

Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love. Envious of Love,
Envy
whispered to Madness: "You only need to find Love, and Love is hiding
in
the rose bush."

Madness grabbed a wooden pitch fork and stabbed wildly at the rose
bush.
Madness stabbed and stabbed until a heartbreaking cry made him stop.
Love
appeared from the rose bush, covering his face with his hands.
Between
his
fingers ran two trickles of blood from his eyes.

Madness, so anxious to find Love, had stabbed out Love's eyes with a
pitch
fork. "What have I done! What have I done!" Madness shouted. "I have
left
you blind! How can I repair it?"

And Love answered: "You cannot repair my eyes. But if you want to do
something for me, you can be my guide."

And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind and is
always
accompanied by Madness.

Yes love is blind...But madness? mmmmm....Yes, I've done some insane things for love.

 

[Not so innocent]

where who are at, the wives??...The first one---who cares. The second is at work til about 2:30 AM. That gives me all night to play

I was wondering where those classes were being held.

 

[JonMB1955]

I was wondering where those classes were being held.

Oh...duh!!

Do they have a class that helps us understand women and who would be qualified to teach it...Would it be like a Catholic priest giving classes on marriage??

 

[ShavedGuy]

Oh...duh!!

Do they have a class that helps us understand women and who would be qualified to teach it...Would it be like a Catholic priest giving classes on marriage??

We don't live long enough to be able to learn everything that we would need to understand woman...lol.

 

[JonMB1955]

We don't live long enough to be able to learn everything that we would need to understand woman...lol.

That, and why bother, we would still be wrong

 

[Not so innocent]

Oh...duh!!

Do they have a class that helps us understand women and who would be qualified to teach it...Would it be like a Catholic priest giving classes on marriage??

Oh my God. A Catholic priest...I eloped when the Catholic Father told me to be married in the church we had to take that class and he would let us know later if he would marry me....

You guys don't want to understand women anyways...We are much more fun when we keep you guessing...

 

[Not so innocent]

We don't live long enough to be able to learn everything that we would need to understand woman...lol.

That is too true ShavedGuy....Like I said in the last post, You don't want to understand us...We are more fun when we keep you guessing....And I love surprising people...

 

[JonMB1955]

You guys don't want to understand women anyways...We are much more fun when we keep you guessing...

Maybe to you it's more fun.....maybe that's why we stay clueless

 

[ShavedGuy]

AGREE

That is too true ShavedGuy....Like I said in the last post, You don't want to understand us...We are more fun when we keep you guessing....And I love surprising people...

hell yea much more fun....and also a little dangerous...lol

 

[Not so innocent]

Maybe to you it's more fun.....maybe that's why we stay clueless

Come on...It cannot be that bad....You do know we don't understand half the things men do either....

 

[ShavedGuy]

Remember

Remember this song? well part of the lyrics anyway....
Hold on tight, you know she's a little bit dangerous

 

[Not so innocent]

Re: AGREE

hell yea much more fun....and also a little dangerous...lol

Don't you like a little danger? I know I do...(just a little mind you)

 

[JonMB1955]

Come on...It cannot be that bad....You do know we don't understand half the things men do either....

I know. We'd be lost without each other.

 

[ShavedGuy]

Favourite

How many guys like this quote?
If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you with

 

[ShavedGuy]

Re: Re: AGREE

Don't you like a little danger? I know I do...(just a little mind you)

Just a little to add some spice and get the fire burning...hehehe

 

[ShavedGuy]

I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for their religion -
I have shudder'd at it.
I shudder no more.
I could be martyr'd for my religion
Love is my religion
And I could die for that.
I could die for you.
~ by John Keats ~

 

[ShavedGuy]

THE TRUTH

No man is truly married
until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
~ by Unknown ~

 

[ShavedGuy]

The most precious possession that ever comes
To a man in this world
Is a woman's heart.

 

[ShavedGuy]

Love doesn't make the world go round,
Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

 

[ShavedGuy]

Opposites Attract???

Opposites attract, but after marriage, opposites attack. Most of the time, we are attracted to people who don't have the things that we have. Incompatibility is why we get married, but it's also used as a reason to divorce.
Incompatibility is just a lack of communication. If we just try to love [our spouse] the way we want to be loved, we are in trouble. Unless you communicate, it's difficult to know how to love another person.

 

[ShavedGuy]

This Explains why you sometimes see a "Miss World" with a "Mr Mullet"

A man falls in love through his eyes,
a woman through her ears.