More help needed...

[chris 44]

Hi there, second time I've sought help on this forum.

As you can see I'm an older guy and came to Lit late in life. I've long had an interest in the relationship between a Dom and a sub. Read up all sorts of articles recommended by friends on the forum but now I need help of a different kind.

I've started writing the story of a young sub who gets involved with an older guy and , as my stories often do, it's leading me in an unexpected direction. Could be my total lack of experience in this area of relationships, but I suspect it could also be a fairly accurate representation of the awkward way in which relationships get under way when neither party is really experienced enough to take control. Or when the supposed Dom isn't quite what he seems.

Maybe I'm asking too much, but are there any experienced subs out there who can help me get an accurate portrayal of the young sub's dilemma. This is a genuine request. I've been around Lit for some time now, mostly on AH, it's just that I like to get things straight in my head before completing a story.

Best wishes,
Chris.

 

[DVS]

If I understand you correctly, you are writing a story about a D/s experience, and the only experience you yourself have is from reading about the subject? And, because of your lack of experience, your story is taking a direction similar to your own experiences? Is that what you are saying? If not, could you explain it again?

 

[chris 44]

If I understand you correctly, you are writing a story about a D/s experience, and the only experience you yourself have is from reading about the subject? And, because of your lack of experience, your story is taking a direction similar to your own experiences? Is that what you are saying? If not, could you explain it again?

Yes, the first part's right. It happens sometimes, a story comes from nowhere. I could just write it and not bother whether or not the background is accurate, only that's not the way I write.

To answer the second part of your question - no! I have no practical experience by which to judge the direction the story seems to be taking. At the moment I have two main characters. A young woman who thinks she might be a sub, and an older man she meets on the net who encourages her in her belief. They talk it over for 2/3 weeks on the net before meeting for the first time in a student bar.

Right from the start, he's too pushy for my liking (as a writer) and seems to see her as 'an easy lay' if you like. She's too naive to see through him, believes what she's told and moves in with him and his flatmate (also male, but very much a peripheral character).

At first she finds the situation exciting. She's not a slave, free to come and go largely as she pleases, and she's allowed to stay in his flat rent free in exchange for keeping the place spotless, providing regular meals and sexual favours. The financial situation is particularly appealing for a poor student.

In the early days her duties largely include bondage, blindfolding and oral sessions during which she's unsure exactly who she's servicing. She's taken to a mixed sauna for instance where she has to perform in front of an audience.

I'm using the word 'perform' because quickly she realises this is all about HIS satisfaction and not about hers at all. Although she doesn't know exactly what she wants, it isn't to be an unpaid cook, bottle washer and cock sucker. Rather to her surprise, she finds she wants something more out of the relationship. When he makes no effort to find what her needs are, the relationship begins to fall apart.

This is what I'm asking about. I suspect such a scenario isn't uncommon in these situations. Maybe I'm exploring how someone new to the scene (yes someone like me - only not quite so old) can find what they're looking for. Always assuming they KNOW what they're looking for in the first place.

That's the direction I think the story is taking, but I can't be sure. I tend to write longer stories, exploring the dynamics in relationships. Sometimes things happen unexpectedly, and I think this one is going the same way. Maybe it is me in her position, unsure how to take my first steps in a strange new world

I have my reasons for coming to Lit in the first place, and why I didn't pursue my interest in BDSM at an earlier age. Now I'm probably too late for anything meaningful, but I can still write a half decent story, and that's what I'm about.

Hope that clarifies things a little.
Chris.

 

[Guest]

Hey Chris -

You know Rob has a few recent stories that cover this exact topic.

Discovery

is more of a Master discovering his own tendences -


Hypothesis

is more from the angle of a sub discovering hers.



Librarian

is a fun ride, more cheeky than the others. A powerful man helps a slightly repressed woman discover her wild side.

If the stories don't aid in your search, at least they are delightful reads.

 

[chris 44]

Hey Chris -

You know Rob has a few recent stories that cover this exact topic.

Discovery

is more of a Master discovering his own tendences -


Hypothesis

is more from the angle of a sub discovering hers.



Librarian

is a fun ride, more cheeky than the others. A powerful man helps a slightly repressed woman discover her wild side.

If the stories don't aid in your search, at least they are delightful reads.

Thanks Sarah, no I wasn't aware Rob wrote on this theme, but I'll certainly check out your recommendations later today. It feels strange posting on a different forum, even stranger for someone you know to come up and say Hi.

Thanks again,
Chris

 

[Guest]

Thanks Sarah, no I wasn't aware Rob wrote on this theme, but I'll certainly check out your recommendations later today. It feels strange posting on a different forum, even stranger for someone you know to come up and say Hi.

Thanks again,
Chris

You are very welcome, chris.

AND - there are more AH people here than you realize.

 

[DVS]

I use to spend all of my time at the hangout, then I started splitting my time here and there. But, because I am very much into BDSM, it turned out that most of my time was spent here, for no other reason than my sexual interests.

Then, when I went back to the AH, a lot of those who use to be there had gone. In fact, it seemed almost like a new place. So, I've more or less left my shingle out over here. I've posted a few times over there, but it feels like I'm a newbie all over again. At 53, I'm not into that feeling much any more.

Now, on to your questions. Yes, it can be difficult to write about something you're not familliar with. In fact, I've found I can't even write about something I don't enjoy. Incest for instance. I'm trying to write an incest story, but because it doesn't interest me, it's sitting half finished. It's not in me. I need the desire to be there. I also couldn't write something about a male sub...because I'm not one. I've found most success from writing BDSM stories, with male Doms and femaile subs...because that's waht I know.

Maybe I'm not that good of a writer, then. Who knows the answer to that? Should a writer only write about what he knows? In my case, that's what works. And, I've found a lot of myself in my story characters. I can read what I've written and truthfully say 'that's how I would do that'.

So, if you have no experience with the subject, that could be your problem. But, if you have a desire to be a Dom, and just no real time experience, that might be all you need to accomplish your story's realism. And, you said you've read up on the subject and that's good. You need to know terms and protocol and the basics of how things are done. If you don't, someone who does know will see right through your plot.

Charactors do sometimes take over a story. It's happened to me more than I like to say. The better you develop your characters the more the story can sometimes write itself. If I know a character wouldn't act a certain way, it will stand out to me like something seems strange, but I can't put my finger on it. I leave the story alone for a period of time and when I come back to it, it is much clearer to me.

Why don't I notice it at first? I don't know. I wish I did. I just don't. It's not writer's block, but it can seem like it is. But, once it is corrected, the characters start talking again and all's right with the world.

From your sceneario, I'd say you are correct in how your story might flow. Many times, when someone first begins to explore their kinky side, they don't need much to be satisfied. Everything is new and exciting. The Dom can tell his new sub to get on her knees and she's thrilled to actually have someone controlling her. As simple as it seems, her initial submissive urges are being fulfilled.

But, the more she finds out about things and begins to fine tune what
she enjoys, the relationship can fail to satisfy her. And, a lot of the time it seems to be one partner who is happy and sees no problem at all when the other sees it as stagnating and starts searching for more. Like any relationship, a D/s relationship must also evolve.

There have been times when someone thinks they are a submissive and after a while, decide they are more dominant. Or, they decide they like both and prefer to switch back and forth. Some switches say they will feel submissive to men and dominant to women. Or, they might be able to submit only to one man...period. It always depends on the chemistry between the two people involved.

You might be biting off more than you can chew, but maybe not. If you are good at recearch and understanding what you read, you might be pretty good at pulling this off.

And, I don't know how old you are, but like many other things, it's never too late to begin something new in your sex life. From one old guy to another, there's still time! If you can still get horny, I'd say get out there and find you a woman. Trust me...it's REALLY worth your time, if you can find someone you are compatible with. And, you can tell her you are researching a story and need some realtime experience. What a way to break the ice with a new relationship.

Good luck!

 

[chris 44]

Thanks DVS

Been having trouble with my internet connection since last Thursday, seems to be getting worse/ One in the morning over here, seems to be the only time I can get online.
Thanks for your help, I'll read it in more detail tomorrow and get back to you if I may.

Best wishes,
Chris

 

[Carillon]

Dear Chris,

I can see echoes of myself about two years back in your submissive character, so please don't give up. I think you do have something here.

My situation was similar, in that I was interested in BDSM and went "fishing" for a partner on the web, I suppose you could say. Okay, we sort of stumbled across each other, but the draw was very much our shared sexual interests. We did the whole internet courtship thing, and I felt very liberated telling him all of my deep, dark fantasies and all that, and then we decided to meet in person.

No, it wasn't horrible. No, he hadn't lied about who he was, and even young as I was, I was smart enough to be safe about meeting him for the first time. Heck, there was even a bit of a spark. And so was born a brief but very intense affair.

I don't think your submissive is necessarily naive and stupid not to see her partner more clearly, but perhaps merely naive and excited. Entering into a situation you have fantasized about for so long, you're being seduced by both the partner and the freedom that comes from being able to allow yourself to explore your desires. Passion, lust and desire can cloud reason, and you don't necessarily notice right away that the person you are with is not the kind of partner you would normally choose. Sometimes you even fool yourself for a while into thinking that he's making you happy. After all, he's giving you everything you want, right? He's dominating you, fulfilling some of those fantasies you described to him, maybe ...

The point is, I think it can sometimes take a while for that starry-eyed initial euphoria to wear off, and when it does it is quite possible you will find that you were more in love with the lifestyle than the person introducing it to you. Of course, sometimes you find out the lifestyle isn't for you either ... but sometimes it's just that you actually don't fit that well with the person who was introducing it to you.

Don't stop writing ... you've created a character that's plausible enough that even your brief description of her made her real to me. This is what writers work for. Trust me. I'm also a volunteer editor for this site.

Good luck, and I wish your character well. I think she might remind me a bit of myself in some ways.

~Carillon



p.s. -- Don't worry, my own story ends happily. My brief affair ended, but we're still on very good terms. Shortly after that, a very good friend introduced me to a very nice boy from a very good family, and I fell in love ... and then it turned out that he was actually a very good dominant too.

 

[alice_underneath]

Rather to her surprise, she finds she wants something more out of the relationship.

Hi, Chris.

I found a post that might be of interest to you.

https://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=16967945&postcount=15

The message seems to echo Carillon's point (which made a lot of sense to me.)

Good luck with the story. I hope you'll post a link here when you're done.

Alice

 

[entitled]

You are very welcome, chris.

AND - there are more AH people here than you realize.

*snerk*

i was the one that directed him here in the first place.

 

[chris 44]

*snerk*

i was the one that directed him here in the first place.

I have to admit that is correct. Trouble is I'm having serious problems with my internet connection at the moment. Had to come over to ,y daughter's house to get online at all. Sorting out my emails is a nightmare, and Ebay is a disater at the moment. British Telecom say they've checked and there's no problem, so how come my next door neighbour and the local library have exactly the same problem ?

Ent - love you as always.
Sarah, Alice, Carillon and DVS - Thanks for your help, I'll respond in more detail when I sort my connection.

Many thanks,
Chris + plus a glass of whatever you fancy for DVS

 

[Carillon]

I have to admit that is correct. Trouble is I'm having serious problems with my internet connection at the moment. Had to come over to ,y daughter's house to get online at all. Sorting out my emails is a nightmare, and Ebay is a disater at the moment. British Telecom say they've checked and there's no problem, so how come my next door neighbour and the local library have exactly the same problem ?

Chris,

I'm very sorry to hear you're having such internet troubles. I know a bit about computers, and my partner knows much more than I do, so I posed your situation as a hypothetical to him. From what you describe, he says that probably one of two things has happened. Either the ISP is doing something wrong (ISP is the Internet Service Provider ... British Telecom in this case), which probably isn't the case since you've checked with them and they say there's no problem ...

Or, possibility number two, your provider has oversold your neighbourhood. This happens when they try to provide internet to more people than their infrastructure will allow, and results in the internet being slow or spotty, and the more people on the internet or using a lot of it, the harder it is for people to connect. This was a big problem in Canada and the US about four years ago, but most ISPs here have upgraded their infrastrucutre. Unfortunately, England hasn't.

This would pertain to a cable internet connection, by the way, so if you have DSL this is unlikely to be your problem. If you do have cable, you might consider switching to DSL as they don't have the overselling problem or possibly using another ISP. If you already have DSL, I really don't know what could be going wrong ... it could be static on your line, my partner suggests, but other than that he's stumped.

Of course, my partner and I are skeptics, and think your internet provider is lying if there really is no other obvious cause, like that possible overselling thing. He suggests you call them up again and go higher up the hierarchy this time.

Best of luck,

Carillon

 

[DVS]

Chris,

I'm very sorry to hear you're having such internet troubles. I know a bit about computers, and my partner knows much more than I do, so I posed your situation as a hypothetical to him. From what you describe, he says that probably one of two things has happened. Either the ISP is doing something wrong (ISP is the Internet Service Provider ... British Telecom in this case), which probably isn't the case since you've checked with them and they say there's no problem ...

Or, possibility number two, your provider has oversold your neighbourhood. This happens when they try to provide internet to more people than their infrastructure will allow, and results in the internet being slow or spotty, and the more people on the internet or using a lot of it, the harder it is for people to connect. This was a big problem in Canada and the US about four years ago, but most ISPs here have upgraded their infrastrucutre. Unfortunately, England hasn't.

This would pertain to a cable internet connection, by the way, so if you have DSL this is unlikely to be your problem. If you do have cable, you might consider switching to DSL as they don't have the overselling problem or possibly using another ISP. If you already have DSL, I really don't know what could be going wrong ... it could be static on your line, my partner suggests, but other than that he's stumped.

Of course, my partner and I are skeptics, and think your internet provider is lying if there really is no other obvious cause, like that possible overselling thing. He suggests you call them up again and go higher up the hierarchy this time.

Best of luck,

Carillon

You're not enough of a skeptic,Carillon. I don't want to make this thread migrate into an ISP bashing thread, but there are times when ISPs crash and they restore an old backup. And, sometimes those backups don't have the necessary updates that were installed before the crash.

Sometimes the ISP will do an update or upgrade to their system and it will over ride any fixes a tech might have done to the system to patch a problem. the problem then returns and the tech might not even remember installing the patch in the first place. Of course, the vendor assures everybody the update will not harm or disconnect anybody. They keep a straight face when saying that, because they want to sell their software.

And, the ISP techs that answer the phone arn't much more than level one installers and because they have been told by the software vendor that the update is fine...the update is fine. So, any subsequent phone calls after the update has been installed is a customer that has something wrong on his end...no matter what the customer might say or know.

I have a sister...her ISP installed an update and it wiped out all of the user passwords. One day, her computer would no longer log in to the ISP system. The ISP said nothing about an update, but were quick to suggest her system had a problem. She made costly hardware changes, at the request of her ISP, none of which made any change.

to make a long story short, I found out about this and went over to her house. I thought I could maybe check what I knew because I installed the ISP system on her computer.

As it turns out, after a little playing around, I found her login had changed. Her login was her first name, when I installed the program. I found out it was now her last name. The password had not changed, though...small favors.

So, I knew something had gone wrong at the ISP, and they must of had to recreate all of the logins, or at least had to recreate some, including my sister's. But, any time we called to ask if something was wrong we got the default answer you will ALWAYS get..."no, not a thing. Everything is fine on this end. It must be on your end."

I told my sister she should have complained about the money she spent on the unnecessary hardware changes. But, she's a very good martyr. She'll let everybody walk all over her. Sometimes I wonder if she isn't a sub.

Anyway, I trust ISPs as much as I trust use car salesmen. And, I don't like used car salesmen.

 

[entitled]

I have to admit that is correct. Trouble is I'm having serious problems with my internet connection at the moment. Had to come over to ,y daughter's house to get online at all. Sorting out my emails is a nightmare, and Ebay is a disater at the moment. British Telecom say they've checked and there's no problem, so how come my next door neighbour and the local library have exactly the same problem ?

Ent - love you as always.
Sarah, Alice, Carillon and DVS - Thanks for your help, I'll respond in more detail when I sort my connection.

Many thanks,
Chris + plus a glass of whatever you fancy for DVS

Which explains why you haven't been around much, lovey.
i've been absent for... uh... *cough* other reasons.

MWAH!!

 

[hotblooded]

Chris... remember one is never too old to try anything new.

It's wonderful to see "older" mature male writers here. As you know there are all kinds of short stories and books out there based on D/s dynamics and BDSM, each having it's own flavour and approach to the lifestyle. Much of it crap! It's not so much what you write but how you write it *s

In my opinion, a storyline and plot is as real or as fantastic as the writer wishes to make it. Nevertheless, keep reading all that you can and researching the subject to establish a solid framework.

If I may say, the fact that your character is a "young and naive" college student should be no different than any female submissive of any age who might enter this strangely seductive and often addictive lifestyle. I say this from personal experience, having been a University student at 35 and discovered BDSM at the tender age of 43.
One really doesn't know what one is getting into until they are truly in the thick of things.