More about discipline

[DirtyJJ]

Hello all...
Lou's thread about having discipline to write sort of echos a problem I am facing these days - having the discipline to get anything done that I need to, whether it involves my work, my home, or myself. I find myself doing everything but the things I should be doing to move myself ahead and be where I want to be in life. It's hard to explain, but I feel like I am sabotaging (sp?) myself from getting what I want - I am standing in my own way. I am aware of this, but can't seem to climb out of the pattern, and it is growing more disturbing to me. Logically I know I should "just do it," but it's not happening.

Have any of you experienced this and/or have any words of wisdom? Any insight would be much appreciated....
DJJ

 

[cantdog]

involuntary procrastination

dJJ, I could be the one you're describing. It was what made me consider that I might just be depressed for some reason. Or for none.

My bouts of it come and go. When there, I have a flat affect, too. People lose interest in me, as well, that is. Not blue, just blah and enlessly unable to get out of my tracks.

What I did was decide it was depression, and then treat it. It really does get in the way if you just keep on doing it.

And whether or not it really was, it responded to treatment as if it was.

Good luck

cantdog

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I've done stuff like this a lot, though I don't know if it's for the same reason you're doing them. It happens to me especially when I'm suppressing anger, and I think it's just good old psych 101 passive-aggressiveness. I'm pissed about having to do something, so I'll do it and fuck it up. "There you go, world. You want me to do this so I'll do it and fuck it up. Now leave me alone!"

I noticed that you said these are things you "should" be doing to get somewhere particular in your life. I wonder if that's really where you want to be. Maybe being there is not really where you want to go, so you;re sabotaging your own efforts.

I don't have trouble with mustering the 'discipline' to write because it seems like writing is the only thing I really want to do anymore. It's the other stuff I have trouble with: paying bills, getting ready for class, grading papers. I know I have to do them, but I still resent them.

---dr.M.

 

[Randi Grail]

Yes, it sounds like the same kind of mild depression that I'm having. I mean, not depression in the downward spiral abyss of gloom that requires help and/or medication, but just a general..slowness in ambition. Generally happy, but annoyed at my own inefficiency.

I know that I could do a lot of things, get my writings into magazines (or at least collect rejection slips), egt out, move about, change jobs, meet new people, if I just got my lazy ass moving. And it's not even big things that need a to be done. Print out stuff i have written, lick a stamp and walk to the mailbox. Or make that phonecall.

But then there's always something or the other on TV.

 

[oggbashan]

Don't make lists

I procrastinate. I make lists of things to do to avoid doing them.

Once, when we had been married about six months we both had an unexpected Friday off work in a fortnight's time.

We made a list, stuck on the kitchen noticeboard titled "Things to do on Friday".

Boring things such as 'Clean the cooker; Weed the garden'.

Interesting things such as 'Find out when a film (name now forgotten) we both wanted to see was coming to the local cinema'.

Exciting things such as 'Try a new position/place for it'.

Over the next 14 days the list grew but we didn't discuss the priorities.

The Friday came. We didn't get up until 10am (usually 6am). We had breakfast and started on the boring things. We stopped for lunch in the local pub - good food but no alcohol. We left the pub at 2pm. The sun was shining so we went to the sea, paddled, walked, talked, had fish and chips from the paper wrapping as we sat on the sea front, walked and talked some more. We eventually got home about 11pm and went to bed, didn't try a new position - just one we both liked - and went to sleep.

32 years later we still haven't completed that 'List for Friday'. It is now a long running family joke. 'I'll do it on Friday'.

Og

 

[DirtyJJ]

Thanks for your insights; Randi and cantdog, you might be on to something with the mild depression thing; that is what it feels like sometimes. I feel like I am a generally optimistic and happy person but lately have just felt the blahs, and it has affected much of what I do. I can especially relate to the comment "a general..slowness in ambition. Generally happy, but annoyed at my own inefficiency." I seem to find things to do to "escape".... Literotica, TV, reading, anything but what I should be doing.

dr. M, I think you are right in saying that maybe I don't want to do what I "should" be doing.... I have spent a lot of time the last few years making my career what I want it to be, and yet if I am putting off these tasks and to-dos I have to wonder if I am still in the right place. I am getting a freelance business off the ground and frankly working at home all day alone feels lonely, rather than free.... I will take a good hard look at what I am doing and where I have energy, to find out where I really want to be.

ogg, I feel like I "should" make lists, but I do the same thing you talked about - I make lists and never go back and do the tasks. I like your story - sometimes you have to just follow where the day takes you and enjoy the moment.

It helps a lot to hear from others who have felt this way...

DJJ

 

[oggbashan]

This thread, and Lou's 'Right. I must do some writing' inspired me to finish and submit another story 'Brigit's Babies'.

So you have inspired some action.

Og

 

[DirtyJJ]

This thread, and Lou's 'Right. I must do some writing' inspired me to finish and submit another story 'Brigit's Babies'.

So you have inspired some action.

Og

I'm glad to have done so.
Now, I think I best get off Lit, as I could easily spend another hour on there, and do "something"!
JJ

 

[Guest]

This thread, and Lou's 'Right. I must do some writing' inspired me to finish and submit another story 'Brigit's Babies'.

So you have inspired some action.

Og

Very cool!



JJ, I often feel like you do. I usually put it down to me being a lazy bum, but I'm not, not really. I'll happily go out for a five mile run with my dog (if the weather is good ), and I'll even push the hoover (vacuum) around the house and do the washing and other mundane crap. But, when it comes to something more structured, or official, even, I can't be arsed. I've been meaning to write a letter for about three weeks, something which would take me five minutes, but I just keep putting it off.

Maybe we need to form a support group.

Lou

 

[cheerful_deviant]

Maybe we need to form a support group.

From the posts on this thread, I should think you already have one.

 

[Guest]

From the posts on this thread, I should think you already have one.

So true!

What a great bunch of bananas we have here.

Lou

 

[DirtyJJ]

So true!

What a great bunch of bananas we have here.

Lou

Yes, and I am happy to be among them...
Thanks Lou and everyone!

 

[Joe Wordsworth]

Little goals. Some of the things I've done in clinical psychology that surround dealing with persons who have disorder (simply put, a disharmony of desire and execution), and how to help them.

A good basic suggestion is the setting of smaller goals, make then tinier and tinier until they are to the point where only a moment's thought will accomplish them.

Take writing, for example. One could sit down to write a story, or... more simply and more manageably, one could sit down to write only one scene--something on your mind. Or write only a few lines of dialogue. You can manipulate and play with the small goals, eventually moving into new ones.

Its all about greater control over one's life.