Monogamy Marriage V Open Marriage

[Eros1892]

Married M43, been with wife since we were 20 years old. Still very much in love but both feel bit of spark/passion has gone.

We have discussed maybe having an open Marriage, however big step to take and suppose its the fear of the unknown in terms of how it will make us feel.

Anyone have experience of a similar situation and like to share how things went?

 

[screwher]

I guess you could say I’m in a semi open marriage. My wife and I are a hotwife couple. She has sex with other men with my full approval. And I remain monogamous to her. My advice is not to rush into anything. It may seem hot as a fantasy. But it’s a different story once it’s a reality. Remember you can’t unfuck someone. The sex and experience you have will be a part of your relationship.

As well, be sure both you and your wife are 110% on board. Ones not doing it just for the sake of the other. I went for years wanting my wife to be having sex with other men. And it turned out she too wanted to screw other men. So when we finally found ourselves in the position to discuss it, we were both ready and willing.

 

[MissPennyLane]

It's not exactly the same but my husband and I have been together since we were 14 so we were like, each others firsts for everything (I know, I know, it's gross anyway-) so we decided about 3 years ago we'd open up our marriage to have some fun with other people to experience others for a change... Then covid hit and we had to halt our plans but last summer things started to feel more natural again and we've been having a great time and I truly think we're better for it. However, it is NOT for the faint hearted and you need to think of what your limits are for both of you and if you are ok, check in CONSTANTLY. We are so open with each other with all kinds of Comms so we have so far managed with very few arguments/hitches. Really discuss all the dirty, nitty gritty, and then discuss it again... and again until you are both 100% comfortable it's what you both want.

 

[gtnlynn]

My wife and I married at 22. I knew that she had sex with several men in college while I was away at another university, so I knew she could have sex just for fun with no emotional or romantic connection. After about ten years of marriage, we talked about it and agreed that she could have sex with anyone under certain conditions: one date per man, condoms required, no friends, and she tells me everything. She was getting lots of offers for sex at work, so that freed her to try it out. She had sex with a few men and then decided to stop. She hasn't had sex with another man in 20 years. I think it did add a bit of spice to our sex lives, but I don't recommend it for everybody.

 

[Olster]

I would say that 99.9% of people are not emotionally mature enough to have an open marriage. What is the approach to all other issues in life. Is there understanding, reasonability, and calmness? If not, I dare say jealousy and other negative emotions will quickly rear their ugly heads.

 

[nicechat]

It's not exactly the same but my husband and I have been together since we were 14 so we were like, each others firsts for everything (I know, I know, it's gross anyway-) so we decided about 3 years ago we'd open up our marriage to have some fun with other people to experience others for a change... Then covid hit and we had to halt our plans but last summer things started to feel more natural again and we've been having a great time and I truly think we're better for it. However, it is NOT for the faint hearted and you need to think of what your limits are for both of you and if you are ok, check in CONSTANTLY. We are so open with each other with all kinds of Comms so we have so far managed with very few arguments/hitches. Really discuss all the dirty, nitty gritty, and then discuss it again... and again until you are both 100% comfortable it's what you both want.

Glad it's worked but I think it remains dangerous territory.

 

[nicechat]

I would say that 99.9% of people are not emotionally mature enough to have an open marriage. What is the approach to all other issues in life. Is there understanding, reasonability, and calmness? If not, I dare say jealousy and other negative emotions will quickly rear their ugly heads.

I think there's more to its potential success than having high levels of emotional maturity. Fresh sex can really fuck your brains out even for the most mature and stable, it is a drug that can change a mindset. All that said, it's great !!
(PS: You can have fresh sex with a partner of 40 years, just mix in variations in place, environment, food and toys etc)

 

[Rob_Royale]

I've known three couples that dabbled outside monogamy. None of them are still together. Biggest reason was jealousy. It seems it's much easier for a woman to find new partners than men. Who knew right?

 

[screwher]

I've known three couples that dabbled outside monogamy. None of them are still together. Biggest reason was jealousy. It seems it's much easier for a woman to find new partners than men. Who knew right?

That’s another thing to remember.

Husbands, your wife is going to be more successful in finding new sex partners than you. And in a quicker amount of time. Most men don’t really care if a potential mate is married. While most women dont want to feel like a “home wrecker”. You can expect quiet nights at home by yourself while your wife is off in a another man’s bed. That’s great for our marriage. But is that something you’re ready to happen?

 

[Eros1892]

Thanks for everyone's open and honest replies.




























































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































Of course I'm excited at the prospeI am concerned

 

[JohnnySavage]

I don't even share my French Fries...

 

[JohnEBbad]

Are you referring to "Freedom Fries?"

 

[PhoenixRyzing]

Married M43, been with wife since we were 20 years old. Still very much in love but both feel bit of spark/passion has gone.

We have discussed maybe having an open Marriage, however big step to take and suppose its the fear of the unknown in terms of how it will make us feel.

Anyone have experience of a similar situation and like to share how things went?

I'd suggest visiting a forum dedicated to consensual nonmonogamy, like r/nonmonogamy on Reddit. You're just going to find a much larger number of people who have experience with it and have made a go of it. There are plenty of people who make it work but it really has to involve clearly set agreed-upon boundaries, mutual respect and profound honesty. And although I don't have much experience to draw on yet, what I can say is that you probably won't really know how you'll both react unless you try it. That said, it's not something to take lightly in that it will almost certainly change your relationship deeply.

 

[policywank]

That’s another thing to remember.

Husbands, your wife is going to be more successful in finding new sex partners than you. And in a quicker amount of time. Most men don’t really care if a potential mate is married. While most women dont want to feel like a “home wrecker”. You can expect quiet nights at home by yourself while your wife is off in a another man’s bed. That’s great for our marriage. But is that something you’re ready to happen?

It is absolutely true that in the vast majority of cases the wife will have a much easier time finding casual sexual partners. I would add, do not try to manage or change that with rules. If you aren't ok with being home watching the game while she is fucking some other guy then you shouldn't go down this road.

There are some rules that are suitable for practical and safety reasons. Some partners may accept rules that further constrain their behaviour, but others will not and those rules may become a source of friction. For me having my husband wanting to constantly check-in, demand updates, restrict what I do or who I can do it with would lead to frustration and resentment or a loss of interest. Sure steering clear of friends makes sense. But telling me I can only have one date per man fundamentally undermines my pleasure because that forces a scenario where every date is a hit or miss proposition rather than being able to go back to the guys I like and whom I enjoy sexually. I am not criticizing anybody who does this. I can see the merits in terms of ensuring personal connections don't develop, but I would lose interest pretty quickly both because of the hit or miss nature of it and because of the implied lack of confidence in my ability to stay in control of my personal connections. Also as a woman I want intimacy and connection with my partner. I don't mean love or anything like it. But having lovers with whom I have some connection is appealing. Having one-night stands random hook-ups holds very little appeal and if that was all that was workable I would just stop.

 

[lc69hunter]

I have been in both. A long time monogamous marriage, and two open ones. The first failed because we were both young and dumb about it. The second didn't fail because of that, it failed because of alcohol issues with her.

I have a couple (friends) that make it work. In fact, she dragged me to bed about six months after I became a widower, just to make sure I remembered how to do it. He had no problem.

But, as said before, it can be tough to make it work.

 

[AdamPhoenix]

It is absolutely true that in the vast majority of cases the wife will have a much easier time finding casual sexual partners. I would add, do not try to manage or change that with rules. If you aren't ok with being home watching the game while she is fucking some other guy then you shouldn't go down this road.

There are some rules that are suitable for practical and safety reasons. Some partners may accept rules that further constrain their behaviour, but others will not and those rules may become a source of friction. For me having my husband wanting to constantly check-in, demand updates, restrict what I do or who I can do it with would lead to frustration and resentment or a loss of interest. Sure steering clear of friends makes sense. But telling me I can only have one date per man fundamentally undermines my pleasure because that forces a scenario where every date is a hit or miss proposition rather than being able to go back to the guys I like and whom I enjoy sexually. I am not criticizing anybody who does this. I can see the merits in terms of ensuring personal connections don't develop, but I would lose interest pretty quickly both because of the hit or miss nature of it and because of the implied lack of confidence in my ability to stay in control of my personal connections. Also as a woman I want intimacy and connection with my partner. I don't mean love or anything like it. But having lovers with whom I have some connection is appealing. Having one-night stands random hook-ups holds very little appeal and if that was all that was workable I would just stop.

I agree completely. I've proposed the idea of allowing my wife a free pass to indulge in other men, dates, leave me home, swing etc but she is reserved from taking the leap. I know that she'd love it, being an independent and very hot sexual woman. She loves when I bring it up, only to laugh it off and call me a perv. Lol..she comes so hard when I sneak the conversation into our play time. Haha...I love the cat and mouse of it all but would honestly just love for her to indulge and try it at least once before saying no. I'll continue to work on her. She does love the idea though.

 

[Tayloroc]

I agree completely. I've proposed the idea of allowing my wife a free pass to indulge in other men, dates, leave me home, swing etc but she is reserved from taking the leap. I know that she'd love it, being an independent and very hot sexual woman. She loves when I bring it up, only to laugh it off and call me a perv. Lol..she comes so hard when I sneak the conversation into our play time. Haha...I love the cat and mouse of it all but would honestly just love for her to indulge and try it at least once before saying no. I'll continue to work on her. She does love the idea though.

I hope you get your wish! I’d love to hear from my wife all the details. Or better yet, watch

 

[Lifestyle66]

I agree completely. I've proposed the idea of allowing my wife a free pass to indulge in other men, dates, leave me home, swing etc but she is reserved from taking the leap. I know that she'd love it, being an independent and very hot sexual woman. She loves when I bring it up, only to laugh it off and call me a perv. Lol..she comes so hard when I sneak the conversation into our play time. Haha...I love the cat and mouse of it all but would honestly just love for her to indulge and try it at least once before saying no. I'll continue to work on her. She does love the idea though.

I think in many cases wives lose their interest in sex and have no need to look for it elsewhere, or they're reluctant to "set the precedence" and go out with another guy, because at some time in the future the husband will throw it back at her when he wants to go out with another woman.

 

[Tayloroc]

I think in many cases wives lose their interest in sex and have no need to look for it elsewhere, or they're reluctant to "set the precedence" and go out with another guy, because at some time in the future the husband will throw it back at her when he wants to go out with another woman.

Well, they’re probably right that we’d want the same