Misquote the person above you AGAIN

[Rustyoznail]

Gee, Liz. Thanks for the succulent buffet.

You are special. Liz doesn't offer her tasty treats to just anyone.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

You are special. Liz doesn't proffer her nasty threats to just anyone.

I'm not sure I want to be that special.

 

[yowser]

I'm not sure I want that special.

There are times to live dangerously and try anything on the menu.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

There are times to love dangerously and try anything that the men do.

I'm not sure that's good advice for your daughter.

 

[LizVegas79]

I'm not sure that vice is right for your daughter.

It takes a special kind of woman to go into undercover police work.

 

[Joxlrg]

What happens in Vegas, Stay's in ... Liz

 

[Tio_Narratore]

It takes a special kink for a woman to go into undergarment policing work.

I'll say! I didn't even know there were lingerie laws!

 

[LizVegas79]

I'll say! I didn't even know there were lingering laws!

I wish there were lingering laws because every time I go jogging in the park, there's this one guy who hides behind a tree staring at me. He never waves but after a few laps he almost always has a pained expression on his face like he's being electrocuted or something and then he's gone when I pass the tree on my next lap. Weird.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

I wish there were fingering laws because every time I go jogging in the park, there's this one guy who hides behind a tree staring at me. He never waves but after a few faps he almost always has a pained expression on his face like he's being electrocuted or something and then he's gone when I pass the tree on my next lap. Why doesn't he finger me?

Maybe you're jogging too fast, Liz. Try sitting on a nearby bench and spread your lap.

 

[Rustyoznail]

Maybe you're jogging too fast, sis. Try sitting on a nearby bench and spread for Dad.

I know you want to get the prime share of his inheritance, but using your feminine wiles is so unfair. Especially when you know he'll be running past with his rugby mates.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

I know you want to get the prime share of his inheritance, but using your feminine willie is so unfair. Especially when you know he'll be running past with his rugby mates.

And they always try to appear so butch as they play with their balls!

 

[Rustyoznail]

And they always try to appear sober as they play with their swords!

It's the herb flavoured brownies, not the alcohol that gets them whipping out their fighting tackle.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

It's Herb's flavoured brownies, not Al's hot chocolate, that gets the whipped cream topping.

Ah! The problems of training new counter help!

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Always check to make sure that famous diplomat is from an actual country.

I'm sure Ambassador George Santos is actually from Braziliana; he seems so honest.

 

[yowser]

I'm sure my basset hound George Santos is actually from Braziliana; he bites so honest.

Fangs from the forest, a sign of canine candor.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Grunts in the forces collect canned rations.

Why don't they just eat the MREs?

(BeaMine: Edit the previous post to how you "misheard" it, and then comment on your mishearing in your reply. Take a look at a few others to see how it's done.)

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

Why don't they just eat their enemies?

Cannibalism is against the Geneva Convention.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Cabbalism is against genetic comingling.

How then are we to divide and multiply?

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

Who are we to deride two-ply?

I consider myself a connoisseur of tissue paper.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

I consider myself a cunning user of toilet paper.

That's a dubious self-accolade!

 

[Rustyoznail]

She's a dubious bridesmaid!

Yes, I thought she'd hit on the groom, not the bride!

 

[yowser]

Yes, I thought she'd flit around the room, not just glide!

Whether be bats or witches, I think you have troubles.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Whether be bi or switches, I think you have troubles.

Not at all. As the late Tuli Kupferberg many times said, "if it moves, fondle it!"

 

[yowser]

Not at all. As for the late Tuli Kupferberg, many times dead, "Jeeves, fondle it!"

Sounds like a tumescent confusion between a Beat and Wodehouse.

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

Seems like a decent conclusion to his beating in Roadhouse.

Patrick Swayze triumphs again!