Mismatched Libidos

[Baudie]

I am guessing that there are lots of folks -- both men and women -- who are here to read/write about sex due to a mismatch in libido or sexual adventurousness.

I've long noted that "what goes" in a relationship is seldom negotiated, and more often defaults to those of the more conservative partner.

What I wonder is how to bring more passion or adventure into a relationship in a way that is mutually satisfying? What worked, and what didn't work?

 

[hulmule]

I;ve tried alot of things. You just will never really get what you need from the person that doesnt have that drive. This is how i look at it. No different trying to have someone work like you. Im a A person,hustle,get things done.my spouse doesnt move fast or have that drive. it reflects in the bedroom. PM me i can explain better .

 

[bailadora]

What I wonder is how to bring more passion or adventure into a relationship in a way that is mutually satisfying? What worked, and what didn't work?

For me, it was finally overcoming preconceived notions regarding the "acceptability" of my kinks and then gathering the courage to be open with my spouse about them. Through open and honest communication, we both talked about what we might be comfortable moving from fantasy realm to reality and what items were completely non-negotiable. Some things we initially thought we were ok with turned out to be uncomfortable when the tires hit the asphalt and we were quick to clue each other in and resolve from there.

All of that to say, what really worked for us was honest communication, with mutual respect for each others limits.

 

[silverwhisper]

baudie: you're right, it's discussed periodically and yes, in many cases the more conservative partner gets their way.

in terms of how to move towards a middle-point...i've always been the kinkier in my marriage and before then, with just about all of my sexual partners. i've been successful in introducing more kink by discussing what about the kink is appealing and sharing erotica (some written by yours truly) featuring it. and i've traditionally--though certainly not always--had the higher libido although that's been changing of late.

presuming you're the more adventurous/horny one, you need to know if your partner is open to being more adventurous and/or accommodating a higher frequency. that's first and foremost: without that, you're stuck.

ed