Mind vs Heart

[mayi]

very good answer angel.........the right door will open and the answers will be there all the time......just be patient......

mayi

 

[Blue Dolphin]

Hi Jewelz love

An extrememly difficult question, with unfortunately no simple answer.
there are so many variables that can influence matters.
my advice.

Find a close friend, very close, one you can trust implicitly.

talk it thriugh,go through ALL the options, and listen, try to be logical about it, also be objective. Dont push the possible pitfalls to one sid e,face them, discuss them.
Maybe at the end of that, you will have a clearer picture,and just maybe, know what to do
I sure hope so love
Good luck.
Hug

 

[Jewelz]

I agree with this guy, Jewelz.
You are spending a lot of time thinking I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do . . . this could carry on for a very long time, the more we put these kind of thoughts in our mind, the more we get the same response, nothing changes or gets better. I feel that maybe you need to look at things differently, in a "I DO know what to do, I DO know what's best for everyone" way. This probably sounds simplistic, but in order to find a solution to anything, including, and especially something emotional, relaxing as much as possible and letting the answers arise, is always the best way. I am thinking about you Jewelz, I hope you take care of yourself and your happiness, if whoever has touched your heart has made you feel like this, is that helping you? I don't know. I have no idea what your situation is like, I just know I care, and would like to help if I can, but ultimately, this is YOUR decision Jewelz, no one can decide for you what you do, and you can do it, and you must do whatever will be the best for everyone in your family, as well as you, children are precious, they are the future. take care sweetheart, you are in my prayers,
warmlips

Sigh, thank you baby! I appreciate your heart and advice. Its hard to deal with the guilt of loving another.....but i cant deny it either....yanno??

 

[Jewelz]

Re: And also...

the whole missing the change of happiness thing, I think it's a myth, honey, happiness ONLY comes from within . . .never from another person, maybe another person can ENCOURAGE that happiness, but each individual is the only one who can let themselves be happy, and it is like that, we let ourselves be happy, so soon I hope you can, inspired by yourself or by others, you are so special, you are one of the most beautiful women I have ever met . . .

wow, that was a great post honey! i think its one of my biggest problems......im soooooo not happy within! i dont like myself too much! .....oh my god honey.....*blush*......thank you.....wow....thank you!



(i will answer your PM soon!!)

 

[Jewelz]

as much as i want to follow my heart.........the head knows what is around the corner........the heart will get broken, can you face the let down?

mayi

no, im very weak and dont know if i could ever handle the let down...but it would come from ME .....not the other person. he is being very rational about this! he is amazing!

 

[Jewelz]

Re: 100%

You got it Jewelz, I am with you, take my hand whenever you wish, it will be there to pick you up and guide you through whatever troubles befall you.

Chris, I am so very glad to have your friendship. You mean alot to me!! Thank you!!!!! for being you!!!!

 

[Jewelz]

Jewelz you have alot of goodfriends here giving answers that comes from their heart. It is very confusing life itself, but you will see the light of what you will do. Stop looking so much and the door will open in the right direction. I am waiting for a door to, so hon you are not alone.

Someday I will tell you my story, but now it is for you.

((((((Jewelz)))))) Love you.

Yes sweetheart, I am so very blessed for the wonderful friends I have here. And it shows me those who really do care. I cant thank you all enough for understanding and giving so much wonderful advice from the heart. I think your advice is soothing to me.......stop looking so much......very promising! Thank you love!!

((((((((((((Angel))))))))))))) love you so!!

 

[Jewelz]

Re: Hi Jewelz love

An extrememly difficult question, with unfortunately no simple answer.
there are so many variables that can influence matters.
my advice.

Find a close friend, very close, one you can trust implicitly.

talk it thriugh,go through ALL the options, and listen, try to be logical about it, also be objective. Dont push the possible pitfalls to one sid e,face them, discuss them.
Maybe at the end of that, you will have a clearer picture,and just maybe, know what to do
I sure hope so love
Good luck.
Hug

Exactly, so many variables to ponder! that influence and affect the outcome....sigh

I do have some very close friends that know most of my heart. I have spent many nights with one of them.....hence the question that started this thread. Feelings grow.....flourish through friendship....Ive given my heart......he has it.........Im sucha mush........my other close friend.....is one of my soulmates and I love him so very much.....he keeps me grounded and all is very calm when he calls me or when we talk online. he is my rational side so to speak.

Thanks for your support and love!
Kisses darling

 

[vylette]

my heart wins

i always try to think logically and use my mind...but i can NEVER do so....my heart always wins...for some reason i think i am selling myself out if i dont follow my heart....but a word to the wise...the heart is sooooo full of emotion and following it can open a pandora's box so just be prepared...

 

[sortacurious]

I sit here silently crying for your pain.
Advise is great but it comes down to you. Maybe you'll weigh all this advise, maybe you'll choose your path on you own.
My suggestion:
Consider first telling your husband that you feel you are at a crossroads and need to figure some things out. I wouldn't go into too much detail, just what you feel he has a right to know. Then, for a change, take some time for yourself. This means no influences. No kids, no husband, no computer, no lover. Some space and introspect can sometimes give a whole new prospective. During that time, each time your thoughts scream 'what am I going to do' or trying to wander to the situation, force it another direction, a purification of the soul. After you've relaxed a little 1-2 days at least, then readdress the situation. By then, your heart and mind will be ready with the lack of outside stimulation to tell you what is really being missed in this time of isolation. Go from there.
I have done this, it helped...alot. Sometime I can share the outcome, but do not want my outcome to influence yours, so I'll spare you.

This may seem impossible, with finances or childcare or any other life obstacles. But, try to make it possible for the future sake of all those things.

Also, this gives the other parties involved time away from you, to re-group as well.

Even, if you don't come up with immediate answers, it may take some pressure off to do so.

Also, when it comes to children, divorce is devastating, yes. Committment is made to be kept not broken. But if you are truely, completely miserable, then so are those children and the person the committment was made to. That's not ok either.

Good luck, and please pm me at anytime! I would love to be there for you. I am approaching another of those crossroads to life myself, I understand.

 

[Jewelz]

Re: my heart wins

i always try to think logically and use my mind...but i can NEVER do so....my heart always wins...for some reason i think i am selling myself out if i dont follow my heart....but a word to the wise...the heart is sooooo full of emotion and following it can open a pandora's box so just be prepared...

isnt that the truth.......thanks for adding your comments. I truly appreciate everyone's words and have taken some great points to consider.

 

[Jewelz]

I sit here silently crying for your pain.
Advise is great but it comes down to you. Maybe you'll weigh all this advise, maybe you'll choose your path on you own.
My suggestion:
Consider first telling your husband that you feel you are at a crossroads and need to figure some things out. I wouldn't go into too much detail, just what you feel he has a right to know. Then, for a change, take some time for yourself. This means no influences. No kids, no husband, no computer, no lover. Some space and introspect can sometimes give a whole new prospective. During that time, each time your thoughts scream 'what am I going to do' or trying to wander to the situation, force it another direction, a purification of the soul. After you've relaxed a little 1-2 days at least, then readdress the situation. By then, your heart and mind will be ready with the lack of outside stimulation to tell you what is really being missed in this time of isolation. Go from there.
I have done this, it helped...alot. Sometime I can share the outcome, but do not want my outcome to influence yours, so I'll spare you.

This may seem impossible, with finances or childcare or any other life obstacles. But, try to make it possible for the future sake of all those things.

Also, this gives the other parties involved time away from you, to re-group as well.

Even, if you don't come up with immediate answers, it may take some pressure off to do so.

Also, when it comes to children, divorce is devastating, yes. Committment is made to be kept not broken. But if you are truely, completely miserable, then so are those children and the person the committment was made to. That's not ok either.

Good luck, and please pm me at anytime! I would love to be there for you. I am approaching another of those crossroads to life myself, I understand.

I can NOT thank you enough for your words of wisdom and concern. The hardest thing for me to deal with is that i am not truly miserable in this marriage. I love my husband. He is a great man. But there are alot of things that have been bothering me alot lately. I cant even imagine divorce. I think I would be lost without him in my life. He IS a great guy who does love me immensely. Then again, sometimes I wonder how he could love me so much if he still after 14 years hasnt listened to my cries of need, want and desire.??? Does that make any sense? Sigh....

I didnt go looking for love, it was just there. It happened twice here....the first, my darling expressed himself that he can not let himself love me like i love him. which is fine, i expect nothing from him but his friendship, and that is what it is, a very rich and endearing friendship. I couldnt imagine life without him, and he knows it. The second, happened quite by accident. We talked and talked and it grew.....now, here we are.....we spend every night we can together. we talk about real life....conversation never tires. He has my heart....he knows it. Just like I told him last night....."you know my heart and i know yours"......we do. we have unspoken understandings and express what we can. We both dont let alot of people in.....but somehow we have let each other in. Deep. He knows my struggles and doesnt want to impose more trouble on me. Thats the kinda wonderful he is. He knows i love him.

Then I do think of my children, my family, my sense of security in my marriage. Its safe here. I dont have to deal with toooo much rejection, only now and again from hubby.....if i were to leave....i could take the chance of dealing with major rejection again. Who knows where my road is going to lead me...but I think one thing i have learned from getting this all out is sweet Angel's words of taking it one step at a time.....one day at a time and not push any outcome. Let it just fall where it is going to fall.

PM me anytime SC.......I would love to talk more with you. Hugs sweetheart!!

 

[captjack]

What do you do when your mind tells you one thing, but your heart is speaking a differently language? Do you listen to your hearts desires or do you think logically and practically? How long can you sit on those hearts desires until they drive you insane cuz you dont or cant act on them?? Or do you just get pissy with your mind for ruling your heart?? Please indulge me.........my mind and heart are at war right now.....I could use some good advice!!!! Thanks lit'ers!

Mind and heart can merge, but when there is a conflict trust your insinstincts.for a lotta years I didn't and had to learn the hard way

 

[Jewelz]

Re: Re: Mind vs Heart

Mind and heart can merge, but when there is a conflict trust your insinstincts.for a lotta years I didn't and had to learn the hard way

but what happens when your instincts are clouded??

 

[RawHumor]

I haven't read this entire thread, but I have to go against the flow and say to go with your head.

Your heart can be swayed by a nice song, a sappy poem, or even a picture. A toddler can look at you with puppy eyes and ask you if he/she can have another piece of candy. Your heart wants to make the toddler happy and give in but your mind knows that toddler might get sick if he/she eats too much candy.

Your heart might want to give in to temptation, but your mind knows that there are consequences to our actions.

Your mind knows that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

 

[1sexylady]

Re: my heart wins

i always try to think logically and use my mind...but i can NEVER do so....my heart always wins...for some reason i think i am selling myself out if i dont follow my heart....but a word to the wise...the heart is sooooo full of emotion and following it can open a pandora's box so just be prepared...

I agree with you...I followed my heart recently and it got broke...I was told it was in good hands....but it was not...one thing about the heart..it repairs itself.....

 

[Jewelz]

I haven't read this entire thread, but I have to go against the flow and say to go with your head.

Your heart can be swayed by a nice song, a sappy poem, or even a picture. A toddler can look at you with puppy eyes and ask you if he/she can have another piece of candy. Your heart wants to make the toddler happy and give in but your mind knows that toddler might get sick if he/she eats too much candy.

Your heart might want to give in to temptation, but your mind knows that there are consequences to our actions.

Your mind knows that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

Thanks sweetheart! I can always count on you to keep me grounded. (((((((HUGS honey)))))))))

 

[Jewelz]

Re: Re: my heart wins

I agree with you...I followed my heart recently and it got broke...I was told it was in good hands....but it was not...one thing about the heart..it repairs itself.....

Im sorry sweetie! But I know you are a strong, beautiful woman and happiness and love will find its way to you again!
Hugs n love!!

 

[RawHumor]

Thanks sweetheart! I can always count on you to keep me grounded. (((((((HUGS honey)))))))))

You're welcome, hon... Feel free to PM me if you want to talk seriously about this.

 

[Jewelz]

You're welcome, hon... Feel free to PM me if you want to talk seriously about this.

You read my mind again!! I was just getting ready to do so!!
Love ya sugar!

 

[1sexylady]

Re: Re: Re: my heart wins

Im sorry sweetie! But I know you are a strong, beautiful woman and happiness and love will find its way to you again!
Hugs n love!!

I am not worried about it I was not that far gone and a good friend pointed some things out to me which I was too blind to see at the time...but regardless it did hurt... I wish him well....

 

[Jewelz]

Re: Re: Re: Re: my heart wins

I am not worried about it I was not that far gone and a good friend pointed some things out to me which I was too blind to see at the time...but regardless it did hurt... I wish him well....

Thank god for our good friends eh??

my problem is that i do love very deeply.....even people i consider to be just close friends.....i still love them ALOT. i give any relationship i am in alot of myself....id much rather take care of their hearts than my own.....

 

[cutie pie]

Sis, I'll post my abbreviated reply here and PM you more in depth later.

I am in somewhat of a similar situation.

When I am overwhelmed, I try to break down the situation into manageable pieces if possible. So, in your situation it would be like this:

1. If there were nobody else involved, would you still want to leave your hub?

2. If you become single, will the other person be there for you? If the answer is "no", does that affect your decision making?

3. A lot of people say stay for the kid's sake - that's all well and good unless your current emotional state is affecting how you handle day to day life, including the kids. You need to decide what is better for them. A happy mom who will be a great mom, or a miserable mom who will be just going through the moves.

I don't know that this helps a great deal. I have come to the one conclusion that anything that happens in my immediate future will be because it is right for me and not because something better is waiting. My head is such a mess now that I think I would do well to take some time to heal before moving forward into another situation.

Hugs, sweetie. . . We'll talk soon.

 

[Jewelz]

Sis, I'll post my abbreviated reply here and PM you more in depth later.

I am in somewhat of a similar situation.

When I am overwhelmed, I try to break down the situation into manageable pieces if possible. So, in your situation it would be like this:

1. If there were nobody else involved, would you still want to leave your hub?

2. If you become single, will the other person be there for you? If the answer is "no", does that affect your decision making?

3. A lot of people say stay for the kid's sake - that's all well and good unless your current emotional state is affecting how you handle day to day life, including the kids. You need to decide what is better for them. A happy mom who will be a great mom, or a miserable mom who will be just going through the moves.

I don't know that this helps a great deal. I have come to the one conclusion that anything that happens in my immediate future will be because it is right for me and not because something better is waiting. My head is such a mess now that I think I would do well to take some time to heal before moving forward into another situation.

Hugs, sweetie. . . We'll talk soon.

Hiya sis! I was soo hoping you would come by with some words of wisdom!

1).......im not sure!!.....i love my husband.....i really do....but i cant deny my needs and wants that HE isnt and hasnt given me!

2)truthfully....yes, i think he would be there for me if i were single

3)i go thru the motions every day! im not totally miserable all the time.....but i can say, i am alot of the time. i love my husband....no denying it. i couldnt bare to think of divorce......but he is not bringing me totally happiness RIGHT NOW........i dont know.......i probably should stop while im ahead.......i dont wanna hurt ANYONE......me, ice, hubby...anyone!

 

[cutie pie]

Hiya sis! I was soo hoping you would come by with some words of wisdom!

1).......im not sure!!.....i love my husband.....i really do....but i cant deny my needs and wants that HE isnt and hasnt given me!

2)truthfully....yes, i think he would be there for me if i were single

3)i go thru the motions every day! im not totally miserable all the time.....but i can say, i am alot of the time. i love my husband....no denying it. i couldnt bare to think of divorce......but he is not bringing me totally happiness RIGHT NOW........i dont know.......i probably should stop while im ahead.......i dont wanna hurt ANYONE......me, ice, hubby...anyone!

This will probably get me flamed from a zillion directions, but have you considered just keeping things as they are? Can you even do that? Some people can. I'm not saying it's right or wrong - I don't pass judgment on other people's behavior. My only concern is that the "innocent" people involved don't get hurt unneedlessly.

There has been a lot of great advice here. My only words of wisdom are that you need to somehow step back, look at the overall picture and decide what is best for you . The rest will fall into place no matter how difficult the road ahead may seem.