MFM - Why so Hard?

[Jayzzzy]

Mmf

My So and I have had the pleasure adding a single male to our lives. It hasn't all been easy though. There are lots of issues involved and feelings that need to be considered. We were lucky....he started out as just a friend we hung out with. As we got to know each other better, conversations turned more personal and eventually brought up the idea, jokingly, to see what his reaction would be. To my delight (he is a super hot 25 year old babe and I am a 43 year old grandmother) he was interested. A year later and we hang out alot platonically but usually the three of us get together for some hot sex about once a month. It has taken time to work out all the potential issues invovled, but it has been worth it. It may even evolve into a poly relationship..who knows......

 

[Dublin]

xxxxx

 

[bisexplicit]

Lots of feedback. I would love to find a couple that I could become friends with first. It's still difficult due to being married. Is the opinion here that I just give it up?

Why do you want to do it in the first place without your wife's consent?

 

[silverwhisper]

dublin: like others, i personally wouldn't do what you're contemplating. that said, i feel no reason to berate you for a decision that is in the final analysis solely yours to make.

has the mrs ever expressed an interest in swinging? there may be a way to get what you're after that doesn't run the risk of domestic strife.

ed

 

[erdave]

Lots of feedback. I would love to find a couple that I could become friends with first. It's still difficult due to being married. Is the opinion here that I just give it up?

You really need to look at your reasoning for not including your wife. It may well be that problem in itself is correctable and you may choose a different direction, hence not seeking a MMF.

I am lucky, my wife and I are best friends also which helped in our decision process to seek another male to add to our bedroom fun. For us we were looking for some compatibility and also seeking a well endowed male. (Let’s not get into the bigger–better topic at the moment. It was just something she wanted to try and I was interested in watching).

We took our time and with some luck met a guy that was both interesting in bed and out. All three of us have been to bed several times and the compatibility is there.

Odds are you will find what you desire......but really work on your freindship with your wife....enjoy your day dave

 

[Dublin]

xxxxxx

 

[SweetErika]

The subject has been brought up....with much strife. So, I dropped it. I know she is not open to it. Perhaps a friendship with a single man might work, but it is a remote possibility. Beginning to think this is an imossible fantasy.... I have been in a GB, actually it was 2 guys with a lady and her husband. I had no problems, it was a great experience. I still fantasize about MFM (not MMF .... difference noted).

Yeah, but you never answered my question...would your wife be willing to compromise by reading stories, fantasizing verbally, role play in a scenario in a bar or dance club, or something similar. Have you suggested anything like that to her by telling her you completely understand she's not okay with indulging the fantasy, and you absolutely respect her limits, but would she be willing to do some things that are parts of your fantasy that DON'T involve other people really? I think by asking in a way that validates her feelings and isn't pushy, you'd be showing you respect and love her, and it's very possible she'd want to work on this with you.

Otherwise, you can live without the fantasy, or tell her, "Well, this is so important to me that I'm going to indulge it regardless of your feelings. I'm telling you in advance because I love you, and this could potentially affect your health and happiness, so it's only fair to let you know what I'm doing."

But, yes, I think it's safe to say the consensus is you likely won't get too far with other couples, and discarding this fantasy for the sake of yourself, your marriage, and your wife isn't a huge deal. We all have fantasies, many of which go unfulfilled for whatever reason, and it's not really a problem. Plus, fantasies are usually better than reality, so they're often best not explored in RL.

 

[Private_Label]

2) I am up front and honest about my stataus, intent and do not deceive.

A point in your favor.

3) No, wife wife does not know and would not approve.

A big point against you, and shoots your point #2 (honest) in the foot. If wife doesn't know and would not approve, then you are being dishonest with her by omission. That is a big red flag in my book. As has been mentioned there are plenty of men on these sites and I'd much rather have one that is closer to my ideal.

BTW - have you tried plentyoffish.com? You can tailor what you are looking for (hanging out buddies, dating, intimate encounters, LTR). Just one more place to look.

 

[kinky shy girl]

I've had a handful of MFMs, but I don't necessarily recommend them for everyone, and it's not something that my husband and I are interested in at the moment. If someone on here has a question, I answer it as honestly as I can, but because I don't know anything about that couple's relationship, I don't recommend it outright.

Is there any particular reason that you don't recommend them? Was the fantasy better than reality?

My boyfriend and I have discussed the possibility of either MFM or FMF. So far the con's outweigh the pro's (slightly) so we've only talked about them.

 

[CorsetLvr]

Is there any particular reason that you don't recommend them? Was the fantasy better than reality?

My boyfriend and I have discussed the possibility of either MFM or FMF. So far the con's outweigh the pro's (slightly) so we've only talked about them.

Sometimes the reality doesn't live up to the fantasy of a 3-sum. Finding the right person is always a challenge. People expect them to turn out like some porno, and it sometimes doesn't work out that way.

 

[Eilan]

Is there any particular reason that you don't recommend them?

When I'm on Lit, I generally try not to make a recommendation one way or another because I don't know the people involved well enough to tell them what they should/shouldn't do. One of the few examples to that is the "How do I get/make/convince my SO to have a MFM, FMF, MMF?" particularly when, based on the initial post, one half of the couple seems ambivalent at best.

Bringing another person/couple into one's bedroom isn't something to be taken lightly, and if your relationship's not rock solid to begin with, there can be problems. Problems can arise even if your relationship is solid. As long as I don't get flamed too much, I'll share my input/experience, but the final decision has to be up to the people involved.

So I guess what I'm saying is that I don't recommend them, but I don't not recommend them.

Was the fantasy better than reality?

While my husband and I had, for the most part, positive experiences, the fantasy was better than the reality. In our fantasies, the third party didn't have erectile dysfunction issues related to a combination of a stressful job, blood-pressure medication, and beer, nor was he on medication that made it difficult for him to orgasm.

 

[kinky shy girl]

CorsetLvr and Eilan: thanks for your responses.

We haven't taken it past fantasy because the process of finding the right person seems difficult and a bit tedious. Also, our imaginary threesomes are sufficient for now.

 

[Eilan]

We haven't taken it past fantasy because the process of finding the right person seems difficult and a bit tedious.

We found this to be the case as well. When we were on AFF, though, we had plenty of choices, but having too much choice made things a bit overwhelming at times. Of course, what made it really easy was that our profile was pretty specific, so we could easily weed out people when it was obvious that they didn't read the profile. We met three people from that site, and could have met two or three different people each week (for about six or seven months or so) if we weren't so picky.

 

[CorsetLvr]

My hubby and I have been involved in swinging for several years and while we maintain a profile on a couple of lifestyle websites, we have found that they are the least efficient way to meet new people. First, you have to deal with people that aren't what they claim to be. Second, we always see ourselves in a different light then others do. Third, its hard to judge chemistry from a profile. We primarily meet other couples, not singles, so it may be somewhat different for us, but the same issues are probably common to couples and the singles looking for each other.

We have found that the percentage of folks that we meet from there and end up "clicking" with is less then 10%. Its just not a "cost effective" way to go about meeting new people. By cost I mean the time, effort, and to some degree the money, that we invest in meeting people. We have found a lot better ways to meet new friends then by an online profile. However, these avenues may not be available to a single guy, or even a couple looking to meet a single.

 

[Dublin]

xxxxx

 

[CorsetLvr]

CorsetLvr: What is the most effective way to find other interested people?

We mainly meet new people that are friends of friends. We know that we at least have enough in common to have friends in common.

You have to understand that a large percentage of people involved in swinging are just as interested in devolping lifestyle based friendships. Its NOT just about the sex. Most single guys have a hard time understanding that. I can't really speak for couples looking for single guys, that's not us or the majority of our friends. I have a feeling that they are not as interested in establishing friendships. We look at swinging as friendships "with benefits."

 

[Eilan]

We mainly meet new people that are friends of friends. We know that we at least have enough in common to have friends in common.

You have to understand that a large percentage of people involved in swinging are just as interested in devolping lifestyle based friendships. Its NOT just about the sex. Most single guys have a hard time understanding that. I can't really speak for couples looking for single guys, that's not us or the majority of our friends. I have a feeling that they are not as interested in establishing friendships. We look at swinging as friendships "with benefits."

My husband and I tried to cultivate these kinds of friendships during our limited experiences, but it seemed like the more we got to know the guys, particularly the one who was local, the less we found to like about them. And this was after spending time trying to get to know them beforehand via a lot of chat, getting together for dinner and drinks, etc.

We weren't averse to other couples, and I think that might have worked out better for us, but the few couples that we were in contact with weren't really options because of geography.

 

[CorsetLvr]

My husband and I tried to cultivate these kinds of friendships during our limited experiences, but it seemed like the more we got to know the guys, particularly the one who was local, the less we found to like about them. And this was after spending time trying to get to know them beforehand via a lot of chat, getting together for dinner and drinks, etc.

We weren't averse to other couples, and I think that might have worked out better for us, but the few couples that we were in contact with weren't really options because of geography.

In our experience most single guys aren't primarily interested in friendship. That is besides friendship between the sheets. To be honest, some couples aren't either.

 

[Eilan]

In our experience most single guys aren't primarily interested in friendship. That is besides friendship between the sheets.

Yeah, that's kinda why, about nine months ago, we turned off the profile and stopped looking. I think my expectations were a bit unrealistic.

 

[CorsetLvr]

Yeah, that's kinda why, about nine months ago, we turned off the profile and stopped looking. I think my expectations were a bit unrealistic.

Like I said earlier, meeting folks on the laternative lifestyle websites can be frustrating at best and a nightmare at worst. We moved fairly frequently because of my previous career and we were always trying to get re-established in a new area. As a result, we were forced to meet new folks online as a sort of last resort. However, as soon as we started to meet a few people online we switched to friends of friends mode. We also would go to swing clubs. House parties are our favorite though.