MFM - Why so Hard?

[Dublin]

xxxxx

 

[Eilan]

OK...here's the question: I have been pursuing MFM situation for about 12 months through AFF. To date, lots of contact, no meetings. I have had one gang bang....not really my scene. I really want to see a woman pleasured by two men. I am married playing alone and can't seem to get others beyond that. What is wrong, am I just wrong here? My wife is not interested. Beginning to think I am just not being taken seriously!

I have some questions for you.

Are you a gold, silver, or standard member?

Have you put effort into your profile? Have you filled out the additional questions?

When you contact couples, do you try to make your message stand out from the others? "Nice tits, wanna fuck?" tends not to get acknowledged.

Do you have a cock shot as your main profile pic? If so, drop it. It attracts gay men, which is okay, unless that's not what you're after.

Keep in mind that, on AFF, men outnumber women at least 7 to 1, possibly 10 to 1 if you eliminate the bots, spammers, and fronts for pay sites. You have to make yourself stand out from the crowd.

Being married and playing alone is going to be a major strike against you, and you can't make others want you. My husband and I had a couples seeking men ad on AFF, and I'll tell you, quite honestly, that I started deleting married men's profiles without responding. We had one meeting with someone who was married, and I felt so guilty about it that I altered our profile accordingly. Helping others cheat doesn't bother some people, though, so you might get lucky in that regard. Even if your wife approves, some people might be put off by the idea.

 

[SweetErika]

OK...here's the question: I have been pursuing MFM situation for about 12 months through AFF. To date, lots of contact, no meetings. I have had one gang bang....not really my scene. I really want to see a woman pleasured by two men. I am married playing alone and can't seem to get others beyond that. What is wrong, am I just wrong here? My wife is not interested. Beginning to think I am just not being taken seriously!

Does your wife KNOW and SUPPORT YOU in pursing this?

If not, I'm guessing that's what's wrong. Just because people are sexually open, or open in general, doesn't mean they condone or want to get involved with someone who is cheating. If you're not trustworthy enough to be honest with someone you supposedly love, your wife, about what you're doing, how can you be trusted to be honest about anything with strangers? I sure as hell wouldn't trust a person who was cheating to be honest about their health, history, or their character. Bringing someone into the bedroom requires an immense amount of trust for most people, so if you appear to not have any integrity, you're out of the running. Plus, I wouldn't want to be cheated on, so I don't want to have any part (no matter how small) in contributing to someone else doing it.

Actually, to even consider a married man playing alone, I'd insist on talking to his wife in person or on the phone to confirm she knew and supported his activities.

 

[Pyro Paul]

well, generaly males dont want to do this simply because,
1, its partly homoerotic, we see another guy naked, and the guy to girl ratio is 2:1 for most, thats just a bit too much wang.
2, females come in diffrent flavors, some are a 1 man gal, while others are a 1 group kinda gal.
3, It requires Every one to Be Open about their sexuality. most people arnt.
4, Its less conspicuous than normal sex and is harder to deny, as well as being more embarressing.
and 5, the biggest part is jelousy. simply, he is pleasuring her more than i am, so instead of being a 3some, its now just those 2 with an extra dick on the bench incase he gets a back ache.

if you solve all these problems you can find a person/s that are willing and ready for it.

 

[SweetErika]

I have some questions for you.

Are you a gold, silver, or standard member?

Have you put effort into your profile? Have you filled out the additional questions?

When you contact couples, do you try to make your message stand out from the others? "Nice tits, wanna fuck?" tends not to get acknowledged.

Do you have a cock shot as your main profile pic? If so, drop it. It attracts gay men, which is okay, unless that's not what you're after.

Keep in mind that, on AFF, men outnumber women at least 7 to 1, possibly 10 to 1 if you eliminate the bots, spammers, and fronts for pay sites. You have to make yourself stand out from the crowd.

Being married and playing alone is going to be a major strike against you, and you can't make others want you. My husband and I had a couples seeking men ad on AFF, and I'll tell you, quite honestly, that I started deleting married men's profiles without responding. We had one meeting with someone who was married, and I felt so guilty about it that I altered our profile accordingly. Helping others cheat doesn't bother some people, though, so you might get lucky in that regard. Even if your wife approves, some people might be put off by the idea.

That's really good advice. I have a little experience with personals and AFF specifically, and would add don't contact people whose qualifications you don't meet. Always be 100% honest, up-front, accurate, and don't exaggerate at all...it's irritating to spend time replying to someone only to find out they fudged even just a little here and there to make themselves a more attractive candidate. Again, I've always wondered where the dishonesty ends.

 

[SweetErika]

well, generaly males dont want to do this simply because,
1, its partly homoerotic, we see another guy naked, and the guy to girl ratio is 2:1 for most, thats just a bit too much wang.
2, females come in diffrent flavors, some are a 1 man gal, while others are a 1 group kinda gal.
3, It requires Every one to Be Open about their sexuality. most people arnt.
4, Its less conspicuous than normal sex and is harder to deny, as well as being more embarressing.
and 5, the biggest part is jelousy. simply, he is pleasuring her more than i am, so instead of being a 3some, its now just those 2 with an extra dick on the bench incase he gets a back ache.

if you solve all these problems you can find a person/s that are willing and ready for it.

I don't think Dublin's asking why MFM threesomes aren't attractive to people...I'm assuming he's only responding to couples who are looking for a MFM. I think he's asking why couples who respond to him become disinterested, why it doesn't work out, and if the fact that he's a married man playing alone has anything to do with it.

 

[Eilan]

don't contact people whose qualifications you don't meet. Always be 100% honest, up-front, accurate, and don't exaggerate at all...it's irritating to spend time replying to someone only to find out they fudged even just a little here and there to make themselves a more attractive candidate. Again, I've always wondered where the dishonesty ends.

Good point. AFF has filters, where you can receive your messages based on your preferences (such as age, marital status, body type, smoker/nonsmoker, pic/no pic, etc.), so it's possible that you could send a message that wouldn't be received because the filters automatically directed it elsewhere. Filtered messages can still be read; they just don't go into the inbox.

Another thing to consider is that some people won't fuck on the first meeting. They insist on meeting in a public place first for dinner or drinks or something just to see if the chemistry's there. Of course, you have to GET to a first meeting.

Dublin's complaint is really pretty typical among the single men on the site. AFF is a sex personals site, but that doesn't mean that it's an all-you-can-fuck sex buffet. Courtesy and respect, even in the face of rejection, mean a lot.

 

[CorsetLvr]

Basically it comes down to supply and demand. There are a heck of a lot of single guys looking to play with couples and not nearly as many couples looking for single men. The opposite is true of single women. The fact that you are married and playing alone does not help. A lot of couples are going to shy away from the potential complications of a married guy when there are plenty of unmarried men out there. Again, the rules of supply and demand are against you. Most couples that are interested in playing with a "single" man are going to find a few that they develop a comfortable relationship with aren't going to be looking for a lot of new guys. Swinging is primarily a couples oriented lifestyle and the number of couples looking for men is a small percentage of the toal.

 

[taolanes]

Men and women are different, especially when it comes to sex. Women want a guy that will stick around. And meeting a random person on the internet JUST FOR SEX does not appeal to them.

My advice is to look elsewhere for your fantasy

 

[Eilan]

Men and women are different, especially when it comes to sex. Women want a guy that will stick around. And meeting a random person on the internet JUST FOR SEX does not appeal to them.

My advice is to look elsewhere for your fantasy

Wow. Generalize, much?

He's looking on AdultFriendFinder. There's a section specifically for couples (M & F) seeking men. If he finds his fantasy anywhere, it'll be on there.

I think the biggest drawback is that he's married and playing alone.

 

[CorsetLvr]

I think the biggest drawback is that he's married and playing alone.

That was exactly my point in my post. On top of that, most men playing alone go through exactly the same thing. Like I said, he has supply and demand working against him in addition to being married.

 

[Eilan]

That was exactly my point in my post. On top of that, most men playing alone go through exactly the same thing. Like I said, he has supply and demand working against him in addition to being married.

Yes. And it was one of my points as well in post #2 of this thread.

 

[CorsetLvr]

Yes. And it was one of my points as well in post #2 of this thread.

It sounds like I am singing to the choir.

 

[Eilan]

It sounds like I am singing to the choir.

But you are absolutely right.

I suspect that Dublin hasn't come back here because we're not saying what he wants to hear.

 

[CorsetLvr]

But you are absolutely right.

I suspect that Dublin hasn't come back here because we're not saying what he wants to hear.

He expected some magic solution to make his problem just go away. The answer he got was that no matter what he does its not going to go away. I guess he'll have to accept that all fantasies are not liveable.

 

[Eilan]

He expected some magic solution to make his problem just go away. The answer he got was that no matter what he does its not going to go away. I guess he'll have to accept that all fantasies are not liveable.

The magic solution is porn. *nods knowingly*

 

[CorsetLvr]

The magic solution is porn. *nods knowingly*

I had a similar problem with men that I dated when I was single. As soon as they found out I was bi they almost immediately started taling about a FMF 3-sum. Their expectations for such a 3-sum were almost always based on porn they had seen and not any real experience. The times that a 3-sum did occur, they could rarely handle the reality of the experience. Reality and Fantasy are not always complementary.

 

[Eilan]

Reality and Fantasy are not always complementary.

Absolutely not, and a lot of people don't want to hear that. Sometimes it's more about seeking validation that it is about seeking advice.

I've had a handful of MFMs, but I don't necessarily recommend them for everyone, and it's not something that my husband and I are interested in at the moment. If someone on here has a question, I answer it as honestly as I can, but because I don't know anything about that couple's relationship, I don't recommend it outright.

 

[Sh0t]

Married male,


MFM is fun imo. I sometimes prefer it to FMF, even though I am completely straight.

That kind of reaction is to be expected on a site where most couples are looking for single WOMEN and most of the single people on it are male.

MFM = two straight guys, one woman
MMF = two bi guys, one woman

 

[Eilan]

That kind of reaction is to be expected on a site where most couples are looking for single WOMEN and most of the single people on it are male.

My husband and I were one of those rare(ish) couples actually looking for a guy (or a couple who played together) and we were overwhelmed with responses.

It's true, though, that, as mean as it sounds, single guys are a dime a dozen on AFF. Guys who want to have any luck at all NEED to buy a gold or silver membership, and even then there are no guarantees. We met three people from AFF, and all of them were perfectly nice guys, but single men (or married men playing alone) are in the majority there, so it's difficult for some of them--more competition. Out of the hundreds of responses that these guys had sent out, we were among the few who responded.

AFF wants people to think that success comes easily, but that's not necessarily the case. It's not just a matter of "Post an ad and get laid tonight."

 

[Xerxes82]

Well, I'm a single male, and a few years back when I used AFF, I managed to find one nearby couple that was interested in MFM. We talked for a while to get used to the idea and then proceeded to meet.

I think the defining factors in my case were both an openness in my communications with them and just sheer, bald, clueless luck.

i realize that doesn't help much, but I think that's really what it is, luck of the draw...

 

[Eilan]

Well, I'm a single male, and a few years back when I used AFF, I managed to find one nearby couple that was interested in MFM. We talked for a while to get used to the idea and then proceeded to meet.

I think the defining factors in my case were both an openness in my communications with them and just sheer, bald, clueless luck.

i realize that doesn't help much, but I think that's really what it is, luck of the draw...

Maybe it was a combination of luck and being single?

 

[Xerxes82]

Maybe it was a combination of luck and being single?

Very well could be. There were factors unique to both my situation and the couple in question that definitely made things click for us.

I do think, based off my memories of AFF from those years back, that married men didn't seem to get the same level of response that even a single man did, which seems to go along with what you've been saying pretty much from the start...

 

[Dublin]

Thanks for the posts

xxxxxx

 

[bisexplicit]

Why are you continuing with this if your wife doesn't know? Is it worth risking and possibly losing your marriage over?