Mental Illness

[BiBunny]

Yesterday I took both my kids to the psychiatrist.

One has ADHD, Depression and probably other things that haven't been diagnosed.

The other one is my "easy" child in comparison but has social anxiety and depression.

Today, I'm feeling pretty beat down at their level's of depression which are as high or higher than they've ever been.

We will see if the new drug protocols help.

I did find it interesting that the words "weight neutral" was used yesterday in regard to two drugs. I've long suspected that certain drugs make you gain weight. One 'weight neutral" drug that was mentioned, my mother was put on twenty years ago. It wasn't good for her. Made her more suicidal but it also wasn't weight neutral for her she lost tons of weight on it. Doctors never seemed to care.

Many drugs for bipolar make you fat. I got lucky and was put on one that often makes people lose weight (Wellbutrin) and one that's weight-neutral (Lamictal). And I did lose a little on Wellbutrin, but that was nearly two years ago.

I was fat before I ever started the drugs. I was a normal weight for my height all through high school and through my first year of college. My sophomore year, I started taking the Depo shot and gained 75 pounds in about 3-4 months. I continued taking it for about 3 years because I was clueless, and nobody told me that that kind of weight gain was abnormal.

I kept gaining weight on the Depo, and even after getting off of it, my metabolism is still fucked. I weigh about 125 pounds more now than I did when I started college.

It's very hard for me to drop weight these days, but I did start eating better after starting the Lamictal last year, and it seemed to be easier to get rid of the weight then. Unfortunately, I ended up having to stop eating that way for a bunch of reasons, so I'm right back to where I was. But I think maybe the drugs have made it a little easier to lose when I'm actually trying to lose.

 

[livin1971]

Today has been one of those days. Went to the doc and discussed meds and side effects my current one effexor is making me manic fucking up my slew, causing issues so she says well not much I can do hopefully the depakote helps stabilize your mood swings. Then tells me my cholesterol is over 300 (thats very bad). I don't fucking get it I do everything right workout losing weight and all the other crap they suggest. I don't get better but worse. If my meds were a human today I'd kick their asses. Sorry just need to verbally puke I guess.

 

[missgiter]

Today has been one of those days. Went to the doc and discussed meds and side effects my current one effexor is making me manic fucking up my slew, causing issues so she says well not much I can do hopefully the depakote helps stabilize your mood swings. Then tells me my cholesterol is over 300 (thats very bad). I don't fucking get it I do everything right workout losing weight and all the other crap they suggest. I don't get better but worse. If my meds were a human today I'd kick their asses. Sorry just need to verbally puke I guess.

I don't have any real advice for this, but I hope your day gets better. Please feel free to verbally puke anytime you need to -hugs-

 

[unknooown]

I'm bipolar with severe violence and anger problems (I was institutionalized for a year in my teens and was required to see a psychiatrist twice a month until I turned 25). Things are under control now, thanks to the help of meds. I still have episodes but I can usually tell when they're coming and get my wife/friends/family away before I do something.

My wife is a little nervous thing, has never been diagnosed (or seen a doctor) but if I had to guess (with my experience dealing with doctors, the mentally ill, and psychiatric hospitals) I'd say she has social anxiety, phono- or misophonia, and mild OCD. She handles herself just fine and has no interest in seeing a doctor but I can tell when she is uncomfortable.

So bottom line: at least I suffer from mental illness, but my wife probably does too. I don't think it has anything to do with us being into BDSM, it's just who we are.

 

[dirtywilf]

Yep, but the great thing is that once you've gone from totally unfit to fit, you know it's possible and I think that is a great motivator if you need to do it again.

This is so true! And you dont even have to be totally fit. Setting small goals and accomplishing them is a great motivator too. The group that I started my weight loss journey with would celebrate small milestones, from eating clean for x amount of days, to losing 1.2lbs that week, of course the big milestones were celebrated too, but never with food.

In honor of this thread, I am going to start doing my yoga-for-fat-people video again. I don't feel crazy, but I do lack motivation and energy to get things done, so I figure it can't hurt. Maybe I will start walking again, too, but I think I'll just start with one thing at a time.

The great thing about yoga is that everyone can do it--there's a type of yoga for every body. A lot of the benefits from yoga can be mental too; from quieting the mind with mediation to bringing up issues and looking at them from a different perspective. When do you plan on starting?

Starting out slow is good...you want to set yourself up for success. Dont try to make too many changes at once. Maybe you could set goals for yourself, like doing yoga/or whatever activity twice a week, and then build from there, and hold yourself accountable to those goals.

I was fat before I ever started the drugs. I was a normal weight for my height all through high school and through my first year of college. My sophomore year, I started taking the Depo shot and gained 75 pounds in about 3-4 months. I continued taking it for about 3 years because I was clueless, and nobody told me that that kind of weight gain was abnormal.

I kept gaining weight on the Depo, and even after getting off of it, my metabolism is still fucked. I weigh about 125 pounds more now than I did when I started college.

I had the same experience on Depo, and know a few others that have too. That and an endless period. Horrible drug IMO.

my cholesterol is over 300 (thats very bad). I don't fucking get it I do everything right workout losing weight and all the other crap they suggest. I don't get better but worse. If my meds were a human today I'd kick their asses. Sorry just need to verbally puke I guess.

Meh, for some bad cholesterol just runs in the genes. You can workout for 3 hours a day every day, and still have 'high levels of bad cholesterol' Thats not to say that the workouts dont have a benefit elsewhere. Sorry you had a bad day, everyone needs to vent, sometimes regurgitation helps.

Sending good energy and thoughts your way...and to everyone that has posted in this thread.

 

[desertslave]

Today has been one of those days. Went to the doc and discussed meds and side effects my current one effexor is making me manic fucking up my slew, causing issues so she says well not much I can do hopefully the depakote helps stabilize your mood swings. Then tells me my cholesterol is over 300 (thats very bad). I don't fucking get it I do everything right workout losing weight and all the other crap they suggest. I don't get better but worse. If my meds were a human today I'd kick their asses. Sorry just need to verbally puke I guess.

This just proves how unpredictable brain chemistry can be. I'm taking effexor to HELP my mood swings, and it's helping me pretty well. I call it my anti-homicidal-crying-jag-for-days pill.

 

[njlauren]

Thanks to everybody who responded to my question. Your answers surprised me, actually, because I'd half-convinced myself that apologizing was a bad idea.

But I really appreciate it because I genuinely had no idea what to do.

My intention is to do it. Soon, before I lose all my nerve. I had already decided that if I was going to, it would be in a non-intrusive way, like Gracie said. I'm not going to be a selfish fuck, inflicting myself on someone who may not give three shits about me and my apology and might be more hurt by me barging in than by me not doing anything at all. It's not about me, after all.

I expect nothing. It would be stupid of me to do so. I'm not asking to be allowed back into this person's life. I just want it to be known that I know I was wrong, that I am sorry for the pain I caused, and that the things that I did to this person were completely undeserved.

Anything that happens after that is entirely up to the other person. I expect it to be our last communication, and I want it to be known that I am truly sorry because I fucked up tremendously. That's all.

I have always been told that apologizing and making amends is kind of like forgiveness, that it is not just about the person asking for forgiveness or the ones being apologized to, but for the person who was transgressor (apologizing) or victim (forgiveness), to allow them to to start healing. When you forgive someone you can hopefully stop obsessing with what they did and move on, and with apologizing it is a way to start forgiving yourself.

 

[desertslave]

I have always been told that apologizing and making amends is kind of like forgiveness, that it is not just about the person asking for forgiveness or the ones being apologized to, but for the person who was transgressor (apologizing) or victim (forgiveness), to allow them to to start healing. When you forgive someone you can hopefully stop obsessing with what they did and move on, and with apologizing it is a way to start forgiving yourself.

Very wise words indeed!

 

[njlauren]

Today has been one of those days. Went to the doc and discussed meds and side effects my current one effexor is making me manic fucking up my slew, causing issues so she says well not much I can do hopefully the depakote helps stabilize your mood swings. Then tells me my cholesterol is over 300 (thats very bad). I don't fucking get it I do everything right workout losing weight and all the other crap they suggest. I don't get better but worse. If my meds were a human today I'd kick their asses. Sorry just need to verbally puke I guess.

Unfortunately Cholesterol is one of those things that the doctors are still not sure what all the answers are. At first they pushed the idea that dietary cholesterol was the answer to heart disease, then they started seeing there wasn't that clear a link; they discovered HDL and LDL and decided the golden ration was what it was all about, and then started pushing drugs that would raise the HDL level, and now in the Lancet (Brit medical journal) they just discovered that pushing up the HDL doesn't do jack in terms of preventing heart disease (it looks like there are people with high HDL who do well in terms of heart disease, but apparently whatever causes their HDL is what makes for heart health, not the HDL level itself. Then they discovered that part of the answer is not the level but how cholesterol can block the arteries, which led to folic acid as a preventative. Plus it wouldn't surprise me given the strain those meds put on the liver, if it isn't causing the liver to produce more cholesterol (which after all does have a purpose, it is an active transport system to clean crap out of your system). You could potentially work out 5 hours a day and your cholesterol would be up there, my dad weighed within 5 pounds of what he did coming out of the army after WWII as a combat soldier, he ate a diet that most doctors would nod their heads at, and yet his cholesterol levels were 290+.....

Execrcise alone prob wouldn't do much, I would talk to your doctor about standard stuff doctors are recommending, like folic acid, fish oil (which may or may not help, but sure helps with the nails and hair), coq10 and possibly red rice yeast, which is a natural statin compound that many doctors use in place of things like lipitor and the like....I am not a doctor, and you need to talk to one in case any of those kinds of things could be indicated against taking the other meds you do....

 

[BiBunny]

Today has been one of those days. Went to the doc and discussed meds and side effects my current one effexor is making me manic fucking up my slew, causing issues so she says well not much I can do hopefully the depakote helps stabilize your mood swings. Then tells me my cholesterol is over 300 (thats very bad). I don't fucking get it I do everything right workout losing weight and all the other crap they suggest. I don't get better but worse. If my meds were a human today I'd kick their asses. Sorry just need to verbally puke I guess.

Hang in there. Antidepressant-induced mania is a bitch. If the Depakote doesn't cut it, call that doctor back, and if she doesn't help, find you another one. I have faith in you.

I'm bipolar with severe violence and anger problems (I was institutionalized for a year in my teens and was required to see a psychiatrist twice a month until I turned 25). Things are under control now, thanks to the help of meds. I still have episodes but I can usually tell when they're coming and get my wife/friends/family away before I do something.

My wife is a little nervous thing, has never been diagnosed (or seen a doctor) but if I had to guess (with my experience dealing with doctors, the mentally ill, and psychiatric hospitals) I'd say she has social anxiety, phono- or misophonia, and mild OCD. She handles herself just fine and has no interest in seeing a doctor but I can tell when she is uncomfortable.

So bottom line: at least I suffer from mental illness, but my wife probably does too. I don't think it has anything to do with us being into BDSM, it's just who we are.

Welcome to the club.

The great thing about yoga is that everyone can do it--there's a type of yoga for every body. A lot of the benefits from yoga can be mental too; from quieting the mind with mediation to bringing up issues and looking at them from a different perspective. When do you plan on starting?

Starting out slow is good...you want to set yourself up for success. Dont try to make too many changes at once. Maybe you could set goals for yourself, like doing yoga/or whatever activity twice a week, and then build from there, and hold yourself accountable to those goals.

I had the same experience on Depo, and know a few others that have too. That and an endless period. Horrible drug IMO.

Planning on starting next week. I have SO much to get done by the 1st, but after that, I'm on it.

And, yes, Depo sucked hard. I didn't have the endless period thing, but I'd get practically suicidal when it got to be 2 or 3 weeks before I was supposed to get my shot. Every. Damn. Time. Took a long time to detox off that shit.

I have always been told that apologizing and making amends is kind of like forgiveness, that it is not just about the person asking for forgiveness or the ones being apologized to, but for the person who was transgressor (apologizing) or victim (forgiveness), to allow them to to start healing. When you forgive someone you can hopefully stop obsessing with what they did and move on, and with apologizing it is a way to start forgiving yourself.

This makes a lot of sense. Thank you so much.

Execrcise alone prob wouldn't do much, I would talk to your doctor about standard stuff doctors are recommending, like folic acid, fish oil (which may or may not help, but sure helps with the nails and hair), coq10 and possibly red rice yeast, which is a natural statin compound that many doctors use in place of things like lipitor and the like....I am not a doctor, and you need to talk to one in case any of those kinds of things could be indicated against taking the other meds you do....

If I remember correctly, anticonvulsants (like Depakote, Lamictal, et al) are pretty bad about leaching your body of folic acid. I had no idea that that would affect your cholesterol, though. Learn something new every day!

 

[graceanne]

Yesterday I took both my kids to the psychiatrist.

One has ADHD, Depression and probably other things that haven't been diagnosed.

The other one is my "easy" child in comparison but has social anxiety and depression.

Today, I'm feeling pretty beat down at their level's of depression which are as high or higher than they've ever been.

Wow. I'm so sorry. *hugs*

Today has been one of those days. Went to the doc and discussed meds and side effects my current one effexor is making me manic fucking up my slew, causing issues so she says well not much I can do hopefully the depakote helps stabilize your mood swings. Then tells me my cholesterol is over 300 (thats very bad). I don't fucking get it I do everything right workout losing weight and all the other crap they suggest. I don't get better but worse. If my meds were a human today I'd kick their asses. Sorry just need to verbally puke I guess.

Yeah, I can see that pissing you off. Talk about a shitty day.

 

[Netzach]

causing issues so she says well not much I can do

Always easier said than done, but this is where I consider seeing someone else. Maybe not divorcing her, but seeing someone else, you know?

 

[livin1971]

I don't have any real advice for this, but I hope your day gets better. Please feel free to verbally puke anytime you need to -hugs-

Thank you missgliter It helps sometimes just to vent. I get frustrated with the whole dam system. The Army and VA are so slow to do anything.

 

[livin1971]

Thank you too dirtywilf I can use some good energy. Hugs. I agree I'm doing it right but I guess the genes are bad. So its just more meds and keep doing it right trying to trudge the road of happy destiny.

 

[livin1971]

This just proves how unpredictable brain chemistry can be. I'm taking effexor to HELP my mood swings, and it's helping me pretty well. I call it my anti-homicidal-crying-jag-for-days pill.

LMAFO I have been through so many and they have not worked at all or quit working. I just was frustrated with the whole thing. Today is better. Sometimes I just get angry and frustrated that i take about 15 different meds a day. Makes me feel like a pill popping junky. Today is going to be a good day.

 

[livin1971]

Unfortunately Cholesterol is one of those things that the doctors are still not sure what all the answers are. At first they pushed the idea that dietary cholesterol was the answer to heart disease, then they started seeing there wasn't that clear a link; they discovered HDL and LDL and decided the golden ration was what it was all about, and then started pushing drugs that would raise the HDL level, and now in the Lancet (Brit medical journal) they just discovered that pushing up the HDL doesn't do jack in terms of preventing heart disease (it looks like there are people with high HDL who do well in terms of heart disease, but apparently whatever causes their HDL is what makes for heart health, not the HDL level itself. Then they discovered that part of the answer is not the level but how cholesterol can block the arteries, which led to folic acid as a preventative. Plus it wouldn't surprise me given the strain those meds put on the liver, if it isn't causing the liver to produce more cholesterol (which after all does have a purpose, it is an active transport system to clean crap out of your system). You could potentially work out 5 hours a day and your cholesterol would be up there, my dad weighed within 5 pounds of what he did coming out of the army after WWII as a combat soldier, he ate a diet that most doctors would nod their heads at, and yet his cholesterol levels were 290+.....

Execrcise alone prob wouldn't do much, I would talk to your doctor about standard stuff doctors are recommending, like folic acid, fish oil (which may or may not help, but sure helps with the nails and hair), coq10 and possibly red rice yeast, which is a natural statin compound that many doctors use in place of things like lipitor and the like....I am not a doctor, and you need to talk to one in case any of those kinds of things could be indicated against taking the other meds you do....

Thank you I will. What I want to happen is have all my doctors and there is a lot of them all set together and discuss with me a better way to do everything. We have tired everything in the box it's time to think outside it.

 

[livin1971]

Hang in there. Antidepressant-induced mania is a bitch. If the Depakote doesn't cut it, call that doctor back, and if she doesn't help, find you another one. I have faith in you.

I will try everything was just down and angry with it all. We have bad days its nice to find somewhere I can vent and others get it. If the Doc still has a whatever attitude I'll find a different one who will help. I'm not afraid of firing my Doc.

 

[livin1971]

Wow. I'm so sorry. *hugs*



Yeah, I can see that pissing you off. Talk about a shitty day.

Yeah it did but today I'm good and will find away to beat all of this. hugs to you too.

 

[livin1971]

Sorry for all the posts but not quite talented enough to figure out how to do multiple replies yet. Thanks everyone for the advice and support. hugs to all.

 

[Cattypuss]

My machine of choice at the gym is the Precor AMT. A sort-of supercharged elliptical/stepper. When I use it I tend to imitate an uphill running motion, with long, deep strides. And what with this thread being on my mind tonight at the gym, it struck me while I was on the AMT that I am almost literally running away from my depresssion

 

[livin1971]

My machine of choice at the gym is the Precor AMT. A sort-of supercharged elliptical/stepper. When I use it I tend to imitate an uphill running motion, with long, deep strides. And what with this thread being on my mind tonight at the gym, it struck me while I was on the AMT that I am almost literally running away from my depresssion

Thats a wonderful thought.

 

[eviledna]

my 2 pence worth

Hi,
I have read the forums here for a while and just had to join in with this, I suffered with depression for about 7 years, although in truth I concider myself to be living with it rather than cured. I have noticed a trend, a lot of people from the alternative sides of life have a high percentage of depression. ILve thought about it a lot wondering why this is and have come to some conclussions of my own. When you live a non conformist life in modern society you open yourself up to a lot of abuse and ignorance. A lot of my depression came about when I tried to change ,yself to 'fit in'better. It was like trying to live a duel life and it was a huge factor in my illness. My recovery really only started when I acepted that I am and always will be a large build lady with heavy gothic tendancies, who loves t
o dance, is possibly a bit bonkers and likes kinky sex. Once I stopped trying to be what others thougt I should be I found my recovery went much smoother. With the support of a good counciller I got off medication and have not looked back. When you are comfortable in your own skin mental illness, at least for me became easier to control. Prehaps if society backed off and let Goths, metalers, gays, BDsm practitioners etc get on with their lives instead of ridiculing and isolating them depression rates would drop.

 

[FurryFury]

I agree.

*hugs*

Hi,
I have read the forums here for a while and just had to join in with this, I suffered with depression for about 7 years, although in truth I concider myself to be living with it rather than cured. I have noticed a trend, a lot of people from the alternative sides of life have a high percentage of depression. ILve thought about it a lot wondering why this is and have come to some conclussions of my own. When you live a non conformist life in modern society you open yourself up to a lot of abuse and ignorance. A lot of my depression came about when I tried to change ,yself to 'fit in'better. It was like trying to live a duel life and it was a huge factor in my illness. My recovery really only started when I acepted that I am and always will be a large build lady with heavy gothic tendancies, who loves t
o dance, is possibly a bit bonkers and likes kinky sex. Once I stopped trying to be what others thougt I should be I found my recovery went much smoother. With the support of a good counciller I got off medication and have not looked back. When you are comfortable in your own skin mental illness, at least for me became easier to control. Prehaps if society backed off and let Goths, metalers, gays, BDsm practitioners etc get on with their lives instead of ridiculing and isolating them depression rates would drop.

 

[FurryFury]

So my girl remains spacey, more so than I've ever seen. It's been since late May that she got back from a trip overseas and my wordsmith, warrior girl has no words to even describe how she is feeling. The meds have improved her mood overall but she just doesn't seem very functional.

Makes me wonder about those high fevers and heat stroke issues. How much of her brain was damaged?

Her university OTOH is treating her like a toxic person which she is not. They've wrongly labeled her. I will be dealing with them.

In other news, my son is feeling much more positive too. Now that some difficult things have been taken care of that he was dreading.

And my mother, she hasn't called in a while. I think I hurt her feelings by telling her answering machine that no, she could NOT bring over a car load of items for the 4th. Our house can't hold much more but we do hope she will be able to join us and she can bring one item.

I've not filled her in on what is happening with us because I know she would go into car load mode if I did.

Meanwhile, I'm totally exhausted but I need to continue to take care of everyone and clean the house. Yay.

FF

 

[NightSlut]

FF, oh when there is something not quite right with our kids... It's horrible! I hope you find some peace and happiness today and always.

And to answer your original question, I believe that the brain can get sick like any other organ in the human body and mental illness is nothing more than ILLNESS. And that there are a heck of a lot of undiagnosed mentally ill people out there walking around.