Mental Illness

[Ropebunny]

This has been a challenging week. I returned from a weekend away with my mother last week exhausted and enlightened. Turns out it’s much easier to view someone small behaviour objectively when you spend 48 hours straight with them! Since then I’ve been compulsively researching to make sense of what I’ve seen and know, and have been remembering many events and feelings. It seems highly likely that my mother is a covert narcissist who emotionally and psychologically abused me.

Everything looks different now. It’s like finally getting glasses with the right prescription - this is what the world actually is and looks like, but I couldn’t see it till now. The way I am makes sense, why I don’t understand things that most others do, and why I understand some things that many others don’t. It’s also very nice to know that I’m not going crazy - I can now see that this realisation was a long time coming and was probably the cause of the wild, uncontrollable mood swings and feeling of impending doom I’d been struggling with for some months beforehand. It also explains the 3 depressive episodes I’ve had during my life and also my general pessimistic outlook.

Unfortunately the other half is away at the moment (a weekend with friends planned long ago) and while I was ok yesterday I’m starting to get anxious. I know why (it’s attachment based) and I know that it’s not really due to the current situation but goddamn it I can’t reason the actual feeling away. I hate how sometimes self care only gets you so far.

 

[sherbetburps]

Ropebunny that sounds really rough, but it’s so good that you’re seeing her behaviour for what it is. I have a dear friend who had a narcissistic mother and it left her with deep scars. I’m not sure if it’s of interest to you but I know she has found r/raisedbynarcissists to be a source of support, clarification and solidarity amongst likeminded people. As much as any subreddit can be, I guess. Keep looking after yourself well, I hope your other half is home soon and can give you the comfort and TLC you need during such stormy weather!

Thank you sherbetburps and welcome!

Thank you so much, Sally

 

[sally_sparrow]

.....

 

[sherbetburps]

.....

Sincerely sorry if I said something daft. I’ll lurk more.

 

[sally_sparrow]

Sincerely sorry if I said something daft. I’ll lurk more.

Not at all. I just decided to remove something I posted

 

[sherbetburps]

Not at all. I just decided to remove something I posted

Phew, I was racking my brain! Hope your weekend treated you very well

 

[Catshadow]

Hello I am a sub with clinical depression, anxiety issues, and ptsd from past abuse. Do I think any of this lead me to this lifestyle? Not really in fact sense my husband/dom and I ventured down this road my ptsd has gotten better. I think being submissive lead me into abusive relationships in the past as I didn't fully understand what I wanted and needed.

I truly think abuse and or mental illness is just the uninformed's way to marginalize a way of living they can't understand much like with the LBGTQ community. If you don't understand it then something must be wrong about it.

If my husband and I hadn't found BDSM, we would have gotten divorced. We weren't communicating well and were just falling apart.

I have been telling my son as long as all persons involved are of age and agree there is absolutely nothing wrong with any form of sexually activity.

I'm lucky in that my medical team are all open minded where my kink is involved.

 

[sally_sparrow]

Hello I am a sub with clinical depression, anxiety issues, and ptsd from past abuse. Do I think any of this lead me to this lifestyle? Not really in fact sense my husband/dom and I ventured down this road my ptsd has gotten better. I think being submissive lead me into abusive relationships in the past as I didn't fully understand what I wanted and needed.

I truly think abuse and or mental illness is just the uninformed's way to marginalize a way of living they can't understand much like with the LBGTQ community. If you don't understand it then something must be wrong about it.

If my husband and I hadn't found BDSM, we would have gotten divorced. We weren't communicating well and were just falling apart.

I have been telling my son as long as all persons involved are of age and agree there is absolutely nothing wrong with any form of sexually activity.

I'm lucky in that my medical team are all open minded where my kink is involved.

It sounds like you and your husband have rekindled that connection. I'm so very happy to hear that! I also think it is great that you talk so openly about it with your healthcare providers and that they are accepting. That is not easy to find. Best of luck to you catshadow.

 

[vidiman]

mentality

The psychology of life became really interesting to me - during and after having a good number of years of relationship therapy.

For me this was the best education i ever got in a meaningful way.

Not 100% sure where this is going but just felt good that there was a thread dedicated to the MH side of 'life'

Certainly something I'd be happy to discussion more detail - as I still suffer with 'myself' and presently it is affecting my 'work / business' (self employed / business owner'

 

[Stillrandy]

This Covid-19 mess isn't helping anything....

 

[sally_sparrow]

This Covid-19 mess isn't helping anything....

It is making everyone crazy... I have concerns just as anyone. My business is about to be forced to shut its doors. Schools are closed for what looks like the remainder of the school year (I have 2 school age children). I own a business so I am incredibly worried about what is to come in the next few weeks.

What concerns me most of all is my mother who has chronic lymphocytic leukemia. I received a text from her this morning saying she has a low grade fever, but she needs to be seen ASAP if it reaches 100.4. She has absolutely no immunity to this virus. I've been told not to tell my Dad who is scrambling with his business since it has been mandated to close. I am so so worried about my mom and cannot stop thinking about her. I can't even see her as she is in isolation for a few weeks.

I am of the mindset that the media is creating the hysteria, but this situation is seriously rocking my boat .

 

[twister947]

(((Sally)))

 

[Beth87]

I'm finding the positives. Parents self isolating..im self isolating until we get lockdown. No reason to speak to their toxic asses for months *whoop*

 

[Beth87]

The psychology of life became really interesting to me - during and after having a good number of years of relationship therapy.

For me this was the best education i ever got in a meaningful way.

Not 100% sure where this is going but just felt good that there was a thread dedicated to the MH side of 'life'

Certainly something I'd be happy to discussion more detail - as I still suffer with 'myself' and presently it is affecting my 'work / business' (self employed / business owner'

This is very much true for me too. I didn't start out wanting to be in my profession at all. Then I had some really good trauma therapy and I wanted to break the system and help others. Some of those things have been achieved and others are pending but happening slowly.

 

[vidiman]

This is very much true for me too. I didn't start out wanting to be in my profession at all. Then I had some really good trauma therapy and I wanted to break the system and help others. Some of those things have been achieved and others are pending but happening slowly.

Interesting

Are you studying to work with 'psychology' ' therapist' that kinda thing?

I worked with a company that offered therapy and also training (i videoed some of their exam / consultations) - was a good experience, not sure my mind / brain works how maybe it needs to to be a therapist.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I didn't get dressed today, and I've been crying a lot. And come to think of it, i haven't eaten anything.

I'm not especially freaked out about covid, it's just one more thing tossed onto the pile and i don't have any reserves.

It's shocking how quickly depression can overtake me. It's a battle, you know? And today I'm tired.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I slept ten hours last night. I'm going to make today better than yesterday.

 

[cookiecat]

I feel so depressed these days. Everything just overwhelms me... Work, relationships, everything....

Are you getting help?

 

[cookiecat]

It is making everyone crazy... I have concerns just as anyone. My business is about to be forced to shut its doors. Schools are closed for what looks like the remainder of the school year (I have 2 school age children). I own a business so I am incredibly worried about what is to come in the next few weeks.

What concerns me most of all is my mother who has chronic lymphocytic leukemia. I received a text from her this morning saying she has a low grade fever, but she needs to be seen ASAP if it reaches 100.4. She has absolutely no immunity to this virus. I've been told not to tell my Dad who is scrambling with his business since it has been mandated to close. I am so so worried about my mom and cannot stop thinking about her. I can't even see her as she is in isolation for a few weeks.

I am of the mindset that the media is creating the hysteria, but this situation is seriously rocking my boat .

Not being able to see your mom! Such a scary time, Sally.

 

[cookiecat]

I didn't get dressed today, and I've been crying a lot. And come to think of it, i haven't eaten anything.

I'm not especially freaked out about covid, it's just one more thing tossed onto the pile and i don't have any reserves.

It's shocking how quickly depression can overtake me. It's a battle, you know? And today I'm tired.

I slept ten hours last night. I'm going to make today better than yesterday.

Baby steps. Hope today is better.

 

[Dreamliner]

Sally, W_Honey, Soulp, do you have a person you can pick-up the phone and talk with? You no doubt have friends here that will talk with you, no judgement, they will listen.


All, have you spoken with your neighbour recently, perhaps today we should all start. It is simple, knock on the door, and talk. Ask them, are they okay. Listen to them, often that is all a person is wanting, someone to listen.

 

[Catshadow]

Don't be so quick to dismiss the PTSD. It can have major negative effects on your life if ignored.

 

[sally_sparrow]

(((Sally)))

Not being able to see your mom! Such a scary time, Sally.

Sally, W_Honey, Soulp, do you have a person you can pick-up the phone and talk with? You no doubt have friends here that will talk with you, no judgement, they will listen.


All, have you spoken with your neighbour recently, perhaps today we should all start. It is simple, knock on the door, and talk. Ask them, are they okay. Listen to them, often that is all a person is wanting, someone to listen.

I did not mean to blurt all of that out but man it sucks. Thanks for the kind words. I'm still really down. I Skype with friends and family daily but I HATE not having human contact. It is a very lonely time right now. So much has changed in my life so suddenly and it is hard to cope. I hate that so many are feeling the same way or similar.

 

[Stillrandy]

This roller coaster is a son-of-a-bitch (and I don't even use those words in public...).

Breaking out crying for no proximate reason at all...

 

[FurryFury]

*Gentle Hugs*

This roller coaster is a son-of-a-bitch (and I don't even use those words in public...).

Breaking out crying for no proximate reason at all...