Mental Illness

[Wanderer0327]

Me too. I'd LOVE to rebuild with my mother if only she'd get to that point that she could be reliable or even just damn care.

I had to go pick up my girl from an emergency room several hours away yesterday. Scary.

I do not have her issues but seriously, how hard can it be to take meds, eat regularly and sleep? Or to KNOW that you can't handle two trips so close together and set limits?!?

This burning bridges thing is killing me.

Sorry to hear about the ER run. I spent every other weekend (or more) with my stbxw in one of several regional ERs. Tore me up every time. I knew I was helpless to do anything but stand by and witness her pain. Still tears me up thinking about it. I believe that 80-90% of her pain is somatic, a manifestation of her depression that she thinks she can handle with meds alone. She just started going to a therapist and I hope it works for her. Maybe, just maybe my filing for divorce has convinced her that she can't solve her issues with meds alone.

My stbxw's daughter was supposed to be taking a bunch of meds including antidepressants but she would fight the whole time. My stbxw cleaned her room one time and found a bunch of the meds in the trashcan and under the bed. Just another bit of agony for my stbxw to try to endure.

The best you can do IMHO is to make sure her meds are set out for her each day, and to prep at least one or two meals for the two of you each day. That's what I did. At some point it really does come down to the individual with the disorder taking responsibility for themselves.

For me the meds helped with the depression and the hypomania but at a cost. I lost the hypomanic (sexual energy primarily with some euphoria) high that I had lived on for so long. I also put on weight like there was no tomorrow (kicked up the depression.) But I finally accepted that my situation was like having high blood pressure and I needed to just accept that I had to take the meds every day just like vitamins. I've also maintained daily emotional and dosage logs for over two years. They have helped me to keep a conscious track of both what meds I am on and how I seem to be responding to them daily. It helps me to keep everything straight so that I can be a better patient with my P-doc and therapists.

You're in my thoughts and prayers. Be sure to take care of yourself, Furry.

 

[Wanderer0327]

Not only take your meds make sure you eat every 3-4 hrs ...I had ADHD rebound because of where the meds start to wear off and my blood sugar was low...

Good, solid advice!

 

[FurryFury]

My daugther took some steps backwards today. I was thinking of giving her, her phone back tomorrow but now it's not looking good.

My mother OTOH, is trying to demand I call her tonight and let her come over so she can "help". I can't trust her to ever show up but she wants to spend the night, have my girl come live with her to help. NOPE.

And she wants to cat sit when I go on vacay. Nope. She will never have a key to my home ever again for my own peace of mind.

And it is NOT my job to make her feel worthwhile or helpful when she is all about her and not realistic in anyway. No matter how much I love her and want her to give a damn to get better. Not my monkeys not my circus!

Because when I did try to do what I could for her she just tried to drag me down. She is literally toxic to me. She can't be nice for more than a minute. Can't. Nope.

My child and my cats are more important than my mom's feelings and needs to me. Yep. I said it.

Sorry to hear about the ER run. I spent every other weekend (or more) with my stbxw in one of several regional ERs. Tore me up every time. I knew I was helpless to do anything but stand by and witness her pain. Still tears me up thinking about it. I believe that 80-90% of her pain is somatic, a manifestation of her depression that she thinks she can handle with meds alone. She just started going to a therapist and I hope it works for her. Maybe, just maybe my filing for divorce has convinced her that she can't solve her issues with meds alone.

My stbxw's daughter was supposed to be taking a bunch of meds including antidepressants but she would fight the whole time. My stbxw cleaned her room one time and found a bunch of the meds in the trashcan and under the bed. Just another bit of agony for my stbxw to try to endure.

The best you can do IMHO is to make sure her meds are set out for her each day, and to prep at least one or two meals for the two of you each day. That's what I did. At some point it really does come down to the individual with the disorder taking responsibility for themselves.

For me the meds helped with the depression and the hypomania but at a cost. I lost the hypomanic (sexual energy primarily with some euphoria) high that I had lived on for so long. I also put on weight like there was no tomorrow (kicked up the depression.) But I finally accepted that my situation was like having high blood pressure and I needed to just accept that I had to take the meds every day just like vitamins. I've also maintained daily emotional and dosage logs for over two years. They have helped me to keep a conscious track of both what meds I am on and how I seem to be responding to them daily. It helps me to keep everything straight so that I can be a better patient with my P-doc and therapists.

You're in my thoughts and prayers. Be sure to take care of yourself, Furry.

 

[BiBunny]

For someone who prides herself on the distance she has come, I still have a complete lack of insight into my own moods--which, as you can imagine, is entirely unhelpful.

It occurred to me today that maybe I might be depressed again. So just for the hell of it, I went through the Psych Central "Are You Depressed?" quiz (because it keeps pretty close to the DSM criteria, from what I can tell). There I was, thinking I'd score "mildly depressed," and then as I went through answering questions, I realized that, ok, yeah, maybe it's more than "mildly."

When the results came back, I basically got the "You are so severely depressed that you need to take your ass to the doctor immediately" result.

And, I mean, now that I think about it, it fits. It's just...what does it say about me and my personal beliefs about "normalcy" that I think anything less than actively planning my own death is "mildly depressed"?

*Sigh*

Once more unto the breach, dear friends. Once more.

 

[Wanderer0327]

BiBunny, sorry to hear it. I know what you mean though. There've been more than a few times over the past several months that I thought, "I'm a little depressed... maybe." But when I started looking over my mood journal I could see the steady decline and figured out that I needed to see my P-doc ASAP. I'll be thinking of ya and sending positive thoughts your way.

 

[ecstaticsub]

For someone who prides herself on the distance she has come, I still have a complete lack of insight into my own moods--which, as you can imagine, is entirely unhelpful.

It occurred to me today that maybe I might be depressed again. So just for the hell of it, I went through the Psych Central "Are You Depressed?" quiz (because it keeps pretty close to the DSM criteria, from what I can tell). There I was, thinking I'd score "mildly depressed," and then as I went through answering questions, I realized that, ok, yeah, maybe it's more than "mildly."

When the results came back, I basically got the "You are so severely depressed that you need to take your ass to the doctor immediately" result.

And, I mean, now that I think about it, it fits. It's just...what does it say about me and my personal beliefs about "normalcy" that I think anything less than actively planning my own death is "mildly depressed"?

*Sigh*

Once more unto the breach, dear friends. Once more.

Yeah, I get this. My therapist is gone for a week and I had to work extra hours so I've missed two weeks of therapy. I was thinking before that I was doing so well I could cut back to just once a month. No, no I can't. Why is it that everytime I am unable to see my therapist something big happens that makes me need to see her?

Bibunny are you able to get into your doctor soon?

 

[ecstaticsub]

My daugther took some steps backwards today. I was thinking of giving her, her phone back tomorrow but now it's not looking good.

My mother OTOH, is trying to demand I call her tonight and let her come over so she can "help". I can't trust her to ever show up but she wants to spend the night, have my girl come live with her to help. NOPE.

And she wants to cat sit when I go on vacay. Nope. She will never have a key to my home ever again for my own peace of mind.

And it is NOT my job to make her feel worthwhile or helpful when she is all about her and not realistic in anyway. No matter how much I love her and want her to give a damn to get better. Not my monkeys not my circus!

Because when I did try to do what I could for her she just tried to drag me down. She is literally toxic to me. She can't be nice for more than a minute. Can't. Nope.

My child and my cats are more important than my mom's feelings and needs to me. Yep. I said it.

Good for you doing what you need to do to protect your sanity (and protect your cat)

I may have missed it but are your children going on vacation with you?

hugs..always

 

[BiBunny]

BiBunny, sorry to hear it. I know what you mean though. There've been more than a few times over the past several months that I thought, "I'm a little depressed... maybe." But when I started looking over my mood journal I could see the steady decline and figured out that I needed to see my P-doc ASAP. I'll be thinking of ya and sending positive thoughts your way.

Thank you.

Yeah, I get this. My therapist is gone for a week and I had to work extra hours so I've missed two weeks of therapy. I was thinking before that I was doing so well I could cut back to just once a month. No, no I can't. Why is it that everytime I am unable to see my therapist something big happens that makes me need to see her?

Bibunny are you able to get into your doctor soon?

Oh, bless you. I hope you can see your therapist ASAP. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you and the good vibes coming your way in the meantime.

And, yes, I do intend to see the doctor in the next couple of weeks. We shall see what becomes of it.


Good wishes and good luck to everyone in the thread who need them.

 

[FurryFury]

Yes my adult kids are going on vacation with me.

My girl is doing better thank goodness.

I wrote a note to my mother which basically said, I didn't ask for help I'm just trying to keep you in the loop. I know she will be butt hurt but there isn't much I can do about that.

Yesterday I took all of my girl's money out of her accounts and moved it so she can't mess up her financial situation any worse than she already has.

Good for you doing what you need to do to protect your sanity (and protect your cat)

I may have missed it but are your children going on vacation with you?

hugs..always

 

[FurryFury]

Psychiatrist appointment today, hoping this will allow for a diagnosis and treatment plan.

 

[FurryFury]

Bi polar is the diagnosis. At least we have some idea of where to go with this for now. I know she has had some manic episodes not sure about the low, lows though.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Bi polar is the diagnosis. At least we have some idea of where to go with this for now. I know she has had some manic episodes not sure about the low, lows though.

<Hugs>

 

[BiBunny]

Bi polar is the diagnosis. At least we have some idea of where to go with this for now. I know she has had some manic episodes not sure about the low, lows though.

Technically, all that's required for a BP diagnosis is a manic episode.

Best of luck to you and your daughter.

 

[FurryFury]

Thanks. Right back atcha.

<Hugs>

Thanks.

Yeah, she isn't buying it. She thinks it's depressive psychosis. She thinks her highs are high enough or last long enough. Idk.

Technically, all that's required for a BP diagnosis is a manic episode.

Best of luck to you and your daughter.

 

[FurryFury]

So you have to keep trying right? You have to keep hoping that this time there won't be some disaster right?

You can't keep them locked up in the house right?

And yes, my girl is at her apartment, new apartment, fresh start with all kinds of papers and check lists and a list of priorities. I hope she can keep it together until Friday.

*crossing fingers*

 

[FurryFury]

Is there a point at which a person with mental illness says to themselves, I want to be healthy and independent so this is what I must learn to do? (Eat, sleep and take meds correctly?)

 

[ecstaticsub]

So you have to keep trying right? You have to keep hoping that this time there won't be some disaster right?

You can't keep them locked up in the house right?

And yes, my girl is at her apartment, new apartment, fresh start with all kinds of papers and check lists and a list of priorities. I hope she can keep it together until Friday.

*crossing fingers*

The best thing in the long run is to help them be as independent as possible, then take a deep breath and let go.

A friend of my mother's is 70 yr old. She has two daughters who still live at home with her. Both are in their late 30's early 40's. One is bipolar, the other has had developmental delays since childhood. The mom was always too afraid to let either of them go out on their own. In her defense, I will say when the kids were in their very early 20's she tried and their were very difficult times. But instead of continuing to try she just kept them home. They aren't working or helping around the house. The mom is now terrified at the thought that the kids would be unable to survive if something happened to her. Yet not terrified enough to start searching for solutions.

I believe that we do our best to prepare our kids including nagging for a little while about meds but eventually we have to let go. It's better when they are younger than when they are in their 40's.

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you

 

[ecstaticsub]

Is there a point at which a person with mental illness says to themselves, I want to be healthy and independent so this is what I must learn to do? (Eat, sleep and take meds correctly?)

Yes, but I think there will always be lapses where they forget their meds, or decide the side effects aren't worth it, or are too depressed to get out of bed to eat, or sleep too much or not sleep enough.

Then there will be times that they will seem 100% okay. We just have to hope that is the majority of the time and the lapses are infrequent and short.

 

[FurryFury]

Dang it. I'm sure you are too right. *hugs*

Yes, but I think there will always be lapses where they forget their meds, or decide the side effects aren't worth it, or are too depressed to get out of bed to eat, or sleep too much or not sleep enough.

Then there will be times that they will seem 100% okay. We just have to hope that is the majority of the time and the lapses are infrequent and short.

 

[BiBunny]

Is there a point at which a person with mental illness says to themselves, I want to be healthy and independent so this is what I must learn to do? (Eat, sleep and take meds correctly?)

Yes.

The problem is that until they do, anything that happens up until that point is just putting a Band-Aid on the problem.

I had a "friend" like that. I tried desperately to help her. I'm still under a mountain of debt that was created almost entirely by my paying for her meds, her doctors' appointments, carting her around to them, etc. She got much better help than I ever did, and I'll likely never get it paid off.

In return, she couldn't be arsed to even learn how and when she was supposed to take her medication.

When I realized that all I was doing was enabling her (and making myself sick in the process), I had to let it go. She didn't want help. She didn't want to get better. She wanted someone to make excuses for her and take responsibility for her and someone to do all the work for her while she sat on her ass, smoked weed, and played WoW.

The unfortunate truth is that you can't help someone until they're ready to help themselves. Anything you do up until that point is simply enabling their shitty behavior.

 

[FurryFury]

I'm so sorry that happened with your friend BiBunny.

I feel I'm sort of going through something similar with my girl. She claims she cares about things but what she gives off is an attitude of "So I was in the emergency room, big deal, why are you blowing it up?"

And she has a "I can do whatever I want no matter how far fetched" attitude too with no regard to practicalities or safety. I guess that's somewhat manic. So much of what I can now call manic could also be ADHD. That's how I've seen it before now.

She used to be very good with money but has been running through money she inherited. I moved that money a week ago to where she can't touch it anymore and put her on a $30 a week cash allowance. Anything else has to go through me and I hate it. She doesn't seem to care except to tell me what she wants.

I don't want to pay her bills for her from her money. Its a lot more work and trouble for me but damn it to her "money means nothing" and she was doing some strange things. I had to return so many packages of expensive crap she had ordered from Amazon last week.

Currently she has a blow up bed and a card table since she went from a furnish apartment to one unfurnished. I also got her two lamps. She can "earn" other things by not having an episode which can do by taking care of herself. One hour of lost sleep or even caffeine could cause her to careen into an episode.

She wants to travel and "be free" but travel without one of us almost always leads to hospitalization the last three years or so.

"All" she needs to do is to take her meds correctly, eat regular meals that are hopefully balanced and healthy (she did lose 50 pounds just from eating salads more recently) and sleep enough. It doesn't seem that hard to me but to her it is apparently "impossible" so many things are "impossible" to her.

She hates limits and restrictions. Thinks they are superficial and stupid. That's why she does better when she is here with us but she hates being here and wants to be on her own.We want her on her own too.

Is it wrong that when I heard sounds in the house the other night I nearly jumped up in a panic thinking she might be trying to run out the door naked or something again? Then when I realized she was her new apartment and only my husband, my son and I were home (albeit with the cats), therefore nothing was panic worthy I could relax?

I think part of her attitude is "This stuff is just going to happen so why should I try or care? I'll just carry on and ignore it."

She is not currently in a psychotic or manic state as far as I can tell, she seems to be tracking fairly well, but those horrible spells we recently dealt with are ingrained in me now.

She is not pleasant to have around most of the time. She is annoyed by us a great deal, or trying to manipulate us, breaking things, leaving messes which she "doesn't know she did" which is why I tell her no candles or incense there is way too much "she doesn't know or pay any attention to" that could end in disaster. She thinks I'm stupid to worry.

*grr*

Yes.

The problem is that until they do, anything that happens up until that point is just putting a Band-Aid on the problem.

I had a "friend" like that. I tried desperately to help her. I'm still under a mountain of debt that was created almost entirely by my paying for her meds, her doctors' appointments, carting her around to them, etc. She got much better help than I ever did, and I'll likely never get it paid off.

In return, she couldn't be arsed to even learn how and when she was supposed to take her medication.

When I realized that all I was doing was enabling her (and making myself sick in the process), I had to let it go. She didn't want help. She didn't want to get better. She wanted someone to make excuses for her and take responsibility for her and someone to do all the work for her while she sat on her ass, smoked weed, and played WoW.

The unfortunate truth is that you can't help someone until they're ready to help themselves. Anything you do up until that point is simply enabling their shitty behavior.

 

[FurryFury]

She didn't contact me for a day. Went to her place hoping it was just a dead charger situation. She is kind of like Dresden in that she kills electronic regularly only without the magic.

But she wasn't there and though her phone was dead, her computer wasn't. And it had a "I feel like killing myself and/or self harming post she'd made up.

FREAK OUT MOMMY Time!

Eventually I contacted a friend from her now not dead phone and she was with him. Said she was good. I hope so.

#dearlordletherbeokayforonemoreday

 

[ecstaticsub]

She didn't contact me for a day. Went to her place hoping it was just a dead charger situation. She is kind of like Dresden in that she kills electronic regularly only without the magic.

But she wasn't there and though her phone was dead, her computer wasn't. And it had a "I feel like killing myself and/or self harming post she'd made up.

FREAK OUT MOMMY Time!

Eventually I contacted a friend from her now not dead phone and she was with him. Said she was good. I hope so.

#dearlordletherbeokayforonemoreday

Oh...wow. Hugs, huge freakin' hugs.

 

[FurryFury]

Thanks. Hugs back atcha!

And now I'm worrying over a friend and her son. He was just admited because he wants to give up. Graduated college with honors, had a good job he was doing before he graduated and now this.

Oh...wow. Hugs, huge freakin' hugs.

 

[FurryFury]

My girl is doing well!