) have kept me from pursuing it actively. 
I agree it can be helpful.
My mother was going to AA meetings even though I knew the drinking was the symptom and not the real issue for her.
And she or I decided I could do alanon while she did AA.
I had quite a revelation there. I found out that EVERYONE there had someone trying to hold them responsible for the drinker. I had thought it was just me and my mother and grandparents. I felt so much better finding out that I wasn't alone in this.
Rare is the person who takes sole responsibility and holds themselves fully accountable for their own potentially damaging life decisions. The " it's your fault " mindset regarding substance abuse is even more common when you add mental illness/ personality disorder issues into the equation. It's ALWAYS everyone else's fault and never theirs. For the most flawed of the lot is the one who feels they are indeed healthy, sane and balanced.......while the rest of the world is just plain fucked up.
Mental illness and substance abuse go hand in hand. Self-medication to counteract against one's own internal flaws isn't a new concept. Feeling nothing via substance abuse is feeling good by default when one lives with psychological distress that's inherit with many forms of mental illness due to the flawed perception aspect of the disorder.
The compulsive aspect of OCD in itself has been the bane of many who harbor internal flawed wiring and the subsequent flawed perceptions of themselves and/or others. Thus they compulsively choose the temporary reality escape found via substance abuse, vs coping, dealing and accepting the reality on hand. Which of course paves the way to clinical addiction in the future.
Even if the direct mental illness genetic link between parents to their children wasn't connected, mental illness can very well be brought forward to the children via the acts, actions and off-base antics of the parent(s). The frustration, anxiety and emotionally derailing aspect of dealing with the mentally ill and/or clinically addicted can very well make one "crazy" themselves......IF........one allows such to happen.
Regardless of the family relation, or lack thereof, there's a limit of what one can do to help others in any sort of distress. You can help others to help themselves, but ultimately, no one can save anyone else from the reality outlined by their own life decisions.
You see......I've been on both sides of this equation, plus at times, I was on both sides at once. Mentally ill parents and I/myself with a kink-based sexuality I once couldn't accept as righteous and true, led me to the mindset whereby I had zero self worth, or any compassion for myself. Thus I self-medicated with alcohol as my chosen version of escaping a reality I could not accept during that confusing time in life.
As I matured, and educated myself in regards to mental illness, I realized having flawed parents to save from their reality isn't my responsibility as an adult with my own life to live. It took decades for me to come to the mindset whereby I don't allow anyone to make their shit into MY shit to deal with .......at least to the point of emotional distress anyway.
With my ability to stand on the sidelines and gaze on as someone else circles the drain of life for what could be the last time being a default mental process, I'm no longer overly affected by the dysfunctional shitshows that most often can't be prevented anyway.
Just how I roll and what I've come too after wasting far too much of life's energy fighting battles that I see now I couldn't have ever won in the 1st place.
Felonious
Thank you
Yes, we went to counseling together. Twice.
He was hoping the counselor would told me I was a horrible wife. He told Hubby instead that he was lucky to have me. Somehow that did not make Hubby want to continue.
And no, there is no other place he can go once he is back.
Hopefully he will not go back to drinking. I'm willing to handle the winter if he holds on to being dry and going to AlAnon.
Thank you again.
With all you have to deal with yourself, you always find the time to be kind all new comers and old comers.
Hugs to you too
(Sorry - sometimes humor is the best way for me to cope)
First off, Thank you all for a great thread. I'm a lurker here for the most part but after reading all 27 pages of this thread, I had to respond.
I forget who it was who posted about the Stephen Frey video, but Thank you. I watched them and as glad I did.
I empathize with those who are suffering and those who are caregivers to people who are mentally ill. To both groups I have nothing but well wishes and hopes for the future.
I have been living with mental illness in my family for over 20 years. My wife is Bi-polar and several other diagnoses as well. The last 6 years or so have been the worst. I feel like I'm forever waiting for "another" shoe to drop. The "other" shoe dropped long ago. Little did I realize that my wife is the Imelda Marcos of "other" shoes!
It is frustrating, it can at times be rewarding, but the worst part for me is that realistically in my case there is no end in sight.
Sorry - I don't want to dump my problems here. I really just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has participated in this thread. I'm glad to know I'm not alone.
Thank you
Yes, we went to counseling together. Twice.
He was hoping the counselor would told me I was a horrible wife. He told Hubby instead that he was lucky to have me. Somehow that did not make Hubby want to continue.
And no, there is no other place he can go once he is back.
Hopefully he will not go back to drinking. I'm willing to handle the winter if he holds on to being dry and going to AlAnon.
Thank you again.
With all you have to deal with yourself, you always find the time to be kind all new comers and old comers.
Hugs to you too
