Men, money, and relationships

[LadyJeanne]

I was chatting with a friend of mine and we got into an interesting discussion about men and money. My position is that virtually all men would hate it, or at least be uncomfortable if the woman in their lives made more money than they did, to the point where that relationship would likely end unless the financial circumstances changed.

He said that's likely, unless he had a lower-paying job that had something else going for it...defending the country on military pay, teaching, ministers...

Thoughts?

 

[cheerful_deviant]

I was chatting with a friend of mine and we got into an interesting discussion about men and money. My position is that virtually all men would hate it, or at least be uncomfortable if the woman in their lives made more money than they did, to the point where that relationship would likely end unless the financial circumstances changed.

He said that's likely, unless he had a lower-paying job that had something else going for it...defending the country on military pay, teaching, ministers...

Thoughts?

Personally it wouldn't bother me at all. But I know it would bother most of the men I work with. Being in construction I work predominantly with blue collar workers, most with only a high school level education if even that. I am the only person on my site with a college education. That being said, I find most of the men in this industry very chauvinistic. I think they would be very threatened if their wives made more than them mostly because they would feel less in charge at home. I think this is less prevelant in white collar jobs where people are (in general) more educated and cultured.

I don't know it really has anything to do with the level of education, or if it's more like the working class mindset. "The man is the bread winner, the woman raises the kids" kind of thinking.

 

[dreampilot79]

I think that your generalization is correct.. but men are just as much individuals as women.

I don't think it would bother me at all.... but I think that my pride might just impose some financial conditions....

As individuals.. some men would be totally lost... and totally destroy the relationship if their woman made more than they...

Others, would be totally comfortable.

There are always men, just like women who would be content to sit back and do nothing.....

 

[tolyk]

It probably has more to do with the thought that if their wives make more money than them, it will be easier for them to leave. *chuckle* Means they have to treat their wives better, and what chauvenistic man wants that?

Personally, it wouldn't bother me at all. I'm not a material person at all, in fact I detest the monetery/economical system that we have. I would rather the barter system of old.

If the woman in my life was making more than me (which she does right now as a matter of fact) I would be happy for her, especially if she was in a career/position she enjoyed.

 

[tolyk]

There are always men, just like women who would be content to sit back and do nothing.....

Um.. you meant raise the family right? Not do nothing? *evil grin*

 

[LadyJeanne]

Personally it wouldn't bother me at all. But I know it would bother most of the men I work with. Being in construction I work predominantly with blue collar workers, most with only a high school level education if even that. I am the only person on my site with a college education. That being said, I find most of the men in this industry very chauvinistic. I think they would be very threatened if their wives made more than them mostly because they would feel less in charge at home. I think this is less prevelant in white collar jobs where people are (in general) more educated and cultured.

I don't know it really has anything to do with the level of education, or if it's more like the working class mindset. "The man is the bread winner, the woman raises the kids" kind of thinking.

I grew up blue collar, and your observations are totally valid. I've been working in educated, white collar, high paying industries, and, in my experience, it's exactly the same. Men hate it if their woman makes more money. Just hate it. To the point they won't date women who make more.

 

[carsonshepherd]

I grew up blue collar, and your observations are totally valid. I've been working in educated, white collar, high paying industries, and, in my experience, it's exactly the same. Men hate it if their woman makes more money. Just hate it. To the point they won't date women who make more.

Then they're insecure idiots you don't want to go out with anyway.

 

[LadyJeanne]

I think that your generalization is correct.. but men are just as much individuals as women.

I don't think it would bother me at all.... but I think that my pride might just impose some financial conditions....

As individuals.. some men would be totally lost... and totally destroy the relationship if their woman made more than they...

Others, would be totally comfortable.

There are always men, just like women who would be content to sit back and do nothing.....

Pride, indeed. She wants to go out for a lovely expensive dinner with pricey wine...she can afford it, but you're sitting there feeling like shit because you wouldn't be able to take her there on your salary.

Extend to mortgages, vacations, home electronics, cars...

It's HER money, and a man's pride takes a beating.

 

[dreampilot79]

Um.. you meant raise the family right? Not do nothing? *evil grin*

welllll... methinks you gotta make a family first... and as for me... my plumbing has been turned off at the main...

so if it is me we are talking about.... Mr. Mom.. is not gonna apply...lol

 

[LadyJeanne]

Then they're insecure idiots you don't want to go out with anyway.

Hmm, doesn't leave me much to work with...

 

[mlady_france]

I don't think my man would have a problem if i made more money than he did. As long as he's doing what he loves, I don't think he really care how much he's paid. but then again I'm finding a lot of things have changed with him.

 

[tolyk]

Hmm, doesn't leave me much to work with...

We're rare, but not _that_ rare. I'm sure you'll find someone down in Cali with simliar views to most of the men that have posted here already (I say most because Carson didn't establish his viewpoint on it *grin* Although, the question would have to be written differently for him I suppose)

 

[impressive]

I am so freakin' oblivious to money issues that I don't have a clue how accurate the generalization might be.

 

[LadyJeanne]

I don't think my man would have a problem if i made more money than he did. As long as he's doing what he loves, I don't think he really care how much he's paid. but then again I'm finding a lot of things have changed with him.

I'd like that to extend to, "as long as he loves me, he doesn't really care how much I make". Would that be valid in your relationship? And I'm not talking about a little bit more than him. Maybe twice or more what he makes.

 

[mlady_france]

I'd like that to extend to, "as long as he loves me, he doesn't really care how much I make". Would that be valid in your relationship? And I'm not talking about a little bit more than him. Maybe twice or more what he makes.

That my dear is a very weighted question for me.

 

[LadyJeanne]

We're rare, but not _that_ rare. I'm sure you'll find someone down in Cali with simliar views to most of the men that have posted here already (I say most because Carson didn't establish his viewpoint on it *grin* Although, the question would have to be written differently for him I suppose)

I'd like to think there are a lot more of you out there, but I have not found that to be the case. At all. It's wierd.

 

[carsonshepherd]

Hmm, doesn't leave me much to work with...

High standards, sweetie. You deserve them.

 

[LadyJeanne]

I am so freakin' oblivious to money issues that I don't have a clue how accurate the generalization might be.

It took me a long time to see it myself. But once you notice, it becomes so much more obvious.

 

[LadyJeanne]

High standards, sweetie. You deserve them.

Thank you, dearest! It's a very personal issue for me. As I said, I grew up blue collar, plus I have only myself to rely on financially, so to me it's natural that I would want to make as much money to take care of myself and my own security. Then, I find that I'm stigmatized in the dating world because of it. So frustrating!

 

[tolyk]

Thank you, dearest! It's a very personal issue for me. As I said, I grew up blue collar, plus I have only myself to rely on financially, so to me it's natural that I would want to make as much money to take care of myself and my own security. Then, I find that I'm stigmatized in the dating world because of it. So frustrating!

Move to Canada *nods knowingly*

You know you miss Winstruction

 

[carsonshepherd]

LadyJ, the thought occurs it might be a California thing? living in the middle of the country, I truly think men are less concerned with money/cars/careers etc. as an extension of their egos... just a thought. I could be way off base... but I can tell you I know quite a few straight fellas who wouldn't mind a bit

 

[LadyJeanne]

LadyJ, the thought occurs it might be a California thing? living in the middle of the country, I truly think men are less concerned with money/cars/careers etc. as an extension of their egos... just a thought. I could be way off base... but I can tell you I know quite a few straight fellas who wouldn't mind a bit

LOL - I've met those guys too!

I don't think it's a regional thing. My first ex (6 years leading to engagement) was from the midwest and he had a majaor issue with it even though we were both fresh from college and my salary was barely more than enough to pay the bills...but it was more than his and he couldn't stand it.

The men I've been meeting since moving to Cali have all been from the northeast, midwest, south, and Rocky MOuntain...I've not really met or dated much in California, actually.

 

[NoJo]

I'm the exact opposite. One of the main fights I have with my partner is based around the fact that she *isn't* earning anywhere near as much as me, and I don't earn very much these days. She still thinks I'm Mr. Breadwinner from the old days, when I've turned into Mr. Struggling Writer.

 

[LadyJeanne]

I'm the exact opposite. One of the main fights I have with my partner is based around the fact that she *isn't* earning anywhere near as much as me, and I don't earn very much these days. She still thinks I'm Mr. Breadwinner from the old days, when I've turned into Mr. Struggling Writer.

Do you think you'd be comfortable if she started earning a lot more? Like, maybe she suddenly got into real estate and was bringing home a LOT of bacon while you were Mr. Struggling Writer and couldn't yourself afford the eggs and mimosas to go with it?

 

[NoJo]

Do you think you'd be comfortable if she started earning a lot more? Like, maybe she suddenly got into real estate and was bringing home a LOT of bacon while you were Mr. Struggling Writer and couldn't yourself afford the eggs and mimosas to go with it?

I have to say I have pimp fantasies. I mean fuck, are you kidding? I'd love it. My masculinity isn't under threat by a woman who earns more than me. Right now, my house is under threat by a woman who earns less than me.