Meeting Readers

[LivingUnicorn]

Hi everyone.

Recently a very very sweet person wrote to me telling me how much they loved my story. Since then we have exchanged several e-mails and lately they have been heating up a lot! Now this person wants to meet me. They insist that they can fly to my town and would be willing to meet me in a public place. But I'm still not sure about all this.

For one thing I'm a happily married woman. My husband knows about the email. I share everything with him. He has even said it would be okay to meet this guy as long as it's on the up and up. But I don't know. I mean, it's really a very very frightening thing, to meet someone you don't know.

Does this happen to a lot of writers here? What should I do? Online he sounds so sweet and harmless. But what if he is some kind of weirdo?

Oh I just don't know.

LU

 

[Whispersecret]

I would be wary about someone who is willing to FLY somewhere just in order to meet you. I mean, I read and really liked your story, but not to the point where I'll fork out big bucks just to shake your hand. No offense!

However, if you do decide to meet him, here's my advice.

Talk to him on the phone first. A lot of information can be derived by tone of voice that can't be gained from words on the computer screen.

Also, consider taking your husband along on the meeting.

Hope this helps!

 

[Ray Dario]

LivingUnicorn;

I don't know you but ... WHAT IN THE HELL COULD YOU BE THINKING!

He may sound sweet online, but if he is willing to fly to your town just to meet you then he want's more than a handshake. You say the emails are getting hot, so I'm willing to bet he's thinking you would be an easy lay. He may tell you that he only wants to talk just to get you to meet him, then he'll turn on the charm and if that doesn't work, he may just take what he wants.

At the very least you should take WhisperSecrets advice. (She doesn't respond to nice feedback but she's still a good person )

I'm not sure about the phone thing though. With Caller ID and the internet it's easy to find out where someone lives with a single phone call or a phone number to call. If he gets your address or your real name then you could have a big problem with a stalker. Don't risk it. If you call him, do it from a pay phone across town or in a bar you don't normally go to or something. If you do meet him, make sure someone else goes with you. If not your husband, then a friend or relative. If you do meet him, don't go straight home from meeting him. Go to a mall then to another store, maybe a Walmart, then to a hair dresser. At least make him work at following you to your home.

All in all, I would be as cautious as you can be about this whole thing. It just smells funny.

Ray

 

[Puppi]

Many people meet from the online world in person on a daily basis. I once drove 15 hours to meet a man I was "dating" in person.

You say that you and this man have exchanged several e-mails and that things have gotten "hot and heavy" now... Does he know you're married? Does he think he may stand a chance at scoring?

Your story aside, different people online "meet" one another different ways, have you two developed any sort of friendship or romance online? Have you been talking long? Do you feel comfortable talking with him online?

One idea, if you were to go through with meeting him, is to have your husband with you...


~Puppi


P.S.
"Strangers" from Lit have met
and married even. We've also
had a couple/few engagements
through Lit alone...

 

[Weird Harold]

However, if you do decide to meet him, here's my advice.

Talk to him on the phone first. A lot of information can be derived by tone of voice that can't be gained from words on the computer screen.

Also, consider taking your husband along on the meeting.

I definitely second the advice to take your husband along.

I would also add that if you do meet, set the expectations in advance -- "we'll meet for dinner and conversation, and that's ALL that we're meeting for." -- You can always make other plans at the first meeting if the situation warrants, but a first meeting should always be in public and preferably with back-up.

I've met several people from Lit, and I always set up a meet with a lady so she has the option of backing out before approaching me -- I go some place public and hang around so the ladies can see me from a distance and check me out first.

I may be harmless, but I recognise that people I've never met except on the 'net can't know that. If he's at all reluctant to cater to your justifiable nervousness and concern -- DON"T MEET HIM!

 

[Whispersecret]

At the very least you should take WhisperSecrets advice. (She doesn't respond to nice feedback but she's still a good person )

Ray

Hey! I do TOO respond to nice feedback. (I even respond to not so nice feedback.) It may take me a month, but I respond to everyone who gives me an address to respond to.

Did I neglect you, Ray? If so, it was completely unintentional. Seriously!

 

[LivingUnicorn]

Thanks so very very much for all the wonderful advice. Thanks to you to Ray. Can you spell cynic?

I think a phone call will be in order and I'll certainly set his expectations. Perhaps I have led him on. Our emails have been...stimulating

Thanks again to everyone. You are all such wonderful people.

LU

 

[Ray Dario]

cynic C*Y*N*I*C


Yep I'm a cynic, looked up the definition just to be sure and that's me! Ray Dario the redneck redskin cynic!

I should go on TV as a daytime shock jock!


As to WhisperSecret, apparently it was just an snaffu, or maybe my one kind word was lost among the hate mail or whatever, but she does indeed respond to feedback and I feel properly chastized!


Honestly LU, think about what I said though. Yes I may be cynical and even paranoid, but remember that yes thousands of people have met online and had it work out wonderfully, but hundreds have met people from online and had it be disasterous. Life is risk and you can't avoid it, but you should consider which risks you wish to expose yourself too.

And the question isn't whether or not I'm paranoid, but whether or not I'm paranoid enough!

Ray

 

[wildsweetone]

keep safe, be happy, use commonsense, and did i mention keep safe?

 

[bearlee]

We met with a reader once not long ago. But, we spent tons of time talking to him first on the phone and then in person. Hell, even wrote a story about it.

All worked out well although we took control as best we could. Be careful to the point of be overly cautious.

 

[millieteases]

I met my spouse online. We corresponded for months before meeting. Then we met in a very public place with groundrules in place. Everything we did was in public places for that first date. Our friends, on both sides, tended to ask questions like - Is he some kind of an ax murderer? Is she related to Lizzie Borden?

I've also met other people online. We always met in public places - once even in a state patrol post! (She worked there!)

I'd be a little worried about someone flying to meet me - but it can happen.

Definitely take your husband, a friend, etc. Set the rules ahead of time.

Better to be safe, like all these other wonderful folks say.

Good luck.

 

[Ulyssa]

Whispering Feedback

Hey! I do TOO respond to nice feedback. (I even respond to not so nice feedback.) It may take me a month, but I respond to everyone who gives me an address to respond to.

See, you should all be ashamed! Just because WS has developed snail-email is no reason to deride her good intentions.

 

[NoJo]

One thing, LivingUnicorn. I don't get your feelings.

1. Heating up a lot with this guy,
2. You Tell husband everything , he says ok if "up and up"

Illogical captain.

I'm missing something.

I know we don't all have to be Mr Spock, but it's a good idea to analyze a little the subtext of this kind of thing.

Have you got your own motives clear to yourself here, and also to him -- equally important here. Remember, you can hurt him too.

 

[its Leslie]

Meeting people online and then meeting them in person is no big deal, if you have more than two brain cells involved covering the matter.

Ya gotta consider the reasons you met in the first place.

Meeting online from an erotic story and then exchanging increasingly hot emails that lead to a request to meet in person!!!
And you are married!!! someone slap that girl in the forehead.

If your husband approves of those emails, it's cause he doesn't yet think anything of it....yet.
Then again, if he went with you to that meeting, what are the chances of the three of you ending in a hotel room where he joins your net buddy for some three way fucking? Would getting banged by two men that weekend be your idea of fun?

Can't speak formost people, but if I purchase a plane ticket and fly a long way to meet someone after several increasingly "hot" emails, you can just accept I intend to fuck that person in a most substantial way.
I wouldn't pay the same amount to sit at a coffee shop and eat a donut with ya that's for damn sure.

I know of plenty of cases where people have met people they met online. But then they usually met those people for reasons that were totally harmless.
I know a person that drives 30 minutes to get here that found me through the internet. But then we both play a highly liked wargame together. So I was not at all concerned about meeting the person in my own home at all.

If I was interacting as a result of an activity that had strong sexual origins like erotica, and had sent and recieved several "hot" emails, I would assume sex was going to be involved. What idiot wouldn't.

 

[LivingUnicorn]

From Sweet to ... sick!

Wow! how the tone of this thread has changed. At first it was so sweet, not judgemental at all. WhisperSecret, Puppi, and Weird Harold you are all the best

Even the cynical and paranoid Ray Dario seemed more concerned for me than he was judging me or my husband.

Now I'm illogical, stupid, and in need of physical abuse!!!

So what happened?

I love my husband and he loves me and we are secure enough to handle an open marriage. My husband is worried about my safety. That is what I meant by "Up and up". I talked to my new friend on the phone, Ray I blocked caller ID before I called him, technology is wonderful you should check it out. And I told him that we may meet sometime, but if so either of us could at any time veto going farther than just meeting. He said he was okay with that, even expected it. Turns out he flies all over the US and is often in my city for that reason. If we do meet, my husband will be there and yes, maybe we will do more than shake hands and if so yes maybe my husband will join in or just watch. For right now, I think we moved to quickly and I'm going to try to get to know him better before we meet. He's okay with that.

I am really very very hurt by the way this thread turned while I was gone. I don't get the chance to come here very often. Now I'm thinking I'll come here less. I would have thought that of all places I could find acceptance this would be the best. I guess I was naive.

LU

 

[its Leslie]

You didn't let us know though that your husband approves of you possibly meeting someone in some way like that though, you can't fault us for that eh.

I know some writers on here that have husbands that would kill the woman and the man in a fit of rage.

My spouse would settle for wrecking me financially and leaving I suppose.

But we all know there are people out there that are "happily" married and are not obssessed with worries from "competition".
We were not fully aware you fit that description. Although statistics show the swinger marriages do tend to dissolve to easily. Statistics though are not always dependable. How long have you been married?

All I got from your post was of a woman potentially putting herself at risk, and having a husband that might not fully realise the content of your emails.

You need to be more concise about the conditions, or you will just keep getting responses that are not entirely spot on (here or anywhere else).

 

[NoJo]

Unicorn, I meant what I said in my post literally -- I'm missing something. I did realise at the time that your having an open marriage could be that something I was missing, could be an explanation your first post, but I'm afraid that as Leslie said, it's definitely something that is out of the ordinary, and not to be taken as obvious when you desribe the situation.

Also I was a little confused by the phrase "up and up", which made me think that you decided that there was an easy way to determine that your secret admirer was not a crazed stalker. How do you know this?

I have never personally been the victim of stalking, but two people very close to me both have. In one case, where the stalker was female and the victim male, the victim's wife suggested that the victim confront the stlaker face to face. This had the desired effect, which was to dissolve the stalker's obsession and end her menacing behavior.

I think it's necessary to be wary of secret admirers. It's of course highly flattering to have a secret admirer, I suppose, but the power games that may ensue could be unnerving.

Joe (drunk as a skunk but still reasonably articulate).

 

[its Leslie]

Hopefully Living Unicorn returns to this thread, because she is wrong if she thinks we just want to be hostile, heck we are just preaching caution here eh

It is unfortunate that some of us here don't know her well enough to know all about her well enough to understand well enough her lifestyle choices.

But if it turns out she doesn't return, well then a person that timid reeeeeally shouldn't be meeting total strangers initimately I would have to say.

Opinionated yes (you have to be opinionated to even give a hoot to write into forums eh), but nasty? no that's not the word I would use to describe the forum here.

Judgmental? No but her instantly defensive response tells me she has already judged herself personally. Guilt often manifests itself in an overly defensive nature.

 

[wildsweetone]

just felt like putting my oar in here...

decided to open a new thread.