Mechanics of play

[ultramarineblue]

So I've been thinking about play and scenes lately. What makes everything work best for you? What are things you've wanted to try but haven't for some reason? What are your favorite repurposed items for play? What are the crazy things that happen during a scene that you never expected? What new things are y'all trying?

 

[Lady2020]

What works for me is knowing knowing my man is into it and not throwing any surprises into the mix to play with my mind.

 

[ultramarineblue]

What works for me is knowing knowing my man is into it and not throwing any surprises into the mix to play with my mind.

I completely agree about knowing that your partner is into it. That is so important. I had a session earlier today and I hope it seemed that I was into it as much as I was. I know that it may not have appeared that way so I definitively need to let him know that I was. I think this time I was concentrating on being in the right position and taking everything well so I may have appeared to be not as eager. I was also a little bit apprehensive of how tender I was in spots from a previous session we had. Thank you for making me think of that!

I have to admit that I kind of like an element of surprise though. He threw out at a comment as I was getting ready to leave that was unexpected. I'm not sure if he was gauging my interest or what. It absolutely got my attention.

 

[Lady2020]

There are welcome surprises, and then there are those who think control is all about putting a woman in her place.

 

[ultramarineblue]

There are welcome surprises, and then there are those who think control is all about putting a woman in her place.

Yeah, I wouldn't do well with that kind of stuff. I'm not really a fan of having a place like that. What aspects of control do you find most intriguing?

 

[ultramarineblue]

One thing that I really liked using for play was the windshield ice scraper from my car. It felt a bit scratchy and the handle could be used for insertion. The scratchy feeling was similar to the knife play I've experienced. It opened the door for me being willing to even try knife play.

One thing that has been interesting to me is how different a scene could be in spite of discussion, negotiable, etc prior to it. One partner I can just about guess how things may go but another one I may have an idea of things that will happen but there is always an element of surprise. I wish I was as creative as he in coming up with ideas. Thinking about that got me going through some of the discussions in the library here. It's been awesome to read through some discussions.

 

[Lady2020]

Yeah, I wouldn't do well with that kind of stuff. I'm not really a fan of having a place like that. What aspects of control do you find most intriguing?

That control is shared.

 

[PinkHairNoMore]

I will bump this thread by sharing my first live setting experience i had last saturday. We went, Husband and I, in a reputable Montréal Dungeon for a demo évent. Yhere were staff in each room to guide and accompany newbies on safe practices.

I just started my sub journey, im a "knowledge brings me safety" kind of girl. I read a lot, made awesome connections on Fet, on here too but not so kuch bdsm related yet. Talking with experienced people without the power dynamic being needed, just open conversation and thoughts sharing was really benifical for me.

Hub's is jumping in for me. Sometimes i wonder if hes doing it ALL for me. But we have a level of communication that really helps us getting on the same page and exploring our own needs, looking in the same direction. Sometimea hes afraid to hurt me or doesnt know how hard he can go.

Saturday was so different. The dungeon staff was welcoming, respectful and trustworthy. It made my experience intoxicating. I didnt think i would play with unknown tops. But i felt safe, heard, respected, thats the main thing for me.

Sir Mad (Dungeon staff rigger) is a friend of a guy that i talk with daily on Fet, i dont know him at all, but he sure knew who i was cause a few minutes after our arrival, he got behind me and whispered " sure looks like ill rig u tonight as per your talks with Redog".

I knew what he looked like, what is work was, still it ignited something in me like ive not often felt it before. It was his confidence, ths look in his eyes, the safety i felt also helped. we talked a bit before the work shop about consent on somew pratices. When he put his hands on my throat while he was pulling the cords, and took a fist full of hair to get them out of the way. It was exciting. Not in a sexual way. Well ... yes sure i felt that too lol .. but it was something else i dont think i can put the finger on right still. I didnt think i could reach my subspace so quickly with a stranger.

It was a wonderful inspiring first experience.
Giving into the attention received is not always easy for me. It sure was something i was brought up to not put on myself. But now i understand i need it, and i accept it with open arms.

 

[PinkHairNoMore]

That control is shared.

Sorry to jump into an old conversation.You've both been point out to me as powerful subs (by someone who must not be spoke of ) that reading your insights might be helpful to my journey.

My pov :
Thats the whole point of a dynamic its the power exchange dynamic that builts upon conversation and discussions on soft and hard limits, things He/you want to explore, what you like, both of your expectations, needs and fantasies . If a connection is made, and intentionnaly maintain long enough, it can grow into intimacy. Only then can u reach a place where letting go of control and trust fully in Him. It could ne the more freeing experience you'll live IMO

That said, as you can see by my first post here, power dynamic exchange with people you barely know is also possible. I just found that out.

It's all about consent, respect and trust.
It's about how safe u fell..
It's about your past experiences and how well you know yourself.
It's about your ability to listen to your gut feeling to rearrange your course in a way that makes YOU feel good.

Then your journey will truely be yours

 

[IrisAlthea]

Sir Mad (Dungeon staff rigger) is a friend of a guy that i talk with daily on Fet, i dont know him at all, but he sure knew who i was cause a few minutes after our arrival, he got behind me and whispered " sure looks like ill rig u tonight as per your talks with Redog".

When done well, that way of slightly overstepping the line by being a bit too forward, slightly invading your space, assuming just a bit too much, can be so effective but it’s such a fine line between hot and ”Back off Cowboy!”

 

[PinkHairNoMore]

When done well, that way of slightly overstepping the line by being a bit too forward, slightly invading your space, assuming just a bit too much, can be so effective but it’s such a fine line between hot and ”Back off Cowboy!”

I agree, it is a very thin line. Knowing who he was and what it looked like helped for sure. Even if we never spoke before.