Me, my wife and writing erotica

[DeLaFaye]

After 20+ years on Lit, I can tell by glancing at their portfolio what kind of writer they are. You can tell their kinks and writing ability. You have a steady stream of Red H's & high scores, some in difficult categories. Not to be too blunt, but your hubby is full of shit! You don't achieve that if you can't TELL a story! Please, keep on writing.

My own wife read my first stories and gave me the rah-rah, good job response. After a while, it was apparent to me that she was just being supportive. She never asked questions about what I wrote or made suggestions. (except once, I'll get to that)

It made me mad when she kept raving about an author that wrote sci-fi/fantasy stories. Purchased all his books @ $7-$9 each and talked about them constantly. She never mentioned mine. To my knowledge, she has never told anyone that I write. I finally stopped telling her when I published, I'd maybe share a great comment or good score with her. I finally asked if she was reading anything and the answer was no. Even when my books started selling online, there was little interest.

BUT...

About 10 years ago something happened that really upset me. When I told her, she seemed to not really get it.

I wrote it into one of my first stories verbatim about 5 years ago (unpublished). She read it and came to me. "I didn't realize you felt that way, I'm sorry!) That was cathartic!

So some good!

I've had a few rather lengthy chats with hubby about the emotional rawness around his attitude and my writing. He understands, and given our life he's great about helping out and making sure I have time to write, I do appreciate that. But he outright refuses to read any of my stuff here, and he's yet to finish my manuscript that I gave him a copy of 8+ months ago. That's what kills me. I spent years on it, poured so much of myself into, etc. and just...nothing. Gutted doesn't really begin to describe it. I've communicated all of this, and he says he'll read it, and then reads about 3 pages before he'd rather do practically anything else. It's hard to live that reality with someone that supposedly loves you and also think that what you wrote is halfway decent. Speaking as objectively as I possibly can, it's at the very least on par with my best stuff here. I'd argue a fair bit better, but I don't really think that's the issue. (Oof, sorry for the rant! )

I'm so happy you had that cathartic moment! I think it's very easy for anyone who doesn't write to kind of overlook the vulnerability around it. It's just as much of an art form as any other, you're putting yourself out there, you want the people that love you and that you love to share in the experience of it all. And it's so deflating when they don't get that. I hope she gets that now.

And thank you so much for your kind words! It really does mean a lot to me and I very much appreciate it!

 

[DeLaFaye]

I sympathize with, and to some degree can relate to, your situation. No matter how strong you are as an individual, you want validation and support, especially from a partner.
I didn't start writing and publishing stories until after I was divorced. I might never have done it if I had remained married, because, without going into details, I don't think my partner would have been supportive, and I would have been discouraged from doing something she disapproved but also writing stories behind her back. I thank the lord I'm divorced, despite the many difficult things that accompany divorce. It's liberating. I don't currently have a partner, but when I do I hope that this experience is something I can fully share and have appreciated.

I feel all of this so strongly! I could say so much more on the topic, but I think it's better left to my therapist.

Thank you for the sympathy and validation!

 

[Seadog777]

My wife reads my stories.
Helps me with mistakes and grammar.

I'm jealous as hell, that it gets your wife worked up.
My wife's medical conditions have tanked her drive, so I'm SOL on that front.

 

[oneagainst]

I've had a few rather lengthy chats with hubby about the emotional rawness around his attitude and my writing. He understands, and given our life he's great about helping out and making sure I have time to write, I do appreciate that. But he outright refuses to read any of my stuff here, and he's yet to finish my manuscript that I gave him a copy of 8+ months ago. That's what kills me. I spent years on it, poured so much of myself into, etc. and just...nothing. Gutted doesn't really begin to describe it. I've communicated all of this, and he says he'll read it, and then reads about 3 pages before he'd rather do practically anything else. It's hard to live that reality with someone that supposedly loves you and also think that what you wrote is halfway decent. Speaking as objectively as I possibly can, it's at the very least on par with my best stuff here. I'd argue a fair bit better, but I don't really think that's the issue. (Oof, sorry for the rant! )

Just coming back to this... have you shown him non-erotic stories? There's a squick factor where people are put off by the subject and can't get through that to actually look at the quality of the writing. It might be that getting 3 pages in to something that goes totally against the grain is actually a fairly valiant effort....

 

[Lifestyle66]

I've had a few rather lengthy chats with hubby about the emotional rawness around his attitude and my writing. He understands, and given our life he's great about helping out and making sure I have time to write, I do appreciate that. But he outright refuses to read any of my stuff here, and he's yet to finish my manuscript that I gave him a copy of 8+ months ago. That's what kills me. I spent years on it, poured so much of myself into, etc. and just...nothing. Gutted doesn't really begin to describe it. I've communicated all of this, and he says he'll read it, and then reads about 3 pages before he'd rather do practically anything else. It's hard to live that reality with someone that supposedly loves you and also think that what you wrote is halfway decent. Speaking as objectively as I possibly can, it's at the very least on par with my best stuff here. I'd argue a fair bit better, but I don't really think that's the issue. (Oof, sorry for the rant! )

I'm so happy you had that cathartic moment! I think it's very easy for anyone who doesn't write to kind of overlook the vulnerability around it. It's just as much of an art form as any other, you're putting yourself out there, you want the people that love you and that you love to share in the experience of it all. And it's so deflating when they don't get that. I hope she gets that now.

And thank you so much for your kind words! It really does mean a lot to me and I very much appreciate it!

I write what "I" think is an erotic story I want to write. And over the past two-plus years, I think I've gotten far better at writing. Some of my stories even receive a red-H and good comments.

My wife has read a few of them (when I asked her to review them), and her review is mostly grammar and spell errors, or sometimes saying a way I've phrased something isn't clear.

But as far as being a good erotic story, her attitude is "It just doesn't do it for me."

Women think differently than men, and what you find erotic or romantic probably just doesn't do it for your husband.

It's frustrating when we want our spouse to appreciate our efforts at writing. But I write what I think is exciting and interesting, and she just has different opinions in her choices of entertainment.

 

[lc69hunter]

Y'all got me crying over a Lit thread.

When I first told him I wanted to write his response verbatim: "but you don't know how to tell a story." When I broke down crying (I'm a bit of cryer) he apologized profusely, but damage done. For years I didn't write because those words kept running through my head. And one day I just said 'fuck it' and started writing. I wrote an entire novel and edited and edited and rewrote and edited. And I liked what I wrote. I had other people read it, they liked it. He never asked to read it, and I was dumb to eventually ask if he wanted to. "If you want me to, I'll read it." That was about 6 months ago now and he's 1/5 of a way through a 116,000 word manuscript. I've stopped asking if he's going to keep reading it. This is non erotica, btw. He has no interest whatsoever in the erotic stuff. Won't even humor me with it.

It's a complicated issue. More of a medical issue because of him not taking care of himself, his anger at that, what that's done to 'us,' and then that leading to him being emotionally shut-off. He's really not a bad guy. We just don't work well together, on anything anymore really. It is what it is, I suppose.

Again, sorry for being a downer, and sorry if I made you sad! It's my problem, and I've gotten used to it. I'll just have to be content living vicariously through my and others' stories here.

You write well

 

[DeLaFaye]

Just coming back to this... have you shown him non-erotic stories? There's a squick factor where people are put off by the subject and can't get through that to actually look at the quality of the writing. It might be that getting 3 pages in to something that goes totally against the grain is actually a fairly valiant effort....

Oh yes, the manuscript mentioned isn't erotic. He just had better things to do. He finished it last week, praising it up one side and down the other.

 

[Rob_Royale]

Oh yes, the manuscript mentioned isn't erotic. He just had better things to do. He finished it last week, praising it up one side and down the other.

Well, that sounds good. So much for not knowing how to tell a story, right?

After thinking on the subject for quite a while, I think I understand now my wife's non-interest in my erotica. Our sex life has always been good. Vanilla, as the term has been coined but I've no complaints. Sexually speaking, in 30+ years she's been very accommodating and initiates sex often.
But my erotica is a reflection of my deepest sexual desires. Isn't that true of all of us? Maybe she doesn't want to look there where she might feel she hasn't done enough to meet those desires. To compare herself to the fantasies? Looking at it from that perspective, I think I get it. I mean if my wife was to write about being romanced and fucked by tall (I'm not) handsome (30 years ago maybe), well hung (I'm not) muscular guys, I might feel a bit dejected myself. No one likes to suffer by comparison.
She supports my writing and is happy I'm enjoying it. That's enough for me.

 

[oneagainst]

Maybe she doesn't want to look there where she might feel she hasn't done enough to meet those desires.

Yeah, I guess that's where I was coming from with my previous comment to @FayeVance. One way of your other half taking all these stories you wrote is it's a list of what you're really looking for in your lovelife. Living up to someone's fantasies could be quite intimidating, the idea NOT that they've married a deviant, but that they're falling way short of what you expect.

 

[Rob_Royale]

but that they're falling way short of what you expect.

Which couldn't be further from the truth, but how do you make them believe that? Likely impossible.

 

[RoperTrace]

Oh yes, the manuscript mentioned isn't erotic. He just had better things to do. He finished it last week, praising it up one side and down the other.

I'm so glad to hear that he finished it and praised it.

I told my wife probably 20 years ago, that I write on here, and she had zero interest in reading them. We still had a fairly active sex life back then, and her health has declined substantially since then; breast cancer, a serious ear-eye-brain disorder affecting her balance, and now knee problems. I've been supportive to her card-making hobby, but I'm sure shes forgotten my writing erotic stories. I was silently angry at her lack of interest, but that's gone now.

My latest hobby(since retiring) has been learning to play guitar; again, she has zero interest in that also. So I write and play for own mental health and enjoyment. I will read some of your stories, just out of interest and to learn how you write.
(edit) I just checked and I've read your Hot Ginger story previously, gave it a 5 and left a comment. Will check out a few others. RT

 

[DeLaFaye]

Well, that sounds good. So much for not knowing how to tell a story, right?

After thinking on the subject for quite a while, I think I understand now my wife's non-interest in my erotica. Our sex life has always been good. Vanilla, as the term has been coined but I've no complaints. Sexually speaking, in 30+ years she's been very accommodating and initiates sex often.
But my erotica is a reflection of my deepest sexual desires. Isn't that true of all of us? Maybe she doesn't want to look there where she might feel she hasn't done enough to meet those desires. To compare herself to the fantasies? Looking at it from that perspective, I think I get it. I mean if my wife was to write about being romanced and fucked by tall (I'm not) handsome (30 years ago maybe), well hung (I'm not) muscular guys, I might feel a bit dejected myself. No one likes to suffer by comparison.
She supports my writing and is happy I'm enjoying it. That's enough for me.

Yea, I definitely think that came into play with some of my early on stuff. But I don't think my later stuff is as easily broken down. Not to mention there's plenty of nostalgia/remembered moments in my work. That's all beside the point though.

That’s wonderful that she’s supportive and you two have had such a nice balance over the years. I would hope it should be enough for anyone. And that’s awesome you two have that!

 

[DeLaFaye]

I'm so glad to hear that he finished it and praised it.

I told my wife probably 20 years ago, that I write on here, and she had zero interest in reading them. We still had a fairly active sex life back then, and her health has declined substantially since then; breast cancer, a serious ear-eye-brain disorder affecting her balance, and now knee problems. I've been supportive to her card-making hobby, but I'm sure shes forgotten my writing erotic stories. I was silently angry at her lack of interest, but that's gone now.

My latest hobby(since retiring) has been learning to play guitar; again, she has zero interest in that also. So I write and play for own mental health and enjoyment. I will read some of your stories, just out of interest and to learn how you write.
(edit) I just checked and I've read your Hot Ginger story previously, gave it a 5 and left a comment. Will check out a few others. RT

I'm sorry she's not interested in your hobbies. It's a terrible feeling in a relationship for anything to be so one-sided. She's clearly gone through a lot, but idk, how do you not find the guitar fun?! I'm glad you're still doing the things that bring you happiness.

And that's very sweet of you, I've honestly hit a bit of an ennui spot with my erotic writing. It'll pass. It always seems to.