Me, my wife and writing erotica

[Rob_Royale]

I'm not really going anywhere with this, it's just that my writing erotica has sort of changed the, me & her dynamic a bit and after thirty years, that's unusual. Life has changed. Here are my thoughts.
I've only recently started writing erotica. I have written in the past, but mostly fan fiction or character backstories and the like. Some love poetry for the wife.
I was 90% through with my first erotica story when I got the guts to tell my wife. I'm not sure why I was so nervous, but I was.
I sat her down and said, "I'm writing again."
She said, "Cool."
"I'm writing erotic stories."
"Neat. I'm sure you'll be good at it. Enjoy."
I was a bit surprised by her calm acceptance.

Now my wife has read erotica before, but not in a very long time. The stuff Anne Rice did under a pseudonym, I recall. A few others.
I've offered to let her read my stories, but she's got zero interest, allegedly. I'm not surprised really, my work features FF sex and she's not interested in that at all.
However, things have changed. As I'm writing more romantic tales of experienced adults getting their freak on, my characters are doing nice, thoughtful things for one another as the romance/sexual tension builds. As a result of my thinking about these things, I'm also doing more of them at home for my wife. Like I'm seeing my own shortcomings as a mate, in comparison to my characters. I'm not an asshole changing his asshole ways, I'm just putting a bit more effort, into being romantic, that's all. And it's been noticed. And appreciated.
She asked me why the extra effort. So I told her the same truth I just told you. Again, calm acceptance.

Tonight she came out of the bedroom at 2 am, and said, "I need your mouth on my pussy" and she proceeded to rock my world for 45 minutes. She did or let me do all the wet-face stuff that I love. She talked dirty, she went down on me like she hadn't in years. We both came twice. It was terrific. Like we haven't gone at it in years. It could be she just needed an orgasm to help her fall back asleep, or it was in appreciation of my extra effort, or maybe, she's been reading my stories after all. Because that stuff is what I write about. All three maybe?
In any case, writing erotica has changed our lives, a bit. And I'm digging it.

Does anyone else have similar experiences or different ones?

 

[Smuttyandfun]

That's part of the fun of writing erotica, getting your other half to enjoy and explore some of the fantasies you create.

 

[Lifestyle66]

I try to get my wife to read my stories and provide feedback. But she doesn't like my stories. When she reads anything I write, she repeatedly stops and asks me where I got this or that character from our real life, or "when did we ever do that?"

The only relevant feedback I get from her is when she's confused over a scene. Sometimes I'll rewrite a scene to make it clear to her. But even my best rated stories don't do anything for her. She has a different outlook, and prefers different types of erotic stories than the ones I write.

 

[DeLaFaye]

For me it's been the opposite. I love writing, but my husband has very little interest in any of my work, erotic or otherwise. Writing erotica usually makes me extra 'interested' and it's not met with any kind of enthusiasm. It's a little heartbreaking to be honest. Most of my writing has at least somewhat of a romantic twist to it and it makes me miss that in my life, as well as other, grittier things, that I write about. I don't really know why I'm putting all that out here. I'm sorry to be such a downer.

I'm very envious of the changes you're experiencing and I wish you all the best! It also certainly seems to me like she's been reading your work! I mean, how could she not at least be a little curious?! And for her to ask about what you're writing about? Seems fishy to me...

 

[Rob_Royale]

@FayeVance
I'm very sorry that your husband isn't ... well. It's a damn shame. And as a rep for Team XY, it's hard for me to wrap my head around. My wife's sex drive took a nose dive around fifteen years ago, so I would relish any increase in her desire. Last night was an anomaly, at this point. I hope you can make him see your side.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

For me it's been the opposite. I love writing, but my husband has very little interest in any of my work, erotic or otherwise. Writing erotica usually makes me extra 'interested' and it's not met with any kind of enthusiasm. It's a little heartbreaking to be honest. Most of my writing has at least somewhat of a romantic twist to it and it makes me miss that in my life, as well as other, grittier things, that I write about. I don't really know why I'm putting all that out here. I'm sorry to be such a downer.

I'm very envious of the changes you're experiencing and I wish you all the best! It also certainly seems to me like she's been reading your work! I mean, how could she not at least be a little curious?! And for her to ask about what you're writing about? Seems fishy to me...

That is a downer but then again life can be a downer, I guess that’s why we tend to lose ourselves in fiction.

For me the sad thing isn’t the lack of enthusiasm for sex but the lack of support full stop. I choose not to share my erotic stories with my better half but that doesn’t stop me being supportive of what she does in life. If my missus came to me tomorrow and said “I’ve written a 50,000 word porn story” and she wanted me to read it, I would not poo-poo that, because that’s what being a good partner is about.

Is it an age thing, or an emotionally shut-off thing that’s the issue in this case? What gives? (Sorry I just went completely off-topic but I just felt really sad about this).

 

[DeLaFaye]

Y'all got me crying over a Lit thread.

When I first told him I wanted to write his response verbatim: "but you don't know how to tell a story." When I broke down crying (I'm a bit of cryer) he apologized profusely, but damage done. For years I didn't write because those words kept running through my head. And one day I just said 'fuck it' and started writing. I wrote an entire novel and edited and edited and rewrote and edited. And I liked what I wrote. I had other people read it, they liked it. He never asked to read it, and I was dumb to eventually ask if he wanted to. "If you want me to, I'll read it." That was about 6 months ago now and he's 1/5 of a way through a 116,000 word manuscript. I've stopped asking if he's going to keep reading it. This is non erotica, btw. He has no interest whatsoever in the erotic stuff. Won't even humor me with it.

It's a complicated issue. More of a medical issue because of him not taking care of himself, his anger at that, what that's done to 'us,' and then that leading to him being emotionally shut-off. He's really not a bad guy. We just don't work well together, on anything anymore really. It is what it is, I suppose.

Again, sorry for being a downer, and sorry if I made you sad! It's my problem, and I've gotten used to it. I'll just have to be content living vicariously through my and others' stories here.

 

[DeLaFaye]

@FayeVance
I'm very sorry that your husband isn't ... well. It's a damn shame. And as a rep for Team XY, it's hard for me to wrap my head around. My wife's sex drive took a nose dive around fifteen years ago, so I would relish any increase in her desire. Last night was an anomaly, at this point. I hope you can make him see your side.

Here's to anomalies and hoping for more of them!

 

[Smuttyandfun]

Y'all got me crying over a Lit thread.

When I first told him I wanted to write his response verbatim: "but you don't know how to tell a story." When I broke down crying (I'm a bit of cryer) he apologized profusely, but damage done. For years I didn't write because those words kept running through my head. And one day I just said 'fuck it' and started writing. I wrote an entire novel and edited and edited and rewrote and edited. And I liked what I wrote. I had other people read it, they liked it. He never asked to read it, and I was dumb to eventually ask if he wanted to. "If you want me to, I'll read it." That was about 6 months ago now and he's 1/5 of a way through a 116,000 word manuscript. I've stopped asking if he's going to keep reading it. This is non erotica, btw. He has no interest whatsoever in the erotic stuff. Won't even humor me with it.

It's a complicated issue. More of a medical issue because of him not taking care of himself, his anger at that, what that's done to 'us,' and then that leading to him being emotionally shut-off. He's really not a bad guy. We just don't work well together, on anything anymore really. It is what it is, I suppose.

Again, sorry for being a downer, and sorry if I made you sad! It's my problem, and I've gotten used to it. I'll just have to be content living vicariously through my and others' stories here.

I took a look through your body of work on this site, and I think you're a very good writer. I think that you have to write for yourself, and not worry about getting validation from anyone else. If you're enjoying writing, then write. It could be your mate feels threatened or maybe a little jealous about you finding an outlet for your creative side. Just don't let anyone hold you back. And if you're enjoying the process, then go for it!

 

[DeLaFaye]

I took a look through your body of work on this site, and I think you're a very good writer. I think that you have to write for yourself, and not worry about getting validation from anyone else. If you're enjoying writing, then write. It could be your mate feels threatened or maybe a little jealous about you finding an outlet for your creative side. Just don't let anyone hold you back. And if you're enjoying the process, then go for it!

I agree you definitely have to write for yourself! I never would have started writing if it wasn't for myself. But everyone wants to feel validation in some form or another, it's only human. We want to know we're loved and valued. I do wish I could get that from my partner, but at this point I know that isn't going to happen. For the most part I've made my peace with it, but part of me still wishes it was different. And I will definitely keep writing! Thank you so much for your kind words, all of them!

 

[Rustyoznail]

Y'all got me crying over a Lit thread.

When I first told him I wanted to write his response verbatim: "but you don't know how to tell a story." When I broke down crying (I'm a bit of cryer) he apologized profusely, but damage done. For years I didn't write because those words kept running through my head. And one day I just said 'fuck it' and started writing. I wrote an entire novel and edited and edited and rewrote and edited. And I liked what I wrote. I had other people read it, they liked it. He never asked to read it, and I was dumb to eventually ask if he wanted to. "If you want me to, I'll read it." That was about 6 months ago now and he's 1/5 of a way through a 116,000 word manuscript. I've stopped asking if he's going to keep reading it. This is non erotica, btw. He has no interest whatsoever in the erotic stuff. Won't even humor me with it.

It's a complicated issue. More of a medical issue because of him not taking care of himself, his anger at that, what that's done to 'us,' and then that leading to him being emotionally shut-off. He's really not a bad guy. We just don't work well together, on anything anymore really. It is what it is, I suppose.

Again, sorry for being a downer, and sorry if I made you sad! It's my problem, and I've gotten used to it. I'll just have to be content living vicariously through my and others' stories here.

I haven't told my wife I write here, and probably won't. Too many of my stories have vague images of people involved we know, and an Irish/Scottish redhead can hold a grudge, no matter how undeserved, for a very long time.

I can sympathise with the medical issues. Bec always had irregular periods and she couldn't conceive. The one time she did, we lost the bub. We were desperately sad for years. (And now I'm tearing up...) Then, to give her another swift kick in the teeth, after menopause hit, she started cramping. When she orgasmed. In the pelvic floor muscles. After eight years of being terrified of anything close to intimacy, we have finally got back to careful snuggling. Boobs are out of bounds.

Writing here allows me to channel my thoughts into a productive activity, and to be honest, I've virtually met some great people on this site. This area of the forums is pretty supportive which has been great for a mug writer blundering around a story.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

I haven't told my wife I write here, and probably won't. Too many of my stories have vague images of people involved we know, and an Irish/Scottish redhead can hold a grudge, no matter how undeserved, for a very long time.

I can sympathise with the medical issues. Bec always had irregular periods and she couldn't conceive. The one time she did, we lost the bub. We were desperately sad for years. (And now I'm tearing up...) Then, to give her another swift kick in the teeth, after menopause hit, she started cramping. When she orgasmed. In the pelvic floor muscles. After eight years of being terrified of anything close to intimacy, we have finally got back to careful snuggling. Boobs are out of bounds.

Writing here allows me to channel my thoughts into a productive activity, and to be honest, I've virtually met some great people on this site. This area of the forums is pretty supportive which has been great for a mug writer blundering around a story.

I’m sorry to hear about that. It sounds like the two of you have had a rough time of it. However it also sounds like you were very much there with her for those rough times, and in terms of life and relationships that’s the important bit…to be an effective team together in a desolate and increasingly fragile world.

I get what you mean though about avoiding questions, in some cases it probably is more effective to keep the two sides of yourselves separate as it avoids issues over subconscious desires and feelings.

In my last story (well, only story thus far) the main character took illegal drugs and engaged in BDSM, none of which I have even the slightest interest in, but it served the narrative. I really wouldn’t want to have that conversation.

 

[jaykaythree]

I've mentioned this on previous threads, and I say again now: my wife knows I write here, as I have told her. In fact, she was the inspiration for my first female lead, who likewise is the one dearest to my heart.

I asked her once if she wants to read, and she has declined. The offer, however, stands in case she wants to.

 

[LoveLustUs]

It’s been fascinating to read these. I have always been a casual writer and my wife loved my stories. But one day I took the plunge and wrote an erotic story. I was so nervous about sending it to her as I was away on a work trip. Her response was overwhelmingly positive. I essentially wrote a fictionalised story where she is seduced by another woman at a hotel bar. It wasn’t even a scenario we would ever entertain. But she said it was the hottest story she ever read on literotica. And then began my writing. I have published a number of fiction and non fiction stories. Essentially teasing fantasy and playing with that. Again, because it’s fantasy it’s fun because we can create worlds where we play. Stories around things like prostate milking, pegging, public sex, anal, BDSM have actually led to us teasing some of those desires into our sex life. I’m enormously glad we did, it’s been such a positive influence on our intimacy as we explore fantasy together and actually talk about desires.

 

[Rob_Royale]

@LoveLustUs it's terrific that you and your wife have such a positive relationship where you can talk about such things.

 

[oneagainst]

And one day I just said 'fuck it' and started writing. I wrote an entire novel and edited and edited and rewrote and edited. And I liked what I wrote.

I haven't told my wife I write here, and probably won't.

All the above. I'm not sure I'll ever figure out how to bring up the fact that I started writing this stuff one day and I'm still nowhere near done. I'd very likely get sent on a long walk off a short pier. I could stop, but then what's the point in that? Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Interested in hearing how other people cracked The Conversation about writing stories on an erotic literature site. I'm in a hole, and it's not a good one. Welcome any ideas for a way out.

 

[DeLaFaye]

All the above. I'm not sure I'll ever figure out how to bring up the fact that I started writing this stuff one day and I'm still nowhere near done. I'd very likely get sent on a long walk off a short pier. I could stop, but then what's the point in that? Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Interested in hearing how other people cracked The Conversation about writing stories on an erotic literature site. I'm in a hole, and it's not a good one. Welcome any ideas for a way out.

I'm sorry about the unfortunate hole.

I don't completely understand it, on a personal level. If I found out my partner was writing anything, but especially erotica, I would be OBSESSED! I would want to read every single word. It breaks my heart that mine doesn't, and has an active aversion to reading anything I do write, not just the erotic stuff. It's enough that I think I'm personally pretty near done, but I digress.

As far as a way out, do you mean out of writing? Or out of the closet of writing? As in how to tell your partner?

 

[oneagainst]

I'm sorry about the unfortunate hole.

I don't completely understand it, on a personal level. If I found out my partner was writing anything, but especially erotica, I would be OBSESSED! I would want to read every single word. It breaks my heart that mine doesn't, and has an active aversion to reading anything I do write, not just the erotic stuff. It's enough that I think I'm personally pretty near done, but I digress.

As far as a way out, do you mean out of writing? Or out of the closet of writing? As in how to tell your partner?

Not out of writing. I'm afraid the genie is well and truly out of the bottle. I've got an elaborate plan to write something off-lit that I can point to, as an on-ramp. It's gotta be fully complete though, I think, in case the air gets sucked out of it on the big reveal. At least it'll stand on its own two feet.

Sorry to hear you say you're pretty near done. You're only done if YOU say you are. Keep it up !!

 

[DeLaFaye]

Not out of writing. I'm afraid the genie is well and truly out of the bottle. I've got an elaborate plan to write something off-lit that I can point to, as an on-ramp. It's gotta be fully complete though, I think, in case the air gets sucked out of it on the big reveal. At least it'll stand on its own two feet.

Sorry to hear you say you're pretty near done. You're only done if YOU say you are. Keep it up !!

Honestly re-reading this thread has kind of energized me, so thank you for that! There's so many wonderful, sweet, supportive people here. It can be really heartwarming.

And yay for elaborate plans! I hope it all works out wonderfully for you and the words flow from your fingertips!

 

[elizaloo]

Y'all got me crying over a Lit thread.

When I first told him I wanted to write his response verbatim: "but you don't know how to tell a story." When I broke down crying (I'm a bit of cryer) he apologized profusely, but damage done. For years I didn't write because those words kept running through my head. And one day I just said 'fuck it' and started writing. I wrote an entire novel and edited and edited and rewrote and edited. And I liked what I wrote. I had other people read it, they liked it. He never asked to read it, and I was dumb to eventually ask if he wanted to. "If you want me to, I'll read it." That was about 6 months ago now and he's 1/5 of a way through a 116,000 word manuscript. I've stopped asking if he's going to keep reading it. This is non erotica, btw. He has no interest whatsoever in the erotic stuff. Won't even humor me with it.

It's a complicated issue. More of a medical issue because of him not taking care of himself, his anger at that, what that's done to 'us,' and then that leading to him being emotionally shut-off. He's really not a bad guy. We just don't work well together, on anything anymore really. It is what it is, I suppose.

Again, sorry for being a downer, and sorry if I made you sad! It's my problem, and I've gotten used to it. I'll just have to be content living vicariously through my and others' stories here.

Oh boy, I think we must be in the same boat, life-wise.

My H is here on Lit - we met here...but he won't read what I write, objected to 'following me' because he doesn't much care what I write. His disinterest couldn't be more clear.

The rest...yeah, I can totally relate....it's sad, but reality. And it sucks.

My sympathies and don't worry about being a 'downer'...sometimes you just have to let it out. Write, and ignore him -you will develop a following here who enjoy what you write and validate your written words.

 

[DeLaFaye]

Oh boy, I think we must be in the same boat, life-wise.

My H is here on Lit - we met here...but he won't read what I write, objected to 'following me' because he doesn't much care what I write. His disinterest couldn't be more clear.

The rest...yeah, I can totally relate....it's sad, but reality. And it sucks.

My sympathies and don't worry about being a 'downer'...sometimes you just have to let it out. Write, and ignore him -you will develop a following here who enjoy what you write and validate your written words.

Thank you! See? You're who I'm talking about, absolute sweethearts! I'm kind of enthralled with your story, tbh. That y'all met here and he isn't interested. Like what what?! I can't write or read these stories without getting hot and bothered so I'd be over the moon to have a partner that did as well.

I get my situation. Without going too much into it, he has a strong preference for someone who stays in the home, and that was never going to be me. I've had anxiety and depression for nearly a decade now (hey guess how long I've known this guy ). Recently taken steps for the anxiety to clear up, feeling the depression big time, but also a lot of anger.

 

[gordo12]

Y'all got me crying over a Lit thread.

When I first told him I wanted to write his response verbatim: "but you don't know how to tell a story." When I broke down crying (I'm a bit of cryer) he apologized profusely, but damage done.

After 20+ years on Lit, I can tell by glancing at their portfolio what kind of writer they are. You can tell their kinks and writing ability. You have a steady stream of Red H's & high scores, some in difficult categories. Not to be too blunt, but your hubby is full of shit! You don't achieve that if you can't TELL a story! Please, keep on writing.

My own wife read my first stories and gave me the rah-rah, good job response. After a while, it was apparent to me that she was just being supportive. She never asked questions about what I wrote or made suggestions. (except once, I'll get to that)

It made me mad when she kept raving about an author that wrote sci-fi/fantasy stories. Purchased all his books @ $7-$9 each and talked about them constantly. She never mentioned mine. To my knowledge, she has never told anyone that I write. I finally stopped telling her when I published, I'd maybe share a great comment or good score with her. I finally asked if she was reading anything and the answer was no. Even when my books started selling online, there was little interest.

BUT...

About 10 years ago something happened that really upset me. When I told her, she seemed to not really get it.

I wrote it into one of my first stories verbatim about 5 years ago (unpublished). She read it and came to me. "I didn't realize you felt that way, I'm sorry!) That was cathartic!

So some good!

 

[SimonDoom]

I agree you definitely have to write for yourself! I never would have started writing if it wasn't for myself. But everyone wants to feel validation in some form or another, it's only human. We want to know we're loved and valued. I do wish I could get that from my partner, but at this point I know that isn't going to happen. For the most part I've made my peace with it, but part of me still wishes it was different. And I will definitely keep writing! Thank you so much for your kind words, all of them!

I sympathize with, and to some degree can relate to, your situation. No matter how strong you are as an individual, you want validation and support, especially from a partner.
I didn't start writing and publishing stories until after I was divorced. I might never have done it if I had remained married, because, without going into details, I don't think my partner would have been supportive, and I would have been discouraged from doing something she disapproved but also writing stories behind her back. I thank the lord I'm divorced, despite the many difficult things that accompany divorce. It's liberating. I don't currently have a partner, but when I do I hope that this experience is something I can fully share and have appreciated.

 

[Imstillfun]

I love writing. My husband is the real pervert. I’m just a slut. He’s my muse. all of the incest stuff is his imagination. I just flesh out the storyline and dialogue.

with the LW stories he’s helped me understand what it feels like from a man’s side to watch me get fucked and to fuck another man’s wife.

plus he turned me into a slut, well, he gave me the safety to be a slut. I always loved sex and fantasized, but he made a safe loving space for me to explore. now I explore those fantasies I haven’t done in writing.

 

[Imstillfun]

Oh I forgot. Pregnant women are his imagination as well though I was very horny when I was pregnant. But we weren’t together back then.