Maturity

[jedi007gotham]

I mean interested in her. Not you, not the relationship, not the future, not "where is this going"

Interested in her.

interested in her how? as a potential partner? like i said, i try that and it apparently comes off as needy or something...

sorry for all the questions but its so confusing... you can see why i cant get a girl right now lol im just way too confused

 

[Recidiva]

interested in her how? as a potential partner? like i said, i try that and it apparently comes off as needy or something...

sorry for all the questions but its so confusing... you can see why i cant get a girl right now lol im just way too confused

Again, interested in her. Not what she means to you, not what she can do for you. You have to take yourself out of the equation a bit. Find out about her, what she likes, what her hobbies are, what she thinks about things.

 

[phoenix1224]

interested in her how? as a potential partner? like i said, i try that and it apparently comes off as needy or something...

sorry for all the questions but its so confusing... you can see why i cant get a girl right now lol im just way too confused

I suggest that you read the book "Report 2006: A Man's Guide to Women: The Secret Tricks and Expert Techniques Every Guy Needs to Get the Sex He Wants". (It's by the editors of "Men's Health" and published by Rodale.)

It will answer all of your questions... And then some.

 

[jedi007gotham]

I suggest that you read the book "Report 2006: A Man's Guide to Women: The Secret Tricks and Expert Techniques Every Guy Needs to Get the Sex He Wants". (It's by the editors of "Men's Health" and published by Rodale.)

It will answer all of your questions... And then some.

even if im not really looking for sex but instead for love and a meaningful relationship?

 

[jedi007gotham]

Again, interested in her. Not what she means to you, not what she can do for you. You have to take yourself out of the equation a bit. Find out about her, what she likes, what her hobbies are, what she thinks about things.

yeah, thats how things were with my friend but she still had no interest in me apparently

 

[Recidiva]

yeah, thats how things were with my friend but she still had no interest in me apparently

Well, then find another woman. Find several. Practice on them.

 

[SweetErika]

Successful relationships require skills, just like anything else. If you're unwilling to practice and hone those skills to get to the point where you can be a good mate, you might as well give up on the idea.

To draw a comparison, it's like the person who says they want a high managerial position in a company, but refuse to start at the bottom and gain the required knowledge and skills necessary to be an effective manager. You want to tell them, "Get off your lazy ass, stop whining, and work for it!" Basically, we're telling you the same, because we know that's the only way you're going to have a successful loving relationship.

Games are part of growing up and trying things out to see what works. There are some general age guidelines, but there's certainly no rule. I started dating my hubby a few days before my 18th birthday, but by then I'd already had several failed relationships and figured out I wanted to try a different type of guy (a nice one who would treat me well). Even as nice as we both were, there were still some games and plenty of confusion. Fortunately, we grew up out of those and worked through our personal and relationship problems, but we very well could have done the opposite. I think it worked in large part because we took it one step at a time and only had expectations for how we would treat each other. In other words, it probably would have been disasterous had we started with the mindset it would be a serious, loving relationship, which is something that only comes in time and with practice.

You don't have to focus on fucking every woman you can, but you do need to set your goal as 'dating' and practice doing that. There's a very good chance that dating will lead to relationships, and some of those will turn into serious relationships, but that will only happen if you BOTH have the necessary skills to make them successful. Work on loving yourself and making Jedi007 an attractive date and mate. Take every opportunity to meet and date women. Practice and hone your skills so you can have what you want someday.

 

[jedi007gotham]

Take every opportunity to meet and date women. Practice and hone your skills so you can have what you want someday.

So what do you mean? try using pickup lines or? I am not even sure what skills exactly i have to work on

 

[Recidiva]

So what do you mean? try using pickup lines or? I am not even sure what skills exactly i have to work on

Start with conversation. Ask them questions about themselves. Listen to the answers. Ask more questions.

 

[jedi007gotham]

Start with conversation. Ask them questions about themselves. Listen to the answers. Ask more questions.

basically make friends... but see, my problem has been that im always considered just a friend, doesnt that defeat the purpose of trying to move past being just a friend to everyone?

 

[Recidiva]

basically make friends... but see, my problem has been that im always considered just a friend, doesnt that defeat the purpose of trying to move past being just a friend to everyone?

You might be relying on your friends for too much support and therapy and less for the social fun thing friendship can be. Try fun. Thus the talking less about yourself, and the listening. See what happens from there.

 

[jedi007gotham]

You might be relying on your friends for too much support and therapy and less for the social fun thing friendship can be. Try fun. Thus the talking less about yourself, and the listening. See what happens from there.

well we do have fun sometimes, but your right it definately has been too much focusing on issues, both mine and theirs.... i do need to start having more fun with them... thanks

 

[rcuhljr]

Start with conversation. Ask them questions about themselves. Listen to the answers. Ask more questions.

That always just comes off as creepy when I do it

On a slightly related note, just because you don't have a woman doesn't mean there's anything wrong with them, even when they aren't interested in playing games they aren't going to hunt you down and do the work of starting a relationship most times. My social scene isn't much grander then your's, but I'm aware it's my own fault and don't expect the situation to change without changing what I'm doing to cause it.

 

[tryptamine]

Listen man, you seem to be aiming for a state of "being in a relationship."

This isn't the way to go about it...it's not "being in a relationship" that's good...you need to find someone you actually like as a person or are attracted to. Not just anyone...if you don't like them then "being in a relationship" with them won't mean shit and you'll just be more unhappy.

You need to go out and meet women. And don't just think "I'm in with a chance here, hooray I'll take it". Only hit on women you're actually interested in. And if you talk to them for a while and like them, then ask them out. People do actually do that. You probably come across as need because, well...you basically sound desperate for anyone to me. Lose that and talk to women like they're people instead of prospects for "being in a relationship".

 

[phoenix1224]

even if im not really looking for sex but instead for love and a meaningful relationship?

Yes.

Don't let the subtitle fool you, it's not just a book about sex (although, sex is a very important part of any romantic relationship).

It answers many relationship questions for men... Including many of the questions that you have asked throughout this thread.

 

[_honey_]

If it gives you any hope, I was mates with my current bf for over three years before I stopped seeing him as "just a friend". We got closer and closer because he'd focus on *me* specifically and take me on random adventures that he knew I'd enjoy. Things like driving me to Anglesea randomly to camp on a beach when I'd been saying for a few days that I hadn't been to the seaside in years and it was a shame to miss the good weather. After spending lots of time together we got closer and closer until I suddenly realised I wanted to scream "STEP OFF BIYATCH!" to some girl hitting on him in the pub. I'm still not too sure what hit me but I think he was successful because:

1) He told me clearly he wanted to be more than friends but
2) He never pressured me into being more than friends
3) He was an amazing friend who listened to what I needed and gave it to me
4) So much fun to be around, I now couldn't do without him
5) Imaginitive! Spontaneous compliments, trips, gestures are good. Cheesy pick-up lines are bad bad bad. To be used only in an ironic way. I warn you now!
6) Very patient. Three years was a long wait, but since we've been together a year and a half I'm slowly making it up to him