Maturity

[jedi007gotham]

Hi
I am one of those guys who has problems dating because I am not good at the gameish aspects of it... hiding your true feelings and all... I heard older women are much better at dealing with guys like me and that I should just wait until girls my age grow tired of playing useless games and wasting time with jerks and want a nice guy with no games.... Ive been getting so lonely lately so I have two questions

a. Is it true that women as they get older and more mature grow tired of the games and all?

b. if it is true, about what age do most women get like this? I am already twenty and dont know how much longer I can wait


thanks

 

[emap]

Yes it is true women get tired of games, when that happens varies greatly however, some get tired of it at 14, some never do, most are somewhere in between.

Already twenty???????? Dang I swear you young whippersnappers are in such a hurry to get old.

Don't worry you will get it eventually.

Anyway, what you are doing is being in a hurry, which in a love life IS A VERY BAD THING. I am so not kidding, you have to learn to slow down and take things as they come. To put it another way, say it's been dry for two months and it finally rains, would you rather it rains for 20 seconds then does it again for another 20 seconds in a week, or would you rather it rained for 8 hours?

Thing about that, then you can transfer that to your love life, or lack thereoff if you wish, would you rather get a one nighter every once in a while, or have a deep long loving relationship for years? Yes I know you kinda said what you want already, but think about it, do you want sex, or do you want love and sex?

Sex is sorta easy, go to a bar or club, buy women drinks and eventually one will either like you enough to go home with you or get drunk enough to not care, which is in fact why she is there, besides the getting out of the house thing.

If you want love, well then the best thing to do is put yourself out there as much as possible, not hiding anything, especially the weirder kinks and just live your life, eventually she will show up and it's always when you least expect it.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Yes women do get tired of the games, but as emap said, it varies with each person as to when. I understand what you are saying about hating this part of dating, but I think you are looking at it from the wrong perspective. I dont' think it's playing the game that bothers you, it's the risk involved in playing the game. You never know for sure what's going to happen. Does she like me as much as I like her? Does she mean what she says? Can I trust her to tell her what I really feel? I don't think these elements of an initial courtship ever go away.

I was only 20 when I met my wife. While we were both mature and very open and blunt during our dating, those first few dates were a game. Our first date went something like this:

I asked her out to dinner, trying not to actually call it a date so I wouldn't be embarassed if she said no. She said we'd have to go somewhere cheap because she was out of cash, and she said this becaseu she didn't want to assume it was a date. This put the pressure back on me, at which point I declared that I was going to pay because that's what I flet guys should do when asking a lady out to dinner. I'd thrown out the date "vibe", but still left myself an out as to just being a gentleman, if she expressed no desire to go on an official "date". Sensing then that I was probing and she had little chance of misreading my intentions, she agreed. Now neither one of us called this a "date", but we both knew what it was. The entire dinner conversation consisted of mutual interests and what we wanted in a mate. I'd say by the end of the meal we both had a good idea what we were getting into.

What followed was one of the most stressful, exhilerating times of my life. I wasn't dealing with some woman I'd picked up in a bar or met at a party, this was someone I'd become friends with and worked with all year. I was also working basically 24 hour shifts in the theater getting ready for a tour. So I used her skills as an excuse and drafted her into helping me out. This put the two of us alone pulling all night shifts together. Nothing to do but string cables and talk. Yeah we played the game, but it was one of the most enjoyable times of my life.

Why tell you this? Because I want you to understand that the "game" I splayed in many different ways. Courtship is a word that we don't use much anymore, but it is the best way to describe this elegant game. It doesn't have to be mired in manipulations and deception, pretending to be something one's not, or trying to hide how you really feel. What it does involve is taking that initial risk, as risk that you might get hurt. It also involves finding the right partner with which to play the game.

You don't need to find an older woman, you just need to find the right one. Easier said than done, yes, but not if you open your eyes. When I met my wife I had gone through a very messy break up. What followed was me on the rebound dating a series of women, making questionable decisions, and basically embarassing myself and becoming more miserable with every misstep. The whole time my future wife is watching this, shaking her head. If I'd opened my eyes and seen her standign there, I might have saved myself a few hookups I'd jsut as soon forget.

The women you are looking for are out there and they are your own age. You just need to look for the ones who with the right personalities, the ones who are genuine and don't put on a facade of fashion and popular fad. Those are the ladies who are looking for a man who is real to be in a relationship that is real. It's about maturity, not age, one doesn't always mean the other.

Good luck, and don't rush it. Trust me, if you do you'll blind yourself to the real thing you are looking for.

 

[Recidiva]

Not quite sure what you mean by games.

I've always enjoyed confident, witty, intelligent, straightforward people.

At any age.

 

[jedi007gotham]

Yes it is true women get tired of games, when that happens varies greatly however, some get tired of it at 14, some never do, most are somewhere in between.

Already twenty???????? Dang I swear you young whippersnappers are in such a hurry to get old.

Don't worry you will get it eventually.

Anyway, what you are doing is being in a hurry, which in a love life IS A VERY BAD THING. I am so not kidding, you have to learn to slow down and take things as they come. To put it another way, say it's been dry for two months and it finally rains, would you rather it rains for 20 seconds then does it again for another 20 seconds in a week, or would you rather it rained for 8 hours?

Thing about that, then you can transfer that to your love life, or lack thereoff if you wish, would you rather get a one nighter every once in a while, or have a deep long loving relationship for years? Yes I know you kinda said what you want already, but think about it, do you want sex, or do you want love and sex?

Sex is sorta easy, go to a bar or club, buy women drinks and eventually one will either like you enough to go home with you or get drunk enough to not care, which is in fact why she is there, besides the getting out of the house thing.

If you want love, well then the best thing to do is put yourself out there as much as possible, not hiding anything, especially the weirder kinks and just live your life, eventually she will show up and it's always when you least expect it.

ultimately what I want is love, with or without sex, but it seems like no matter how hard I try im always "just a friend" or what have you.... how exactly do i put myself out there? i find that I have problems even just meeting people for some reason.... a friend of mine says im attractive but i whine so much about being lonely and all ( i do to my friends) that it makes me unattractive... how do i fix that? i mean the ideal thing would be to just completely stop caring about dating but it seems easier said than done.

She said "whether I end up alone forever or not is completely up to me"..... how do i make sure I dont? I mean not to seem all egocentric or anything but I feel like I deserve to be loved by someone

 

[Recidiva]

ultimately what I want is love, with or without sex, but it seems like no matter how hard I try im always "just a friend" or what have you.... how exactly do i put myself out there? i find that I have problems even just meeting people for some reason.... a friend of mine says im attractive but i whine so much about being lonely and all ( i do to my friends) that it makes me unattractive... how do i fix that? i mean the ideal thing would be to just completely stop caring about dating but it seems easier said than done.

She said "whether I end up alone forever or not is completely up to me"..... how do i make sure I dont? I mean not to seem all egocentric or anything but I feel like I deserve to be loved by someone

That would be a turn off for me. What's the point in providing someone with my company if they already think they deserve it and have to do nothing to earn it, entertain me or give me what I want?

Where did you get the idea that the Universe owes you a mate?

 

[jedi007gotham]

That would be a turn off for me. What's the point in providing someone with my company if they already think they deserve it and have to do nothing to earn it, entertain me or give me what I want?

Where did you get the idea that the Universe owes you a mate?

well it doesnt mean i dont try to earn it or entertain her but just that I feel like I deserved to be loved by somone out there generally speaking; that i do deserve to be loved someday doesnt mean im not willing to work for it

 

[Recidiva]

well it doesnt mean i dont try to earn it or entertain her but just that I feel like I deserved to be loved by somone out there generally speaking; that i do deserve to be loved someday doesnt mean im not willing to work for it

Well, okay, but if a friend told you that you whine too much, what form does your whining take?

The person sitting around bitching that there's nothing to eat had best learn to cook or hunt or sweet-talk someone into sharing their plate.

 

[jedi007gotham]

Well, okay, but if a friend told you that you whine too much, what form does your whining take?

The person sitting around bitching that there's nothing to eat had best learn to cook or hunt or sweet-talk someone into sharing their plate.

well ive had feelings for her for quite sometime that shes made very clear she doesnt reciprocate, and instead sees me like a brother figure or something

so she is one i often go to about this sort of stuff because shes been on the other end of my affections and knows what its like... by whining she means when i come to her and complain that ill never meet anyone because im 21 (birthday tomorrow) and havent even been on a date and how that really bothers me because i see all these mean guys with girls and i cant seem to meet any girls or be with anyone myself


but getting back to before, I know everyone matures at a different age, but is there an average age when MOST women mature?

 

[LadyJeanne]

ultimately what I want is love, with or without sex, but it seems like no matter how hard I try im always "just a friend" or what have you.... how exactly do i put myself out there? i find that I have problems even just meeting people for some reason.... a friend of mine says im attractive but i whine so much about being lonely and all ( i do to my friends) that it makes me unattractive... how do i fix that? i mean the ideal thing would be to just completely stop caring about dating but it seems easier said than done.

She said "whether I end up alone forever or not is completely up to me"..... how do i make sure I dont? I mean not to seem all egocentric or anything but I feel like I deserve to be loved by someone

Just a friend = she likes you, but you don't turn her on, so ask someone else out

Whining about lonely and not finding love = big turn off, so stop whining

20 years old = you have barely even started meeting people or knowing who you are and what you have to offer someone or what you even want out of a relationship

Look, the only way to find love is to do everything you can to make your own life fulfilling and to do the things that are important to you. In the process of living your life, you will meet many, many wonderful women. When you meet someone you like - just flirt with her and ask her out on a date. And keep asking people out until someone says yes. You have to take some risks and put yourself out there. If you don't, you won't get rejected, but you won't get any dates either.

As for games, if you're straight-forward and don't accept otherwise from people, you won't have to worry about games.

 

[Recidiva]

well ive had feelings for her for quite sometime that shes made very clear she doesnt reciprocate, and instead sees me like a brother figure or something

so she is one i often go to about this sort of stuff because shes been on the other end of my affections and knows what its like... by whining she means when i come to her and complain that ill never meet anyone because im 21 (birthday tomorrow) and havent even been on a date and how that really bothers me because i see all these mean guys with girls and i cant seem to meet any girls or be with anyone myself

I'm not sure that "mean" is the same to each person. What do you think is mean?

 

[jedi007gotham]

I'm not sure that "mean" is the same to each person. What do you think is mean?

I mean guys who are obviously just after sex and could care less about her emotions or how hes treating her... there are so many guys like that... guys who cheat on their gfs and think almost nothing of it or beat their significant other yet almost always never seem to be alone... guys like that you know?

immature jerks if i had to classify

 

[jedi007gotham]

Just a friend = she likes you, but you don't turn her on, so ask someone else out

Whining about lonely and not finding love = big turn off, so stop whining

20 years old = you have barely even started meeting people or knowing who you are and what you have to offer someone or what you even want out of a relationship

Look, the only way to find love is to do everything you can to make your own life fulfilling and to do the things that are important to you. In the process of living your life, you will meet many, many wonderful women. When you meet someone you like - just flirt with her and ask her out on a date. And keep asking people out until someone says yes. You have to take some risks and put yourself out there. If you don't, you won't get rejected, but you won't get any dates either.

As for games, if you're straight-forward and don't accept otherwise from people, you won't have to worry about games.

yeah your right, but i mean are there women out there who are straight forward like me and tired of games?


oh btw, lady jeanne, i am a big fan of your stories

 

[LadyJeanne]

well ive had feelings for her for quite sometime that shes made very clear she doesnt reciprocate, and instead sees me like a brother figure or something

so she is one i often go to about this sort of stuff because shes been on the other end of my affections and knows what its like... by whining she means when i come to her and complain that ill never meet anyone because im 21 (birthday tomorrow) and havent even been on a date and how that really bothers me because i see all these mean guys with girls and i cant seem to meet any girls or be with anyone myself


but getting back to before, I know everyone matures at a different age, but is there an average age when MOST women mature?

Maybe you could consider how mature you are instead of being concerned about women's maturity?

You are making the classic mistake guys make - you are thinking 'nice guys finish last'. No, doormats finish last. Whiny guys finish last.

Are you looking at the women who might be shy and/or quiet and don't have every guy in the room lusting after them? Are you noticing the girls in your classes or at work or whatever your interests are? Are you engaging them in conversation, flirting? Or are you sitting back and just wishing someone would walk into your life?

Take control of your love life, sweets. You have the power.

 

[LadyJeanne]

yeah your right, but i mean are there women out there who are straight forward like me and tired of games?


oh btw, lady jeanne, i am a big fan of your stories

Of course there are women who don't play games. They're usually the women who don't have swarms of men asking them out all the time, and spend their free time volunteering and pursuing their interests rather than hanging out in bars.



(and thank you - I'm glad to be of service!)

 

[Recidiva]

I mean guys who are obviously just after sex and could care less about her emotions or how hes treating her... there are so many guys like that... guys who cheat on their gfs and think almost nothing of it or beat their significant other yet almost always never seem to be alone... guys like that you know?

immature jerks if i had to classify

Well, women can just want sex too.

And as to women "maturing" at a certain age, that's bullshit. They continue to want sex. Interesting sex, from interesting people. Their emotions are their own, and being respected eternally is really...boring. Very often, lust comes first, emotions and attachment later. But if you can't invoke lust to begin with...you're kinda screwed.

 

[jedi007gotham]

Well, women can just want sex too.

And as to women "maturing" at a certain age, that's bullshit. They continue to want sex. Interesting sex, from interesting people. Their emotions are their own, and being respected eternally is really...boring. Very often, lust comes first, emotions and attachment later. But if you can't invoke lust to begin with...you're kinda screwed.

I am just one of those who often believes in waiting for sex till you are at least in love... does this screw me over more too?

how do i make a woman lustful if i cant give it to her?

 

[Recidiva]

I am just one of those who often believes in waiting for sex till you are at least in love... does this screw me over more too?

Slightly, yes. If you're all about the love, then you have to be loving. Not complaining. However, if you have no practice with sex...then you're going to be at a disadvantage also. So how exactly do you behave with a woman to make a first impression...other than being remote?

There are plenty of people that are just genuinely, naturally loving and they don't lack for company. But if you're condemning of how "other" people behave and your main draw is that you're "better" somehow...but you're not sure quite how, that's different.

 

[jedi007gotham]

Slightly, yes. If you're all about the love, then you have to be loving. Not complaining. However, if you have no practice with sex...then you're going to be at a disadvantage also. So how exactly do you behave with a woman to make a first impression...other than being remote?

There are plenty of people that are just genuinely, naturally loving and they don't lack for company. But if you're condemning of how "other" people behave and your main draw is that you're "better" somehow...but you're not sure quite how, that's different.

so should i just go find a random girl to have sex with to get it out of my system or?

and im not really condemning other people, i just dont understand why so many guys who disrespect women end up with them

 

[Recidiva]

so should i just go find a random girl to have sex with to get it out of my system or?

and im not really condemning other people, i just dont understand why so many guys who disrespect women end up with them

Well, sex isn't about respect. So that's the first clue. Sex is about hunger. So generally, a guy being aggressive is demonstrating he's hungry. That's flattering.

 

[phoenix1224]

a. Is it true that women as they get older and more mature grow tired of the games and all?

For most women, yes, it's true.

b. if it is true, about what age do most women get like this? I am already twenty and dont know how much longer I can wait

For most women, it's usually by age 30 (when that pesky biological clock starts ticking loudly ).

 

[jedi007gotham]

Well, sex isn't about respect. So that's the first clue. Sex is about hunger. So generally, a guy being aggressive is demonstrating he's hungry. That's flattering.

so just act horny all the time?

 

[Recidiva]

so just act horny all the time?

No, act interested.

 

[jedi007gotham]

No, act interested.

interested how? i mean i act interested in a relationship but apparently when i do it comes off as too needy or something

 

[Recidiva]

interested how? i mean i act interested in a relationship but apparently when i do it comes off as too needy or something

I mean interested in her. Not you, not the relationship, not the future, not "where is this going"

Interested in her.