Masturbating for a purpose

[gigaheadman]

Hey guys and girls, how you all going?

I doubt you hear this very often here but I'm a mid twenties male virgin who is saving himself for marriage. But I'm quite afraid that with all the pressure that I won't perform for very long at all during my first 'performance'. So what I was wondering is; is there a method that a guy can practice masturbating that will help him last longer during sex?

I'm circumcised and find that with direct stimulation I hardly last minutes.

Any help will be appreciated

Cheers

 

[SweetErika]

Google 'male kegel exercises' and practice edging (getting to the edge, then backing off).

But who cares if you don't last when you have sex for the first time? There's no law against going another round once you both recover, coming during foreplay or masturbating before you get together. Look at it this way: hopefully you'll have the rest of your lives to enjoy sex together and if you actually should be having sex with this woman, she'll love you and enjoy herself regardless of how long you last.

DO make damn sure you're VERY sexually (and otherwise!) compatible before you commit. You don't want to end up seeking advice on or complaining about your crappy or nonexistent sex life in the "Happily Married, Sexually Unfulfilled" thread in a few years because you didn't look at true compatibility or you wanted to wait until marriage. Even when people don't wait, they often find their partners only pretended to enjoy sex or don't value sex as much as they do. So, try to look at waiting as a strike against you in this area and make sure you find ways to compensate for it as much as possible.

 

[Shadowann2]

I have never met a guy who laster more than a few minutes their first time. It's kind of a given. If you love your partner enough, and she loves you enough to get married, she will be understanding. And like SE said, there is always round two....and three...and four...well, you get the idea!

 

[saskatuna]

i dunno if this is applicable what with the saving yourself for marriage thing, but if you're going to be using condoms, i found them VERY off putting at first - like as if the nervousness of my first time wasn't enough, i had to deal with this thing. It wasn't pretty.

What solved it for me was - sounds funny - taking a condom and jerking off into it. Just to get used to the feeling, and to know that yes, the mechanics still worked.

As far as what everybody else says, yeah, one of the last things you need to worry about is how long you're gonna last the first time.

Edging is fun and worthwhile on its own merits, I say.

 

[PoeticMusings53]

Hey guys and girls, how you all going?

I doubt you hear this very often here but I'm a mid twenties male virgin who is saving himself for marriage. But I'm quite afraid that with all the pressure that I won't perform for very long at all during my first 'performance'. So what I was wondering is; is there a method that a guy can practice masturbating that will help him last longer during sex?

I'm circumcised and find that with direct stimulation I hardly last minutes.

Any help will be appreciated

Cheers

Masturbate close to orgasm, then stop. Repeat until you realize the sensations that indicate exactly when you're going to orgasm. Then, once you have sex with your partner, just change your angle/speed/depth as you feel that feeling coming on. Stop completely and use your mouth or fingers to stimulate her if you feel yourself just on the edge. This should give you complete control over when you orgasm.

 

[Pinkneonsocks]

Google 'male kegel exercises' and practice edging (getting to the edge, then backing off).

But who cares if you don't last when you have sex for the first time? There's no law against going another round once you both recover, coming during foreplay or masturbating before you get together. Look at it this way: hopefully you'll have the rest of your lives to enjoy sex together and if you actually should be having sex with this woman, she'll love you and enjoy herself regardless of how long you last.

DO make damn sure you're VERY sexually (and otherwise!) compatible before you commit. You don't want to end up seeking advice on or complaining about your crappy or nonexistent sex life in the "Happily Married, Sexually Unfulfilled" thread in a few years because you didn't look at true compatibility or you wanted to wait until marriage. Even when people don't wait, they often find their partners only pretended to enjoy sex or don't value sex as much as they do. So, try to look at waiting as a strike against you in this area and make sure you find ways to compensate for it as much as possible.

I enjoy your post. You seem to really think things through and give them a thorough answer without being judgemental or harsh.

To address the subject at hand. I'm more concerned with 'why' you feel the need to last longer your first time. I guess for me I would hope that since you've chosen to wait to have sex until marriage... the first time you engage in sex the idea of being good or lasting long would be the furthest thing from your mind.

However, women are different from men so my opinion on it is probably irrelevent.

 

[PoeticMusings53]

To address the subject at hand. I'm more concerned with 'why' you feel the need to last longer your first time. I guess for me I would hope that since you've chosen to wait to have sex until marriage... the first time you engage in sex the idea of being good or lasting long would be the furthest thing from your mind.

Probably because he wants to please his partner.

 

[Pinkneonsocks]

I would assume it would be her first time as well. If not... she'll understand. Being a woman's first time is not usually pleasant regardless of how good her partner is.

 

[gigaheadman]

Probably because he wants to please his partner.

yeah that's right, I understand that I'm not going to be anything great at first but I'd like to make it as wonderful as possible for both of us


Thanks for all the input everyone, I'll think about all the advice

 

[CWatson]

DO make damn sure you're VERY sexually (and otherwise!) compatible before you commit. You don't want to end up seeking advice on or complaining about your crappy or nonexistent sex life in the "Happily Married, Sexually Unfulfilled" thread in a few years because you didn't look at true compatibility or you wanted to wait until marriage.

I think that's a little unfair. Who's to say that you can't have a fulfilling sexual life even if you do wait until marriage? Supposedly, there is a study claiming that people who wait until marriage are actually happier with their married sex lives than those who get involved beforehand. Is it true? I don't know. We've all heard the tales about sex disappearing once the vows are said, and there's something to be said for ignorance-is-bliss (as in, people who only ever have one partner in their lives don't know what they're missing). The one thing I can guarantee you is that this study was conducted by pro-abstinence Christians. That kind of damages its credibility, but it doesn't make it inherently false. Just because the data were gathered by people with an agenda, doesn't mean that they didn't still come up with a factually true answer. (By pure accident, of course. When it comes to real-world research, I don't trust my fellow Christians any further than I can throw them. )

Even when people don't wait, they often find their partners only pretended to enjoy sex or don't value sex as much as they do. So, try to look at waiting as a strike against you in this area and make sure you find ways to compensate for it as much as possible.

Now THIS might be true. But this can happen with marriages where you don't wait. Now, is it more likely to happen in wait-until-marriage marriages? That I can't tell you; it requires psychographics and surveys which, Psych degree or not, I'm not qualified to come up with. But, long story short, I think attitude matters more than sex-during-courtship practices. If you had to choose between a virginal, abstinence-dedicated partner who is dedicated to being a good lover and pleasing their spouse, and a partner who entertained sex during the courtship but with the intention of cutting off your supply once they had the ring on their finger--or, for that matter, one who put out, but badly, and with no hope of improvement--which would you want? ...Though, one must also ask, how often do those types of people actually exist?

Gigaheadman, let's simply leave it at this: it is definitely important to make sure you are sexually compatible with any woman you might marry. But finding that out doesn't require you to have sex with her; it can be done, if you are careful, with relative celibacy (though you'll probably have to at least allow making out). The most important question is not when she's willing to put out, but rather what quality of sex she's willing to give when she does.

 

[shiny5437]

I would assume it would be her first time as well. If not... she'll understand. Being a woman's first time is not usually pleasant regardless of how good her partner is.

... and so maybe not lasting very long when you start is actually a good thing!

Good observation pinkneonsocks.

Maybe men and women are compatible after all...

 

[SweetErika]

I think that's a little unfair. Who's to say that you can't have a fulfilling sexual life even if you do wait until marriage?

Not me. If you reread what I actually wrote, you should see I didn't say or imply such a thing. I did say he should make sure he's compatible with his partner prior to committing. And you said the same thing yourself right here:

Gigaheadman, let's simply leave it at this: it is definitely important to make sure you are sexually compatible with any woman you might marry.

But finding that out doesn't require you to have sex with her; it can be done, if you are careful, with relative celibacy (though you'll probably have to at least allow making out). The most important question is not when she's willing to put out, but rather what quality of sex she's willing to give when she does.

No, determining compatibility doesn't require sex, but it's a lot easier to determine sexual compatibility when people have sex over a long period prior to marriage. It's an advantage to see how a partner is over the long haul after the new love chemicals have worn off - maybe they don't want sex once they are committed, aren't as open as they originally portrayed themselves to be, don't deal with times of stress well sexually, etc. By the same token, it's a disadvantage to not have that trial period--for anyone, not just those who wait for marriage.

I'm pretty sure the people who only have sex once a month, year, or decade, and are terribly unhappy with the amount would contest your point that quantity doesn't matter. Quality is certainly important, but so is being on the same-ish page about quantity. Most long-term couples use sex to connect emotionally, so if they're only doing that a few times a year or decade, there are likely to be major problems.

That said, I'm certainly not advocating for Giga to go against his beliefs and have sex before marriage. I am saying he should carefully consider all of his options and make sure he tries to mitigate the disadvantage of not having a trial period.

 

[A_Kefka]

My thoughts on waiting to have sex is that you need to be able to at least talk about it wiht your partner if you plan to wait. Find out how important it is to them once it is happening, their preferences, likes, dislikes. Now if you are both virgins then this will be difficult, since you don't know. I guess this goes more for people who have expirience and just don't want to rush into bed.

 

[destinys2sexy]

My bf said that its best to think about other things when you get close... ignore what your doing completely until you lose "it" and then start all over again. Also, switch positions with the girl and that will prolong the event as well. He says he does it with me and he lasts for a long time.

 

[CWatson]

Find out how important it is to them once it is happening, their preferences, likes, dislikes. Now if you are both virgins then this will be difficult, since you don't know.

This is why I've started to think that masturbation is the foundation of a good sex life. For two people to have a fulfilling sex life, four things need to be true: Partner A needs to be comfortable with Partner B's sexuality; vice versa; Partner A needs to be comfortable with their own sexuality; and vice versa. And masturbation is how you get comfortable with your own skin, even if you are a virgin. You may not have much idea of what you like to receive from your partners, but at least you're comfortable with the idea of receiving at all. Halves the workload.

(I'm just inventing stuff here. I mean, I'm a virgin--no chance to test it out, one way or the other. But this all seems sensible to me.)