Married kink

[BeeBeestoy]

How long has your relationship included a power exchange element? Do you both view Femdom in the same way? Are you on the same "page" re: D/s? What are your (and her) expectations?

I have always considered her "in control" in the bedroom. However its only been in the last 2 years we have explored the D/sub area.

 

[beebee7088]

ok, here i am.

It's hard to take the crap that the rest of the world hands to you, and then come home and be all lovey or to say "ok, bend over and take it from me". There is a lot of crap that we all deal with every day, and I am no exception. However, we have had a bad couple of years, and this has been our saving element. Our sex life, i.e. my stepping up and taking the 'reigns' (like that analogy?) has saved us in more than one way.

I just want to be able to separate the reality, drama crap from this part of our life, where we are very happy.

Now, having said that--i have a hard time sometimes being 'abusive' to man that has been my saving grace from what happened to us in the past. He wants me to take my anger and anxiety out on him... and there are days that wouldn't be difficult... Then i look at him, and i can't. Hence, the eye mask. I don't want a full head mask... that just is so impersonal, and meaningless. I don't want meaningless. I want it to be sex--albeit, with a stylish flair--with the man that i love, my protector, the man that submits to me, the man that is my life partner.

fyi--When it's a 'good day', it's easier to actually be 'abusive' to him. Does that make sense?? He likes literally everything i dish out. (he has the scratches, cane marks, blood blisters, and bite marks to prove it! heehee!) So, on the good days, I come up with more and more ideas so that when the time is right, i can do it right! That's what i meant by how do married couples do this right? How do you get past the emotional, drama crap and just go for it??

I like my position as dominant. Most of the time, i am an A-type uber-bitch! (Ask anyone!) But i don't want to make my husband (my willing sub) seem less than my equal.

 

[CutieMouse]

I like my position as dominant. Most of the time, i am an A-type uber-bitch! (Ask anyone!) But i don't want to make my husband (my willing sub) seem less than my equal.

I just snipped that last little bit, because have you ever considered that in the sense of being opposite sides of the same coin, by treating him the way he (and you) need - you might be enforcing the fact that he is your equal?

I identify (when pressed) as a submissive; however, there are very few dominants that I consider my equal - not because I am in any way less than them, but because I'm working with a silver dollar and they aren't. Make sense?

 

[beebee7088]

i'm sorry, i don't understand.

all dominants need a submissive, to BE a dominant. really it's yin and yang.

is that what you are saying?

i guess by all my whining i am sounding more like a sub. but trust me, i am not in personality.

i mean if i had another 'sub', one that i didn't have an emotional history with, i think it would be different-and knowing my royal bitchiness, i woudl be DAMN good at it! heh heh (not saying that is an option as of now, but we have talked about it, for fun....)

but this is my husband. that's why i bring it up in this context.

 

[CutieMouse]

i'm sorry, i don't understand.

all dominants need a submissive, to BE a dominant. really it's yin and yang.

is that what you are saying?

i guess by all my whining i am sounding more like a sub. but trust me, i am not in personality.

i mean if i had another 'sub', one that i didn't have an emotional history with, i think it would be different-and knowing my royal bitchiness, i woudl be DAMN good at it! heh heh (not saying that is an option as of now, but we have talked about it, for fun....)

but this is my husband. that's why i bring it up in this context.

Yes, it is ying/yang.

My point was that I won't allow a person to dominate me in the ways I (and they) need, unless we are equals [although opposites].

All that history you have together is what enables you to push the right buttons. Instead of looking at the history as an impediment, look at the history is a tool to get what you both need.

 

[beebee7088]

boo-yah!

just need more ideas now! we have been to a couple of local clubs, to experience new ideas. got a couple of books (yeah, books are great, but it's not like you can READ while you are in the middle of things....) and of course this site.

 

[BeeBeestoy]

Yes, it is ying/yang.

My point was that I won't allow a person to dominate me in the ways I (and they) need, unless we are equals [although opposites].

All that history you have together is what enables you to push the right buttons. Instead of looking at the history as an impediment, look at the history is a tool to get what you both need.

This is true. Except for the second sub thing. Yes we talked about it. But only if it was a female would I agree to it.

But what you say is very true. We do have a lot of history together to draw on. She knows exactly what buttons to push to invoke a response. But how do I get her to "push her limits"?

 

[beebee7088]

let me be more precise--by clubs i don't mean dance clubs. i mean 'adult' clubs. we haven't been to a munch yet, but we went to the open night at two different clubs. they were very different. one was members and one was more open and friendly. both were very intriguing and interested in us being there.

one guy was looking me over, and i was like "oh no, see i am not the 'sub' here, friend. not interested." i wasn't rude but i made it obvious that i was not there for that purpose.

in other words, i am a bitch. take it or leave it!

 

[BeeBeestoy]

let me be more precise--by clubs i don't mean dance clubs. i mean 'adult' clubs. we haven't been to a munch yet, but we went to the open night at two different clubs. they were very different. one was members and one was more open and friendly. both were very intriguing and interested in us being there.

one guy was looking me over, and i was like "oh no, see i am not the 'sub' here, friend. not interested." i wasn't rude but i made it obvious that i was not there for that purpose.

in other words, i am a bitch. take it or leave it!

This is when I learned that male subs/bottoms are not real common around our parts. And there for female D/s or tops are not readily found either. Did manage to find one to show us how canning is done.

 

[SirLeo]

Just relax and enjoy yourselves. When something makes you feel emotionally uncomfortable, that is a good sign that you shoulddn't do it until you talk about it together.

Its worked for m and I for 18 years.

 

[BeeBeestoy]

Just relax and enjoy yourselves. When something makes you feel emotionally uncomfortable, that is a good sign that you shoulddn't do it until you talk about it together.

Its worked for m and I for 18 years.

Thanks. You are probably right. I'm probably "pushing" to hard. But what can I say, I love sex. And making my D/, top, M, happy is even better.

 

[CoupleFromOhio]

My wife and I switch. Only in the bed room unless we role play for a day. She prefer me to dominate her. We almost have no bounderies except no cuts or anything too harmful. We like pain, spanking, clamps and etc.

When it is her turn to dominate, I let her do me anyway she wants. She can dress me like a woman. She tells me about my bisexual fantasies and my younger days with guys (before meeting her). We are looking for a perfect strap on so she can fuck me. While waiting, she plays with my ass, prostate and etc. Of course we both love rimming.

Also, we are looking for a perfect guy so she can "watch" me. One of her biggest fantasies.

Thought to share

 

[BeeBeestoy]

My wife and I switch. Only in the bed room unless we role play for a day. She prefer me to dominate her. We almost have no bounderies except no cuts or anything too harmful. We like pain, spanking, clamps and etc.

When it is her turn to dominate, I let her do me anyway she wants. She can dress me like a woman. She tells me about my bisexual fantasies and my younger days with guys (before meeting her). We are looking for a perfect strap on so she can fuck me. While waiting, she plays with my ass, prostate and etc. Of course we both love rimming.

Also, we are looking for a perfect guy so she can "watch" me. One of her biggest fantasies.

Thought to share

We have considered another female/switch, for her to dominate and to help dominate me. I personally have never had any bi, or gay tendencies, neither has she but I would love to try to satisfy two Doms at once.

BeeBee doesn't get on here much anymore. But I'll let her know her thread has awakened. I'm sure she will add to this.

 

[BeeBeestoy]

My wife and I switch. Only in the bed room unless we role play for a day. She prefer me to dominate her. We almost have no bounderies except no cuts or anything too harmful. We like pain, spanking, clamps and etc.

When it is her turn to dominate, I let her do me anyway she wants. She can dress me like a woman. She tells me about my bisexual fantasies and my younger days with guys (before meeting her). We are looking for a perfect strap on so she can fuck me. While waiting, she plays with my ass, prostate and etc. Of course we both love rimming.

Also, we are looking for a perfect guy so she can "watch" me. One of her biggest fantasies.

Thought to share

Have you guys considered the Feeldoe, strapless strapon? We love ours. BeeBee uses a harness with hers, but we love the fact that it simulates her as she's fucking me. Big bonus.

 

[beebee7088]

Well here I am again.

I don't need it everyday. That being said, when I amin the mood, I am in the MOOD! Maybe I need instruction, to be a more effective mistress. I know.... Just go with it! And I do. But I want to go with MORE!!

I want to rule the world, one peon at a time... And my husband I NOT a peon. Just a happy sub to my domination! Maybe another subbie is what I need to help me get there, who knows really.

 

[BeeBeestoy]

Well here I am again.

I don't need it everyday. That being said, when I amin the mood, I am in the MOOD! Maybe I need instruction, to be a more effective mistress. I know.... Just go with it! And I do. But I want to go with MORE!!

I want to rule the world, one peon at a time... And my husband I NOT a peon. Just a happy sub to my domination! Maybe another subbie is what I need to help me get there, who knows really.

I'm pretty sure you already know this but MORE is not a problem, any time any were, how ever you want me. As far as the sub goes..... as long as they are female and you allow me to play I'm cool with that.

PS you might want to edit your post. Guessing you was in a big hurry.

 

[ForHer2Use]

I wish I had some kink in my married life.