Marriages in BDSM relationships

[P. B. Walker]

I was kinda pondering this earlier today. I know there are several members of the board that are married to their BDSM partner and that most of them started out married before they got into BDSM.

I was wondering if there are any here that started out in a BDSM relationship and then moved on to marriage. Is it rare for a BDSM relationship that is 24/7 and/or TPE to then go on to marriage? And if not marriage, maybe some sort of ceramony that is equivalent.

For the couples here that are married... do you think you'd be married today if instead of your marriage comign first your BDSM relationship had come first (i.e., you started a BDSM relationship first while you were both single)?

PBW

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Wow PBW ask a tough one why don't ya....~grin~

I would like to say that Master and I would've still gotten married if the BDSM relationship had come first, but I don't know that for sure.

All I can say for sure at this point is, I'm really happy that we have moved our relationship in this direction. It has brought us closer together than we ever were before, and we were really close before too. Our communication levels are what have been the most affected....we now have a much greater level of communication....we talk about everything. This was always a problem for us, well not for me, I talk alot (no comments from the peanut gallery please), but for him to open up to me the way he has......oh man, that just really has been one of the best parts.

Thanks for asking the question.....if you have more questions of me please ask, I'll answer to the best of my ability.

~smile~
dixi

 

[Ebonyfire]

This was always a problem for us, well not for me, I talk alot (no comments from the peanut gallery please

dixi,

I was gonna jump on that, but I am so glad to see you, I exercised Dommely restraint!

Eb

 

[Daddyslilpet]

dixi,

I was gonna jump on that, but I am so glad to see you, I exercised Dommely restraint!

Eb

Thank you Ebony.....~grin~ Good to see you too.

& a ~warm smile~
dixi

 

[Ghost's amaris]

Great Question

PBW,

This is a great question.

As i am not re-married yet but will be.

my Master and myself are talking about marrage and I would have to say that if we hadnt had the BDSM first May not have gotten married it is hard to say because we have had this from the start of our realationship.


Ghost's amaris

 

[MissTaken]

My observation

based solely on the wee little experience I have had in engaging in friendships with Doms and subs is that it seems those relationships that begin sans D/s and sex seem to evolve into far more lasting relationships.

Many of the people in the Ottawa munch group are couples who discovered D/s after being married.

It brings to mind the question....

How important is it to like one another, have common interests and have a relationship outside of D/s to relationship longevity?

Is it easier to accomplish this without bringing all the intricaties of D/s into the relationshp at an early stage?

Does sex coming before a relationship has been established help or hinder the parties attempts at long term?

 

[RisiaSkye]

I was kinda pondering this earlier today. I know there are several members of the board that are married to their BDSM partner and that most of them started out married before they got into BDSM.

I was wondering if there are any here that started out in a BDSM relationship and then moved on to marriage. Is it rare for a BDSM relationship that is 24/7 and/or TPE to then go on to marriage? And if not marriage, maybe some sort of ceramony that is equivalent.

MasterMe & I were BDSM before we were married. I don't know whether or not that's rare, but from what I've seen and heard it's reasonably uncommon.

For the couples here that are married... do you think you'd be married today if instead of your marriage comign first your BDSM relationship had come first (i.e., you started a BDSM relationship first while you were both single)?

Our marriage didn't come first. We *were* in a relationship for a few months before the BDSM elements started to appear. I was recently out of a bad relationship, a year long affair with an MDom, and thought I wanted a 'nilla boy. So, I picked up the All-American and we drank tequila until sex sounded like a good idea.

Then, five or six months later, we went on our first vacation together (Spring Break, of course). After driving all night, I was tired and went to take a nap. He was jazzed up and couldn't sleep, so he went for a walk around--all the way down to The Castro (San Fran). I'd not yet told him my whole backstory, the BDSM past, etc. I woke up to a card and a pair of handcuffs on the pillow.

That's when I knew it was going to work.
That was nine years ago.

 

[~Dream~]

gotta love that .. Risia

answers to Questions.. 1st the thread statrter (by the way hope you are enjoying the new SMALL;ER sig ,lol) anyways ..
*I am currently married and legally seperated but not yet divorced from my 4th husband and I can honestly say that if Master had only come along sooner ,i would not have married any of those "jerks' at all!!*I have never been more happier ,excited and fulfilled as I am in this BDSM relationship period.







How important is it to like one another, have common interests and have a relationship outside of D/s to relationship longevity?

Well liking each other I think kinda goes without saying ,,I feel *Loving each other does intensify the passionate side of things a great deal ,,for me I have greater orgasms for the one I love than I would for some damn stranger but then again I wouldnt be sleeping with a stranger either .. lol Master and I do share alot of other common interests also outside of our relationship,mmm HE is a very good singer for one , and I have won trophy's at karaoke contests...there are other things also..



Is it easier to accomplish this without bringing all the intricaties of D/s into the relationshp at an early stage?

I feel you should be completely HONEST about your kinks and all from the get go .. IT'S a very important part of who you are sexually and we all KNOW what a BIG part sex plays in a relationship

Does sex coming before a relationship has been established help or hinder the parties attempts at long term?

I always try (dont always succeed tho) to establish some remnants of a relationship before having sex however my reasoning is so I feel better about MYSELF.. I do Not by no means at all regret that I had sexual experiences ,for example with Artful ,,after only knowing Him for 3 mo's .. I'm a big girl and that was My and His decision to make as we are both Consensual adults.. i feel that indeed we ENHANCED our BDSM relationship by getting to know each other more intimately


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[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Marriages in BDSM relationships

MasterMe & I were BDSM before we were married. I don't know whether or not that's rare, but from what I've seen and heard it's reasonably uncommon.

It is uncommon, according to the feedback I get on two others lists I belong too. Of course my lists are Femdom lists. In them many of the couples who are there were married first, and discovered BDSM later. And some times it was the result of an accident.

Eb

 

[quietwillow]

Master and I have been together for two years. When we first met we had no clue as to what kind of relationship we would have just satisfied being friends. We both knew we both wanted a bdsm relationship but not necessarily with one another.

At first we did not do anything but talk and talk and talk and get to know each other for awhile. That lasted about a month and we began playing just as buddies at first ( oh yeah i can hear you all lol <grin>) but then circumstances beyond our control kismet fate or God or whatever and we finally became a bdsm bf gf couple.

We have had a lot happen in the last two years as His stepmom and His father died and now His best friend from childhood has terminal cancer and we are caring for her. Somehow we found each other in the midst of all that and decided to get married.

We kind of figured if a relationship could last all that and be bdsm and both of us were happy and loved one another giving their all focusing on one another's needs we had a pretty darn good chance of surviving.

quiet

P.S. Edited to let you know we have been married now almost 5 months and we still feel like newlyweds ....