marriage and monogomay

[petrel]

I'd love to hear other people's views and experiences of this. I have been proposed too and am finding myself very scared and kinda worried. I personally am not really cut out for monogamous relationships. Idon't 'screw around' but i have usually had no qualms about getting off occasionally with other poeple or seeing a couple of people at the same time - i am always honest and open from the beginning with people and then it is their choice.

In my current relationship we started by not really discussing it but then over the past two years its evolved into a monogamous relationship. My htb has no problem with this he is naturally monogamous and doesn't even flirt with other people. I am fidning it really hard to live up to someone elses expectations and also am a little angry that he knew what my personal morality was when we got togehter and now he's trying to change me. Of course there is compromise in any relationship but I feel as if I'm the one doing all the compromising.

 

[Skitten]

Well maybe you being in this kind of relationship is not for you. I am in a relationship and have been with my hubby for 14 years and would never even consider anyone else and it works for us. But it doesn't seem that you are happy this way so you need to find something else. If he knew he also may have thought he could change you, but it seems he want a one on one relationship with you. But you are not into that so maybe you should think about moving on to something else.

 

[Hecate]

Don't get married unless you feel this guy is the one and only for you!

I am not married - have worked hart to never ever give my bf a chance to propose and the one time he did I refused - we still ate together but I don'T have the Him and I only for the rest of our lives feeling so NO!

I am not into matrimony at all but if you do - do it 100%. If you can't go woth it 100% then DON'T!

 

[Gilly Bean]

Well, for me personally, I have never cheated on any guy past the extent of kissing. And, I have always told the guy I am seeing about it. Sometimes we break up (by my choice, or his) and sometimes we don't. 4 years ago, I met Lekov *name on here, not real name* and have not been with anyone else ina ny way shape or form. We have hit our occasional ruts, but for the most part, they clear up after a bit.

If you don't know about it, and are unsure, explain this to him now, before anything major is done. Talking it over might quell your fears, or might make you realize what you want more specifically.


Good Luck

 

[curvacious]

sounds to me like you should be totally upfront with your bf. Let him know where you stand so that he can make an informed decision about your relationship. You don't want him thinking you're 100% in the relationship when you really aren't.
It's great that you know how you feel about spending the rest of your life with someone, but it's not fair to fool those around you.

Hope things go well.

 

[Pan718]

Be honest now!

If you go forward with marriage like this, you'll feel that you can't be yourself and he's married to someone he 'thinks' you are or 'wants' you to be. You'd live your life never feeling loved for who you are. If you're truthful with him, then he has a choice to accept you as you are, or for each of you to find someone who matches your values and expectations in an important area.

This affects your relationship directly, so it's not something you all can go your separate ways about without dire consequences down the road. Do the right thing and talk!

Kiss, and best of luck.

Steve

 

[YogiBare]

Opportunity

Try thinking about it this way. He's not really trying to change you, petrel. He's offering you an opportunity to be his wife, the highest complement that he can give to a woman. With this opportunity (as with everything worth having) there are both benefits and costs. One of the costs is a commitment to monogomy. Is it too high a price to pay for the benefits? Only you can decide. Weigh it out, costs vs benefits. Then, be honest with him. But remember, he has payed you the highest of complements. His proposal was not a rejection of who you are. Au contraire!

YB

 

[cymbidia]

A cautionary tale...

Twenty years ago, i married a very good man. I loved him, he loved me, our families approved of us and each other, all was well. Except, of course, that i went into marrige *knowing* he wasn't what i needed sexually but desperately determined to make myself fit into what i thought he was, what i thought he wanted... what he represented to me.

A few years later, i was despairingly unfulfilled from a sexual standpoint. I began to have very carefully screened and exceedingly circumspect affairs, always with other married BDSM'ers like me, people that had a lot at stake and did not want to get divorced. Some of these affairs went for years.

It was a half life. My liasions were a thing of shame for me but i couldn't stop. I needed to express my true sexuality in the manner i'd done before i married, to give voice to the sexuality i was fleeing when i entered into my "safe" marriage.

I existed in a luxurious prison. Time passed.... twenty years of time. We're currently divorcing, my husband and me, a thing i've finally instigated. I'll never *ever* forfeit my sexuality again. It's too much a part of who i am.

 

[Pan718]

Thanks, Cym

For honestly sharing your experience.

 

[It'sasecret]

wow cym, that scares me b/c I to have entered a marriage knowing he will never sexually satisfy me. A lot of my friends seem to think I am doomed to cheat. I love my husbnad very much though.

 

[Guest]

petrel If you are not ready ... DON"T!
As cymbidia pointed out, if you try to fit youself into a mould that dose not fit, you will begin to "Leak" and eventualy want out.

If the shoes do not fit-don't wear them!

 

[petrel]

thanks to everyone for the replies - i have talked stuff over with partner and i think we're okay.
I have been honest with him and told him to ask anything he wants to even if it seems silly. I love him an awful lot and sexually we are pretty well matched. When i sat down and thought about it i don't want to actually go and find other people - i kinds enjoy being the one and only for someone and vice versa i was just feeling a bit boxed in.
Also as a pervert one of my kinks is sex with stragners and quick hot one nighters so i was concerned about how this fantasy (only occasionally reality) would affect my partner - i think he is okay - he says he is okay and we have drawn the line at shaggin other people, a flirt, a kiss, a chat online are all fine.

we have spoken about other things that turn me on too and i'm starting to get the courage up to tell him what i like and don't like.
I guess the good part of long term relationships is the understanding and support and the feelign that there is always time, to talk, laugh, shag, make love and its not a disaster oif one thing doesnt work you just try the next.

 

[Guest]

Personally to all you guys/girls. i think this is perhaps the most disgracefull thing i've ever heard. cheating on a wife/husband is one of the worst things imaginable. people who do that are a discrace to the attributes that makes humans different from animals. If you have a problem, talk it out. And jeez, if you "NEED" to have sex with a stranger while you're married, then you don't deserve the person who loves you, and are simply only looking to "get-off" for the feeling. sex obviously has no meaning for you.

 

[Subdude]

Apparently, dear UNREGISTERED GUEST, you ought to leave this disgusting site, w/ it's amoral, unfit people & go back to your clean, safe, vanilla world. One of the things I most love about this site is the nonjudgmental attitude of the people here. If you don't understand, don't expose your ignorance by giving your opinion unless someone here asks for it!

 

[petrel]

thank you subdu for your post to unregistered guest. I flicked to his?her? post first and it upset me quite considerabley. i would have expected a reply like that if i had raised these questions in a clergy convention not here.
I agree one of the things i love about literotica is its openess. That is why i posted - i wanted to know what other peopel who had broad minds thought about this. I don't believe that having a kink or two or even choosing to have more than one partner makes you a bad person.
I may not agree with all the opinions raised and i will stand up for my own beliefs but i do not see the need for that kind of blanket statement that anyone who does that kind of thing is sick

I wonder why 'unregistered guest' came here in the first place and why he/she didn't have the guts to sign in?