many questions...

[knot_sweet]

M/M and I had some time together over the weekend which was much needed.

But it went disasterously...

He's been pushing the pain limits lately. Which is great and something I think we've needed to do together for a while.

It was intense, not particularly pleasant per se as I'm a total pain sook, but it felt amazing that He wants to (as always).

Mid flogger stoke, I grabbed it off Him and basically threw it at Him.

Instant snap. I was absolutely beating angry. No warning, no feeling overwhelmed and forgetting to safe. Just instant snap.

I fell apart into a sobbing heap, felt a total and utter worthless failure and couldn't even look Him in the eye.

Now, work has been stressful in the extreme lately and as I bury a fair amount of my stress, I know exactly where the snap came from.

The problem is, He offered to let me take it out on Him. To actually hurt Him, deliberately, seriously, in rage...needless to say, I literally couldn't and didn't want to.

I've tried to think about this, but have no idea where this is coming from Him. I did ask, but He's not the best at expressing things or trying to explain the hows and whys of what's going on in His head.

Can anyone offer some advice about this?? I'm worried. About Him maybe needing something He can't ask for. Or maybe trying to give me something He thinks I need... I really don't know and am very confused.

 

[RuReal]

Guessing games tend to suck when it comes to defining interactions. I know it can be hard, but I think you both need to sit down and try to talk things out figure out what you both want. Try to find a non intimidating way to communicate I know with my wife and I we find it easier to talk in the car.

Hell he might not be able to go there yet, but the feelings are starting I would suggest until he can communicate what he needs he might not be ready.

Just my two bits.

M/M and I had some time together over the weekend which was much needed.

But it went disasterously...

He's been pushing the pain limits lately. Which is great and something I think we've needed to do together for a while.

It was intense, not particularly pleasant per se as I'm a total pain sook, but it felt amazing that He wants to (as always).

Mid flogger stoke, I grabbed it off Him and basically threw it at Him.

Instant snap. I was absolutely beating angry. No warning, no feeling overwhelmed and forgetting to safe. Just instant snap.

I fell apart into a sobbing heap, felt a total and utter worthless failure and couldn't even look Him in the eye.

Now, work has been stressful in the extreme lately and as I bury a fair amount of my stress, I know exactly where the snap came from.

The problem is, He offered to let me take it out on Him. To actually hurt Him, deliberately, seriously, in rage...needless to say, I literally couldn't and didn't want to.

I've tried to think about this, but have no idea where this is coming from Him. I did ask, but He's not the best at expressing things or trying to explain the hows and whys of what's going on in His head.

Can anyone offer some advice about this?? I'm worried. About Him maybe needing something He can't ask for. Or maybe trying to give me something He thinks I need... I really don't know and am very confused.

 

[Licia]

Appologies in advance for straining the noob tolerance limits. I am going to ask my main questions all in this post, rather than spam the board repeatedly. The reason being I am seeing M/M in ten days and would like time to absorb any information or advice properly. First question: I get squicked out by the hygiene factor of anal. M/M started using an enema but (teehee, butt) it makes me almost too sensitive to play. Any suggestions?

If the enema is causing sensitivity issues you could hop into the bath after a BM and manually wash. Anal play takes meticulous planning, so some early hints about what sort of play is on the horizon is imperative when beginning(?)

Second question: I bought a male chastity device but have no idea how to attach it. Is it "unmistressey" to tell Him to put it on Himself?

Depending on construction, he may need to be lubed up for a comfortable fitting. Santindesire's advice on googling the subject was excellent. Often a person can find informative and educational how-to videos on the net.

Telling him to fasten the device himself is actually a good idea because then he must accept responsibility for finding himself caged. Also, it could be a sign to you that he consents to the confinement. Keep your research secret, and tell him he must do his own leg work regarding the chastity device you have selected.

"You have three days research time alloted to figure out how to properly operate this thing. Come to me afterward with questions." (Write the instructions down on a note if this seems an aggressive approach. His compliance will speak volumes as to his receptivity.)

Approaching the subject in this manner may automatically boost your comfort and "confidence" level. Plus, it will promote communication between the couple. You both will be learning at the same time--patience is required.

Don't ever let anyone else shove you into the mistress box. Go at your own pace, and for sanity's sake educate yourself about the specifics of your hopeful encounters. I think you're already doing well because you're seeking advice.

Last question (for now): Sometimes I fall into a submissive "personality" that conflicts with the space M/M wants me in. How do I avoid this? And if I can't, how do I deal with it. appropriately mid scene?

Feh. Use your submissive personality to your advantage. Reel him in with the irresitible trait and then... fucking take over! Seduce him into bondage, muwahaha. After the session, tease him about what happened.

 

[Licia]

M/M and I had some time together over the weekend which was much needed.

But it went disasterously...

He's been pushing the pain limits lately. Which is great and something I think we've needed to do together for a while.

It was intense, not particularly pleasant per se as I'm a total pain sook, but it felt amazing that He wants to (as always).

Mid flogger stoke, I grabbed it off Him and basically threw it at Him.

Instant snap. I was absolutely beating angry. No warning, no feeling overwhelmed and forgetting to safe. Just instant snap.

I fell apart into a sobbing heap, felt a total and utter worthless failure and couldn't even look Him in the eye.

Now, work has been stressful in the extreme lately and as I bury a fair amount of my stress, I know exactly where the snap came from.

The problem is, He offered to let me take it out on Him. To actually hurt Him, deliberately, seriously, in rage...needless to say, I literally couldn't and didn't want to.

I've tried to think about this, but have no idea where this is coming from Him. I did ask, but He's not the best at expressing things or trying to explain the hows and whys of what's going on in His head.

Can anyone offer some advice about this?? I'm worried. About Him maybe needing something He can't ask for. Or maybe trying to give me something He thinks I need... I really don't know and am very confused.

Hmm...

*ponders*

Thankfully, he had the presence of mind to identify the reality of your break down. This is good!

You're not a failure. You're a person with real feelings. People will never be perfect, and to expect such is fantasy.

One way to cease burying your difficulties at work could be through play. A scene transformed, frustrations vented on a willing partner can make a big difference. If it helps you ask permission to act out what's going on inside through your own manner, not his.

'Tis difficult to express needs to anyone let alone someone you trust. One question that may be useful in prodding conversation: the things which you inflict upon me when we are playing, are those the sort of things you would like to have happen to you?

 

[knot_sweet]

One way to cease burying your difficulties at work could be through play. A scene transformed, frustrations vented on a willing partner can make a big difference. If it helps you ask permission to act out what's going on inside through your own manner, not his.

'Tis difficult to express needs to anyone let alone someone you trust. One question that may be useful in prodding conversation: the things which you inflict upon me when we are playing, are those the sort of things you would like to have happen to you?

I've thought about using play time to vent some frustrations, but honestly, playing that way feels more like a script that I can't follow. It's a good suggestion, but not one that fits in with us.

He's a bottom more than a sub, so His needs are different to mine when I'm in charge. We're still finding our way on that front. It's proving an interesting journey. But I will try asking Him about the "do unto you" theory you've proposed. Maybe he is trying to give me non verbal clues and I'm missing them...I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, so this is a distinct possibility.

 

[wickedlester418]

xxx

I never did anyform of bondage before, but I must confess the way cutie mouse worded her instructions was so hot I would have had the belt on in two mins instead of five waiting for her to come back. The way she started off with sweetie a term of endearment then stated how important your cock. Is and how it is hers. And she says it so matter of fact. I loved her post.

 

[Licia]

I've thought about using play time to vent some frustrations, but honestly, playing that way feels more like a script that I can't follow. It's a good suggestion, but not one that fits in with us.

He's a bottom more than a sub, so His needs are different to mine when I'm in charge. We're still finding our way on that front. It's proving an interesting journey. But I will try asking Him about the "do unto you" theory you've proposed. Maybe he is trying to give me non verbal clues and I'm missing them...I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, so this is a distinct possibility.

Oh, I bet your tools are very, very sharp.

And just for fun:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbaI-JK3WJA&feature=related

"...she holds the stick like a samurai warrior and announces, 'And now the beatings will begin!'"

 

[knot_sweet]

Oh, I bet your tools are very, very sharp.


"...she holds the stick like a samurai warrior and announces, 'And now the beatings will begin!'"

The tools I wield may be very sharp indeed, but let's just say that if the world depended upon my own my sharps? We'd be in alot of trouble.

There are water balloons sharper than me.

That being said...it may be that my dominant bottom has some masochistic submissive desires as well. It certainly looks that way after much prodding and questioning by me.

At this point, I'm going to stop trying to figure out where in the big, borderless puzzle we fit. I didn't care much about it before, and given that we are together across nearly all spectrums of the BDSM rainbow, it's even less important now to figure out a label. As long as we fit together, it doesn't matter a damn if we don't fit the rest of the puzzle.