Male subs

[MissTaken]

As a spin off of another post I just made, I am interested in hearing about the obstacles you face in accepting your submissive nature.

Even if you are someone who is simply fantasizing about a woman or man controlling you, does it conflict with the ideas and values you were raised with?

Even for fem subsm it does....

So let's just chat a bit about it.

It can't be easy.

 

[Guest]

Yea, yea. I'm a sub. Where's ma dinner, woman. Bring my six packs while you are in the kitchen. Where's my daily dose of blow job?

 

[MissTaken]

You must be mistaken!

Oh, I am MissTaken...

Oh ...will the real Misstaken stand up?




You should be waiting on my bulbous ass, boi!

 

[Sandia]

Sorry MissT this thread hasn't garnered more responses yet. I think it's an interesting topic. I'll try my best to add something to it. About me: I see BDSM primarily as a bedroom activity, not a way of life. I've tried it both ways, but subbing to a woman has never worked for me. When looking around at posts here and - oh I don't know - just general experience, it seems like dommes are not interested in the same things as I would be, ie, sex. Which makes me wonder: is there something about sex - intercourse, in particular - that's male-dommish by default?

What do you think?

 

[Hot4Heels]

I am very dominant person in my everyday life. Then again so is my S.O. So for me being a switch that is no problem. Most of our activity is restricted to the bedroom and I find no problems releasing control and being swept away by someone else being in charge. I dont find it a threat to my manhood or any of that. To me it is nice to actually for awhile put away that part of me that is in charge and roll with the flow.

Probably not the response you were looking for as I think your question was more for full time male subs but that is the best I can offer.

 

[Guest]

I don't think my submissive nature conflicts with any values i was personally brought up with from a family perspective but I do see conflicts with cultural norms... I'll probably jump from time to time in my explanation so please forgive if i start mumbling...

I think i was fortunate growing up in the situation I did. My father was a rather masculine man, military guy, good with his hands, labor intensive.... but he also had other traits about him that allowed me to see a balance: he loved cooking, had back surgery and took up cross-stitching and sewing, always put the needs of other before his own. So I think that the family values i was raised with go hand in hand with how i've turned out, albeit i've certainly moved in directions my father hadn't. But I don't think i was instilled with any obstacles in that respect.

I think the biggest obstacle was (and frankly is) accepting my submissive nature when trying to interact with women. I know that didn't just make sense, so let me try to expound. I think that many women take on a more passive role and that this is culturally instilled. When you place a submissive male with a passive female, you have a lot of blank stares. I think culturally, submissive males are not what is seen and it always leaves one self-conscious about being so when interacting with potentialy new women in your life. I get the feeling that sometimes they don't know what to do with me... or feel uncomfortable with the switched roles.

Now, I know this has to do with my choice of women and I certainly have a tendency to be attracted to very independant, strong, in control women. So, that helps in some regards but I've also recognized that this doesn't mean anything in the bedroom. So, it's sort of a 1/2 - 1/2 situation. Is it satisfying?? to some extent. But it often leaves much to be desired. It also allows for some erroneous first impressions to get me involved in situations I know aren't good for me.

I hesitate to go to places I know domme women exist because frankly, I know i'm a bit too shy and for some reason I still do carry on some sense of humility about the whole thing. I know that's irrational, but true. And i've always held this (to me) romantic notion that I can find and connect with someone that fits with me through normal interactions of life... the way other people do.

Now i can't help to feel that i'm babbling... hopefully the above made sense.. if not, i can try to explain a bit more.

Park~

 

[Parklife]

that was I.... damn timing out...



Park~

 

[submanslut]

I feel that if I could get my fiance to do this that I would be willing to do mostly a 24/7 type with the exceptions of company, special occasions, etc...

The problem is i have yet to talk to her specifically about it....

submaleslut

 

[shy_roamer]

For me, it has been a very enlightening trip so far, and i am far from reaching the end of the rainbow. I have run into quite a number of roadblocks along the way.

Being southern, there is a lot of "expected male mannerisms" or maybe refined-machismo to sift through and overcome. But, on the other hand, being charming, holding doors, respecting a woman, letting her have her way, actually listening to her, etc....those things are mannerisms (guess that is why they call them manners) a sub would be expected to have and exercise freely. Still in all, there is a part of my ingraining that might frown upon being a sub.

Another issue involves my disasterous ability to be friends with women. For an only child, i have certainly accumulated quite a number of little sisters throughout my life. i suppose one good positive (relative to D/s, anyway) from this flaw is that i have been able to find a wonderful Mentor (ess?) who has helped guide me down this new and different path.

Sooo, yeah, i am struggling with issues, and running through this stuff on-line only is both a blessing and a curse. True to my handle, i am not especially forthcoming in the conversation department, but i do find it easier to spill my guts onto the screen. Heck, i've been lurking on Lit for about 6 months now and this only about my something-teen post.

Am i off topic? Well, i think i have some subconscious desire to please...i have been told that i was born to be a sub, which is sort of a bi-polar concept for me.i do have longings to start a relationship with a Domme, and to, in an appropriate time frame, take it to the flesh. i think, because i am a thinker, that the thought of being able to only have one thought (i.e. to please Her) will be quite a freeing thing. To trust her explicitly will be a great leap of faith and one that i think will be very fulfilling for me, and hopefully for Her also.

I guess i have pretty much thrown out several hurdles i have encountered on this trek (don't even think about discussing the abysmal Domme to male sub ratio ), so i wonder if any of this is germaine to your topic Miss Taken

Please excuse this rambling...i type so slowly that i tend to forget what it is that i am writing about. If this makes any sense to anyone, then i would be happy to post more thoughts when the fingers get back flexible again.

 

[morninggirl5]

shy_roamer, it's wonderful to see you here posting. I guess being exiled to the BDSM end of the table at dinner wasn't too bad, afterall.

The thinking and thinking part of your post made a lot of sense to me. I wonder if this is common to all subs, no matter the gender?

 

[froggy_day]

more posts

I would love to see more posts here. I'm very interested in what makes a male sub tick and how one deals with this and society.

 

[plzur her]

Re: more posts

I would love to see more posts here. I'm very interested in what makes a male sub tick and how one deals with this and society.

Sent you a PM.. would love to chat more about why I enjoy it so much.

 

[amsubone]

....I think the biggest obstacle was (and frankly is) accepting my submissive nature when trying to interact with women. I know that didn't just make sense, so let me try to expound. I think that many women take on a more passive role and that this is culturally instilled. When you place a submissive male with a passive female, you have a lot of blank stares. I think culturally, submissive males are not what is seen and it always leaves one self-conscious about being so when interacting with potentialy new women in your life. I get the feeling that sometimes they don't know what to do with me... or feel uncomfortable with the switched roles.......Park~ [/B][/QUOTE]


boy do i find myself agreeing with Park. i've been in relationships where this was the exact circumstance and they were a disappointment for both of us. i did find that the primary issue was that her expectation for me to be in charge and was a reflection of her general cultural expectations of men.

 

[Ebonyfire]

[Bboy do i find myself agreeing with Park. i've been in relationships where this was the exact circumstance and they were a disappointment for both of us. i did find that the primary issue was that her expectation for me to be in charge and was a reflection of her general cultural expectations of men. [/B]

That is what subs tell me. I also find that male subs have a tendency to sometimes become macho with vanilla women. If they date, they are very dominant, cause they choose to date submissive women. Of course that feeds into societal expectations.

But as soon as they spy a dominant woman their whole demeanor changes. If there are no people around who knows their macho persona, they will behave in a submissive manner, deferring to the dominant before them.

Most of my subs have macho vanilla personas that allow them to succeed in their professions and meet society's expectations of maculinity.

Ebony

 

[Ricckk]

I don't have any personal perspective on male submissives except that it must take a hell of a lot of courage for a man to "come out" about it. I respect that a great deal.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I don't have any personal perspective on male submissives except that it must take a hell of a lot of courage for a man to "come out" about it. I respect that a great deal.

Most don't because it is considered "unmanly" or perverted. I have a sub who is a middle school teacher. Coming out could cost him his job.

Eb

 

[amsubone]

That is what subs tell me. I also find that male subs have a tendency to sometimes become macho with vanilla women. If they date, they are very dominant, cause they choose to date submissive women. Of course that feeds into societal expectations.

But as soon as they spy a dominant woman their whole demeanor changes. If there are no people around who knows their macho persona, they will behave in a submissive manner, deferring to the dominant before them.

Most of my subs have macho vanilla personas that allow them to succeed in their professions and meet society's expectations of maculinity.

Ebony

i can only agree because i've been guilty of that type of behavior in the past.

 

[Ebonyfire]

i can only agree because i've been guilty of that type of behavior in the past.

Well you are definitely not alone. You said that you have behaved this way in the past. Have you changed your behavior? Do you only seek out relationships with dominant women now?

Just curious, if you would care to elaborate.

Eb

 

[Gorath_00]

Being southern, there is a lot of "expected male mannerisms" or maybe refined-machismo to sift through and overcome. But, on the other hand, being charming, holding doors, respecting a woman, letting her have her way, actually listening to her, etc....those things are mannerisms (guess that is why they call them manners) a sub would be expected to have and exercise freely. Still in all, there is a part of my ingraining that might frown upon being a sub.

Lol... I am from the south.. and that was instilled in me at an early age! I was holding doors open for girls and opening doors when I was able to reach the doorknob lol..

I had a few problems.. at first. But now its cool. I am who I am now. hehe.

 

[amsubone]

Well you are definitely not alone. You said that you have behaved this way in the past. Have you changed your behavior? Do you only seek out relationships with dominant women now?

Just curious, if you would care to elaborate.

Eb

What a great question and it has caused me to do some soul searching in order to articulate an answer. i am, primarily, a verbal processor so connecting with my thinking processes isn't always cogent.

Currently, i continue to find myself alternating between the two kinds of relationships. And I think it's for two reasons; one, is my location, i'm living in a small town, and there isn't much opportunity to experience the lifestyle. The second, and , perhaps the more difficult, deals w/my own sense of vulnerability; as the relationship w/a Dominant intensifies, my vulnerability causes me to react in fear and i usually run from the relationship which is why i'm where i am today.

Some of the fear is rejection, what if i don't measure up and my Dom/me loses interest? Some is, and this is more difficult to process, how do i not lose myself? i find my whole world revolves around the relationship and i get lost in the question of identity. This is where i do deal with the social and gender questions i grew up learning; what is a man's role, etc.

Well, i think this makes some sense. i'm probably better at answering questions than i am explaining anything. Thanks for the original question as it has caused me to consider.........

 

[Ebonyfire]

Not an easy question to answer..

Originally posted by amsubone
<snip>
Currently, i continue to find myself alternating between the two kinds of relationships. And I think it's for two reasons; one, is my location, i'm living in a small town, and there isn't much opportunity to experience the lifestyle.

I can understand that. I moved to the east coast of CT from a small town in WA state. It made a world of difference to Me.




The second, and , perhaps the more difficult, deals w/my own sense of vulnerability; as the relationship w/a Dominant intensifies, my vulnerability causes me to react in fear and i usually run from the relationship which is why i'm where i am today.

That happens. I have had that experience recently with a sub of mine. His fears have led me to release him. Even though I try to take my time, my patience is not limitless, and after a while I lose interest.

Some of the fear is rejection, what if i don't measure up and my Dom/me loses interest?

That could happen, but I think that a wise Domme tries to keep the relationship growing by controlling, training, and directing her submissive to avoid boredom. In my case, that is not what makes me lose interest. I feel if a sub does not measure up to my expectations, perhaps I am not articulating my desires in a manner that he can understand and assimulate. If he is trying, I can work with him, and mold him to My ways.


Some is, and this is more difficult to process, how do i not lose myself? i find my whole world revolves around the relationship and i get lost in the question of identity. This is where i do deal with the social and gender questions i grew up learning; what is a man's role, etc.

This is the biggest fear, I think. Men are taught to always be in control, to lose oneself in a relationship is not on the menu. It takes a great deal of trust for a male submissive to "give it up" to His Mistress. And She must have the integrity and strength to a) realize this and b) use this capitulation for the benefit of both.

When you find your magic with Domme who is right for you, I believe you will be able to stand firm.

Thanks for your candor.

Ebony

 

[amsubone]

Thank you for your thoughts. This discussion has been good for me. One thing for sure, this has cleared up my thoughts regarding switching; or at least i might be able to switch for the right reasons


This is the biggest fear, I think. Men are taught to always be in control, to lose oneself in a relationship is not on the menu. It takes a great deal of trust for a male submissive to "give it up" to His Mistress. And She must have the integrity and strength to a) realize this and b) use this capitulation for the benefit of both

i agree, i agree. Thank you, again, for your insight.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Thank you for your thoughts. This discussion has been good for me. One thing for sure, this has cleared up my thoughts regarding switching; or at least i might be able to switch for the right reasons


This is the biggest fear, I think. Men are taught to always be in control, to lose oneself in a relationship is not on the menu. It takes a great deal of trust for a male submissive to "give it up" to His Mistress. And She must have the integrity and strength to a) realize this and b) use this capitulation for the benefit of both

i agree, i agree. Thank you, again, for your insight.

You are welcome, I look forward to more postings from you.

Eb

 

[pierced_boy]

Great topic Miss T

I guess there are as many submissive types as there are people but for me it is

Possibly wider than circumstance allow and so mainly confined to the bedroom and about being an instrument for sensation and emotions with the tune being responses.

It is vital that my partner elicits pleasure from this type of play for the circle to be closed and connection completed.

We switch and so I know what makes this work which is a blessing indeed.

H

 

[amsubone]

Re: Great topic Miss T

It is vital that my partner elicits pleasure from this type of play for the circle to be closed and connection completed.

We switch and so I know what makes this work which is a blessing indeed.

H

Is it essential for both to receive pleasure from the same action? Is the scene for the benefit/pleasure of the Dom/me, sub, or both?

i guess there have been times in my past that it has been either or both. i have to admit, however, i think the best times have been when the scene was pleasurable for both. Which brings me to the observation/question, as a sub, have i given up my right to expect pleasure other than serving my Dom/me?