making it through the holidays.

[Krinaia]

Okay so perhaps a few of you ventured out and saw the traffic and ventured into the hell of christmas shopping at the mall... but i have a much harder situation to live through this holiday season.... my mother.

I can't sit still without her naggin' at me. I'm 21 and she calls me in a frantic worry if I go out and leave a note that doesn't tell her exactly where and when and with who and what i'm wearing and what i plan on eating ... nevermind the fact I lived on my own in miami for five months and survived.

Also, she reminds me at least once a day how her water bill, electric bill went down when i left home. Nevermind the fact I'm not allowed to move the thermostat so that I don't have to wear a coat and gloves in this refridgerator.

I did manage to survive 18 yrs with the woman but that was before I'd had a taste of freedom. Any advise you more seasoned veterans can give me?


Also how the hell do i keep her out of "my" room. I hate having to invent places to keep my toys.

 

[redelicious]

Get a lock box, a chest, or something else that only you have the key to. Tell her it's private and leave it at that.

(I know, easier said then done)

Good luck.

 

[MissTaken]

I lived with my mother for a short while after college. At first, it was difficult, but ultimately, once I simply accepted that it was "her house, her rules," being there actually improved our relationship. She understood that when I wasn't home, I was going my own thing, but if that meant calling in to let her know I was okay or whatever, it was okay. Further, after acquiescing and doing my part in this situation, she learned to trust that I was an adult, capable of taking care of myself and slowly stopped expecting as much from me.

Perhaps, you became an independant adult while you were gone and she wasn't there to see it?

As for your toys, if you have your own vehicle, could you keep them in your trunk? I always found that is a great place to keep stuff you dont' want anyone else to have access to.

 

[WriterDom]

Get an archery case. They usually have lock holes, and are big enough for spreader bars. When she asks about it, look into her eyes and say, "I'm into hunting, I like to kill things."

 

[A Desert Rose]

... and say, "I'm into hunting, I like to kill things."

She won't think you are a child any longer... she'll think she raised Norma Bates, instead.

 

[Krinaia]

I don't think my mom thinks I'm more than 12/13 ... probably my fault.

What is with parents anyhow?

 

[Krinaia]

I am suddenly reminded of why I choose one of the high school nicknames I was given by friends and changed my name when I went to college ... after 18 years of hearing my named screamed shrilly, I just didn't like it anymore.


And then I'm angry and silent and not wanting to talk just after my mom yells and me and my dad always picks that moment to try to start a friendly conversation with me. Then when my responses aren't to his liking, he gets angry and storms out, calling me a brat.


four weeks. I can survive that right?

 

[redelicious]

Is there anyone you can stay with, a friend, for a night here and there?

Yes, you can make 4 weeks but I think MissT is right, you are going to have to humor your mother.

 

[Krinaia]

Its just that I really don't go out much. Bad as that sounds. When I do go out... I'm usually home by 12, if not 11. I don't drink and drive. In high school, I stayed out past curfew, sneaked in, went places I probably shouldn't have ... but I never got caught. I'm responsible and somewhat boring. I often DD. I let them know where and who with. Now that it isn't against the rules, there is no excitement in breaking them. And yet I get grief. My lil brother runs around whereever he wants, whenever - my parents rarely know where he is or who he is with.

Double standards really suck.

I can assure you, I will probably crash at someone's place sometime - out of drunken necessity. Mom will frown that I drank, Dad will congratulate me on not driving home.

I bet if they found out I was a submissive, they'd freak even more. Like that it meant I suddenly was even less capable of looking after myself.

 

[NemoAlia]

I've got a whopping two years' worth of experience on you, Blue, and all I can offer is "make your visit as short as possible." Y'know, leave while you're still having fun.

That being said, I can sympathize with what you're saying about "If my mother ever found out I was submissive..." My mom did find out I had those tendencies, and she never lets me forget it. A whole lot about not living up to my potential, about giving up my personhood, about needing to live my own life so I don't turn into one of those women who can't pay their electric bills when their husbands pass away... grr...

I comfort myself by the fact that she had exactly the same response to my telling her that my fiance and I had opened a joint savings account. I figure she's just programmed to be protective and worried about me no matter what the perceived threat is.

 

[Daedalus77]

I don't mean for this to sound mean but if you weren't living with your mom she couldn't monitor your behavior. If you can't move out well then you have to put up with your current landlord.

I do understand your frustrations but it is mom's house.

 

[Krinaia]

Lol. Problem is I couldn't sublet a place for five weeks.

Yah, I don't mean to whine. It's just frustrating. And I'm trying to restrain myself to keep an ugly fight from happening. I think she's probably good training for handling a nettled dom

 

[Daedalus77]

Lol. Problem is I couldn't sublet a place for five weeks.

Yah, I don't mean to whine. It's just frustrating. And I'm trying to restrain myself to keep an ugly fight from happening. I think she's probably good training for handling a nettled dom

If it's only 5 weeks then try to avoid the ugly fight. They will be your parents for much longer than that. I know they are getting on your nerves. The problem with being an adult is you have to be so adult about it.

 

[Krinaia]

If it's only 5 weeks then try to avoid the ugly fight. They will be your parents for much longer than that. I know they are getting on your nerves. The problem with being an adult is you have to be so adult about it.

Lol. And parents can be childish too. Let's not forget that.


I plan on never being unreasonable

 

[redelicious]

Lol. And parents can be childish too. Let's not forget that.


I plan on never being unreasonable

Yes, but your parents aren't going to change. Like it or not, you have to adapt.

Been there done that, glad I never have to again.

 

[Krinaia]

This is my last time at home for anything longer than a weekend. I'm between semesters, between jobs. Well, I'm working ... I wish in fact they'd given me more evenings, it would get me out of the house at appropriate hours ... at least until my grandparents get here. My mom will slip into good daughter mode when they arrive for christmas. And I'll get less of her pent up aggression.


It's just hard to know when the fine line has been crossed where I should stop keeping my mouth shut and say something to her. And the problem is, in my private relationship mode, I will slip into my submission side if the other person is, as she is, more alpha. Normally I don't take shit from people but I let her walk all over me.

It's not just the curfew thing. I don't want you guys to think I'm just being a whiny teen. I respect her, and like her, I just wish she would ease up and learn to release her tension elsewhere. I can't sit down without her assuming I'm being lazy and could be cleaning something. I can't study either. I still have finals. I'm wishing I had a laptop still and could hit the coffee shops or the library and get some work done. Because she keeps interupting me. Which is why I gave up and am playing online instead of working. Every time I got into work mode, she'd be hollering down the stairs at me for one thing or another.

The only reason I asked here for help is that I thought perhaps the relationship made sense because of the fact you must submit to your parents wishes, especially when you're a guest in their house ... yet you are still a person. I'm not sure I'm making perfect sense.

 

[Daedalus77]

Lol. And parents can be childish too. Let's not forget that.


I plan on never being unreasonable

I'm sure you won't. I'm fairly sure they don't consider themselves unreasonable.

Are you paying any rent? Are you paying the electric, real estate, gas, or water bill? I understand if you aren't because they are your parents but if you aren't paying your share of all the bills you are giving some of your power away because you are not an equal provider.

 

[redelicious]

I'm sorry if I came off bitchy, wasn't my intent.

It's not just the curfew thing. I don't want you guys to think I'm just being a whiny teen. I respect her, and like her, I just wish she would ease up and learn to release her tension elsewhere. I can't sit down without her assuming I'm being lazy and could be cleaning something. I can't study either. I still have finals. I'm wishing I had a laptop still and could hit the coffee shops or the library and get some work done. Because she keeps interupting me. Which is why I gave up and am playing online instead of working. Every time I got into work mode, she'd be hollering down the stairs at me for one thing or another.

Have you sat down with your mother and attempted to explain this to her?

 

[Daedalus77]

I can tell you are hurting. I understand. Sorry if you felt I was coming down on you.

Edited to add-

I was just trying to get you to think about both sides of the situation.