Major mood swings during a scene (a question)

[Luna_Wolf72]

I went to the Library and searched through those threads before deciding to start this one on a topic which I hold near and dear:

"How does one keep severe mood swings from interrupting play or serious scening?"

Now then, you may wonder why I am asking such a question. After all, most people do not have serious mood swings during play. Yet, I have recently discovered that my mood can run the gamut from severe depression to rage to joy, all within the time period of one good scene.

To be honest, these mood swings have made me frightened to interact with people in the way I am used to because I can not get a handle on my emotions. It is quite difficult to talk to my ex petlings or even my friends for fear that I will appear weak.

As I have discussed on other threads, I have serious anger control and depression problems. Normally, my medicines keep them in check and I function quite well. However, since my mother's death I have found that I can not function at my expected level anymore. It's part of the reason why I released my petlings when I did. A dominant with no mental control is not a good dominant, at all.

So then, does anyone have any ideas on how I can handle this? Not being able to indulge the most prominent parts of my sexual release (my masochism and my need to dominate) is driving me utterly crazy.

Any words of wisdom, of advice...would be appreciated.

Luna

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Empathy

Don't play.

Masturbate like a fiend.

Find someone with whom to talk, if you can, about the weather.

And wait.

The pain of loss should go away, or so i've been told. i beg to differ with an acute 22 month experience 20 years ago that sneaks up at the wrong time. Add the loss of a parent damn close to the same time of the year, and all hell breaks loose. No, it's not about the long ago emotional connection, but more the lack of control of the situation.

Sometimes flipping the bird at the world in general helps.

Sometimes sleep helps.

Sometimes nothing helps.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Definitely relating. Meds mostly help, so that I don't go from 0-60 within seconds. Other things for when they aren't enough -- worth trying anyway -- I made 2 CDs of favorite songs, one for howling with and one for soothing. Something with water sometimes helps. Taking a shower, listening to running water. Indulging anger Never helps me. All that stuff about hitting pillows or whatever -- forget it. One thing that will help if I can make myself do it, is journal writing exactly what's pissing me off, how much etc. Typing furiously. Sometimes I'll see the leaps I'm making that way. And it usually helps me get some perspective. Writing your mom a letter might not be a bad idea. Can't do it midscene though.
Sometimes making myself sit on the floor helps, as opposed to say, pacing. Otoh, leaving is good, as if you have that fight or flight thing going, flight can get it out of your system.
The other thing that helps a lot when I can do it, is humor. Because it's also a strong, kinda uncontrollable emotion, yet incompatible with most murderous rage -- at least gets a foot in the door of perspective.

LOVE your new AV, btw, tres sexy.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Thanks AA and PS

I took a moment to write down some of what you suggested and to be honest there are a few things i do all ready. I guess I am just feeling a little *tight* inside and usually a good scene with past petlings (or would be Sadists) would break me out of it.

It is nice to know that I am not alone, though.

Thanks for the food for thought.

(PS..the av isn't new...just been a LONG time since i used it)

Luna

 

[Marquis]

Weed has helped me in the past.

 

[Netzach]

All good suggestions thus far.

I also found that standing out by the pond in the park and thinking about how long the trees have been there compared to me was good, anything that made my deepest concerns seem very very small, actually was a positive thing.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

All good suggestions thus far.

I also found that standing out by the pond in the park and thinking about how long the trees have been there compared to me was good, anything that made my deepest concerns seem very very small, actually was a positive thing.

Agree with this for a second reason -- just being in nature seems to fix a lot inside me. Can you get to an ocean? A few hours of getting hypnotized by waves, breathing the air, feeling that power, feeling yourself be an animal that is part of something live, can do wonders.

(For depression -- I suggest a bungee jump. If you are feeling suicidal, you will discover any will to live you've got, without irretrievably jumping off a bridge.)

 

[AngelicAssassin]

And then there's 180 degrees

If the PYL in you screams for some recognition of existence and capacity to control, do some yard work.

In your case, L, you get both sides satisfied. Hear me out on this one. Mow doesn't have to mean just grass. You can project any obstacle to the grass and laugh with glee as it comes into uniformity with your wishes. Granted, the old fashioned manual (non gas/electric) mowers probably give the biggest bang for the buck because you get to watch the blades work. In your case, however, a need for a little pain might get satisfied by wearing rings on your hands, no gloves, and letting the vibrations from the mower do the work. Don't use cold or cool water when you wash your hands. Cold temperature will ruin the effect.

i just tore into bushes with a gas powered hedger around the house for a quick fix. Temporary perhaps, but i did have a smile on my face.

Remembering how many times i've said transferring the most common things into sexual ones and laughing my ass off now.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I found something that seems to work

climbing trees...big tall trees. I am terrified of heights and yet after work today, I went to our city park and found the tallest tree imaginable (to me..a good 35-40 feet) and climbed up into one of the higher branches. Then I just sat there: the sting of the bark against my back side gave me that bit of zing and the fear of falling kept me pretty sane.

It's hard to focus on depression or anger when one is scared to death of falling.

AA..as for yard work..I have done that as well with one of those old time mowers (the push kind) imagining all the idiots I know to be the blades of grass i was decapitating. (grin) Now though, i don't have a yard and running around cutting other people's grass is too much like work!!

PS and Netzach...I can usually meditate in nature to calm myself (I have a beautiful tree out back of my apartment that just screams to me some nights...) but recently the meditations have stopped working. (Mayhap i just don't have the concentration for it right now) I do have some small streams and lakes within walking distance of my house though, so I can hear fresh water. mayhap i will try that.

Marquis...mary jane worked for my ex as well...

 

[Kajira Callista]

come spend a week here, you can cut grass and smoke weed and go to the lake and climb huge trees and take long bubble baths.I'm great at pedicures and massages. Oh, i can cook and i always have chocolate.

 

[Vixandra]

Take a deep breath and remember all these people who pause for a moment to try to help you.

Okay, after that- find your center. It can be a raging, morphing thing but its still your center, the point where everything you are comes from inside and out. Synchronize its pulsing to your breathing. Now calm it down with level gentle breathing. Take as long as you need, after making sure the one you're playing with isn't tied or bound in such a way the time they're left there will harm them.

Once you've calmed, either return to your play or go to something a bit different that suits where you are right now.
Might be helpful to let the petling know what's going on with you, why you might pause in what your doing before you start the scene so they're not surprised by your actions unintentionally.

*hugs* I'm here to talk if you need me, Luna.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Moon Over Bourbon Street

There's a moon over Bourbon Street tonight
I see faces as they pass beneath the pale lamplight
I've no choice but to follow that call
The bright lights, the people, and the moon and all
I pray everyday to be strong
For I know what I do must be wrong
Oh you'll never see my shade or hear the sound of my feet
While there's a moon over Bourbon Street

It was many years ago that I became what I am
I was trapped in this life like an innocent lamb
Now I can only show my face at noon
And you'll only see me walking by the light of the moon
The brim of my hat hides the eye of a beast
I've the face of a sinner but the hands of a priest
Oh you'll never see my shade or hear the sound of my feet
While there's a moon over Bourbon Street

She walks everyday through the streets of New Orleans
She's innocent and young from a family of means
I have stood many times outside her window at night
To struggle with my instinct in the pale moon light
How could I be this way when I pray to God above
I must love what I destroy and destroy the thing I love
Oh you'll never see my shade or hear the sound of my feet
While there's a moon over Bourbon Street

 

[cellis]

Depression is a bitch.

It has also been my life long companion. There are good times and bad times.

I found that doing something different, something that takes me out of myself works better than anything. I am really good at helping others find their way and most of the time this works for me.

Too much time on my hands, too much time to think and dwell kills me and lets my mind run wild. I have to stay busy and occupied otherwise the sadness overpowers me.

Read , write, meditate or medicate or just plain run over the SOB's.

It gets better... sometimes it just hurts like hell until you get through the process.

I am sorry that you are going through this...

 

[catalina_francisco]

come spend a week here, you can cut grass and smoke weed and go to the lake and climb huge trees and take long bubble baths.I'm great at pedicures and massages. Oh, i can cook and i always have chocolate.

OK, that does it, I am packing my bag and am on my way KC...you can keep the weed, and maybe we can get a cute male sub to cut the grass, but the rest sounds just so fine..can I bring Masterful One? Perhaps he could tie us to those trees!!

Catalina

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Re: I found something that seems to work

...mary jane worked for my ex as well...

Forget for whom it worked. Do you remember this?

*inhale*
Come here, baby. Mary I love you. Do it girl.
Female chorus: Mary Jane, Mary Jane
I'm in love with Mary Jane.
She's my main thing.
She makes me feel alright.
She makes my heart sing.
And when I'm feeling low,
She comes as no surprise.
Turns me on with her love.
Takes me to paradise.
Do you love me Mary Jane?
Yeah. Whoa-oh-oh.
Do ya? Do ya? Do ya?
Now do you think you love me Mary Jane.
Don't you play no games.
I love her just the same.
I love her, Mary baby, just the same.
The woman plays no games.
Now, now, now.
I'm in love with Mary Jane.
I'm not the only one.
If Mary wanna play around,
I let her have her fun.
She's not the kind of girl
that you can just tie down.
She likes to spread her love
and turn your head around.
Yeahhhhh! Ooowoooo.
Oh baby. Oh baby. Hit me.
Whoah, Mary. Only love.
I love you, yeah. Whooo!
Something until we give it now, lovey-dove.
Uh-huh. Wow, baby!
Sing! La-du-da-da-du-da-dahh.
Sing! La-du-da-da-du-da-dahh.
Sing it for me baby.
Come Mary, Mary Jane.
Sing it for me baby.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Re: Re: I found something that seems to work

Forget for whom it worked. Do you remember this?

*inhale*
Come here, baby. Mary I love you. Do it girl.
Female chorus: Mary Jane, Mary Jane
I'm in love with Mary Jane.
She's my main thing.
She makes me feel alright.
She makes my heart sing.
And when I'm feeling low,
She comes as no surprise.
Turns me on with her love.
Takes me to paradise.
Do you love me Mary Jane?
Yeah. Whoa-oh-oh.
Do ya? Do ya? Do ya?
Now do you think you love me Mary Jane.
Don't you play no games.
I love her just the same.
I love her, Mary baby, just the same.
The woman plays no games.
Now, now, now.
I'm in love with Mary Jane.
I'm not the only one.
If Mary wanna play around,
I let her have her fun.
She's not the kind of girl
that you can just tie down.
She likes to spread her love
and turn your head around.
Yeahhhhh! Ooowoooo.
Oh baby. Oh baby. Hit me.
Whoah, Mary. Only love.
I love you, yeah. Whooo!
Something until we give it now, lovey-dove.
Uh-huh. Wow, baby!
Sing! La-du-da-da-du-da-dahh.
Sing! La-du-da-da-du-da-dahh.
Sing it for me baby.
Come Mary, Mary Jane.
Sing it for me baby.

Hah!! it worked for the *super freak* Rick James...

 

[AngelicAssassin]

RJ & MJ

Hah!! it worked for the *super freak* Rick James...

And what a sadist he was, or was he ... http://www.1st-vets.org/forum/images/smiles/icon_twisted.gif

 

[Kajira Callista]

OK, that does it, I am packing my bag and am on my way KC...you can keep the weed, and maybe we can get a cute male sub to cut the grass, but the rest sounds just so fine..can I bring Masterful One? Perhaps he could tie us to those trees!!

Catalina

You can bring the Masterful one and who ever else fits in your suitcase

 

[Marquis]

Rick James was the original dom in my book.

Coooold blooooded.