Made a slight error

[MastrJ]

I was punishing my sub earlier today and ended up taking it a little too far. I was giving her a few swats with a wet wooden spoon. I knew that wetting the spoon down would give it a little more 'smack', however I didn't realize how much it would end up hurting her. I almost had her in tears with only three swats. As soon as I realized that I had crossed her pain threshold by way too much I stopped, comforted and apologized for hurting her that much. I also rubbed lotion onto her ass to help ease the sting.

Was there anything else I could have done to make it clear that I didn't intend for it to be that bad? Punishment SHOULD be something that isn't fun, but there is (for me at least) a fine line between punishment and actually hurting her.

My sub normally likes getting spanked. I've found some ways to do it as punishment that she doesn't enjoy as much. The spankings have been getting progressively harder each time, but this time I just didn't realize that the water would cause that much of an increase in the pain quotient.

Comments?

 

[MissTaken]

How is she now?

Can you talk to her about it?

Or even show her this thread?

She is fortunate to have a caring and concerned Dominant such as yourself.

 

[MastrJ]

She'll probably see this when she gets home from work. I apologized quite a bit right afterwards, but we had to get her to work. I HOPE and think that I haven't ruined her trust in me, but haven't had the time to really verify and check. When I have a chance, I will be talking with her some more on the subject.

 

[MissTaken]

Well, not knowing her, but in general, if you stopped when she used her safe word or stopped when you noticed the affect the strikes were having, the trust should remain in tact. It sounds like you did one or the other.

Being human doesn't equate to being untrustworthy. We are fallible, but it is our ability to take responsibility for our errs that makes us trustworthy.

However, in my own opinion, there are times Dominants take situations like you described more seriously and more intensely than their subs. I know I am much harder on myself than anyone else could possibly be.

 

[A Desert Rose]

The sign of a true and caring Dom is one who can say He made a mistake and that He is sorry for it. When One expects that from His sub, He should also be able to lead her by setting the same example for her.

I think you did a wonderful thing for her, especially in the trust department.

 

[MastrJ]

The safe word wasn't used. I noticed the effect. Maybe I am being too hard on myself, but I don't want to ruin what we've built up.

 

[cutedemon]

Because you did bad, does this mean that I get to punish you?

I'm doing fine, my butt stopped hurting shortly after I started work tonight. Stop worrying about it hun.

 

[MastrJ]

I guess this means I'm worrying about it far out of proportion to the situation. Still means I feel kind of bad about it.

 

[cutedemon]

I guess this means I'm worrying about it far out of proportion to the situation. Still means I feel kind of bad about it.

Again I ask, do I get to punish you for doing bad? 'Cause that would be fun.

Oh, and you still owe me the rest of my punishment, BB.

 

[MastrJ]

Again I ask, do I get to punish you for doing bad? 'Cause that would be fun.

Oh, and you still owe me the rest of my punishment, BB.

1. No. You don't get to punish me.

2. BB was what got you in trouble this afternoon. Why do you think it's ok to now use it in public? *shakes head* Good thing we're going to be standing on Saturday. I don't think you're going to be able to sit down for a couple days afterwards.

 

[catalina_francisco]

No-one is perfect....and from my own experience, though this may not apply to your situation, sometimes the Dominant feels they have crossed a line in the pain department from witnessing the visual they did not expect, when in fact the sub does not feel they have gone too far at all, or pushed past their limit at all. I have had this happen a couple of times and it took a lot of talking to convince them they had not gone too far, that it looked far worse than it felt. Take care and sounds as if you will both be continuing your fun!!

Catalina

 

[cati]

re: an error

My .02 cents...

If a sub enjoys having erotic pain/spankings on the butt, why would their Dom/me inflict punishment on the same area?...albeit harder and in a not so loving fashion, but still...there seems a connection. Personally I feel that's very wrong.

Why stop punishment... because of a few tears? I think one is trying to make a point in doling out punishment in the first place.

Plus, I've never heard of being able to use a safeword during any kind of punishment or disciplinary action.

 

[AntaeusFishman]

I'll explain the safeword thing from what I know.

Basicly there are two types.

SoftSafe and Stop

Normally these are random recognisable words since they normally aren't related to the subject at hand, ie spanking. So a SoftSafe (my word for it) would be when your being spanked and it gets a bit too hard for you, you say it and it means stop doing it so hard but keep going.

The stop word means I do not want to carry on.

 

[cati]

..hello Antaeus

Antaeus..I appreciate your reply.

I understand what safe words are. My point was using a safeword when being punished.

....Please keep in mind I'm arguing viable points here (which I feel are important and need to be clarified) not personalities or relationships....
cati

 

[AntaeusFishman]

You must remember though that punishment (in my eyes) is part of the same thing as say a bondage fantasy, therefor the need for safe words is all too apparent.

 

[sunfox]

Re: re: an error

My .02 cents...

If a sub enjoys having erotic pain/spankings on the butt, why would their Dom/me inflict punishment on the same area?...albeit harder and in a not so loving fashion, but still...there seems a connection. Personally I feel that's very wrong.

Why stop punishment... because of a few tears? I think one is trying to make a point in doling out punishment in the first place.

Plus, I've never heard of being able to use a safeword during any kind of punishment or disciplinary action.

I enjoy spankings, but a disciplinary spanking isn't even in the same league, imo. Either way, it's the person being disciplined who is inside the body being punished, and they will always know best if they are being hurt beyond their ability to withstand it.

I imagine it's an individual thing, having a safeword during punishment or not, but it's also an individual thing how a Dominant reacts to his sub's feelings. Perhaps she rarely cries, so it means there's something very wrong. I don't cry, myself, so if I did, it would definitely mean he was hurting me very badly.

The safeword is there to provide a safety net should things go to far. I think that applies to all situations, punishment or not, at least in my case.

 

[catalina_francisco]

IMHO I think the issue of punishments and the use of a safeword still comes down to the SSC understanding. The submissive who has a safeword has not given unconditional consent and therefore expects and has the right to expect the Dominant to not go past limits. To do so strays into the territory of abuse because of the act then becomes something which is not consensual, and may become unsafe on various levels. There are still ways to punish without risking permanent harm or disregard for limits.

Catalina

 

[cati]

I do love a good discussion...smiles