Love

[Guest]

That's the spirit, never let the love thread die.

no, but i can take it captive and cradle it to my very small bosom for a long time.


i think we could find a greta garbo-esk person to treat your friend like crap and make him very happy.

"dahlink, you are beneath me. don't call again."
he would fall in instant love.

 

[CharleyH]

But as regards women, he has a Jewish Male thing (which I never had): Basically, if the woman likes him, it means he could do better than her. Disgusting, I know...

LOL - well, the best advice is that he has a very lonely life ahead if he keeps thinking that way. (although a friend like you must begin to ask questions of a fetish nature. ) I dated a lot of Jewish men - Jewish men and Hungarian ones were forced upon me at every turn! Thank God I opted for women. .

I don't think his problem is a Jewish male thing - I think its a scared thing.

 

[damppanties]

I want to have a girlie chat with Joe too. The idea is really quite appealing...

 

[CharleyH]

I want to have a girlie chat with Joe too. The idea is really quite appealing...

Be the girrlie guest.

(Hi Dampy and welcome back and )

More seriously? What interests you in this discussion?

 

[damppanties]

Be the girrlie guest.

(Hi Dampy and welcome back and )

Do you do girlie chats too?

(pounce too)

 

[CharleyH]

Do you do girlie chats too?

(pounce too)

Apologies, I was in the midst of editing my former post (please see) - WHAT? You think me not as girrlie as SJ? LOL Spank on you.

 

[damppanties]

Apologies, I was in the midst of editing my former post (please see) - WHAT? You think me not as girrlie as SJ? LOL Shame on you.

Uh... you're girlie in a totally different... way? Yes? Hmm... err... but you have to agree - girlie chat with Joe. It would sell!

And yes, I will come back and write more seriously later. Now I'm just rushing through.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Tough one...are soulmates made in heaven or in acceptance of two that the other is who they are and to be cherished for it?

I rather think it's a combination of both. Acceptance is a large part of love, but I've found there are few that bring that amount of acceptance out in me. That leads me to believe that fate/destiny play a part, even if it isn't as large as it appears on the Silver screen.

 

[CharleyH]

Uh... you're girlie in a totally different... way? Yes? Hmm... err... but you have to agree - girlie chat with Joe. It would sell!

And yes, I will come back and write more seriously later. Now I'm just rushing through.

 

[CharleyH]

I rather think it's a combination of both. Acceptance is a large part of love, but I've found there are few that bring that amount of acceptance out in me. That leads me to believe that fate/destiny play a part, even if it isn't as large as it appears on the Silver screen.

Intersting discussion.

 

[CharleyH]

I rather think it's a combination of both. Acceptance is a large part of love, but I've found there are few that bring that amount of acceptance out in me. That leads me to believe that fate/destiny play a part, even if it isn't as large as it appears on the Silver screen.

I believe - well I agree with the non-foolish Fool. (L) I also think you need to participate in order to find balance? Acceptance is a small part of love - its a long story.

 

[angelicminx]

The last time I was in a bar I got very, very drunk. It didn't seem that bad to me.

Sweetie, that's 'cause you had your beer goggles on.

 

[angelicminx]

Nope. Not in my experience. Ever know someone who's in a relationship, about six months, a fairly good one? Let's say it's a girl and the guy has started talking marriage. And the girl says to you, her friend, "I think the relationship is still too new to talk of marriage. We need to really get to know each other better. I don't want to be one of those couples that marries fast and divorces...." blah, blah, blah.

And it all sounds reasonable.

Then, one day, she calls you up, She's met this other guy and she's cheating on her six-month beau. Within a month she's broken up with the Mr. Six-month and MARRIED this other guy!

And you wonder, "What the hell? What was all that crap about waiting to get married..."

That's just it though. It was crap she was using to excuse herself from committing. Because on some level or other, she didn't really WANT the 6-Month guy. He may have been wonderful, great, passionate, romantic, etc. But he didnt grab her on a gut level. This 1-Month guy did. She WANTS him.

That's my addendum. It's a bittersweet one. Sweet because yes, there are people out there for you. I don't mean "soulmate," because I think that's a misleading term. I makes people think there's one person out there who they'll never argue with, will always feel romantic with, and that their relationship will have no low points or lulls. That's just not going to happen. I think it's more accurate to call them, "Partners in crime." It's less "Sleepless in Seattle" than "When Harry Met Sally," Less "Nodding Hill" than "True Romance."

The bitter part is that when you met such a person, it's painfully hard to not be with them. Which, if you've gone ahead and married 6-Month guy, thinking that he is the best, or that you're not going to get better...well, now you end up with having an affair, maybe getting divorced, etc. Because when you meet your "partner," morality, eithics, doing right by a good person and three kids...often goes out the window. All you want is to be with that yin to your yang. That other self.

And THAT is how you know. You know because if they say to you, "I can't stand not being with you always, so I'm leaving. Come with me or not..." you will drop everything, leave all you've ever known behind to go with them. They're it. And you're not complete without them.

And that's, IMHO, is what "you'll know" means in that context.

I agree. I met my SO online. We connected on a mental level that was quite scary when I stopped to think about it. Before we ever met in person or spoke on the phone we were finishing each other's thoughts. By the time we met physically, we struggled with being apart, to the point of obsession. Hell fire, we even went to sleep on the phone. (Thank God for mobile to mobile, one month was 19, 735 minutes. ) I flew out to meet him (In California) and 2 weeks later he moved to Kentucky. We've been together, physically, for more than a year and have lived together for 9 months. The 'new' has worn off some with the day to day living, but we still have that incredible connection. I can only describe our relationship as a storybook romance. In fact, I told him once that it was like he walked straight out of the pages of a romance novel.

I'd been with my ex for 16 years, married to him for 10, but never had that kind of connection.

 

[MagicaPractica]

This is the type of question we kick around on the The Matchmaker Thread in the Playground. Feel free to join us. It is for Matchmakers and romance minded singles alike.

I asked a very similar question over there. Is there a Mr. Right out there or is that a thought we use to keep us from doing the work that it takes to make a relationship? I think, like many have said, that there are many possible Mr./Ms. Rights for us out there. We have to work at the relationship once we recognize one of them and sometimes the timing just isn't right.

 

[NoJo]

I want to have a girlie chat with Joe too. The idea is really quite appealing...

Yes it is. And have I got goss for you...

 

[NoJo]

I've often been struck with a cold shock, a sudden dropping of the veil of reality, when exchanging glances with someone, as though a shared secret were exchanged through our eyes. This can easily be mistaken for love. I think moments like that are one of the things that make life worth living.

 

[damppanties]

The bitter part is that when you met such a person, it's painfully hard to not be with them. Which, if you've gone ahead and married 6-Month guy, thinking that he is the best, or that you're not going to get better...well, now you end up with having an affair, maybe getting divorced, etc. Because when you meet your "partner," morality, eithics, doing right by a good person and three kids...often goes out the window. All you want is to be with that yin to your yang. That other self.

And THAT is how you know. You know because if they say to you, "I can't stand not being with you always, so I'm leaving. Come with me or not..." you will drop everything, leave all you've ever known behind to go with them. They're it. And you're not complete without them.

And that's, IMHO, is what "you'll know" means in that context.

I was debating whether to reply to this post or not, but well....

Is knowing really the end of it? With me, I'd be busy guilting and shaming myself if it's 'wrong'. Dropping everything in your life isn't that easy. You leave everything and go away, and one day you will be sitting in some dark corner wondering if you've done the right thing. When your kids are having breakdowns and problems, when your marriage to 'Mr. Right' is not going well (cos there's no way it always will), or whatever the problem is, you will wonder if you've done the right thing. And when that seed is sown, it grows.

How about doubt then? People change, love changes. How do you know your Mr. Right will not change into Mr. Not right enough in a few months and Mr. Go Away in a few years? Won't you doubt whether what you have is lasting, or is it too soon to worry about that when you're in the throes of love?

To come back to Joe's first post, "you'll know" is very misleading because that's looking at it from a very rosy perspective. We're very complicated beings. You'll know just doesn't cover things. At all. Throwing around words like that, even if you meant to comfort him, is irresponsible. Very very few people have what 3113 talked about and are happy with it. The rest of us aren't strong enough or wise enough to give ourselves that chance.

P.S.: Joe, you've got what for me?

 

[Guest]

I was debating whether to reply to this post or not, but well....

Is knowing really the end of it? With me, I'd be busy guilting and shaming myself if it's 'wrong'. Dropping everything in your life isn't that easy. You leave everything and go away, and one day you will be sitting in some dark corner wondering if you've done the right thing. When your kids are having breakdowns and problems, when your marriage to 'Mr. Right' is not going well (cos there's no way it always will), or whatever the problem is, you will wonder if you've done the right thing. And when that seed is sown, it grows.

How about doubt then? People change, love changes. How do you know your Mr. Right will not change into Mr. Not right enough in a few months and Mr. Go Away in a few years? Won't you doubt whether what you have is lasting, or is it too soon to worry about that when you're in the throes of love?

To come back to Joe's first post, "you'll know" is very misleading because that's looking at it from a very rosy perspective. We're very complicated beings. You'll know just doesn't cover things. At all. Throwing around words like that, even if you meant to comfort him, is irresponsible. Very very few people have what 3113 talked about and are happy with it. The rest of us aren't strong enough or wise enough to give ourselves that chance.

P.S.: Joe, you've got what for me?

and the regrets if you dont go with your heart?

just asking

 

[damppanties]

and the regrets if you dont go with your heart?

just asking

I never said it's going to be good if you don't. Sorry, it's no-win. Personally, I'm not a 'follow your heart' person. I mostly use my head when making decisions. Emotional decisions wouldn't work for me because I'd kill myself over them like I said in the post above. But this isn't about me. My point is, there are people who cannot trust themselves or the other person enough to leave everything and go. They don't trust fate or happiness or circumstances, whatever you'd like to call it. And I believe most people are like that. Think Bridges of Madison County. It's about how much you're willing to give up and what you're going to get. Are you sure about what you're going to get? Can anyone ever be? Are you willing to risk it?

Ok, that was too cynical even for my liking. Feel free to smite me.

 

[Guest]

I never said it's going to be good if you don't. Sorry, it's no-win. Personally, I'm not a 'follow your heart' person. I mostly use my head when making decisions. Emotional decisions wouldn't work for me because I'd kill myself over them like I said in the post above. But this isn't about me. My point is, there are people who cannot trust themselves or the other person enough to leave everything and go. They don't trust fate or happiness or circumstances, whatever you'd like to call it. And I believe most people are like that. Think Bridges of Madison County. It's about how much you're willing to give up and what you're going to get. Are you sure about what you're going to get? Can anyone ever be? Are you willing to risk it?

Ok, that was too cynical even for my liking. Feel free to smite me.

you are officially smotten...smoten...erm... i smite you. right after i snuggle you.


hrm. i up and left everything and made a HUGE move to be with lucky. i left every single thing i know to be with her.
do i feel, sometimes, that it was a mistake? no. i dont even question how the kids will feel about it years down the line. TO US...we are family. we love and grow as if we had been together from the inception of our children.

had i not taken that leap of faith...i can't really think about that because it seems like such a non-issue.

so, where was i going? i dont know but come a little closer and ill draw a map on your belly.

 

[Guest]

I never said it's going to be good if you don't. Sorry, it's no-win. Personally, I'm not a 'follow your heart' person. I mostly use my head when making decisions. Emotional decisions wouldn't work for me because I'd kill myself over them like I said in the post above. But this isn't about me. My point is, there are people who cannot trust themselves or the other person enough to leave everything and go. They don't trust fate or happiness or circumstances, whatever you'd like to call it. And I believe most people are like that. Think Bridges of Madison County. It's about how much you're willing to give up and what you're going to get. Are you sure about what you're going to get? Can anyone ever be? Are you willing to risk it?

Ok, that was too cynical even for my liking. Feel free to smite me.

are you willing to risk being unhappy for the rest of your life if u dont take the chance?

can u live with what might have been if you dont take the chance?

no one can promise that what u decide will be the right thing for u. but what is the right thing anyway?

what are you NOT going to get if u don't try? life is all about risks anyway.

how much are u willing to give up if the one u love is standing in front of you asking u to follow her?

question is how much are you risking if you DONT follow your heart?

 

[NoJo]

P.S.: Joe, you've got what for me?

goss = gossip

 

[angelicminx]

It's about how much you're willing to give up and what you're going to get. Are you sure about what you're going to get? Can anyone ever be? Are you willing to risk it?

Ok, that was too cynical even for my liking. Feel free to smite me.

Would never smite you, Dampy.

I'm IN love for the first time in my life. No, every day is NOT a bed of roses. It still takes work to keep a relationship healthy, we are only human after all, but I love him deeply and can't imagine my life without him, even when he's upset me somehow.

We occasionally lose site of the connection and what is truly important, but when we stop to reconnect it's magic.

Am I sure what I'm going to get? 99%, yes. There's always that 1% of doubt that comes with being human. I have a man who's IN love with me and goes out of his way to show me, but he's only human and I'm only me.

Can anyone ever be sure? Yes, if they let themselves be. It's faith and trust.

Am I willing to risk it? Hell yes! Knowing what I know now, I'd do it all over again. I take that back. I'd do it much MUCH faster. There are times I wish I'd met my SO 15 years ago, so we'd have more time together. But neither of us would be the people we are, and that's important. We weren't ready for one another 15 years ago, and we weren't ready for the depth of love we share.

 

[shereads]

My grandmother had a talking parakeet. She'd say, "I love you," and the bird would say, "I love you" back.

If I had a parrot, I'd teach it to say, "I care a lot about you too."



I might also teach it to say, "It's not you; it's me," "I don't have a place for this in my life right now" and to apologize a lot.

 

[damppanties]

are you willing to risk being unhappy for the rest of your life if u dont take the chance?

can u live with what might have been if you dont take the chance?

no one can promise that what u decide will be the right thing for u. but what is the right thing anyway?

what are you NOT going to get if u don't try? life is all about risks anyway.

how much are u willing to give up if the one u love is standing in front of you asking u to follow her?

question is how much are you risking if you DONT follow your heart?

Fem, I'm not saying no one gets it right. I'm just saying that there are very few people who do. Very few. Yes, we have vella and lucky to look at and sigh. They're the most wonderful success story I've known. But in real life, there are a lot many that do not work. The amount of understanding, faith and trust required is too high and most people are afraid to trust that much. I'm not arguing against love. I'm just saying that finding someone exactly right for you, and living with him/her and the situation lasting, is extremely rare.

What would you do if you know you will destroy what you have with your special someone because of your doubts and insecurities? What might have been is most times better than what will be. I think I'm just being real here. Finding the love of your life is not easy. And when you find them, giving everything else up for them isn't. Some do it, and they are truly lucky. And vella.

PS. Joe, bring on the gossip. I need it.