carsonshepherd
comeback kid
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- Jan 24, 2004
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- 14,643
sophia jane said:Yes it makes sense. Thanks, Carson.
SJ
back at you.love
- Thread starter sophia jane
- Start date
back at you.Coming in late, but hope this helps a little bit.
Love, simply put, is an answer to a need you have. The more your need, and the more the answer to that need, the greater the love.
Many of us have many needs, and possibly many different people fill differing needs in us. Many of those needs can, and sometimes are, about love. Since we're all different, no two alike, what one needs is also different, and those around us that can fill our need are also different, and fill the needs differently in us.
So, it's back in your court. What are your needs? How deep are they? Who, or what is there to fill it/them? That's why you hear so much that it's up to you, for only you know your needs.
I wish you love,
mismused
Love, simply put, is an answer to a need you have. The more your need, and the more the answer to that need, the greater the love.
Many of us have many needs, and possibly many different people fill differing needs in us. Many of those needs can, and sometimes are, about love. Since we're all different, no two alike, what one needs is also different, and those around us that can fill our need are also different, and fill the needs differently in us.
So, it's back in your court. What are your needs? How deep are they? Who, or what is there to fill it/them? That's why you hear so much that it's up to you, for only you know your needs.
I wish you love,
mismused
Lucifer_Carroll
GOATS!!!
- Joined
- May 4, 2004
- Posts
- 3,319
To touch up on everyone, Vella is right about there being may different levels of love. Ranging from the most physical attachments of lust where the emotional is never engaged to Pure Naplam Love or as referred to in the Romance Industry, true love. And this is only the loves related to relationship versus those related to family or friends or objects or intangibles.
As far as SJ, I'd say carson's and rgraham's advice together is a good course of action. Decide if the love you still feel is worth the pain, but also keep in mind the others affected by the decision and whether the new fling is really better or will last the long term or will merely be a temporary respite of the new. Note the recent pain rika went through as an example of one who chose the new fling to his eventual detriment. That's not to say you should stay in an emotionally or physically abusive situation or one that makes you and others perpetually unhappy out of habit. Only that it's not a decision to be made lightly and it must be one that considers everything incuding and especially the consequences.
On a more theoretical and less practical level, Pure Naplam Love is like what it sounds like, you aren't the same after. There is no multiple. There is no temptation. If they die or leave or if it is left unrequited, there is no emotional respite. The libido for others is deadend so that masturbation becomes a relaxation exercise instead of a slaking of the lust. Thoughts of the other consume and it is physically and emotionally impossible to become angry with them or to force yourself out of love with them. You will forgive any and all slights and heartbreaks and be ecstatic to lay down your life for the happiness of that person. One sign of Pure Naplam Love is the theoretical exercise where you consider the question: "If the only way to bring true happiness or continued life to the person I loved was to commit suicide or jump in front of a bullet would I do so without hesitation and with joy in my heart?" If you answer yes, then you might be fucked with Pure Naplam Love. I have only seen 2 people personally suffer from Pure Naplam Love. It's simulataneously beautiful and frightening. But it's also reassuring as it confirms that that total emotional investment to a degree that it could be called Truly True Love exists helps keep alive the romantic worldview.
As far as SJ, I'd say carson's and rgraham's advice together is a good course of action. Decide if the love you still feel is worth the pain, but also keep in mind the others affected by the decision and whether the new fling is really better or will last the long term or will merely be a temporary respite of the new. Note the recent pain rika went through as an example of one who chose the new fling to his eventual detriment. That's not to say you should stay in an emotionally or physically abusive situation or one that makes you and others perpetually unhappy out of habit. Only that it's not a decision to be made lightly and it must be one that considers everything incuding and especially the consequences.
On a more theoretical and less practical level, Pure Naplam Love is like what it sounds like, you aren't the same after. There is no multiple. There is no temptation. If they die or leave or if it is left unrequited, there is no emotional respite. The libido for others is deadend so that masturbation becomes a relaxation exercise instead of a slaking of the lust. Thoughts of the other consume and it is physically and emotionally impossible to become angry with them or to force yourself out of love with them. You will forgive any and all slights and heartbreaks and be ecstatic to lay down your life for the happiness of that person. One sign of Pure Naplam Love is the theoretical exercise where you consider the question: "If the only way to bring true happiness or continued life to the person I loved was to commit suicide or jump in front of a bullet would I do so without hesitation and with joy in my heart?" If you answer yes, then you might be fucked with Pure Naplam Love. I have only seen 2 people personally suffer from Pure Naplam Love. It's simulataneously beautiful and frightening. But it's also reassuring as it confirms that that total emotional investment to a degree that it could be called Truly True Love exists helps keep alive the romantic worldview.
rgraham666
Literotica Guru
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- Feb 19, 2004
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- 43,719
So do I.
Sort of like heroin for the soul.
Sort of like heroin for the soul.
G
Guest
Guest
Possibly, J. Giles put it best when they sang:
You love her
But she loves him
And he loves somebody else
You just can't win
And so it goes
Till the day you die
This thing they call love
It's gonna make you cry
I've had the blues
The reds and the pinks
One thing for sure
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
Two by two and side by side
Love's gonna find you yes it is
You just can't hide
You'll hear it call
Your heart will fall
Then love will fly
It's gonna soar
I don't care for any casanova thing
All I can say is
Love stinks
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
I've been through diamonds
I've been through minks
I've been through it all
Love stinks
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
naw... but its a great song when you wanna bash an ex...
You love her
But she loves him
And he loves somebody else
You just can't win
And so it goes
Till the day you die
This thing they call love
It's gonna make you cry
I've had the blues
The reds and the pinks
One thing for sure
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
Two by two and side by side
Love's gonna find you yes it is
You just can't hide
You'll hear it call
Your heart will fall
Then love will fly
It's gonna soar
I don't care for any casanova thing
All I can say is
Love stinks
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
I've been through diamonds
I've been through minks
I've been through it all
Love stinks
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
naw... but its a great song when you wanna bash an ex...
carsonshepherd
comeback kid
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2004
- Posts
- 14,643
Gah, Lucifer. *prays to never be afflicted with Napalm Love*
curious2c
In Flux
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2002
- Posts
- 19,254
sophia jane said:
At one time in my life I swore that I could only love one person. Then another came along and proved to me that I was a stupid man to have thought that at all. It really messed me up in many ways. I survived it, and stayed where I was, even though at times it truly hurts.
Since then, I know better, and there has been several others in my heart too. That doesn't mean I love my wife any less because I don't, it just means that the human heart has more capacity for love than many people think it can...or does.
As to the doomed part...if you have loved someone and been loved in return, there is no doom in that. The love will still exist still carry on. If it has been a one way love, in that you loved someone and they never knew or never returned that love, for you it still wasn't a doomed love, as you at least go to love them. It may be sadder in many ways that your love wasn't returned, but your heart still was able to spread some love around.
Now...about the drunk girl in the corner...
The_Fool
smiling for the camera
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2003
- Posts
- 17,755
I’d promised you a reply on your thread so here goes:
How do you know if you're in love?
Love is one of those things that is so difficult to explain. So difficult to comprehend. And in the end really has as many meanings as there are people. There is the uncomplicated, unquestioning love that a young child feels for a parent. There is that deep-seated level of care that a parent feels for a child, that includes the willingness to do anything to protect that child. There is the constant friction bind siblings, or drive them apart. There is that camaraderie that one feels for very close acquaintances. And finally there is a binding between two people that is so strong, so powerful that it creates almost a third being. There is one person, there is the other person and there is the two of them together.
As each person is unique, so is each couple. With every new relationship, there is a new entity. Even if a relationship rejoins after sundering, that relationship is new and unique. What makes these relationships unique is how closely they are bound as well as how much give and take there is in the relationship. In a black and white world there are givers and there are takers. Most often there are shades of gray.
Your question, really revolves around that couple, that third entity. How do you know if it really exists? Some basic questions might include:
If all your other relationships were to go away leaving just this one, would it be enough?
Do the people you know, treat you differently than when you are with your significant other?
Does your day brighten when that SO enters the room and dim when he or she leaves?
Do you feel rootless, depressed when he or she is away?
Is there a physical chemistry?
Even more important, is there chemistry between your souls?
Can you be in love with more than one person at the same time?
I think to certain extent, I’ve answered that. But to expand, I do think that you can love more than one person at a time and create those strong relationships, however, I also think that you sometimes don’t create as strong of a third entity, because you have kept something in reserve.
I think we all create relationships that are filled with “what might be, what might have been” questions. I’ve had many of those in my life, some more eventful than others. I can probably even say that I have a few with some of the people that frequent Literotica. (Have to leave you wondering about something….)
The other aspect that is raised with the scenario of having multiple “significant” relationships is guilt. I don’t think any normal person can resolve the issues associated with having more than one significant other. Because there are always concerns about the “fairness” of “splitting” one’s love. There is also the need to keep secrets. Secrets tend to gnaw on a relationship. And face it, if you know that your SO is keeping secrets from there other partner, doesn’t that make you wonder if they are keeping secrets from you? There is also the aspect of lying. If you know that your SO is capable of lying to their other partner, aren’t they capable of lying to you? Of course we lie all the time, mostly little white lies, especially to ourselves, but that doesn’t make it right.
Is it worth it if you know it's doomed in the end?
Sometimes love ends with an explosion of emotion and pain. Sometimes love starves due to lack of caring, feeding, nurturing. Sometimes love simply ends with a death. Or does it? Relationships end, but not necessarily love.
This part is incredibly painful to me as I have lost someone very close recently and I am seeing and feeling a man’s pain as he deals with the loss of his wife. We lost her in a very shocking, very painful way at way too young an age. I think I will leave death alone for now.
The number of marriages that end in divorce is pretty incredible if you think about it. That is for a commitment that is made with very strong bindings that are fairly difficult and painful to break. So the number of relationships that end should be surprise given the much more casual nature of which they are forged. But any relationship is what makes life worth living, because only when life is shared, is life truly enjoyed. You can derive pleasure, but how much sweeter is that pleasure when you see the smile of someone that shares it with you.
Our days are gray as we shuffle through this life. It’s the presence of others in snapshot moments of joy that make living worthwhile. That sharing doesn’t always have to be the same lover, same friend to make the memory sharp and vivid.
As I stated earlier, love doesn’t necessarily end even if the relationship is over. It’s the bitter memories that make the sweet ones all the better and lets the bittersweet memories make us smile albeit somewhat sadly.
How do you know if you're in love?
Love is one of those things that is so difficult to explain. So difficult to comprehend. And in the end really has as many meanings as there are people. There is the uncomplicated, unquestioning love that a young child feels for a parent. There is that deep-seated level of care that a parent feels for a child, that includes the willingness to do anything to protect that child. There is the constant friction bind siblings, or drive them apart. There is that camaraderie that one feels for very close acquaintances. And finally there is a binding between two people that is so strong, so powerful that it creates almost a third being. There is one person, there is the other person and there is the two of them together.
As each person is unique, so is each couple. With every new relationship, there is a new entity. Even if a relationship rejoins after sundering, that relationship is new and unique. What makes these relationships unique is how closely they are bound as well as how much give and take there is in the relationship. In a black and white world there are givers and there are takers. Most often there are shades of gray.
Your question, really revolves around that couple, that third entity. How do you know if it really exists? Some basic questions might include:
If all your other relationships were to go away leaving just this one, would it be enough?
Do the people you know, treat you differently than when you are with your significant other?
Does your day brighten when that SO enters the room and dim when he or she leaves?
Do you feel rootless, depressed when he or she is away?
Is there a physical chemistry?
Even more important, is there chemistry between your souls?
Can you be in love with more than one person at the same time?
I think to certain extent, I’ve answered that. But to expand, I do think that you can love more than one person at a time and create those strong relationships, however, I also think that you sometimes don’t create as strong of a third entity, because you have kept something in reserve.
I think we all create relationships that are filled with “what might be, what might have been” questions. I’ve had many of those in my life, some more eventful than others. I can probably even say that I have a few with some of the people that frequent Literotica. (Have to leave you wondering about something….)
The other aspect that is raised with the scenario of having multiple “significant” relationships is guilt. I don’t think any normal person can resolve the issues associated with having more than one significant other. Because there are always concerns about the “fairness” of “splitting” one’s love. There is also the need to keep secrets. Secrets tend to gnaw on a relationship. And face it, if you know that your SO is keeping secrets from there other partner, doesn’t that make you wonder if they are keeping secrets from you? There is also the aspect of lying. If you know that your SO is capable of lying to their other partner, aren’t they capable of lying to you? Of course we lie all the time, mostly little white lies, especially to ourselves, but that doesn’t make it right.
Is it worth it if you know it's doomed in the end?
Sometimes love ends with an explosion of emotion and pain. Sometimes love starves due to lack of caring, feeding, nurturing. Sometimes love simply ends with a death. Or does it? Relationships end, but not necessarily love.
This part is incredibly painful to me as I have lost someone very close recently and I am seeing and feeling a man’s pain as he deals with the loss of his wife. We lost her in a very shocking, very painful way at way too young an age. I think I will leave death alone for now.
The number of marriages that end in divorce is pretty incredible if you think about it. That is for a commitment that is made with very strong bindings that are fairly difficult and painful to break. So the number of relationships that end should be surprise given the much more casual nature of which they are forged. But any relationship is what makes life worth living, because only when life is shared, is life truly enjoyed. You can derive pleasure, but how much sweeter is that pleasure when you see the smile of someone that shares it with you.
Our days are gray as we shuffle through this life. It’s the presence of others in snapshot moments of joy that make living worthwhile. That sharing doesn’t always have to be the same lover, same friend to make the memory sharp and vivid.
As I stated earlier, love doesn’t necessarily end even if the relationship is over. It’s the bitter memories that make the sweet ones all the better and lets the bittersweet memories make us smile albeit somewhat sadly.
sophia jane
Decked Out
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 15,225
The_Fool said:
Thanks- Fool. Alot to think about here. I appreciate it.
SJ
Bump for FYI article from Compuserv ISP provider reference love:
=========
5 Big Fat Love Myths
By Laura Snyder
Whether it's in the movies or the media, there are lots of faulty facts out there when it comes to the subject of love. Are you ready for a reality check?
Love Myth #1: You can't be in love with two people at once.
Are you serious? That's like saying you can't like cake and ice cream at the same time, as if loving one prevents you from loving the other. Consider this a cultural thing - in Europe, it's perfectly okay to be polyamorous. Of course, we're not suggesting that makes it any easier...
Love Myth #2: All you need is love.
Love - while grand - is not the duct tape of the heart. Love has the bonding properties of a slightly tattered and linty stretch of Scotch tape; it might do the job for awhile, but you better not be counting on it to hold anything together long term. Love's a great start, but totally useless until you can also communicate, understand each other, and solve problems.
Love Myth #3: Love is hard.
No, love is work. Maybe not easy work, either, but it shouldn't be hard. Or painful. Or something that you're not enthusiastically willing to work though to make things better.
Love Myth #4: There's a "best" or "right" way to fall in love.
You should be friends first. You should fall in love at first sight. Take it slow. If it's true love, you'll know right away. Ugh. Why are we still letting people tell us that one way to fall in love is somehow better or more likely to work than another? No matter what timetable it works on, whenever love shows up at your door, why not just be happy it got there at all?
Love Myth #5: Love is a feeling
Sure, love contains a lot of feelings - the butterflies-in-the-stomach joyous anxiety, that throbbing passion, the sappy heart-strings-pulling stuff - but at the end of the day, love is really an action. It's about doing, not feeling, especially during the moments when you inconveniently lack those feelings that make your actions easier.
=================================================
FYI, with no comment from me.
mismused
=========
5 Big Fat Love Myths
By Laura Snyder
Whether it's in the movies or the media, there are lots of faulty facts out there when it comes to the subject of love. Are you ready for a reality check?
Love Myth #1: You can't be in love with two people at once.
Are you serious? That's like saying you can't like cake and ice cream at the same time, as if loving one prevents you from loving the other. Consider this a cultural thing - in Europe, it's perfectly okay to be polyamorous. Of course, we're not suggesting that makes it any easier...
Love Myth #2: All you need is love.
Love - while grand - is not the duct tape of the heart. Love has the bonding properties of a slightly tattered and linty stretch of Scotch tape; it might do the job for awhile, but you better not be counting on it to hold anything together long term. Love's a great start, but totally useless until you can also communicate, understand each other, and solve problems.
Love Myth #3: Love is hard.
No, love is work. Maybe not easy work, either, but it shouldn't be hard. Or painful. Or something that you're not enthusiastically willing to work though to make things better.
Love Myth #4: There's a "best" or "right" way to fall in love.
You should be friends first. You should fall in love at first sight. Take it slow. If it's true love, you'll know right away. Ugh. Why are we still letting people tell us that one way to fall in love is somehow better or more likely to work than another? No matter what timetable it works on, whenever love shows up at your door, why not just be happy it got there at all?
Love Myth #5: Love is a feeling
Sure, love contains a lot of feelings - the butterflies-in-the-stomach joyous anxiety, that throbbing passion, the sappy heart-strings-pulling stuff - but at the end of the day, love is really an action. It's about doing, not feeling, especially during the moments when you inconveniently lack those feelings that make your actions easier.
=================================================
FYI, with no comment from me.
mismused
Dar~
Indefatigable
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2005
- Posts
- 7,338
How do you know if you're in love?I knew I was in love when I looked in the mirror one day and saw that my eyes were pretty. The day I realized that I loved myself and who I was was the day I first told someone I loved him. I realized I loved him because he taught me how to love me.
Can you be in love with more than one person at the same time? I believe it is possible to be in love with many people at the same time, I do however, believe that one of those loves will always be stronger. I have fallen in love with someone other than my husband while married to him. I knew that I had to make a decision and when the decision came down to life with this other person but without Dave, then I knew what my choice was. I loved Dave more. I can't imagine living without him in my life I can't imagine not touching him or rollingover at night and seeing him there. I can't imagine a world without seeing him hold our son or gigle with our daughter.
Is it worth it if you know it's doomed in the end? I'd like to say there isn't a such thing as doomed love, but I know there is. I grew up in a household buried in it. My mom twice married and twice divorced my father. She loved him and desperately wanted to give him the chance to love her as much. However both times he beat her and us, both time he drank away or food and lied through his teeth. My mom truly loved my father. to this day she loves him but she has moved on and is now with someone she loves who also loves her. If it is truly doomed, it will still be there, adn the love is always a valid emotion, but if it is anything like what I just spoke about, Don't.
Can you be in love with more than one person at the same time? I believe it is possible to be in love with many people at the same time, I do however, believe that one of those loves will always be stronger. I have fallen in love with someone other than my husband while married to him. I knew that I had to make a decision and when the decision came down to life with this other person but without Dave, then I knew what my choice was. I loved Dave more. I can't imagine living without him in my life I can't imagine not touching him or rollingover at night and seeing him there. I can't imagine a world without seeing him hold our son or gigle with our daughter.
Is it worth it if you know it's doomed in the end? I'd like to say there isn't a such thing as doomed love, but I know there is. I grew up in a household buried in it. My mom twice married and twice divorced my father. She loved him and desperately wanted to give him the chance to love her as much. However both times he beat her and us, both time he drank away or food and lied through his teeth. My mom truly loved my father. to this day she loves him but she has moved on and is now with someone she loves who also loves her. If it is truly doomed, it will still be there, adn the love is always a valid emotion, but if it is anything like what I just spoke about, Don't.
rgraham666
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2004
- Posts
- 43,719
I understand now, Dar.
inkstain
Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2005
- Posts
- 52
minsue said:...but at the end of the day, love is really an action.
Very good article, especially that.
Being in love is not an action. Like a lot of people I've spoken to, Laura Snyder changes the subject without herself noticing it, when talking about love.
It's not that hard people: Being in love is not the same as loving. It's obvious to me that you can be in love WITHOUT "really" loving someone. Peole may say it's "only a crush", by which they mean that although the feeling may be genuine, it's somehow not borne out by your actions. If you really love someone, you ,ight be expected to cherish and care for them, for example.
I've been in love far too many times for my own good. It's a most debilitating feeling, and my home and work life suffer terribly when it happens. The only cure is either deep and painful disillusionment, or marriage. Or both, of course.
I'm in love right now, with a married man who loves his wife in the second way. He supports her, cares for her, needs her company. But he's clearly in love with me, as I am with him. It feels terrible. Love is terrible.
