Love this "50 Shades" article.

[Redkate]

This article appeared in the news today and I almost yelled Alleluia!

http://m.smh.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/most-sado-masochists-just-like-you-and-me-20120709-21rnq.html

 

[desertslave]

Hooray! Thanks for posting this.

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

Hallelujah! Sense at last.

 

[perkyT]

Good article.


As soon as my oldest sister(suburban trophy wife) claimed it to be "smokin' hot", I knew I would never touch it.

 

[geekmaster24]

This article appeared in the news today and I almost yelled Alleluia!

http://m.smh.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/most-sado-masochists-just-like-you-and-me-20120709-21rnq.html

Loved the article...

 

[Ellafun]

Great article. Thank you for posting this!!!

 

[Bramblethorn]

This article appeared in the news today and I almost yelled Alleluia!

http://m.smh.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/most-sado-masochists-just-like-you-and-me-20120709-21rnq.html

I'm fond of Pamela Stephenson-Connolly. She does a lot of good work to de-stigmatise BDSM. (And before that, she was an entertaining comedian in "Not The Nine O'Clock News" etc.)

And from all I've heard, 50SoG is unrealistic, features an unhealthy relationship model, and isn't written particularly well.

All that said... why so much backlash against this book in particular? There are thousands of badly-written unrealistic books out there promoting an unhealthy relationship model to women. To pick the obvious example, "Twilight" taught some horrendously bad ideas about romance, and it was pitched at a younger and more susceptible audience who are at greater risk of receiving it as a role model for relationships instead of escapist fantasy. I know it caught some flack on that account, but not nearly as much as 50SoG is getting.

Sometimes I wonder whether the difference is because women aren't supposed to be reading smut.

 

[RjThoughts]

Thank you for sharing. I like her "bodice ripper" comment.

 

[catalina_francisco]

LOL, I have been a fan of Pamela for many decades (even before she married Billy or became a psychologist) and it is nice to see she has added her voice to the discussion of these books. Given the non-stop talk about them, even here, I thought perhaps I should take a look to see what all the noise and excitement was about. Sadly I haven't gotten past the first couple of pages due to how badly written it is...not even about the content. It is shocking as far as writing skills go and amazes me anyone ever bothered to read on.

Catalina

 

[Redkate]

LOL, I have been a fan of Pamela for many decades (even before she married Billy or became a psychologist) and it is nice to see she has added her voice to the discussion of these books. Given the non-stop talk about them, even here, I thought perhaps I should take a look to see what all the noise and excitement was about. Sadly I haven't gotten past the first couple of pages due to how badly written it is...not even about the content. It is shocking as far as writing skills go and amazes me anyone ever bothered to read on.

Catalina

OMG I didn't even make the connection that it was THAT Pamela Stephenson. I loved the book she wrote about Connelly. Really good biography.

I Was very happy to see an article written to emphasize that BDSM isn't something for 'freaks' and that "50 Shades" is just a fantasy that has little or no relevance to real life.

 

[catalina_francisco]

OMG I didn't even make the connection that it was THAT Pamela Stephenson. I loved the book she wrote about Connelly. Really good biography.

I Was very happy to see an article written to emphasize that BDSM isn't something for 'freaks' and that "50 Shades" is just a fantasy that has little or no relevance to real life.

From what I remember from way back, she was always sexually adventurous with some fairly racy escapades (for those days at least) reported in Oz after she went to the UK. Isn't surprising she did such a study and chose to specialise professionally in sexuality. I imagine she is a very open minded therapist.

Catalina

 

[njlauren]

As many of the comments about 50 shades of gray have been, this article misses the point about the book,. It is not meant to be a realistic BD/SM book, it isn't meant to portray BD/SM, it is a romance novel that used BD/SM elements as a mechanism to bring the main characters together and also highlight the fact that Christian is a damaged person who used BD/SM as a prop.

As far as non realistic sex situations I wonder if she has ever read any of the various romance novels out there, they are fantasies for Christ's sake. They aren't meant to be realistic (romance novels are full of men who all have 6 pack abs, are are marine or ex military, have a huge cock and can come 4 or 5 times a night while giving the women orgasm after orgasm, and when it comes time to have kids, is as fertile as composted soil.

The author wasn't saying you have to be screwed up to be into bd/sm (the psychiatrist in the story specifically says so), it is that Christian and the older women are screwed up people. I understand why people in the scene are sensitive about portrayals, but the point is unless someone is a complete idiot or comes from the state of Texas (No critical reasoning skills shall be taught in the schools) it is pretty obvious the book is not denigrating BD/SM.

And all I can say is the proof of the pudding is in the results of the book, I have talked to owners of adult book stores and adult boutiques and places like Eve's garden in NYC and Babes in Toyland and they are happy as hell because business is booming, and most of this is being driven by women who would never think of going to those places. Whatever you think of the books, they have stimulated debate and gotten women to think about sex and giving themselves permission to try different things, and that is only good. Among other things, maybe, just maybe, even if it is likely that most of the women who got into this book aren't going to be the next wave to join Black Rose or TES, they also may be allies the next time some shithead group of religionists tries to shut down an S/M convention liked happen in St. Louis a while ago. I would rather they are listening to a book like this then the unreconstructed types running the vatican, who are promoting sex for procreation with the lights out and having fun is verboten, even for married couples (they couch it in all kinds of sweet words, but the religious right and the RC are pathological when it comes to sex)

BTW there is one area where BD/SM people stand out, they tend to test out by tests like Meyers/Briggs and via various tests of intelligence and creativity to be above the curve compared to the norms.

 

[Redkate]

As many of the comments about 50 shades of gray have been, this article misses the point about the book,. It is not meant to be a realistic BD/SM book, it isn't meant to portray BD/SM, it is a romance novel that used BD/SM elements as a mechanism to bring the main characters together and also highlight the fact that Christian is a damaged person who used BD/SM as a prop.

As far as non realistic sex situations I wonder if she has ever read any of the various romance novels out there, they are fantasies for Christ's sake. They aren't meant to be realistic (romance novels are full of men who all have 6 pack abs, are are marine or ex military, have a huge cock and can come 4 or 5 times a night while giving the women orgasm after orgasm, and when it comes time to have kids, is as fertile as composted soil.

The author wasn't saying you have to be screwed up to be into bd/sm (the psychiatrist in the story specifically says so), it is that Christian and the older women are screwed up people. I understand why people in the scene are sensitive about portrayals, but the point is unless someone is a complete idiot or comes from the state of Texas (No critical reasoning skills shall be taught in the schools) it is pretty obvious the book is not denigrating BD/SM.

And all I can say is the proof of the pudding is in the results of the book, I have talked to owners of adult book stores and adult boutiques and places like Eve's garden in NYC and Babes in Toyland and they are happy as hell because business is booming, and most of this is being driven by women who would never think of going to those places. Whatever you think of the books, they have stimulated debate and gotten women to think about sex and giving themselves permission to try different things, and that is only good. Among other things, maybe, just maybe, even if it is likely that most of the women who got into this book aren't going to be the next wave to join Black Rose or TES, they also may be allies the next time some shithead group of religionists tries to shut down an S/M convention liked happen in St. Louis a while ago. I would rather they are listening to a book like this then the unreconstructed types running the vatican, who are promoting sex for procreation with the lights out and having fun is verboten, even for married couples (they couch it in all kinds of sweet words, but the religious right and the RC are pathological when it comes to sex)

BTW there is one area where BD/SM people stand out, they tend to test out by tests like Meyers/Briggs and via various tests of intelligence and creativity to be above the curve compared to the norms.

Have you read the books?

The person who introduces Grey to the world of BDSM is a mature woman. He was 15 or 16 when they first got together and is referred to a paedophile for the rest of the books.

One of

That's just one example of the way BDSM is poorly portrayed.

I agree it's great that women are becoming in some way sexually liberated by the novel, I just object to the parts that make BDSM Out to be the domain of people who are fucked up and "normal" people, like Ana (a 22yo virgin!), should try and stop people from enjoying it through 'vanilla' love.

 

[desertslave]

BTW there is one area where BD/SM people stand out, they tend to test out by tests like Meyers/Briggs and via various tests of intelligence and creativity to be above the curve compared to the norms.

<scritching head> Just wondering what "test out" means?

 

[Kurokami]

As many of the comments about 50 shades of gray have been, this article misses the point about the book,. It is not meant to be a realistic BD/SM book, it isn't meant to portray BD/SM, it is a romance novel that used BD/SM elements as a mechanism to bring the main characters together and also highlight the fact that Christian is a damaged person who used BD/SM as a prop.

I'm completely with you on this point, up until the intimation that the lack of realism becomes an excuse for a lack of research. There's no excuse for being ill informed, especially when apparently bdsm was enough of a kink for this author that she wanted to write about it fully three times; shouldn't she want to get the details correct? Even if it's just there for flavor, why not take a little pride in the depiction? That's the kind of stuff I enjoy when I'm writing myself!

The author wasn't saying you have to be screwed up to be into bd/sm

Somewhat undermined by the fact that every single kinkster in the series (that I've read, I'm by no means finished yet) is either a bad person, deranged or in some way denigrated by the narrative or narrator.

And all I can say is the proof of the pudding is in the results of the book, I have talked to owners of adult book stores and adult boutiques and places like Eve's garden in NYC and Babes in Toyland and they are happy as hell because business is booming, and most of this is being driven by women who would never think of going to those places. Whatever you think of the books, they have stimulated debate and gotten women to think about sex and giving themselves permission to try different things, and that is only good.

Agreed. I just really wish the book responsible for all this social progression wasn't an annoying, idiosyncratic piece of tripe.

 

[mickyp123]

Good article.


As soon as my oldest sister(suburban trophy wife) claimed it to be "smokin' hot", I knew I would never touch it.

If she knew about her little sister she would have a seizure

 

[Kurokami]

All that said... why so much backlash against this book in particular? There are thousands of badly-written unrealistic books out there promoting an unhealthy relationship model to women. To pick the obvious example, "Twilight" taught some horrendously bad ideas about romance, and it was pitched at a younger and more susceptible audience who are at greater risk of receiving it as a role model for relationships instead of escapist fantasy. I know it caught some flack on that account, but not nearly as much as 50SoG is getting.

Sometimes I wonder whether the difference is because women aren't supposed to be reading smut.

Because there's very little risk of vampires getting a bad rap because of the way they're portrayed in Twilight, and that having tangible, real world effects on them?

I think Fifty Shades is just the popular thing right now, and the increased scrutiny is mostly a result of that. Mind you, there are a lot of weird things about this book in particular that probably contribute: authors don't like it because it's fanfic (or poorly written), kinksters don't like it because it's unrealistic (and poorly written ) and it's just edgy enough to be controversial, without being completely threatening. It's kind of a perfect storm, like that.

 

[desertslave]

Somewhat undermined by the fact that every single kinkster in the series (that I've read, I'm by no means finished yet) is either a bad person, deranged or in some way denigrated by the narrative or narrator.

To the former, the only vindication I can offer is that this is out of the mouth of a 22 YO virgin (our narrator). I think that any reader with a younger sexual initiation with add small or large grains of salt to her viewpoint. I know that most of my (primarily vanilla) friends reacted in this way. In general, their observations have been something along the vein of "poor girl, even oral freaks her. LOL") Almost any sex act beyond missionary is presented as something out of her frame of reference.

I keep laughing at myself, with this goofy compulsion I seem to be developing to defend it to "those in the know." I don't understand why I'm doing it, I just think it's not that bad of a series, all things considered. I guess I figure that if it gets people talking about anything beyond lights-off missionary, it's accomplished something good. I've certainly enjoyed my chances to debunk this and that and to implant suggestions that BDSM practitioners aren't, in fact, scarred, warped or otherwise traumatized individuals.

Then again, I have a cluster of friends who are still amazed that I make glass sex toys. LOL

 

[Kurokami]

To the former, the only vindication I can offer is that this is out of the mouth of a 22 YO virgin (our narrator). I think that any reader with a younger sexual initiation with add small or large grains of salt to her viewpoint. I know that most of my (primarily vanilla) friends reacted in this way. In general, their observations have been something along the vein of "poor girl, even oral freaks her. LOL") Almost any sex act beyond missionary is presented as something out of her frame of reference.

Hmm, you may have a point, with regards to Ana's position anyway. It doesn't explain any of the objective facts in the book- Christian's mentality and... unfortunately Freudian choice in subs, or Leila the crazy ex-sub- but it does go some way to rationalizing the constant demonization of Mrs. Robinson. Of course, since this is fiction and it's possible to write the characters any way the author wants, it was entirely within EL James' power to allow Ana to do some research and learn to know better... even if she herself was unwilling to do so before writing the book.

I keep laughing at myself, with this goofy compulsion I seem to be developing to defend it to "those in the know." I don't understand why I'm doing it, I just think it's not that bad of a series, all things considered. I guess I figure that if it gets people talking about anything beyond lights-off missionary, it's accomplished something good. I've certainly enjoyed my chances to debunk this and that and to implant suggestions that BDSM practitioners aren't, in fact, scarred, warped or otherwise traumatized individuals.

Can't speak for anyone else, but I actually appreciate the debate.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Because there's very little risk of vampires getting a bad rap because of the way they're portrayed in Twilight, and that having tangible, real world effects on them?

But plenty of risk of teenagers deciding that Edward-and-Bella is a good model for a relationship.

 

[Kurokami]

But plenty of risk of teenagers deciding that Edward-and-Bella is a good model for a relationship.

I'm aware, and that's totally shitty, don't get me wrong. But you asked about where the backlash against Fifty Shades in particular is coming from, and from what I can see, a large contributor to that is that the book contributes to negative stereotypes against an extant, real life group- kinksters- whereas Twilight has none of that. Both books are guilty, but Fifty Shades is more guilty, and against an actual real life interest group. Hence the criticism from myself and others.

 

[lovecraft68]

Frankly, in BDSM terms, Grey is a lightweight. He eschews many fairly standard interests, although he is an expert at the ''mind f---''. Even novices, however, would know that his use of cable ties is a very bad idea (to avoid nerve-damage and scarring, soft, thick rope is de rigueur).

Grey's lack of competency in his chosen erotic arena is most apparent, though, in the way he fails to assess his potential new submissive's naivety. Experienced BDSM practitioners are acutely aware of the gulf between cognoscenti and others, and would not dream of terrifying a novice by bringing up such advanced techniques as fire, electricity and gynaecological play.

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

It's about fucking time!

Thank you for this, I have about two dozen people I am going to send this link to!

 

[lovecraft68]

Normally I am not one to hold fiction/music/games accountable for people's actions.

I.E. Going back to "my day" I don't think Dungeons and Dragon's nor Ozzy Osbourne's music caused people to kill themselves, they were already sick and this was just some type of trigger.

People are still supposed to "know better"

But there are a lot of dangers with this for naive women-its mostly women reading this- to now want to go running into this and think this is the model.

And for the men looking at it, this becomes a "don;t try this at home is you don't have a clue.

I'd also like to point out people are saying "Gray" shouldn't as if he's real. This is James total lack of knowledge in the field she is exploiting to make a buck of her homage to twilight.

One remark I'll make is that I think its perfectly fine to use the term "Dungeon" it is very fitting. However, fitting for the more initiated so to speak. "Playroom" is a result of watering this down enough to obtain mainstream appeal.

Anyway, bout time this thing got called out in a negative light.

 

[catalina_francisco]

While I agree it is meant to be a work of fiction, therefore shouldn't be judged as if it were a 'How to' guide, reality is people are using it just as that to boost their previously lacking sex lives. I have seen interviews of people who before they read the book were having sex once a month at the most, now have been off to the sex shops to buy whips, handcuffs etc., (someone whould tell them they will only get robbed buying from those places) and upped their frequency with sex while thinking they know what they are doing because they read these books and feel naughty.

For most I have seen it is about feeling naughty, not actually being into the activities for their own sake, and unfortunately many of these novices are then going on to advise others what and how they should be doing things without knowing themselves. I saw an interview a few days ago with just a couple who have set themselves up as experts after reading the novels and experimenting for a couple of weeks, admitting that much of what they do doesn't turn them on so much but can be done once they are already turned on, and giving advice to others about how to do SM....lol, and then they didn't even recognise a ball gag when shown one.

No doubt, for 90% the charm will wear off before long and all those expensive goodies will be on E bay, but in the meantime the book is being seen and promoted by many as a blueprint for what BDSM is about and how you should do things. In the meantime there is the potential for many to get seriously hurt through inadequate knowledge, and unfortunately for those of us who are and have been into BDSM for many informed years, we will be risking wearing the fallout from their mistakes in the possible form of nanny state type stepping back in time to lose all the ground made through hard work and education to win us some of the rights and freedoms we have now, and the recognition we are not sick. Of course I acknowledge I have never been a fan of trying to convert the vanilla population to our ways, but I also do not want them stuffing it up for us through their ignorance, lack of safety, and need for a giggle to ease the boredom.

Catalina

 

[Kurokami]

Thank you, Catalina; you've expressed my position far, far more coherently than I can.

Also, I'd love to see that interview you mentioned. Sounds like a laugh.