"Love" in an online relationship

[hunnyblonde]

I searched for previous threads about this topic, and found two from back in 2005. Hopefully I'm safe asking the question again now. After all, most technology from '05 is completely obsolete (though my truck keeps hangin' on LOL)... maybe the opinions from back then have changed just as dramatically.

I'm curious about the subjects of love, affection and falling in love inside the confines of an "online only" relationship.

I have my own loosely-formed opinions, but I want to see how others weigh in on the subject.

Maybe you're completely opposed to attaching any real emotion to the vaporous nature of a connection made in a chat room or online forum. Maybe you don't think it's possible. Maybe you've heard of it...known others who have felt it themselves... but aren't decided as to whether it involved "real feelings" or not. Maybe you've experienced it yourself - for better or worse, and therefore can say with all authority that it certainly is possible, and can be vivid and real, possibly even quite painful, and that it is all of those things to many people.

Whatever your standpoint, I'd like to hear from anyone who cares to share. I don't have a large stake in the resulting outcome, so please feel free to be honest, and thank you for taking the time to vote... *smile*

Hunny

 

[hunnyblonde]

Bump..

I'm surprised to have no replies, but voting works too.

 

[Scentofawoman]

Ok I'll dive in. This is all my opnion...


I think love exists in many different forms. I am a romantic at heart and I believe in deep abiding love. But I have learned that there is not manogamous love.

I think there could be online love. But I personally don't believe it takes the place of physical love. I may "fall in love" and have had a "love affair" online, but that will not replace the physical needs I have on the person.

 

[BlueNightingale]

Ok I'll dive in. This is all my opnion...


I think love exists in many different forms. I am a romantic at heart and I believe in deep abiding love. But I have learned that there is not manogamous love.

I think there could be online love. But I personally don't believe it takes the place of physical love. I may "fall in love" and have had a "love affair" online, but that will not replace the physical needs I have on the person.

I would have to agree, there are a great many people in my life that I feel love for, to extend the idea to include people I know only online isn't much of a stretch for me.
Does that mean I'm prepared to pick up and run off with someone I only know from post and chat? No, that requires a level of trust that can only be accomplished with intimate time spent alone in one another's company. Consider that in an online only relationship I am creating parts of the other person and they are creating parts of me that simply cannot be conveyed through the media that we are using to communicate regardless of how "intimate" that communication seems.
So I agree that it is possible to have a "love affair" online but that will never be equal to a physical relationship.

 

[whalee1]

Great question.

Affairs of the heart. So real, so powerful, and yet in many ways, so unconsummated.

 

[MadWriter]

The short answer is yes, it can happen. It has for me.

Is it the same as get married and buy a house and raise children and retire to Arizona together? No, because ... well, that's not online-only anymore, is it?

I think people can and do fall in love online, and sometimes if the circumstances are right it can become the love that many seem to think is the only "real" love ... which is to say, people who meet and fall in love online can certainly meet in person and their love could grow and they could get married and make babies and all that. Does that mean the love they felt when they first met online wasn't real? Certainly not.

So what if some couples stay in that online-only place ... or, more accurately, that long-distance place? I'm not going to say their love (or my love) is not "real."

 

[wannagirl]

***********

 

[WillSeeking]

I woudl say it is very possible.

 

[BiTodd]

Who am I to judge true feelings of others.
I would love to fall in love online. But I think I am too much of a slut.

 

[WARNINGWARNING]

The question seems to have been answered quite well.

 

[EctoJohn]

I don't see why love online is such a foreign concept to some people.

Is it really any different than falling in love with someone you met irl?
It's another person who you spend a lot of time with, enjoy the company of, can talk to for hours, and have a lot in common with.

Why, then, shouldn't you fall in love with them?

Love should not be limited to you your physical vicinity.
Why should I limit my options for someone to love to only those people who live, say, within 10-20 miles from my house?

As long as you eventually plan on being together irl, why is there this taboo about it not being real because you met online?

In my opinion, it's shadier trying to find someone to love at a bar or club than it is trying to love and date online.

Too many people like to prtend that the online world is a fake world and treat the others online like they aren't real people.

That person on the other end is just as legitimate a human being as you are, so your emotions and feelings towards them should be equally as legitimate.

 

[BlueNightingale]

I don't see why love online is such a foreign concept to some people.

Is it really any different than falling in love with someone you met irl?
It's another person who you spend a lot of time with, enjoy the company of, can talk to for hours, and have a lot in common with.

Why, then, shouldn't you fall in love with them?

Love should not be limited to you your physical vicinity.
Why should I limit my options for someone to love to only those people who live, say, within 10-20 miles from my house?

As long as you eventually plan on being together irl, why is there this taboo about it not being real because you met online?

In my opinion, it's shadier trying to find someone to love at a bar or club than it is trying to love and date online.

Too many people like to prtend that the online world is a fake world and treat the others online like they aren't real people.

That person on the other end is just as legitimate a human being as you are, so your emotions and feelings towards them should be equally as legitimate.

Here is someone else I agree with but I've highlighted part of what you said. The premise of the thread is that the relationship is and remains only online. In that situation I still think building the final levels of a true bond are almost impossible.

 

[kendra1980]

Something that cannot grow, will eventually die.

 

[BiTodd]

Something that cannot grow, will eventually die.

That's what happened to my friends penis.......

 

[KierstH12]

........................

 

[Paul_Chance]

All of the Intimacy, None of the Dishes.

Quite possible, but full of its own challenges - not the least of which is other peoples opinions when they learn of it. However, I think that as technology becomes more ubiquitous, online only realtions will be more and more common. One of the things to keep in mind is the wide variety of human behavior - for some people, physical intercourse is not as fulfilling as masturbation, and living with someone more of a hassle than a benefit. For these people, online relationships are a blessing. Even it is merely 1% of people - that is millions of sexually active adults. Or, as a girlfriend of mine used to say - all of the intimacy, none of the dishes.

 

[CelticFlame]

I know that love online is very possible. I know it can be rewarding and wonderful. The unfortunate part in my opinion, is that without the physical aspect I do not know that it could ever be fulfilling.

 

[XsandOs]

My stepsister's 14 year old daughter (does that make her my niece) fell in in love online with a boy online that she believed to be 16. It turned out later that he was actually in his 30s.

Be careful with online love. The person you fall for might not be who they say they are.

 

[HornyNerd_5415]

I have only had online relationships, from experience, you need physical intimacy. A touch, holding hands, actually being there to hold them, kiss them, be there when they need you, hear your voice, look into your eyes and look back into theirs, to make love and even yell at eachother when you piss eachother off and storm out in a huff lol.

You need physical love and emotional love, it is 50/50, that is my opinion.

 

[likeat]

I don't see why love online is such a foreign concept to some people.

Is it really any different than falling in love with someone you met irl?
It's another person who you spend a lot of time with, enjoy the company of, can talk to for hours, and have a lot in common with.

Why, then, shouldn't you fall in love with them?

Love should not be limited to you your physical vicinity.
Why should I limit my options for someone to love to only those people who live, say, within 10-20 miles from my house?

As long as you eventually plan on being together irl, why is there this taboo about it not being real because you met online?

In my opinion, it's shadier trying to find someone to love at a bar or club than it is trying to love and date online.

Too many people like to prtend that the online world is a fake world and treat the others online like they aren't real people.

That person on the other end is just as legitimate a human being as you are, so your emotions and feelings towards them should be equally as legitimate.

I'm in total agreement here John, you have answered the question in an eloquent and insightful way.

 

[LoveNLaughter]

My stepsister's 14 year old daughter (does that make her my niece) fell in in love online with a boy online that she believed to be 16. It turned out later that he was actually in his 30s.

Be careful with online love. The person you fall for might not be who they say they are.

There is an entire series based on this premise called "Catfish" on MTV. People who are in "love" and talk for hours every day, for years but have never met.

And 9 times out of 10, it is over the very moment they meet. Most of the time, the people have lied about age, appearance and even where they live. The most heartbreaking thing is the super awkward moment when these people meet "in real life". These are people who have shared the most intimate details with another person. And in that moment, you realize that they are complete strangers.

I've had friends that have gotten seriously hurt in these types of relationships in ways that would not have existed if the relationship had been "in real life."

So in that way online love can definitely be real because the pain and consequences can be very real.