love and all that stuff

[Guest]

we live and love and we get hurt.

its all part of life they say.

and then you wake up one morning and youre 44 and you wonder what the fuck has happened to your life. wheres my sunshine? whers my forever after?

and you look around you and u think - - - I want what she's got. and thers a part of you that knows you'll never have it.

why is it easy for some people to love and to fall in love. how come they can enjoy it?

sometimes i wonder if i'm capable of being in a real relationship.

sex i can do and i do it well,. love? thats another thing all together.

i know this aint making a whole lotta sense. but here i am and ive been hurt in love. how come i cant get over it and move on. i'm not a kid anymore.

and i might have another chance at it. and i'm fucking it up again.

why this thread? I dunno. Is it easy for you to love? do you feel like you have to do it or is it something that just happens for you? is it a choice? do we choose who we love or is it the karma thing? how do you move on after a failed relationship? what do you do with the hurt? how do you deal with jealousy and all that. when do you know it's time to move on and to let go? how do you decide to break up with someone? how do you know she's the one? what if she isnt?

and all the emotion that is lost when the love is lost. what do you do with it? where does it go?

what do you do with it?

 

[ltnsfr007]

we live and love and we get hurt.

its all part of life they say.

and then you wake up one morning and youre 44 and you wonder what the fuck has happened to your life. wheres my sunshine? whers my forever after?

and you look around you and u think - - - I want what she's got. and thers a part of you that knows you'll never have it.

why is it easy for some people to love and to fall in love. how come they can enjoy it?

sometimes i wonder if i'm capable of being in a real relationship.

sex i can do and i do it well,. love? thats another thing all together.

i know this aint making a whole lotta sense. but here i am and ive been hurt in love. how come i cant get over it and move on. i'm not a kid anymore.

and i might have another chance at it. and i'm fucking it up again.

why this thread? I dunno. Is it easy for you to love? do you feel like you have to do it or is it something that just happens for you? is it a choice? do we choose who we love or is it the karma thing? how do you move on after a failed relationship? what do you do with the hurt? how do you deal with jealousy and all that. when do you know it's time to move on and to let go? how do you decide to break up with someone? how do you know she's the one? what if she isnt?

and all the emotion that is lost when the love is lost. what do you do with it? where does it go?

what do you do with it?

WOW think you need a drink, it's Fri.

 

[Guest]

WOW think you need a drink, it's Fri.

LMAO fuck yea i need a drink. are you buying?

 

[Vermilion]

I don't think that you ever really lose love once it's been in your life. Perhaps you lose the person to whom it was attached, but once you've felt something as deep as love it changes you someways and leaves a mark on who you are.

I'm sorry that I can't help with the hurt that you're feeling, but 44 is not past it. By modern terms you're only just approaching middle-age and you have years and years left to find someone to love who'll love you back. I hope this doesn't sound inane and meaningless and patronising.

I really hope that you will find love when you feel you are ready for it. Usually it happens along when it is most inconvenient for you, so go off and do something else...

xxxxxxxxx
V

 

[ltnsfr007]

LMAO fuck yea i need a drink. are you buying?

4 U a whole bottle of ?

 

[MagicaPractica]

No easy answers there. Or maybe it's supposed to be easy and we make it too hard. But, this song has been playing in my head for a couple weeks.

Walkin' Away ~ Clint Black

Walkin' away, I saw a side of you
That I knew was there all along.
And that some-day I'd say good-bye to you
'Cause one right can still make two wrongs.
Not for each other, not from the start
The diff'rence was day and night.
My finest hour was spent here with you in the dark,
Was just before I saw the light.

It's the people who want love and the people who need love
Who find love on the way.
I'll be looking for someone 'til I find the right one,
Then I won't be walking away.

Now that I know what I'm tryin' to find
There's only one place it could be.
So I'm lookin' ahead, I've stopped looking behind
For someone who's lookin' for me.

It's the people who want love and the people who need love
Who find love on the way.
I'll be looking for someone 'til I find the right one,
Then I won't be walking away.

 

[wehstar]

we live and love and we get hurt.

its all part of life they say.

and then you wake up one morning and youre 44 and you wonder what the fuck has happened to your life. wheres my sunshine? whers my forever after?

and you look around you and u think - - - I want what she's got. and thers a part of you that knows you'll never have it.

why is it easy for some people to love and to fall in love. how come they can enjoy it?

sometimes i wonder if i'm capable of being in a real relationship.

sex i can do and i do it well,. love? thats another thing all together.

i know this aint making a whole lotta sense. but here i am and ive been hurt in love. how come i cant get over it and move on. i'm not a kid anymore.

and i might have another chance at it. and i'm fucking it up again.

why this thread? I dunno. Is it easy for you to love? do you feel like you have to do it or is it something that just happens for you? is it a choice? do we choose who we love or is it the karma thing? how do you move on after a failed relationship? what do you do with the hurt? how do you deal with jealousy and all that. when do you know it's time to move on and to let go? how do you decide to break up with someone? how do you know she's the one? what if she isnt?

and all the emotion that is lost when the love is lost. what do you do with it? where does it go?

what do you do with it?

I fell in love with the first girl I ever kissed. We are still together. So, I guess love is easy. Relationships, now they can be tough. I always put a lot of stock in having a little more apart time than together time over the course of a week.

 

[kendo1]

Can't help you there.

I fell in love with a young woman some 34 years ago. She was leaning over a piano in Nikky Tam's tavern in Victoria Street - you probably know it.

We're still together, and still in love.

She has been my life.

We've had a few problems along the way, but nothing insurmountable.

I can't really remember what it is like not being in a relationship.


Good luck to you. You know where I am if you need a shoulder, or someone to talk to (over a coffee )

Ken

 

[Nirvanadragones]

Sweet, you have "real" relationships with so many people in your life. Love is different for everyone. Following the " rules" that have been put out there does not make it easier, or less complicated.

When we choose to love, we open ourselves up to the possibility of severe pleasure and also severe pain and we don't know which it will be, or whether it will be a complete mix of both, and that is ok, because when we take that chance - to take someones hand and walk part of their journey with them, it's a mutual experience. And when that journey ends, there is always the beginning of another experience, although it might not seem like it in that moment.

How do we move on? Letting go is one of the most beautiful and unselfish acts anyone can perform. That's what love does. You fight, till that person can tell you honestly, that they do not want you to fight for them any longer. And then you still fight, because it's who you are. And then you get angry and then sad and then you start letting them go a little bit at a time - not too much because that will kill you. Until one morning you can wake up and not need them like you need air. And then you keep breathing and living and letting them go, because that is what they need.

I'm not sure how much meaning it will have for you, but these lyrics touch on many of your questions.

Lucie Silvas: What you're made of

Just like I predicted, We're at the point of no return
We can go backwards, and no corners have been turned.
I can't control it, if I sink or if I swim
'cause I chose the water that I'm in.

And it makes no difference who is right or wrong
I deserve much more than this
'Cause there's only one thing I want

If it's not what you're made of
You're not what I'm looking for
You were willing but unable to give me anymore
There's no way, You're changing,
cause somethings will just never be mine,
You're not love this time ... but it's allright.

I hear you talking, but your words don't mean a thing.
I doubt you ever put your heart into anything.
It's not much to ask for, to get back what I put in,
But I chose the waters that I'm in.

And it makes no difference who is right or wrong
I deserve much more than this
'Cause there's only one thing I want

If it's not what you're made of
You're not what I'm looking for
You were willing but unable to give me anymore
There's no way, You're changing,
cause somethings will just never be mine
You're not love this time ... but it's allright.

What's your definition of the one
What you really want him to become?
No matter what I sacrifice it's still never enough

Just like I predicted
I will sink before I swim
'cause these are the waters that I'm in

If it's not what you're made of
You're not what I'm looking for
You where willing but unable to give me anymore
There's no way, You're changing,
cause somethings will just never be mine
You're not love this time

I wish you Love and Light - always, Sweet

 

[CharleyH]

we live and love and we get hurt.

its all part of life they say.

and then you wake up one morning and youre 44 and you wonder what the fuck has happened to your life. wheres my sunshine? whers my forever after?

and you look around you and u think - - - I want what she's got. and thers a part of you that knows you'll never have it.

why is it easy for some people to love and to fall in love.

It is not the question .. the answer is you are beautiful- you got it and you can get whatever you want ... remember that always.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

we live and love and we get hurt.

its all part of life they say.

and then you wake up one morning and youre 44 and you wonder what the fuck has happened to your life. wheres my sunshine? whers my forever after?

and you look around you and u think - - - I want what she's got. and thers a part of you that knows you'll never have it.

why is it easy for some people to love and to fall in love. how come they can enjoy it?

sometimes i wonder if i'm capable of being in a real relationship.

sex i can do and i do it well,. love? thats another thing all together.

i know this aint making a whole lotta sense. but here i am and ive been hurt in love. how come i cant get over it and move on. i'm not a kid anymore.

and i might have another chance at it. and i'm fucking it up again.

why this thread? I dunno. Is it easy for you to love? do you feel like you have to do it or is it something that just happens for you? is it a choice? do we choose who we love or is it the karma thing? how do you move on after a failed relationship? what do you do with the hurt? how do you deal with jealousy and all that. when do you know it's time to move on and to let go? how do you decide to break up with someone? how do you know she's the one? what if she isnt?

and all the emotion that is lost when the love is lost. what do you do with it? where does it go?

what do you do with it?

Fem, you are a good and honest person. You deserve to be happy. I admire the heck out of you, and wish I could give you a pill or something that would lift that burden from you.

"sometimes i wonder if i'm capable of being in a real relationship" - that's me all over. At some point I just accepted it, and stopped stressing over it. I fear that this will give me death bed regrets, but there it is.

I try to be a positive value to my siblings and their kids, a good friend to my friends, and a "good citizen." I do have some close freinds, and a rewarding, satisfying career that I'm good at. I'm interested in lots of things - books, history, politics, art, and more.

These are the blessings I count. Again, maybe I'll look back at the end and think, "WTF was I thinking?" But the notion is abstract, and causes me no real pain. Life is good - I enjoy it. I get up each morning eager to find out what happened, and what's going to, with my friends and the world. Maybe to stick my finger in and muck around a bit trying to influence outcomes. To savor a few sensual pleasures (yes that, but simple things, too, like that first cuppa, lunch, a beautiful painting like my av, or the sight of a beautiful young woman or man.)

It seems like I should wrap that up with some profound statement, but all I can think of is, life is good, and everyone I know has so many blessings to count. We average folk in the affluent modern western world are truly the jackpot winners of all history and geography, and that is never too far from my consciousness.


~~~~~~~~~

Edited to add - Kendo's response makes me feel that I should feel like a destitute waif - but I don't. Vana's response makes me feel like I should feel like an incomplete or broken human, because I sense she feels/experiences things much more deeply than I. I think I might be incomplete or "broken" in that way, but I don't feel it. But then I wouldn't, would I?

 

[rgraham666]

I've given up on the idea of love, at least for me.

It's actually rather comforting. When you stop wanting something, you don't miss it when you don't have it.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

As Good as It Gets
. . . Nothing can increase happiness permanently. . . . Consider anything we value and seek more of because we believe it will make us happy—sexual satisfaction, religious fulfillment, professional success, a loving family, good friends, robust health, more education, or better looks, to name just a few. Like more money, more of these things increases our happiness, but only temporarily. We soon adapt to them and soon take them for granted, and though theyare important ingredients of a satisfying life, they lose their ability to boost our sense of happiness much, if at all, above the level we would experience with less of them once we had adapted to the loss.

. . . Achieving happiness is an ongoing project, not something that can be accomplished once and for all by earning more money, marrying the love of your life, having wonderful children, finishing a Ph.D., or receiving tenure at a prestigious university.

. . . It is in our nature that we adapt to improvements in our lives, whether those improvements arise from more money or other desirable things, so that the additional happiness they bring is temporary. This fact of life, however, is hardly reason for pessimism . . . There is much wisdom in the commonplace that the journey is more important than the destination. Human happiness comes from striving for improvements and from the sense of achievement gained by overcoming the challenges we face along the way . . . The happiness gained from struggle and achievement may be temporary, but fortunately our insatiable desire for more of life’s good things guarantees that new struggles and achievements are always available for replenishing our happiness. (emphasis added)

Dwight Lee, "Who Says Money Can't Buy Happiness?" Independent Review, Winter 2006

~~~~~

 

[cloudy]

Edited to add - Kendo's response makes me feel that I should feel like a destitute waif - but I don't. Vana's response makes me feel like I should feel like an incomplete or broken human, because I sense she feels/experiences things much more deeply than I. I think I might be incomplete or "broken" in that way, but I don't feel it. But then I wouldn't, would I?

We each experience things differently. It is what makes us human, what makes us individuals.

Sometimes, not feeling things so deeply would be a blessing for me.

 

[Goldie Munro]

Love can be a goddam pain in the arse!

I love someone who loves me and we have shared the most wonderful times - but we cannot live togther and basically are no good for each other and we are with other people now - doesnt stop us loving each other. Its a weird tormented love but the best I ve had.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Fem my dear, I hold places in my heart for all the women I have, do I or any of us really know what the word means, loved.

As I think of each of them and feeling of well being and well wishes washes over me. There are those I hold in my heart that I have never had a real relationship with, they do not know of my feelings, yet as I think of them the same feelings fill me.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

we live and love and we get hurt.

its all part of life they say.

and then you wake up one morning and youre 44 and you wonder what the fuck has happened to your life. wheres my sunshine? whers my forever after?

and you look around you and u think - - - I want what she's got. and thers a part of you that knows you'll never have it.

why is it easy for some people to love and to fall in love. how come they can enjoy it?

sometimes i wonder if i'm capable of being in a real relationship.

sex i can do and i do it well,. love? thats another thing all together.

i know this aint making a whole lotta sense. but here i am and ive been hurt in love. how come i cant get over it and move on. i'm not a kid anymore.

and i might have another chance at it. and i'm fucking it up again.

why this thread? I dunno. Is it easy for you to love? do you feel like you have to do it or is it something that just happens for you? is it a choice? do we choose who we love or is it the karma thing? how do you move on after a failed relationship? what do you do with the hurt? how do you deal with jealousy and all that. when do you know it's time to move on and to let go? how do you decide to break up with someone? how do you know she's the one? what if she isnt?

and all the emotion that is lost when the love is lost. what do you do with it? where does it go?

what do you do with it?

I went from 14 to 27 without any real, serious relationships...so, don't lose hope...

 

[SimpleGifts]

and all the emotion that is lost when the love is lost. what do you do with it? where does it go?

what do you do with it?

Sigh. That's the toughest one for me. I haven't found a place for them...I think that this last time, I truly fell in love for the first time...but it was a slow process, one that I didn't fully understand until she was gone. And now, I find myself in a position analogous to the statement by Oliver Wendell Holmes that a mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions. A heart, once stretched by a great love, never regains its original dimensions, either.

But I do find myself suppressing that newfound ability to feel...the awareness of life that I gained from being with her. It's a coping mechanism. I can't give her my love...she is gone from my life and is unlikely to ever return. So I stuff that love back into the bottle and look for the cork with which to cap it. The only saving grace there is that I know that capacity to love exists within me, which I didn't know before...and that when the right person comes, the one who deserves it, she will show me how to let it loose again.

I don't think we choose those whom we can love...but we do make the choice to love. And we do it because it's a risk that we know we can't pass up without diminishing ourselves. In truth, I now believe that finding that love, sharing it, feeling it reflected back on you--even if you lose it--is the ne plus ultra of human existence.

So I know that someday I'll choose to let my heart be broken again. I did it once and I'm still here. So the gains from that love are far beyond the loss of its passing.

Or, as much better bugger than me put it...let love go, if go she will.

SG

--------------------------

Let Love Go, If Go She Will
Robert Louis Stevenson

Let love go, if go she will.
Seek not, O fool, her wanton flight to stay.
Of all she gives and takes away
The best remains behind her still.

The best remains behind; in vain
Joy she may give and take again,
Joy she may take and leave us pain,
If yet she leave behind
The constant mind
To meet all fortunes nobly, to endure
All things with a good heart, and still be pure,
Still to be foremost in the foremost cause,
And still be worthy of the love that was.
Love coming is omnipotent indeed,
But not Love going. Let her go. The seed
Springs in the favouring Summer air, and grows,
And waxes strong; and when the Summer goes,
Remains, a perfect tree.

Joy she may give and take again,
Joy she may take and leave us pain.
O Love, and what care we?
For one thing thou hast given, O Love, one thing
Is ours that nothing can remove;
And as the King discrowned is still a King,
The unhappy lover still preserves his love.

 

[espeteroh]

I want what she's got.

why is it easy for some people to love and to fall in love. how come they can enjoy it?

sometimes i wonder if i'm capable of being in a real relationship.

sex i can do and i do it well,. love? thats another thing all together.

i know this aint making a whole lotta sense. but here i am and ive been hurt in love. how come i cant get over it and move on. i'm not a kid anymore.

and i might have another chance at it. and i'm fucking it up again.

why this thread? I dunno. Is it easy for you to love? do you feel like you have to do it or is it something that just happens for you? is it a choice? do we choose who we love or is it the karma thing? how do you move on after a failed relationship? what do you do with the hurt? how do you deal with jealousy and all that. when do you know it's time to move on and to let go? how do you decide to break up with someone? how do you know she's the one? what if she isnt?

and all the emotion that is lost when the love is lost. what do you do with it? where does it go?

what do you do with it?

love is the easiest thing in the world to do and the most natural. Loving 10s or even 100s of people should be easy enough.

Jealousy is what I call the wasted emotion. Jealousy is always ...... *ALWAYS* ... the result of a lack of trust. It's the one person saying to the other person, or even to themself, I don't trust you in this situation. If you find youself becoming jealous lose it or the person involved, neither is worth the effort.

Meet love head on and with abandon. Getting hurt is a sure thing at some time. It's best not to hang around people who constantly and selfishly hurt you and then deny they hurt you in the first place.

Real love is never lost nor is it ever foolishly placed. It can be ignored, pushed aside, denied, played with or accepted. Love is something you give without expectation of return.

The intense "in love" feelings should not be confused with the other feelings of love. It's the same love you'd give to anyone but with greater feeling and commitment. Giving that sort of love renders one most vulnerable and yet in the hands of the right person leaves one most pleasured.

I have three daughters who I love and adore and who love me. They've hurt me, many times too. I still love them, it's just part of the deal.

I have through my many decades on this earth found that love gracefully accepted and even more, gratefully accepted, is the sweetest love of all regardless of who is offering it. I am fortunate to have the love of many women but the bonded love of only one. I love these women equally but not as greatly as the one to whom I've given myself.

If you love freely it will not be your love that is "fucked up" but possibly the choice of who you've given it too. Fortunately that is easily remedied. You let it go and move on knowing that there is yet another out there who is deserving and desiring of your love and who will cherish it once received.

It may be cliche' but you really do have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

And now, I find myself in a position analogous to the statement by Oliver Wendell Holmes that a mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions. A heart, once stretched by a great love, never regains its original dimensions, either.

But I do find myself suppressing that newfound ability to feel...the awareness of life that I gained from being with her. It's a coping mechanism. I can't give her my love...she is gone from my life and is unlikely to ever return. So I stuff that love back into the bottle and look for the cork with which to cap it. The only saving grace there is that I know that capacity to love exists within me, which I didn't know before...and that when the right person comes, the one who deserves it, she will show me how to let it loose again.

I don't think we choose those whom we can love...but we do make the choice to love. And we do it because it's a risk that we know we can't pass up without diminishing ourselves. In truth, I now believe that finding that love, sharing it, feeling it reflected back on you--even if you lose it--is the ne plus ultra of human existence.

So I know that someday I'll choose to let my heart be broken again. I did it once and I'm still here. So the gains from that love are far beyond the loss of its passing.

Or, as much better bugger than me put it...let love go, if go she will.

Very powerful post, thank you

 

[rachlou]

How do we move on? Letting go is one of the most beautiful and unselfish acts anyone can perform. That's what love does. You fight, till that person can tell you honestly, that they do not want you to fight for them any longer. And then you still fight, because it's who you are. And then you get angry and then sad and then you start letting them go a little bit at a time - not too much because that will kill you. Until one morning you can wake up and not need them like you need air. And then you keep breathing and living and letting them go, because that is what they need.

Vana ~ you have vocalised so many thoughts that have been flitting around in my head. Thank you for making it seem clear now. I know exactly what you mean and I am getting there slowly.

Fem ~ Don't go looking for love and eventually love will come looking for you again.

 

[impressive]

Sigh. That's the toughest one for me. I haven't found a place for them...I think that this last time, I truly fell in love for the first time...but it was a slow process, one that I didn't fully understand until she was gone. And now, I find myself in a position analogous to the statement by Oliver Wendell Holmes that a mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions. A heart, once stretched by a great love, never regains its original dimensions, either.

But I do find myself suppressing that newfound ability to feel...the awareness of life that I gained from being with her. It's a coping mechanism. I can't give her my love...she is gone from my life and is unlikely to ever return. So I stuff that love back into the bottle and look for the cork with which to cap it. The only saving grace there is that I know that capacity to love exists within me, which I didn't know before...and that when the right person comes, the one who deserves it, she will show me how to let it loose again.

I don't think we choose those whom we can love...but we do make the choice to love. And we do it because it's a risk that we know we can't pass up without diminishing ourselves. In truth, I now believe that finding that love, sharing it, feeling it reflected back on you--even if you lose it--is the ne plus ultra of human existence.

So I know that someday I'll choose to let my heart be broken again. I did it once and I'm still here. So the gains from that love are far beyond the loss of its passing.

Or, as much better bugger than me put it...let love go, if go she will.

SG

--------------------------

Let Love Go, If Go She Will
Robert Louis Stevenson

Let love go, if go she will.
Seek not, O fool, her wanton flight to stay.
Of all she gives and takes away
The best remains behind her still.

The best remains behind; in vain
Joy she may give and take again,
Joy she may take and leave us pain,
If yet she leave behind
The constant mind
To meet all fortunes nobly, to endure
All things with a good heart, and still be pure,
Still to be foremost in the foremost cause,
And still be worthy of the love that was.
Love coming is omnipotent indeed,
But not Love going. Let her go. The seed
Springs in the favouring Summer air, and grows,
And waxes strong; and when the Summer goes,
Remains, a perfect tree.

Joy she may give and take again,
Joy she may take and leave us pain.
O Love, and what care we?
For one thing thou hast given, O Love, one thing
Is ours that nothing can remove;
And as the King discrowned is still a King,
The unhappy lover still preserves his love.

Beautiful.

 

[Guest]

tx everyone for your posts

 

[matriarch]

we live and love and we get hurt.

its all part of life they say.

and then you wake up one morning and youre 44 and you wonder what the fuck has happened to your life. wheres my sunshine? whers my forever after?

and you look around you and u think - - - I want what she's got. and thers a part of you that knows you'll never have it.

why is it easy for some people to love and to fall in love. how come they can enjoy it?

sometimes i wonder if i'm capable of being in a real relationship.

sex i can do and i do it well,. love? thats another thing all together.

i know this aint making a whole lotta sense. but here i am and ive been hurt in love. how come i cant get over it and move on. i'm not a kid anymore.

and i might have another chance at it. and i'm fucking it up again.

why this thread? I dunno. Is it easy for you to love? do you feel like you have to do it or is it something that just happens for you? is it a choice? do we choose who we love or is it the karma thing? how do you move on after a failed relationship? what do you do with the hurt? how do you deal with jealousy and all that. when do you know it's time to move on and to let go? how do you decide to break up with someone? how do you know she's the one? what if she isnt?

and all the emotion that is lost when the love is lost. what do you do with it? where does it go?

what do you do with it?

44? Old? Past it?

Are you crazy? I'm 57, after ending a 33 year marriage, and expecting to spend the rest of my days alone, I found the love of my life in my 56th year. I wasn't looking, nor was she, it just happened.
You NEVER, NEVER give up.

And you know what? If what we have were to end now and spend the rest of my life alone, I would not regret one single second of what we've had. Of course I would regret the ending, and wonder if it had been worth it, but a few moments reflection would soon show me that it was worth it. I would take her love for me, and mine for her, to the grave with me, grateful for our meeting, grateful for our time together, and hoping sincerely that wherever she is, whatever she's doing, and who she's doing it with, that she's happy.

Because I love her, I can only want her happiness.

The emotions are never lost when it ends, you hold on to them and the memories and let them warm your soul.

 

[kendo1]

Happy Birthday, Fem.

Whenever it is.


Ken