Lost sub contact

[darkenhorse]

Hi, looking for a little advice here. I've been an online Dom to a sub for a little over two months, but I've not had any contact with her for three weeks. Our communication was email only and just stopped.

Now I've no alternate method of contacting here, and I'm wondering what has happened. Hopefully I will re-establish contact soon but if I don't then at some point I will have to resign myself to never hearing from her again and try to move on.

Can anyone offer any advice, general or specific ?

 

[Netzach]

I will have to resign myself to never hearing from her again and try to move on.

pretty much that.

 

[darkenhorse]

pretty much that.

Yes, you're right of course. The question I'm asking myself is how long do I leave it before I look for another sub without feeling disloyal to her. My gut instinct is that 3 weeks is too soon.

 

[satindesire]

Yes, you're right of course. The question I'm asking myself is how long do I leave it before I look for another sub without feeling disloyal to her. My gut instinct is that 3 weeks is too soon.

In my opinion? Give her another 3 weeks. That way you'll be pretty much over her and if she ever comes back, you're basically off the hook. A month and a half is a long time to wait.

She might not have phone/internet access whatever, but she probably still has paper, a pen, and an arm to write with. She could have snail mailed you out of respect, by now.

Sorry man. *pats his back*

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Got to agree with satindesire here, to some point; you said e-mail was the only communications link you had, so the snail mail option seems to be out. She has some way of getting in touch with you if she wants to. If all else were to fail, she could go to the local library and use their computers to send you an e-mail (unless, of course, your last instruction to her was to sharply strike herself over the head with a hard heavy object and she then suffered amnesia and not only forgot your e-mail addy but the entire relationship ).

Another three weeks sounds like a reasonable time (six weeks total). If you haven't heard from her within that time, get a little pissed ("How rude! She could have at least told me to fark off!") and a little curious ("Did I do something that caused her to flee in mortal terror?"), go through the grieving process (google it, if you don't already know the five steps) for a while (after all, the o/l relationship was only "a little over two months), and then move on.

Good luck to you.

 

[darkenhorse]

Thanks folks, I'll give her another 3 weeks as you suggest. That feels about right to me.

If she does get back in contact I hope she's got a good explanation - and she does have my mobile number for emegency contact (i gave her that when she was concerned about sub drop). She really should have at least sent me a text by now.

 

[FurryFury]

In my experience once the trust and communication has been broken there are no excuses good enough to make it okay again.

I once had a guy tell me he was in a coma. Wow! Now I have no way of knowing if he was or if he wasn't but regardless we didn't stay in touch. If he was I imagine he had a whole new slew of things to deal with. If it was a stupid excuse, enough said. LOL.

Anyway, it can hurt a great deal to get that sudden inexplicable silent death thing but people are fickle and you can't rely on them especially in an online only thing.

I'm no longer doing such things but at one time I took great pleasure and terrible pain from them.

Recently I had a guy trying to pull me in and it almost worked, probably because I do have a need to have a D/s relationship but he couldn't maintain. If he made a habit of saying, I'll be out of touch for a few days, it might be different but benign neglect is not a turn on I have. He can't seem to be consistent. It's just as well. I always tend to hate myself at some point in such a relationship.

Sorry to hear of your loss.

*hug*

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I think that for your own peace of mind you should send one more email expressing your concern and disappointment. While it's true that something drastic may have happened to prevent her from contacting you, the odds are way in favour of her picking up another online dom or just becoming disenchanted with the whole idea. Ask her to tell you if she's unhappy with the way things have been progressing and that even if she wants to end everything, you'd like to know why she's made that decision. It's common courtesy and no more than your due. If perhaps she feels things have moved too fast and she's got freaked out, reassure her that boundaries can be reset if need be. Be businesslike about all this and not overly emotional. You don't want to come across as needy or bitter.

Then, say that as you have no way of knowing whether she has become bored, failed to pay her broadband bill, or been hit by a bus, if you don't hear from her before a certain date, you will consider everything to be over and move on.

Then, stick to that game plan. It's a shame and i know you've invested time, effort and emotion but these things are always a gamble and online is always more of one than face-to-face interaction.

HUG

 

[MisterSir]

Give it a week. Traditionally, you're supposed to grieve for half the time the relationship ended, and yours has been over for three weeks already.

 

[darkenhorse]

Good news!

I got contact back today ! And I'm satisfied with her explanation of contact lost. 3 weeks to the day actually.....

Put a smile on my face, thats for sure!

 

[FurryFury]

Congrats!

I hope you have smooth sailing from here.

 

[SimonBrooke]

Yes, you're right of course. The question I'm asking myself is how long do I leave it before I look for another sub without feeling disloyal to her. My gut instinct is that 3 weeks is too soon.

(what I wrote is irrelevant seeing you're back in touch).

 

[ataxia.girl]

This thread made me laugh for some reason. my Daddy is asleep and i am home alone. i think he should be talking to me but he isn't.

The truth is... i'm just not that important.

Anyway... i am seeing him on Monday and he will have real physical access to all my holes. Its going to bother me i wasn't important enough for a phone call tonight when i am home alone.

The effort that people in our lives choose to make or not make matters and that effort or lack thereof can manifest itself under very strange circumstances.

i was a girl who hated herself, who was worth nothing. He built me up to think i was worth more. Now... he is showing me i was right in the first place... again.

The truth haunts me.

Some people suck so bad at long distance\online its just not cute anymore. If we were together i could cry, i could kick him, he would know... but we aren't and he is alseep. This is where i get into that crazy girlie thing what i do where i try to decide if i was really important he would have his phone set to hear my messages or he would have at least called to say goodnight right? right? right?

No... he's my Daddy and he is what he is and he loves me how he loves me. i wasn't gonna throw a tantrum next week but now i am. He's gonna get it! Bastard!

 

[FurryFury]

I'm so sorry.

Both you and he seem to have the wrong idea about your worth.

*hug*

 

[ultramarineblue]

The effort that people in our lives choose to make or not make matters and that effort or lack thereof can manifest itself under very strange circumstances.

i was a girl who hated herself, who was worth nothing. He built me up to think i was worth more. Now... he is showing me i was right in the first place... again.
The truth haunts me.

There is nothing I can say except this struck home with me deeply.


To the OP: Perhaps now would be a good time to set up an emergency contact with your submissive in case something like this happens again?

 

[ecstaticsub]

This thread made me laugh for some reason. my Daddy is asleep and i am home alone. i think he should be talking to me but he isn't.

The truth is... i'm just not that important.

Anyway... i am seeing him on Monday and he will have real physical access to all my holes. Its going to bother me i wasn't important enough for a phone call tonight when i am home alone.

The effort that people in our lives choose to make or not make matters and that effort or lack thereof can manifest itself under very strange circumstances.

i was a girl who hated herself, who was worth nothing. He built me up to think i was worth more. Now... he is showing me i was right in the first place... again.

The truth haunts me.

Some people suck so bad at long distance\online its just not cute anymore. If we were together i could cry, i could kick him, he would know... but we aren't and he is alseep. This is where i get into that crazy girlie thing what i do where i try to decide if i was really important he would have his phone set to hear my messages or he would have at least called to say goodnight right? right? right?

No... he's my Daddy and he is what he is and he loves me how he loves me. i wasn't gonna throw a tantrum next week but now i am. He's gonna get it! Bastard!

Perhaps it has nothing to do with your importance and more to do with him being exhausted? Especially in a LDR life, normal life often gets in the way of how we would like things to be.

Life has been extremely crazy for both Daddy and I lately. A few weeks ago I finally had a day off from work and he was working from home. I climbed into bed looking forward to finally being "alone" with him. Ten minutes into the phone call he became very quiet. then i could hear him breathing heavily--he had fallen asleep! I was very disappointed but I also know how busy he has been. So I let him sleep and listen to him breath for about 30 minutes. i went on with paying bills, writing emails and just enjoying listening to him. I thin hung up and called him on his other phone because I know he would be upset if he had slept too long.

It had nothing to do with my importance to him. It had to do with his body needing sleep.

 

[ataxia.girl]

His phone was off.

Spin that so it makes it okay.

 

[ecstaticsub]

His phone was off.

Spin that so it makes it okay.

i used to get mad when my real father forgot i was with him and left me places to. It didn't mean he wasn't my father any more but it did mean he was kind of an ass.

Maybe he knew you would try to call and didn't want the sound to wake him up? I admit that I do the same thing once in a while.

As far as your real father forgetting about you and leaving you places I agree he was an ass. Big difference between that and being left someone alone.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Maybe he knew you would try to call and didn't want the sound to wake him up?

Deleted disrespectful rant which might have got my ass beat even tho he deserves it. i will rant at him privately.

i will divulge that i am only home alone at night about once every 3 months. i do have a proclivity for freaking out. He could have called to say good night (he did send a very short text) before he turned it off if that was why he turned it off. If it was already on silent he should have remembered to turn it on given my past history of freaking out in this exact scenario.

There just really is no good way to spin this to make it feel okay. It feels shitty because it is.

 

[Desiree_sub]

........

 

[bisolom]

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[Desiree_sub]

......

 

[bisolom]

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[ataxia.girl]

Now thats really nice to read.. the reality is often a bit 'different' though.

Agreed. i know my Daddy loves me very much. That isn't actually in question. My question always becomes how much to you put up with? When is it not okay anymore?

One of the things i love about D/s is the sense of being powerless but that also means that as the sub i don't get to decide my value in the relationship, he does. He decides if i am worth remembering or not, worth being available for despite being tired. He decided i wasn't.

i could spin it another way. i could go the selfless route and just focus on how tired he was and send loving texts and pictures and focus on making him happy and comfortable. He still wouldn't be any more likely to remember the next time and i'd still have that quiet nagging doubt that i am just not worth remembering or doing anything but the very minimum about.

 

[CutieMouse]

Agreed. i know my Daddy loves me very much. That isn't actually in question. My question always becomes how much to you put up with? When is it not okay anymore?

One of the things i love about D/s is the sense of being powerless but that also means that as the sub i don't get to decide my value in the relationship, he does. He decides if i am worth remembering or not, worth being available for despite being tired. He decided i wasn't.

i could spin it another way. i could go the selfless route and just focus on how tired he was and send loving texts and pictures and focus on making him happy and comfortable. He still wouldn't be any more likely to remember the next time and i'd still have that quiet nagging doubt that i am just not worth remembering or doing anything but the very minimum about.

When the misery outweighs the good.