Losing My Virginity to a Friend

[rachy]

Okay, I'm trying to decide whether or not I should lose my virginity to a friend of mine who has made it pretty clear that he would do so if I wanted. The thing is, I've liked this guy for over a year, and I'm afraid I would get too attached, and since we'd never work out as a couple, I would just be left pining after him.

I'm 19 and have never had a boyfriend, but I think it's about time for me to get it over with. Is this a bad idea?

 

[SweetErika]

Yes, I think it's a bad idea to "get it over with" if there's a chance you might feel bad or guilty after. That's not to say it's bad to have sex with a friend, but if you have concerns or would really prefer to be with someone you care about/love and could have a relationship with, you should trust your instincts and wait. You're 19 and a woman...there will be MANY other opportunities in the near future if you pass this one up I'm sure.

 

[Bluewolfcry]

I gotta agree with Erika on this one. Sex for the first tiem should not be something you "just get over with." I'm not saying you have to build it up into this huge life chagnign event, but sex just to have sex at 19 is usually not a good thing.

You may want to explore masturbation first and see what gets you off solo. Try out new toys too!

At 19, you will have plenty of opportunities to lose your virginity in the upcoming events of your life. Do you really want to look back 20 years from now, and think my first sexual experience was with a friend???

It's up to you hun!

Good luck in whatever you choose!

 

[Ravin the Poet]

rachy I have thought the same way you have. I am 19 as well, and when I hear about my friends and there sex lives, and me having non, it does get a little depressing for me. But as said, you don't need to rush into things at all. There are women who are 35 and still virgins.

I am in the same boat as you sort of. A girl I know has basically said "You want me, come get me" and she likes me a lot. I think it's a ploy by her to get me to have sex, thinking I will fall for her. But in your case, if you go and just give in to this guy and "get it over with" your really missing the whole point behind sex in general.

That's the problem with people our age and younger. We all think sex is just some game we play with friends, or some after school sport. Really it is the CONNECTION of two people, and you WILL be connected to him afterwards, if you like it or not. And it's going to be bad if he doesn't feel the same. I can tell you what he is thinking, and you may disagree. But at 19 (I assume same age or close to) he is probably thinking with his other head, rather then his brain. He see's you, and a free ride so to say. I'm a guy, and believe me, it does go through out heads at this age.

I never want to just 'get it over with' because I am one of the few men my age (I say that as a general fact of people I know) who actually wants my first time to be special and be with the right person. You need to ask yourself "Will I live to regret this" because some people wish their first time was much better. And as I say for you, your first time is going to lead to a lot of heart break and saddness.

I believe you don't want to do anything. BEcause you wouldn't have come online for a message boards approval. You wanted reasons why you shouldn't do it. But just for your own information, for me, I would love a women more who thought I was special to be with her the first time, and not a second.

Don't just get it over with, because sex is something that is in your life for ever. You will never get it over with.

Ravin

 

[phoenix1224]

Something to ponder...

Almost every single woman that I know wishes that she would have waited longer to lose her virginity.




I agree with Ravin... The guy in question probably doesn't have your best interests in mind... He's probably just looking for an 'easy lay' OR looking to up his 'popped cherry count'.

Believe it or not, a lot of guys see taking a woman's virginity as a sort of status symbol... Making it a bit of a compition with their buddies to see who can get the most virgins to sleep with them.

I would suggest (and I know that this may sound a bit 'corny') that you wait until you find someone that you're in love with and who is in love with you... That way, you're much more likely to have a partner that is just as focussed on YOUR pleasure and comfort level as his own.

Just doing it to 'get it over with' will just wind up hurting you and leaving you with undo baggage to carry around for a long while... Because, despite what a lot of people of your generation think, there a A LOT of emotional ramifications connected to sex.

 

[ReadyOne]

It's a function of your personality.

Sex is lots of things: reproductive, recreational, relational bonding, release of stress, resource control, ...
There are some people who have no problem with recreational sex -- adult play -- with minimal relationship. They may not have much (if any) emotional bonding like with a fuck buddy. It's 99% chemistry. Or they may easily keep the relationship as friends with benefits. Others can't help but fall for the person they sleep with, no matter how hard they try.

If you think you can go the "friends with benefits" route, then you might want to go ahead and open what could be a very enjoyable world.

For your first time, make sure that you know how to get yourself off. You will need to pace things, keeping them slow while you build yourself up, and wait as long as you can before you do the actual deed. Make sure you have an orgasm or two first, even if you have to help yourself to them.

Remember, he doesn't know your body like you do, and you need to show him what works and what doesn't work. Moan or tell him when he gets it right; move his hand to the right place when he can't get there. He really wants and needs feedback.

Make him do it right -- this time it is all about you. And if he seems trigger happy, get him off first, then turn his attention to yourself.

 

[lisasmurf]

let a friend have my cherry

hell no,,,,

your ONLY 19 the right guy is out there , he just around the corner.
I do wish i would have wait until i was older i was 15 and was over in has Dr phil said 2.7 minutes
and he got up pulled up his pant up, took my panties , put them in his pocket and walked out, and told his buddies he had his way with me

if he is a good friend will he be a friend after you had sex with him?

Then there is a sex buddy you can use each other for just sex, doesn't mean you got marry him,,,,,,

MY question is How old is he How good can he be in bed hiself?

Doesn't sound like you can handle that one

was a real bummer I just knew was time and i was ready how dum can a teen be?
nineteen........

i

 

[LadyJeanne]

If you're 19 and never had a boyfriend, I would suggest that you wait to have sex until you have a boyfriend. In addition to all the reasons the others posted (all very good and very true), I think you would be cheating yourself out of a really great experience!

A boyfriend who is crazy about you, who thinks about you all the time, who gets excited when you call, who looks forward to spending time with you, who admires you and who feels great just by being around you...if you feel the same way about him, losing your virginity with that kind of boyfriend will be way more exciting, fun, and satisfying than with a friend.

You'll feel a lot more sexy and beautiful and hot that way - there's no point in doing it otherwise.

 

[Ezzy]

Sex with a friend is much better than sex with an enemy.

My main caution is like some of the others here, don't get it over with, that is a poor attitude to take and you may well regret it latter, the other thought is, no matter how much you think it won't change your friendship, it will! You will never be able to go back to being "just friends".

So my advice is, think on it some more.

 

[Ravin the Poet]

What everyone has said here about the waiting for the right person, waiting for love is not corny at all. It's how I think. I want to be crazy about the girl I am with, not just a wild fling, but damn crazy about her.

Just so people know, I was starting to think as well of getting it over with, but this has made me see, I have a lot of WAY BETTER reasons to keep myself for the women of my dreams.

Ravin

 

[lisasmurf]

you young people

male or female

learn to make love to yourself
how and what feels good
so when that special parter come's into your lifes.. you can telll them or show themm thats RIGHT show them what feels good to you.........

 

[BXGemini20]

I'm 20 and never had a girlfriend. I know I have thought about a situation where I would have lost my virginity, but I had no condom at the time. My friends did pressure me a lot about a girl. I was feeling her and she was feeling me. I'm kinda glad that night didn't happen. I end making a nice female friend who I can talk to every now and then. I'd be honest and say I always wanted to bring that subject back up with her, but I never do.

 

[Matienee]

Sex with a friend is not bad, but the wording you choose for it is what I would be concerned with. Doing it to just get it over with is not a good reason to do it.

I did it with a friend who I thought I was in love with at the time, looking back, at 15 I didn't know what love was and was more curious than anything. Do I regret it, no because he was gentle and we are still friends 13 years later and we can laugh and joke about our first time together (Picture a dark room, both of us naked with the covers up to our necks).

It should mean something to you. Something when you look back on it you won't regret. I don't regret my frist time in the least.

But doing it to get it done with will leave you with regrets and is definately not the route to go.

Good luck!

 

[virgin_so_far]

I have to say I am in this exact situation the only difference is I am almost 34. He is someone I have known about 6 years and I know he really cares about me as I do him.. yet we have no chance of ever being a couple. Like Rachy I have never had much of a boyfriend, am shy, quiet and a workaholic which makes even that hard. So what if this is as good as it gets? I too am afraid of the feelings I may develop afterwards for a guy who is really in a sense unavailable to me in any way more then a good friendship. We have been pretty intimate in other ways already. Some days it seems like a good choice other days I tell myself I'm crazy.. maybe I'm just thinking to much about it ..lol

 

[Bluewolfcry]

virgin_so_far:

If you have waited this long with your virginity, why give it up now to a guy you know is unavailable????????

that seems absurd to me!

you are the only one in control of your life, if you want to meet new people you have to get out there.

Unfortuantely if you have not had any serious interactions into a loving relationship at 34, I'm kinda scared that your emotional and social skills have been stunted. Were youa late bloomer? Do you have a lot of friends? Is it hard for you to talk to people?

At 34, I would have thought to go to therapy and try to develop skills that an average 34 year old would have.

Good luck!

 

[virgin_so_far]

Thank you Dr. Bluewolf I will keep that in mind.

 

[rachy]

Thank you everyone for your replies, it made me think about it a lot more (as I should, since it IS a huge step). Anyway, I know my word choice was poor, but I guess I just don't know what I want. I am physically attracted to him, and we've talked about sex a lot, and I already know what I like (ahem, ahem) so I don't think it'd be a bad experience.

He's 22, and even though I'm pretty sure he wouldn't go braggin about it, I don't know what it would do with our relationship, so I think I might just hold off on this. I know there will be plenty more chances, I guess I'm just getting antsy b/c of the whole never-having-had-a-boyfriend thing. I think I might just be too picky, though, but whatever.

Thanks again, everyone, and sorry if I seem like a ditz!

 

[mackiain]

I'm also 19 and a virgin, even though i have some very good friends id like to have sex with it just wouldnt be right, just wait till the right guy comes along it'll be much more worth it in the end, don't do it with the friend.

 

[Undomiel]

I'm a 19 year old virgin too. Although I have a boyfriend, we've agreed to wait until we're both ready. Its not something I want to rush into.

And I know what its like, thinking you'll never have a boyfriend etc. But if you just have a bit of patience I'm sure you'll find someone perfect for you.

 

[ReadyOne]

{snip}
I know there will be plenty more chances, I guess I'm just getting antsy b/c of the whole never-having-had-a-boyfriend thing. I think I might just be too picky, though, but whatever.

Thanks again, everyone, and sorry if I seem like a ditz!

I was way, way too picky and lost many good years of my life. What I wish I had internalized back then is that there are many people with whom I can have a decent relationship, and that these people will come and go. By trying to pick the "perfect" one as it went by, I missed so much friendship and companionship with so many good people.

It's axiomatic in life that your heart will get broken. With good intentions, we can try and protect ourselves or our loved ones from everything yet make them so sheltered that they can't weather any misfortune.

But bad things have to happen to everyone... experiencing little occurrences helps build up strength for the big ones. Don't hold back looking for perfection -- you'll never grow enough to find (or recognize) it.

If there's a good possibility of good things happening, go for it.

 

[lisasmurf]

word choice

when we female get horny ,,just like the guys word choice can be bad,,and we get little to quick to answer too

sometimes we think other can read between the lines

More infor does help (age)

try masturbating before he come over see how you feel

or get naked with him
he may end up being Mr Right

If he a good friend you want OR NEED a good friend,, take a long cold walk with him,, and lock the bedrm door before you go on the walk........

Life can be a Bitch

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Just remember this - sex does NOT equal love. If you can enter a relationship keeping that in mind you'll be ok. But if you think you can sleep with this guy and then make him your boyfriend rather that just your friend - you stand a good chance of getting hurt or at least being disappointed.

IMHO there is nothing wrong with sex for the sake of sex, or sex only with love. Problems arise when you confuse the two.

 

[lisasmurf]

ok ok a new tread sexBuddies

 

[SweetErika]

Just remember this - sex does NOT equal love. If you can enter a relationship keeping that in mind you'll be ok. But if you think you can sleep with this guy and then make him your boyfriend rather that just your friend - you stand a good chance of getting hurt or at least being disappointed.

IMHO there is nothing wrong with sex for the sake of sex, or sex only with love. Problems arise when you confuse the two.

I agree, it doesn't always equal love. However, from my experience, sex with someone you love as a friend can get messy very quickly, even when there's an agreement about it "just being sex" before anything happens.

Gorgeous new AV, CBG!

 

[Bridget69]

I agree with everyone else. You shouldn't just choose whoever is readily available. It might also complicate a perfectly good friendship.