Losing a Wonderful Friend

[psyche]

I have been on lit for many years and I have poured my heart out about everything that is going on in my life. You all helped me get through my difficult divorce, and helped me when I left my lover who could not give me anything but sex.

I am facing a very difficult loss right now. One of my best friends is dying. We got our Master's degrees together in Toledo and then she moved out to Denver to work on her Ph.D. She is a wonderful, energetic, intelligent woman. She left in 1987 and we have kept in close touch all these years. I have been out there to visit and she has come back here. It's a friendhsihip that I have valued and I love her dearly.

Last fall she got the news that she had stomach cancer when she went in for symptoms caused by an ulcer. It's a very aggressive form of cancer and there are few survivors. She has been fighting this for months and she was doing better than anyone would have thought. This summer she was here visiting and she was doing great. I got a call earlier this week and she was in the hospital because of a blockage in her intestine from scar tissue caused by the initial surgery. She had also found a lump between her underarm and her breast which we thought may be cancer. The lump was benign so we all were relieved.

I just got a call tonight and they opened her up today to do surgery on the scar tissue and found that she is full of tumors that none of the scans they did picked up. The cancer has spread all over her body and there's nothing they can do. She's going to die. She's only in her 40s and she and her husband just adopted twins from Russia earlier this year.

This is a thread to share the grief of losing a friend............I can't believe the pain I feel as I think of not having her around to talk to................

 

[pleasteasme]

I have been on lit for many years and I have poured my heart out about everything that is going on in my life. You all helped me get through my difficult divorce, and helped me when I left my lover who could not give me anything but sex.

I am facing a very difficult loss right now. One of my best friends is dying. We got our Master's degrees together in Toledo and then she moved out to Denver to work on her Ph.D. She is a wonderful, energetic, intelligent woman. She left in 1987 and we have kept in close touch all these years. I have been out there to visit and she has come back here. It's a friendhsihip that I have valued and I love her dearly.

Last fall she got the news that she had stomach cancer when she went in for symptoms caused by an ulcer. It's a very aggressive form of cancer and there are few survivors. She has been fighting this for months and she was doing better than anyone would have thought. This summer she was here visiting and she was doing great. I got a call earlier this week and she was in the hospital because of a blockage in her intestine from scar tissue caused by the initial surgery. She had also found a lump between her underarm and her breast which we thought may be cancer. The lump was benign so we all were relieved.

I just got a call tonight and they opened her up today to do surgery on the scar tissue and found that she is full of tumors that none of the scans they did picked up. The cancer has spread all over her body and there's nothing they can do. She's going to die. She's only in her 40s and she and her husband just adopted twins from Russia earlier this year.

This is a thread to share the grief of losing a friend............I can't believe the pain I feel as I think of not having her around to talk to................

Oh psyche. I cannot contribute much since I have never lost someone so close to me.

All I can say is, I'm sorry. My thoughts will be with your friend and her family and friends (including you) to have strength for her and themselves to get through such a difficult time. I simply cannot imagine loosing such a wonderful friend.

I'm so sorry. X 12

 

[Calvin]

I have been on lit for many years and I have poured my heart out about everything that is going on in my life. You all helped me get through my difficult divorce, and helped me when I left my lover who could not give me anything but sex.

I am facing a very difficult loss right now. One of my best friends is dying. We got our Master's degrees together in Toledo and then she moved out to Denver to work on her Ph.D. She is a wonderful, energetic, intelligent woman. She left in 1987 and we have kept in close touch all these years. I have been out there to visit and she has come back here. It's a friendhsihip that I have valued and I love her dearly.

Last fall she got the news that she had stomach cancer when she went in for symptoms caused by an ulcer. It's a very aggressive form of cancer and there are few survivors. She has been fighting this for months and she was doing better than anyone would have thought. This summer she was here visiting and she was doing great. I got a call earlier this week and she was in the hospital because of a blockage in her intestine from scar tissue caused by the initial surgery. She had also found a lump between her underarm and her breast which we thought may be cancer. The lump was benign so we all were relieved.

I just got a call tonight and they opened her up today to do surgery on the scar tissue and found that she is full of tumors that none of the scans they did picked up. The cancer has spread all over her body and there's nothing they can do. She's going to die. She's only in her 40s and she and her husband just adopted twins from Russia earlier this year.

This is a thread to share the grief of losing a friend............I can't believe the pain I feel as I think of not having her around to talk to................

Psyche.... while you and I have never spoken, I can tell you I understand the pain you are feeling. I have been there several times myself. I have had two friends die from cancer and have also found two good friends after they took their own lives. I have lost both of my parents and as a RN have put countless kind souls in body bags.
It is never easy.... all I can offer you is the advice to lean on the ones still here... let your emotions out.... and let time slowly dull the pain.....
All of us on Lit are there for you...

 

[psyche]

Psyche.... while you and I have never spoken, I can tell you I understand the pain you are feeling. I have been there several times myself. I have had two friends die from cancer and have also found two good friends after they took their own lives. I have lost both of my parents and as a RN have put countless kind souls in body bags.
It is never easy.... all I can offer you is the advice to lean on the ones still here... let your emotions out.... and let time slowly dull the pain.....
All of us on Lit are there for you...

Thanks Calvin..............

 

[psyche]

Oh psyche. I cannot contribute much since I have never lost someone so close to me.

All I can say is, I'm sorry. My thoughts will be with your friend and her family and friends (including you) to have strength for her and themselves to get through such a difficult time. I simply cannot imagine loosing such a wonderful friend.

I'm so sorry. X 12

Thank you so much...................

 

[Cathleen]

Psyche, all I can offer are my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry for the heartache you all must be feeling.

 

[WantonWitch]

Psyche, I'm sorry to hear about your friend, cancer is one of the most heartbreaking ways for us to lose someone close to us as it's never quick or painless. My thoughts are with you, make the most of the time she has left, talk to her as often as you can and try to remember the good times.

 

[Missingmeds]

psyche, I will be keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers. It is never easy to lose a lifelong friend. There are no miracle words or sentences that I can say to you to make it any easier.

But if you just need an ear, my pm box is always open.

 

[Brinnie]

ponk, ponk, ponk... another friend bites the dust.

 

[psyche]

Psyche, all I can offer are my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry for the heartache you all must be feeling.

Thanks for those thoughts and prayers, Cathleen.

 

[psyche]

Psyche, I'm sorry to hear about your friend, cancer is one of the most heartbreaking ways for us to lose someone close to us as it's never quick or painless. My thoughts are with you, make the most of the time she has left, talk to her as often as you can and try to remember the good times.

Thanks Wanton Witch, I will try to do that.

 

[psyche]

psyche, I will be keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers. It is never easy to lose a lifelong friend. There are no miracle words or sentences that I can say to you to make it any easier.

But if you just need an ear, my pm box is always open.

Thanks Missingmeds.

 

[carrie-on]

HUGGGGGGSSS Psyche I know it's tough losing a good friend like that. I am so sorry for her bad news and pain!! Yours too!

 

[KnightWing]

Good Morning Psyche, Sorry to hear about your friend in Colorado. I know you two were very close. Good thoughts and prayers are being sent your way.

I'm sorry for your loss.

x 12

 

[DickTracy]

.
Good afternoon Psyche,

We've only crossed paths here a couple times, but I wanted to offer my thoughts and prayers, as well.

I, too, am so sorry for the heartache and pain you must be feeling at this time.


.

 

[psyche]

HUGGGGGGSSS Psyche I know it's tough losing a good friend like that. I am so sorry for her bad news and pain!! Yours too!

Thanks so much carrie! She is doing well, and I made my reservations to go out there and see her. We have been talking on the phone everyday.

 

[psyche]

.
Good afternoon Psyche,

We've only crossed paths here a couple times, but I wanted to offer my thoughts and prayers, as well.

I, too, am so sorry for the heartache and pain you must be feeling at this time.


.

Dick, it's nice to see you again and thanks so much for your kind thoughts.

 

[psyche]

Today has been a bad day. I called my friend last night and she said everyone around her is losing it. Instead of being able to focus on what she needs to she is dealing with everyone's issues. Her mother is close and is not taking her dying well at all, which is understandable. The most difficult loss people face is the death of a child. You never expect your kid to die before you do. She wanted me to call her mom today and I did. She cried the entire time that I was on the phone with her. Her hope is that they will find something that will prevent the death, which is really a very slim chance. I don't blame her at all for those expectations, but it would better for her to focus on the time they have left. In the meantime, the person who is taking care of her kids is telling my friend about small incidents which at this point are totally unimportant to her. When I get to Denver she wants me to help her put together some videos for her kids to watch later when they get older. In spite of the fact that I want to cry, I want to have the strength to be there for her and not break down when she needs me the most . It's probably the most difficult thing that I have ever had to do in my life. We have cried together and I'm sure we will do more of that, but when she needs some stability I want to be there for her and be calm. I love her so much, and I always said if she wasn't a woman I would have married her. My world will not be the same without her.................

 

[pleasteasme]

Today has been a bad day. I called my friend last night and she said everyone around her is losing it. Instead of being able to focus on what she needs to she is dealing with everyone's issues. Her mother is close and is not taking her dying well at all, which is understandable. The most difficult loss people face is the death of a child. You never expect your kid to die before you do. She wanted me to call her mom today and I did. She cried the entire time that I was on the phone with her. Her hope is that they will find something that will prevent the death, which is really a very slim chance. I don't blame her at all for those expectations, but it would better for her to focus on the time they have left. In the meantime, the person who is taking care of her kids is telling my friend about small incidents which at this point are totally unimportant to her. When I get to Denver she wants me to help her put together some videos for her kids to watch later when they get older. In spite of the fact that I want to cry, I want to have the strength to be there for her and not break down when she needs me the most . It's probably the most difficult thing that I have ever had to do in my life. We have cried together and I'm sure we will do more of that, but when she needs some stability I want to be there for her and be calm. I love her so much, and I always said if she wasn't a woman I would have married her. My world will not be the same without her.................

psyche

I'm so sorry to hear this. Your friend is so fortunate to have such a strong friend as yourself. She needs you. I wish her family could at least hold it together while they are around her! It will be tough for you to be the strong one for her, but she needs that so much. You can do it, you will do it because you know she would do the same for you sweetie.

I don't know if I could be that strong in the same situation. All I can say is bless you and your strong friendship. She is indeed fortunate to have you to call a friend!!! Stay strong, and my thoughts are with you.

 

[snakebyte]

When I was a kid maybe 10 or so my Granny died of cancer. I took it hard cuz she was and is still the person I love most in this world. It's hard. I feel for you man, and I feel for those kids who just found a home and are now may lose their mom. It doesn't seem fair in a lot of ways. And you have to put on a brave face so as not to get your friend down. I can only offer encouragement. Remember no matter what, as long as you keep her in your heart she's always with you. Make sure you visit those kids and tell them about their momma. As long as you do that she lives forever within those kids.

 

[psyche]

psyche

I'm so sorry to hear this. Your friend is so fortunate to have such a strong friend as yourself. She needs you. I wish her family could at least hold it together while they are around her! It will be tough for you to be the strong one for her, but she needs that so much. You can do it, you will do it because you know she would do the same for you sweetie.

I don't know if I could be that strong in the same situation. All I can say is bless you and your strong friendship. She is indeed fortunate to have you to call a friend!!! Stay strong, and my thoughts are with you.

Thank you for your kind words, pleasteaseme.

 

[psyche]

When I was a kid maybe 10 or so my Granny died of cancer. I took it hard cuz she was and is still the person I love most in this world. It's hard. I feel for you man, and I feel for those kids who just found a home and are now may lose their mom. It doesn't seem fair in a lot of ways. And you have to put on a brave face so as not to get your friend down. I can only offer encouragement. Remember no matter what, as long as you keep her in your heart she's always with you. Make sure you visit those kids and tell them about their momma. As long as you do that she lives forever within those kids.

Thanks snakebyte............and you're right, she will live in all of our memories for the rest of our lives. Anyone who searches for fairness in life won't find it. Things happen and many times they are not for the best.

 

[midwestyankee]

Psyche, I was stunned to read your opening post in this thread. I'm so sorry that you are going through this very painful thing. No matter the age, everyone is too young, too vital, too precious to lose.

For you: X 12

And for your friend: "...as you are the friend of my friend, my heart opens to you." Sydney Owenson, Lady Morgan

 

[luv1]

I myself have lost someone close to me from cancer just two years ago, it was my mother. She was diagnosed with breast cancer 6 years ago, she had all the treatment, I saw all the results that came, the weakness, the hair loss ect. For four years she visted the hospital for check up's. All was well untill she got a cough that didn't seem to get better for 3 months, I got her to go to the doctors. it was thought to be only an infection but coz of the cancer treatment she was having a problem getting rid of it. A week later she had an mild heart attack and then spent the next two weeks in hospital. She wouldn't tell us what was wrong other then the heart attack, then the hosptial let her home for the weekend but wanted her back the following monday. She was very weak so I desided to turn the living room into her bed room. I walked her out to the kitchen so she could relaxe and have something to eat or drink. I was only gone for 5 minutes when I returned to see if she was alright, when I got there she had gone. I was only talkng to her 5 minutes ago. I broke two of her rib's giving her the kiss of life but she was already dead. After ward I was given her Xray, she had a very agressive form of cancer and was dying. But she didn't want to tell anyone. She knew she was dying, I just wish she told us. She was only 55 years old.

So I feel for you greatly and all I can say is that you have to be stronge, I know you want to cry but to sound cold it's not about you. You have plenty of time to morn, for the sake of your friend you have to be stronge and smile, do the crying at home she needs someone to lean on more then ever.

 

[psyche]

Psyche, I was stunned to read your opening post in this thread. I'm so sorry that you are going through this very painful thing. No matter the age, everyone is too young, too vital, too precious to lose.

For you: X 12

And for your friend: "...as you are the friend of my friend, my heart opens to you." Sydney Owenson, Lady Morgan

Thanks midwestyankee, nice to see you again. I appreciate your kind post.