Looking for slave advice.

[Stella_Omega]

Very handy. And very funny when there is a hypocritical topping.

You mean "topping from the bottom" sort of thing?

Any dom that can't honor one hard limit or a stated dislike needs to get themselves under control, IMO. They can find a sub who is more suited to their preferences, for instance, or else make the compromise necessary for this almost-perfectly-perfect relationship.

 

[Babyslave]

Hello everyone. And this is to all of you. Thanks to you all for your input. So much of this struck a chord with me, a couple things didn't sit quite right.

I've know OF him for quite a long time. Admired from afar, I suppose. And, as my desire and interest in this has increased, that admiration took me to contacting him. I'd done some research, of a sort, I knew that I was attracted to him right off the bat. THAT in itself was something that made me pay close attention. I work in a very male oriented business. I think, in all honesty there have been maybe 6 men that have set something off in me. Caught my interest, attention and created some sort of response inside me. I don't know what that 'thing' is, I just know it when I'm near it. My Master has that something. Over the weekend, I DID sit down and write him a six page letter, explaining my issues with this. He knew of my rape already, but I told him everything from the event itself to how it affected my relationships since then. I've always been able to talk to him, and in everything else he has been most understanding. Gentle and caring. In everything but this, we are as one person. His desires and needs match mine. Even the mundane everyday things.

So.

His reply to that letter? "I've just read it my sweet. Slowly, carefully. Thank you for exposing your soul to me. You know you can trust me. I treasure you, my slave. I will respond to it fully, but it will take time. Be patient with your master. You won't regret opening yourself to me like this." and also "I feel your fear in these words. You will learn that you need have no fear with your master."



What relief I felt. He understands, he'll reconsider this ONE thing that I am unable to do.

Wrong! Today? "I know your fears about allowing others to fuck you on my instruction. But I know also that it excites you, to know that you're not responsible for your actions..."

"You are my first and only slave. You will obey master in all matters sexual."

CRAP! And, to add insult to injury, he's read this thread.

So. (again). He's been (sorry, still working on the terminology) into this lifestyle for at least 10 years. In many different ways. Different relationships, different degrees.

Us? We created sparks from the beginning and from day one, we realized how GOOD we meshed. Until this. He has a lover. He's had sluts, and subs and whatever else. He has never actually had a slave. And, in my head his slave is his 100%. He's actually had the audacity to compare me to his lover. (she's a wonderful woman, and a beautiful person, don't get me wrong) but I am not her. I'm not anyone else, just me and I can't act as anyone else but me. Am I right? Geez, even I know I'm right about that.

When I realized that I wished for this (unaware that this was so important to him) he thanked me for capitulating. That word along speaks volumes. That word means CONDITIONAL surrender. Yes, I capitulate.

Folk here on this board, new friends I have made. I cannot do this one thing. I cannot. Sigh. I hate the thought of missing out on the most unbelievable relationship I've could ever have. Everything I never knew I wanted, or COULD have until him. But I cannot allow this one thing.

I've never been a fan of ultimatums. But I think that is what is going to occur. Either I am allowed to have this one hard limit, or all we need, desire and know would be the best thing either of us have ever have, or will ever have again just can't happen.

God. This sucks. I feel like I've waited for him for my entire life. I've made so many plans, had so many things I wanted to share with him. Really really sucks.

I think I'm going to go have a sobbing fest for a while.

Thanks to you all.

Babyslave - Aka Cynthia

 

[Stella_Omega]

Dude, if you're still reading along, lighten up. Rome wasn't built in a day, and any of the PYL/pyls here will talk about how long it takes to build complete trust. This woman told you some very important things, and you what-- honored them for one day?

That's not very impressive.

 

[Babyslave]

Okay, I have to ask. Please forgive my ignorance. What is PYL?

And, thanks Stella_Omega. Really.

 

[CutieMouse]

Okay, I have to ask. Please forgive my ignorance. What is PYL?

And, thanks Stella_Omega. Really.

Literotica shorthand -

PYL = Pick Your Label (Dominant, Master, Top)
pyl = pick your label (submissive, slave, bottom)

 

[golfdude776]

.....

 

[JMohegan]

He's been (sorry, still working on the terminology) into this lifestyle for at least 10 years.

Uh-huh. And yet, the guy's got zero finesse when it comes to pushing limits? Come on.

It could be true, I guess. There is such a thing as experienced, but serially incompetent.

By the way, I'm still waiting for the answer to Eastern Sun's question. Have you met this guy, face to face? Had dinner with him, at a restaurant? Taken a walk, together, in a park?

 

[Babyslave]

Oh, well, that makes sense!

Thanks!

 

[Stella_Omega]

Here's the thing-- limits can change over time.

It's very possible that you will get used to the notion, and be willing to give that limit up at some time in the future. It's also possible that you'll change your mind about being a slave for this guy-- if sharing is part of your slavery.

Or find a master with a more possessive modus operandi.

 

[Babyslave]

Shoot. I didn't think anyone was going to remember that part. Umm, short answer no. BUT - give me a little credit. I've made wise decisions for 46 years. Like I DID mention, I've done my research. I knew what and who he was beforehand. And, being the good information gatherer that I am, learned more when we started corresponding.

No, not face to face. The plan is that we will meet soon. Face to face. And that is right. For me, for him. For us. This isn't a game. Neither of us wanted to jump into anything. And yes, distance is an issue. But. I truly think that even he lived the next street over, I'd still be taking this time to make sure that the decision we make is right for us both.

In the meanwhile, we've talked. Daily, for HOURS on end for over a month. This was a mutual decision. I needed this time to decide if doing this was right for me. To know what was involved. And, as my desire to persue this grew, I realized that if I were to have this, it would be with him. Perhaps that sounds like some romantic drivel. It isn't. I'm cautious to an extreme. I know that if we can work thru this last major hurdle, it's going to be mindblowing for the both of us. He may have had previous experiences and relationships like this, and I know much about all of them. This is going to be something neither of us have ever dared dream.



This isn't a game. He's not some internet stalker, serial killer. His methods may seem extreme to some. Personally? As I sit here and right this. His need is for my trust. Completely. That he won't ask me or expect me to do anything that isn't right for me.
But that is a hard thing to give. Not even meaning sight unseen. I mean for me, to give that to anyone. Even my lover. The man who's allowed me to take this step, live out this need. The man who holds my heart doesn't have ALL my trust. I have to hold a little bit back.

God. I'm babbling. Bad habit of mine. Please dont' judge him too harshly. He's a good man, he really is. I've not given up. Not yet. There's got to be a way to work this out. He's not an idiot.

Well. I'm pooped. So, to bed I go. I'll be interested to see how many of you think I'm crazy for all this. As he does, push me. Ask the hard questions, if you've you've got the time. The more I think, the more I read, the more that becomes clear(er)

Goodnight everyone. And thanks again.

Babyslave - Cynthia

 

[Cop4u_69]

Well after reading all of this thread, there is a lot of good advice for you. I would like to add something I haven't seen addressed in any other posts.

What I understand from your posts is that this is your very first experience in the life style and with someone who has titled himself a Master. While that I understand that things between you and him has been everything you have dreamed of and you have found yourself making so many plans for the future.

Well it is all good but this is your first, remember your very first love, how your heart throbbed, how you felt that this was the love of your life and you wanted to spend the rest of your life with this person? Remember how he made you feel so very special and how you just couldn’t get him off your mind?

So now you have those feeling again, he has made you feel alive, special and seems to be all that you have been looking for and missing all your life. Which is a great thing but remember that he is your first and anyone who had been in the life style for any length of time can tell you that it is very rare for the first time to last forever. I am not saying it doesn’t happen but very seldom becomes your one and only.

If he feels like you do and wants what you want then he would understand that a hard limit for what it is and he would not be pushing you so hard. He would accept this as for what it is to you and maybe sometime down the path, you will want to test this limit but if you don’t then that’s the way it is.

He should love you for what you do give him and respect what you can’t give him at this time and maybe never, but there is always a chance as your relationship grows and strengthens it will change over time and your hard limits might become more obtainable.

I wish you the best of luck and remember that just because everything is so great doesn’t mean it will last a life time and there are others out there that might make you feel ever better than your first.

 

[CutieMouse]

Woah.

Woah woah woah woah woah.

You trust a guy you've never laid eyes on, that you've met over the internet, that you've talked to for hours... COMPLETELY?

The same guy who isn't willing to respect your hard limit of being sexually used by whomever he sees fit, even after you've explained the reason behind your hard limit? The guy who read your heartfelt explanation as to why you had this hard limit, and instead of acknowledging and respecting your need re: multiple partners, essentially patted you on the head and said "there there little girl... I know better than you so it's happening anyway."?

Seriously?

This is butterflies in the stomach new relationship energy fueled by some hot phone/email sex. You commented that "pain turned you on"... guess what? The self-inflicted pain you experience because a lover told you to do it, is nothing compared to what it feels like in person.

Nothing.

And the only "proof" you have that he has 10 years "in the lifestyle" is his word. (At least from what you've shared here.) I'm with JM - for someone so "experienced" he sure lacks finesse (and patience).

Christonaswizzlestick...

He wouldn't happen to live in upstate New York, would he?

 

[JMohegan]

BUT - give me a little credit.

No.

I've made wise decisions for 46 years.

Congratulations.

Now, quit acting like a 13 year old swooning over omg we passed notes in Algebra five days in a row it must be true love.

 

[Liana_R]

Well it is all good but this is your first, remember your very first love, how your heart throbbed, how you felt that this was the love of your life and you wanted to spend the rest of your life with this person? Remember how he made you feel so very special and how you just couldn’t get him off your mind?

So now you have those feeling again, he has made you feel alive, special and seems to be all that you have been looking for and missing all your life. Which is a great thing but remember that he is your first and anyone who had been in the life style for any length of time can tell you that it is very rare for the first time to last forever. I am not saying it doesn’t happen but very seldom becomes your one and only.

He should love you for what you do give him and respect what you can’t give him at this time and maybe never, but there is always a chance as your relationship grows and strengthens it will change over time and your hard limits might become more obtainable.

I am just getting over my first.
I agree with this whole heartedly.

When you give a gift of submission, and it is not appreciated in some small way, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN.
Please do not let the bonding/falling in love (on your part) continue. It is a painful extraction, and mine was only a couple of months old.
Something tells me that, despite his words to the contrary, this is more play to him than it is to you. He has several, not only you. If that is indeed the case, I again tell you to leave.

Let me guess: he tells you he "KNOWS" you; you are special, so eager to please, ahead of other subs he has experienced; you touch him deeply, like no other; he knows your needs better than you do. I think this speak is covered in "Online Domination 101", not in "Truth". But I leave room for the fact I may be wrong. Still smarting from the experience, obviously.

A big ditto on the face to face. It should have happened before you got to this point.

p.s. Cutie Mouse - my bet is on Canada. Just a random choice.

 

[Babyslave]

Whoo boy. I was expecting this, but even so, I gotta admit, it stings a bit. This isn't easy, sharing this with all of you. Do you know, it was his idea for me post on here? He walked me thru the steps, showing me the ropes of these discussion boards? I know, CM is saying - Big freaking whoop. I know.

To be perfectly honest, my lover/partner? He's had an interest in this for well, for a long time. And, we tried, HOW we tried. And I like it. I truly did. The pain, the restraint. Sigh. But, because of his love for me, because of his knowledge of my past - he can't take it further than he does (which isn't far enough for me) not even for me, knowing that I want this. Need and crave this. Because of this, I tried to bury it. Forget about it. Settle (not the right word) for what he can give me. And I love him, I truly do. Neither of us wished for some 24/7 lifestyle, but to incorporate it into our private moments. He can not. And, he knows I wish to have this. So. He being the loving man that he is has acknowledged that I should have the experience.

My intent was to have this, and know. And I hope that everyone here realizes that my partner and I are not complete idiots. That we've done our research. This man, this person who we're speaking of may not appreciate knowing this, but even he will realize that it was necessary to check him out. I did. I don't mean here on Lit. I mean him, the person. And my partner took it a few steps further. My partner and I too know that he is a decent human being. That my life is in no danger. No, not from Canada, or NYS. That is all you'll get from me, sorry.

I've not gone over the deep end. I am not in love with him. I don't expect or want us to have anything beyond what this person and I have discussed. I'm not swooning, there are butterflies yes. To think of what may be possible. But even so.... I don't know if this is going to make things worse or better to share with you but.... Our plan isn't to meet at some other place, where neither of us are known. No. My journey, my experience, my territory. He will come here. To my little town, surrounded by those I love, those that love and care for me. Friends, family. Christ. People know of this, of us, of our plan. They know our intentions. I will be safe. Please know and believe that. This won't be some ongoing LDR, no future meetings.

Look. I've given this lots of thought. I don't make decisions spur of the moment. I don't!
I process, and chart, and graph, and list and ponder and weigh... It is what I do, have always done. In my personal life and professional life. And in this? I haven't trusted my own instincts. Needing to share with others. You can imagine the raised eyebrows when telling others. Others of mine. I'm not entering into this on a whim. This isn't a game, for either of us. You'll still think I'm crazy, I know. I appreciate that.

Logically? Both of us are strong willed. Both skilled at reading the other. Both needing to come out on top, so to speak. Will all you've given me to think about, with all you've shared, with all you don't know, all I haven't shared, all I know myself?

Being here, in my town, there will be no other man. That isn't even conceivable. He wouldn't risk being torn limb from limb by anyone of mine to even consider it. I know that. He knows that.

Right now? Clear head and bright eyed in the early morning? I truly believe that his need, his true need is for me to give him that complete trust. He will have something he's never been given before. I will share with him what I've never shared with anyone before. It's a matter of will, it's a matter of the mind. It has nothing to do with me fucking other guys. (I hope I can say that word here) not actually.

Does that make sense? Am I explaining myself at all well?

I've really got to get ready for work. (Darned year end reports!). Oh! I don't have my contacts in yet, so things are a bit blurry. Forgive the spelling errors.

 

[Vixandra]

I can't help but find it strange that a man who hasn't even had sex with you himself wants to share you with others.

But then I find the idea of sharing a sub of mine with strangers appalling.

 

[JMohegan]

Right now? Clear head and bright eyed in the early morning? I truly believe that his need, his true need is for me to give him that complete trust. He will have something he's never been given before.

I wonder why.

Do you ever wonder why?

Doesn't it seem odd that a guy who's been "into this lifestyle for at least 10 years," who's "had sluts, and subs and whatever else," has never earned that type of trust?

 

[eastern sun]

I would heartily recommend that you meet him before making any commitment to no-limit slavery.

It is no fantasy, isn't what you imagine it will be, tests every single fiber of your being, hurts like hell - both physically and emotionally, and eradicates whatever plans you might have had for your life.

It may be exactly what you're looking for, but I would keep an open mind and make no commitment before you've experienced your potential master face-to-face.

Agreeing to a no-limits relationship because you're afraid of losing an opportunity with someone you haven't met does not seem prudent.

 

[CutieMouse]

I wonder why.

Do you ever wonder why?

Doesn't it seem odd that a guy who's been "into this lifestyle for at least 10 years," who's "had sluts, and subs and whatever else," has never earned that type of trust?

I am going to make a [cynical] prediction and suggest it's because he's never met anyone worthy enough to ask for her COMPLETE submission before he met the OP.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Call me cynical, but from the beginning I have had those little 'is this thread real' radar going off...who knows if it is or not, a lot of what I read comes over as dodgy to me but that is common with internet communications I guess, so I will take it at face value and trust it is not an amusement thread. I tend to wonder how you can be 'no limits' with someone when you are married to someone else. Out of sheer necessity, your partner in life, or their needs/expectations, are at times going to need to take priority, which may then mean Master has to step back and allow you to be there or do whatever it is your partner requires, hence it then becomes impossible to maintain that unconditional no limits criteria. Of course your no limits might be defined differently than mine but for me, the basic has to be that you can be available at all times in the flesh.

As to not meeting as yet, and given you state you are not in love with this person, you might be in for some disappointment. Online can be very hypnotic for some, even deceptive when you have a desire to experience something so badly, which when meeting face to face turns into a huge let down if the chemistry is just not there, or he smells bad, or picks his nose, or any number of things. Fantasy does not always become reality. I would also be wary of STD's.

I am with others in asking if he has been active for 10 years, why are you the one who will be all things to him he has only been able to dream of before, especially when considering you are not free to be his 100%? And why did you feel the need to tell others what you were doing and planning to do? That to me is very strange....you partner, yes I get that, but others? Why? Frankly when we met, my children knew where I was going and why out of necessity incase of emergencies, but I didn't share with anyone else, nor do we even now feel a need to tell anyone what the dynamics of our relationship are. And if you have so much trust in him and 'know'he won't hurt you in a bad way, why are you insisting on him coming to 'your' town surrounded by people you know and trust, who you have told what is happening etc.? That to me does not sound like trust. Believe me, you have already shown you are out of your depth in thinking when he told you that "You will learn that you need have no fear with your master" that it translated to he would not be requiring you to be shared (or any other thing you felt was not right for you). If this is all for real, I think you need to take off the subfrenzy goggles and get your wits about you, and fast.

Catalina

 

[Babyslave]

Hi all. Busy day. Catalina, I swear to you that this isn't an amusement. Everything I've said is real, and happening and true. I may not give you all the details you wish for, like who the man is, or where he's located, but all I've said is true.

It was his idea that I post here. "...You will make friends too, maybe other slaves/subs/whores you can share things with."

This may be a long time desire of mine, but I know nothing of most of it. I know what I crave and want and wish to experience. I know what I hope it to be. I know what he says it can be, will be.

As far as why here, my place, my town, my people? Well, common sense really. Two choices. Me there, with him or he here with me. Pretty simple to this woman. I don't know there, I know here. I'm comfortable here. My place, my things, my bed, my people. I may have exaggerated the stress on this, but only a little.

My people know that I'm expecting a visitor. Some think that it's a fling, some, a friend. A few know of what it really is. Why did I tell them? Well, we talk about sex. These that know have either had experiences like this, or wish to as well, or think they do. Why are we meeting here? This is my home. I suppose I stressed this so much because I didn't want any of you to think I was being COMPLETELY stupid about all this.

We will go out to dinner with friends, he'll come to my work, and take a tour. I won't be able to be with him 24/7. My life doesn't allow for that. He'll sightsee in a nearby city. One of my friends has access to tickets to shows and museums, etc. This is going to be more than just scenes.

There won't be another guy. There is no other guy. He knows no one here. He won't find another here. It was another of his *%&*(#@ tests. I'm certain of that now. Not then, no. He pushes so hard. We've talked like for 8 hours a day. Relentless, bombardment. Not about this, this sex with other guys stuff. But everything. After a while, your mind reels. It's chaos.

Perhaps I do underestimate the aftermath, for lack of a better term. This man has been quite willing to describe what it may be like. To be honest? I think I'll be MORE and stronger rather than less and broken. If this happens, I think my odds for the former are much higher than the latter. I'm not doing this willy nilly, even though I'm sure it sounds as though I am. I wish you could know me. The everyday me. The me that is so independent and strong willed and stubborn. The me that doesn't allow anyone to do anything for me. You know.... I think that what I'm really looking to experience most of all? To do the thing that I could never do with anyone here, anyone I know, not even my lover. To just let go. To just let it all go. To let someone else drive the bus for a while. I don't ALWAYS have to be in charge. I'm not a $itch or anything. Mundane? What movie, where for dinner, party or clubbing.... That doesn't matter. But in regard to my self. When it comes to me making myself open and vulnerable? That scares the crap out of me. So. I guess as I sit here writing... it's not just the scenes. It's the surrender just as much.

I hope I've reassured some. And I am so touched by everyone's words. I'm not saying I've decided, I'm just saying I'm calmer now than I've been in weeks. And I think this, here, on this board is the reason why.

I appreciate everyone's input. I truly do.

But now? It's been a tough day. I'm ready for bed. Goodnight everyone.

Cynthia - babyslave.

Okay. So. If anyone is interested I've done another cut and paste. Took out some stuff that doesn't pertain to this, but...

"I trust you to act in your own best interests first, and your master's second. "

"But ultimately you will determine whether anything happens. Your choice."

"We'll work through everything. Together. "

Well?

It's not like this is happening next week or anything. Time isn't a-wasting. I want this. And I DO wish it to be with him. But I am here, with all of you. For exactly this reason. To question me, to push me, to speak to me exactly in the way you have.

 

[rida]

*snip*
Being here, in my town, there will be no other man. That isn't even conceivable. He wouldn't risk being torn limb from limb by anyone of mine to even consider it. I know that. He knows that.

Right now? Clear head and bright eyed in the early morning? I truly believe that his need, his true need is for me to give him that complete trust. He will have something he's never been given before. I will share with him what I've never shared with anyone before. It's a matter of will, it's a matter of the mind. It has nothing to do with me fucking other guys. (I hope I can say that word here) not actually.
*snip*

Never promise something you cannot and will not be able to do. Not even because you think it is only pro-forma and it will never really be asked of you.

It sets a bad precedent.

And it is also dishonest.

Just my two yen worth.

 

[IrisAlthea]

No.

Congratulations.

Now, quit acting like a 13 year old swooning over omg we passed notes in Algebra five days in a row it must be true love.

This!

You say that you trust someone you haven´t actually met and don´t actually know very well, like no other and more than your partner, because you checked him out?

And what´s the hurry? Why not meet, form a relationship and then start with the big comittments and demonstations of trust?

 

[subAngel87]

We all have some sort of limits and a hard limit is a shut down in the spot kind if a master says you're not truly a slave cause you won't do everything he commands then he is highly mistaken it is a Masters job to get to know his slave and learn her limits and to respect thouse limits an if he can not respect thouse limits than it is he who is not a true master

 

[Treze]

We all have some sort of limits and a hard limit is a shut down in the spot kind if a master says you're not truly a slave cause you won't do everything he commands then he is highly mistaken it is a Masters job to get to know his slave and learn her limits and to respect thouse limits an if he can not respect thouse limits than it is he who is not a true master

I don't as a habit post very often as you can tell from my count, but I can not, not post on this thread. I agree with subAngel. The girls that I have controlled will attest to what she has written - a Master or Dom or what ever title YOU bestow on him can only control what YOU allow - it is your choice on what to allow him control of and if there is a condition that you don't release to him, well it doesn't make you any less a sub/slave or him less a Master/Dom - it is your safe area. And I recommend all subs - male or female - have a safe area or as some call it a safe word.

T