Looking for more lov....uh, I mean feedback

[ChaosKitten]

Just wanted some feedback on some new poems, and I posted some in the "all of a sudden" thread if ya'll would like to see em.
They're here:
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=4242674

And here's the new ones.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=83464
A quiet

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=83103
Once again

and since I explained myself about the "A/a" thing, I'd also like some more on this one:
www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=82716
A/anyone

and more on this one, if anyone would like to say anything else:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=82368
But it wasn't

and, just in case you weren't sick of me, I'd also like to know what anyone thinks about the first one I put in here:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=81854

I also just wanted to add that everyone here is very talented. In the "all of a sudden passion suddenly" thread, I was just blown away.
I'm only an 18yr old college student, and everyone here's opinion means a lot to me, especially after reading some of the posts there. Wow.

Thanks ya'll!!
Kitten

 

[Mythos50]

CK, go through the following questions concerning your poems. These points have been 'lessons' I have had to learn since coming to Lit. I have been told I have missed on each one at some posting or another, lol. I try to answer each one once I have written something down I call a poem and still am told I missed here and there. So:

1. What do you, as the poet, really want to say? What is your main topic? Starting out it is advisable to keep to one main topic or theme.
2. Poems need an audience; what audience are you writing to?
3. Poets generate an effect, emotional response or mood in audience, by using devices or strategies, did you?
4. Metaphor; is there some comparison I want to make that really fits what I have to say?
5. Mood; what mood am I trying to convey?
6. Support for your mood. Does the imagery in the poem support the mood of the poem?
Mechanics of writing the poem. Here is where you can decide whether you want to write free verse, traditional structural form, hip-hop, or whatever.
7. Clarity. Does it communicate to others? On the other hand, is it so obscure others will have no idea what I, the poet, said?
8. Does the poem communicate and entertain?
9. Technical components: Are they logical sentences or lines? Is there verb tense agreement throughout? Parallel organization? Proper Spelling? Punctuation Correct?
10. Did I use a didactic tone? Didactic is defined as 1. Intended to instruct. 2. Morally instructive. 3. Inclined to teach or moralize excessively. I belief this to mean one should avoid taking a position of authority on a subject and preaching down on your audience, especially on matters that you cannot have any real knowledge of.

I enjoyed reading your poems. The best I can offer you is the above. If I was better at writing poems I would offer you more. I hope this helps you.

 

[ChaosKitten]

Thanks

Sound advice, thanks for offering it. I'll go through and analyse.
Thanks again!
Kitten

 

[OT]

10. Did I use didactic dialog? This is considered a no-no in poetry. Didactic is defined as 1. Intended to instruct. 2. Morally instructive. 3. Inclined to teach or moralize excessively.

Points 1 through 9 were pretty generic advice not just for poetry, but for writing in general.

I totally disagree with number 10.
It's akin to saying "no love poems".

My dictionary says:

POEM:
1. A verbal composition designed to convey experiences, ideas, or emotions in a vivid and imaginative way, characterized by the use of condensed language chosen for its sound and suggestive power and by the use of literary techniques such as meter, metaphor, and rhyme.

2. A composition in verse rather than in prose.

3. A literary composition written with an intensity or beauty of language more characteristic of poetry than of prose.

 

[Mythos50]

Points 1 through 9 were pretty generic advice not just for poetry, but for writing in general.

I totally disagree with number 10.
It's akin to saying "no love poems".

Ok, can you supply me a definition of the word 'didactic' most would agree with? Or are you suggesting it should be dropped altogether (#10 that is. Or, for that matter, the whole post.)?

 

[OT]

I have no problem with 1 thru 9. Good sound advice.

I simply disagree with your assertion that didactic is considered a no-no for poetry. On what do you base that statement? Why is it bad?

 

[Mythos50]

OT, thank you for pointing this out. It would be better put, I believe, as follows:

#10. Did I use a didactic tone? Didactic is defined as 1. Intended to instruct. 2. Morally instructive. 3. Inclined to teach or moralize excessively. I belief this to mean one should avoid taking a position of authority on a subject and preaching down on your audience, especially on matters that you cannot have any real knowledge of.

In the thread Can One Find Another is found the following post:

“Poets are not experts on what is and what is not knowledge. Poetry has nothing to do with such issues, it can't care less.

Your text, Mythos, is unprofound and carries a false message.”

Further on: “Beware of didactic tone in your poems! It is a major sin in poetry.

Regards, Senna Jawa”


I have looked further into ‘didactic’ on the web and get the impression that the use of ‘didactic tone’ would be a position taken of preaching to your audience as if you knew or had knowledge of a thing that an individual cannot possess.

I shall have to ask Senna Jawa to get a clarification on ‘didactic tone’ from him.

Perhaps the definition part should be left out. Any suggestions on this? A better way to word it? I would like to hear if you do.

 

[OT]

Perhaps the definition part should be left out. Any suggestions on this? A better way to word it? I would like to hear if you do.

I understand that SJ does not care for didactic poems. You may also hold that opinion. We can agree to disagree on style.

The definition is the definition.
I choose to stick with the broader defininition of poetry, as found in my trusty dictionary (which does not mention didactic tones as a disqualifying characteristic).

If I write "A verbal composition designed to convey experiences, ideas, or emotions in a vivid and imaginative way, characterized by the use of condensed language chosen for its sound and suggestive power and by the use of literary techniques such as meter, metaphor, and rhyme." with a didactic tone, then by golly, I'm going to boldly call it a poem.

 

[Mythos50]

And I would be inclined to support your right to do so, OT.

I have to say that you have given me something to consider, to contemplate. I find I am reserving my own opinion as to whether we agree or disagree, at this time.

Then again... Perhaps I have fallen into a trap of another kind. Perhaps I have failed to consider who my audience is, and is not.
Might I have taken on too broad an audience since the diversity here at Lit makes the audience this way? Hmm. Am I allowing the opinions of others to sway my own?

Perhaps I should listen to the words of William Cullen Bryant who writes, in his introduction to the book, “The Illustrated Library of World Poetry”, the following:

“While speaking of theses changes in the public taste, I am tempted to caution the reader against the mistake often made of estimating the merit of one poet by the too easy process of comparing him with another. The varieties of poetic excellence are as great as the varieties of beauty in flowers or in the female face. There is no poet, indeed no author in any department of literature, who can be taken as a standard in judging of others; the true standard is an ideal one, and even this is not the same in all men’s minds. One delights in grace, another in strength; one in a fiery vehemence and enthusiasm on the surface, another in majestic repose and the expression of feeling too deep to be noisy; one loves simple and obvious images strikingly employed, or familiar thoughts placed in a new light, another is satisfied only with novelties of thought and expression, with uncommon illustrations and images far sought. It is certain that each of these modes of treating a subject may have its peculiar merit, and that it is absurd to require of those whose genius inclines them to one that they should adopt its opposite, or to set one down as inferior to another because he is not of the same class. As well, in looking through an astronomer’s telescope at that beautiful phenomenon, a double star, in which the twin flames are one of a roseate and the other of a golden tint, might we quarrel with either of them because it is not colored like its fellow. Some of the comparisons made by critics between one poet and another are scarcely less preposterous than would be a comparison between a river and a mountain.”

I am inclined to agree with Mr. Bryant.

Ever Learning,
Mythos