looking for feedback please

[icebaby]

Hi I am looking for feedback on a story i posted at christmas
in toys

santa cums once a year

and or on any of my submissions

thanks

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=155604

 

[Natural Born Eros]

I just read Santa Cums Once a Year. I have to say, it is the only Lit story I've read with a punch-line that made me laugh. I did enjoy the story, and it was technically fine. A few little points I'd comment on, though:

I thought that Christobel didn't like herself. Or you didn't like her. This didn't really contribute anything except negative feeling, and didn't mesh with her obvious sexuality - in my experience, a woman that sexually relaxed and open is highly confident.

I wasn't sure why she found two elves so attractive. I know it is a fantasy-type story, but she is a basically vanilla character.

I don't know whether a virgin (and its not something I'm expert on) would have that much control over her fanny - but hey, it's porn.

Finally, and I'm prepared to accept your judgement on this one, can any woman really come as often as she did? She wouldn't be able to walk around after two days of that, surely?

Overall, though, I enjoyed the story. I just wasn't really sure what you set out to acheive - was it comedy, fantasy, sex, toys? Combining these things is fine, if its done right, but I was left a little confused as to what I was supposed to be feeling.

Just one author's two cents. Feel free to ignore if you wish.

Eros

 

[icebaby]

re feedback

Hi thanks for your feedback it is much appreciated


>>Finally, and I'm prepared to accept your judgement on this one, can any woman really come as often as she did? She wouldn't be able to walk around after two days of that, surely?


not lucky enough to know the true facts on this one think i need to study more to be sure


>>Overall, though, I enjoyed the story. I just wasn't really sure what you set out to acheive - was it comedy, fantasy, sex, toys?


got to admit it was all of them as i personally think good sex is a combination of all above but hey that just me

seriously though i have took your points on board and thanks again

 

[hiddenself]

Funny idea

That was one silly (in a nice way) idea. A great spoof. Quite original.

But as an erotic tale, it did not do much for me. It was too tame for my tastes, a little too vanilla. Only NBE's comment about the punchline kept me reading through to the end. But it was worth it. The ending was indeed cool.

hs

 

[hiddenself]

I forgot...

I hadn't realized that you had written "A Time to Say Goodbye"

That one was magnificent! One of the few "5s" that I've given a Lit story.

hs

 

[skyewriter]

To answer one question:

YES, a woman can cum that many times...I've done it 7 times in an hour before. (using a vibrator of course)... I am multi-orgasmic, as are a lot of women I know. No sh!tting you, it's true...I wouldn't lie about something THAT important! lol

BTW...I liked your story...not MY thing, but well written...maybe could've added more detail, more eroticism, but nice.

 

[Natural Born Eros]

I know about 7 times in an hour, and that sort of thing. What was amazing me was the fact that after an hour like that, she'd spend a day cumming all the time with vibrating balls inside her, and still have the energy to enjoy oral and penetrative sex. That's going it, surely?

Eros

 

[icebaby]

re feedback

Started something now havent i lol

yes it can be done


I know about 7 times in an hour, and that sort of thing. What was amazing me was the fact that after an hour like that, she'd spend a day cumming all the time with vibrating balls inside her, and still have the energy to enjoy oral and penetrative sex. That's going it, surely?

>>oh yes but who wants just the balls without the fun of the rest


thank you all for your feedback

 

[gauchecritic]

Well it must be my night for reading humorous stories. I thought this was very very well done, I could find no errors in phrasing, spelling or punctuation and was pleasantly surprised by having a punchline to finish with.

A couple of points I think worth mentioning.

Like Eros I found Christobel to be lacking in some way. Just a little more informative description would have made her lack of 'character' more rounded and imageinable. Again like Eros I found the Elves to be more 'present' than others.

Because there was no sensual build up I found the actual sex scenes somewhat 'hollow'

Having said that I enjoyed the story on the whole and thought is was great fun, and unlike Eros I did get a distinct physical response. Unfortunately this faded all too soon.

Gauche