Looking for critics...

[ReturnedOne]

Ladies and gentlemen of the Literotica community:

Having just posted the first two (? haven't seen chapter 2 yet) chapters of an endeavor of love and lust on my part, I am anxious to hear from anyone who reads it.

The story is posted as "The Beast in Control" and is currently on the drawing board in my office with chapter 8 in progress.

I am not certain as to how the consensual adult reading population will view my efforts, so rather than waste your time and mine with successive postings, I'd like to ask you to read the first two istallments and provide some feedback, either through this Board, or to

SuperintenEd@yahoo.com

My sincere appreciation to all...

Edward

 

[DopeyAngel]

Edward,

I would love to help you out if I can but could you put a link to your story? That way I am sure many other's would also oblige!

Thanx Dopey

 

[ReturnedOne]

Dopey,

Thanks for the reply, but here is the most embarassing part:

I have not the slightest idea as to how to insert a 'link' anywhere.

Computer illiterate that I am, I never learned.

Edward

 

[Guest]

test

 

[Caria Knight]

Returnedone

To post a link all you have to do is copy the address and add it to in the post, or you can click on the http:// button in your post and add it there.

But to get you started, I'll link your 3 chapters.

Chapter 1
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=38713

Chapter 2
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=39785

Chapter 3
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=40200


And I'll read and comment when I get a chance....

 

[Caria Knight]

OK, I just finished chapter 1.

It sounds like it's going to be a very interesting novel. Here's what I can offer as a reader.

When you describe his torment in his childhood, to me it just seems to be too much info. In the third paragraph you start with

Nor will I burden you with tales of my early years

But then you seem to go on to describe them anyway.

The only other thing that threw me was when you first mentioned "the reader". I didn't know this was to be his memoirs or a book.

I think you did a wonderful job with describing who and why he has chosen those 5 women. It gave me a good feel for who they were before even meeting them in the story.


Hope this is helpful, I'll get to the other chapters later.


Caria

 

[ReturnedOne]

Thank you

Caria mia,

My undying appreciation for your commentary. Each line has been read and re-read and I shall edit the story (eventually) along the lines you have suggested.

Edward