Hello everyone. Let me first thank you for allowing me to use this forum. I am a 42 year old male who is in a relationship with a dominant female. The first time I ever met her I was drawn to her dominance. To make a long story short, we both have been married before and we are now very much in love and in a relationship. We started out our relationship talking for hours on hours about D/S and we have played out many scenarios in the past and now it seems we are stuck. By that, I mean we have found out what we both do and do not like and have agreed to what our relationship will be. The problem is that she can not get herself to initiate any of her dominance when we are together now. She says she loves me so much that all she wants to do is be with me and be my equal. I understand that this is in a way, her way of being dominant, but I want to pamper her and take care of her. I want to run her a bath...fix her a drink and let her soak while I do dinner...clean up the kitchen and then rub her feet..massage her body and relax her....give her multiple orgasms and have her tease and tease and tease me to the point I beg her to let me cum...I want her to make me climb the mountain so to speak and teeter on the summit... She says she wants this too, but it has yet to happen. She wonders what the problem is...Can anyone shed light on this...I do not push this nor do I show dissapointment when this does not happen...I love her and I am only here because she wonders why she can not pull the trigger right now...
Looking for answers from dominat females...
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FurryFury
Addict of Sensation
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I am not a Dominant Female but, it seems to me that this female has the idea that she can only dominate those that she does not care for much. Now I don't know where this came from but it's something she might want to work on since you both want the same thing.
It reminds me of the man that constantly fucks a girl before he marries her only to touch her rarely after he marries her. It's a mind set or emotional thing.
One thing that might help is to "pretend" that you are a stranger she picks up at a bar and dominates. I firmly believe that pretending until you feel it can help in some situations. It helped me get past some things in my life.
Fury
It reminds me of the man that constantly fucks a girl before he marries her only to touch her rarely after he marries her. It's a mind set or emotional thing.
One thing that might help is to "pretend" that you are a stranger she picks up at a bar and dominates. I firmly believe that pretending until you feel it can help in some situations. It helped me get past some things in my life.
Fury
Netzach
>semiotics?
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Very non-PC for a Dominant female, I know. I should be spouting the party line of "take care of her needs, they're paramount she's the Domme" etc.
But no, sometimes people get baited and switched.
Even subconsciously. I know that guys do have a virgin/whore thing when marrying, and women sometimes have the same. There's a lot of pressure that says it's OK to DATE a perv but if you MARRY a perv it's not OK.
If she expressses the desire to do it without you there in the room hoping to hear what you want to hear, she'll probably know why she can't if she's honest with hserself.
Maybe she doesn't see you "that way" and needs to re-acquaint herself with this side of you, which you can help with. Maybe she's tired out, stressed out, worn out by outside life - sexual dry spells are normal when reality bites. Maybe she's a Domme but also a woman who periodically wants the deep hard dicking between equals and your identity as a submissive is frustrating her and she needs you to be able to take on BOTH roles or serve in both capacities.
You may get more of what you need if you give her some of what she needs. But you should be honest that a relationship completely devoid of D/s and SM is never going to work, there has to be some of that for you to be happy and it was something you had come to expect from all your interactions to this point.
I married my husband with many complex attractions to him. Yes, he does my laundry and massages my feet, and I like to grab him by the hair, but he also really really knows how to fuck, how to stand down a dickhead in a bar, and how to argue with me to keep my mind lively. Those things are all useful and desired in a submissive romantic partner - for me.
But no, sometimes people get baited and switched.
Even subconsciously. I know that guys do have a virgin/whore thing when marrying, and women sometimes have the same. There's a lot of pressure that says it's OK to DATE a perv but if you MARRY a perv it's not OK.
If she expressses the desire to do it without you there in the room hoping to hear what you want to hear, she'll probably know why she can't if she's honest with hserself.
Maybe she doesn't see you "that way" and needs to re-acquaint herself with this side of you, which you can help with. Maybe she's tired out, stressed out, worn out by outside life - sexual dry spells are normal when reality bites. Maybe she's a Domme but also a woman who periodically wants the deep hard dicking between equals and your identity as a submissive is frustrating her and she needs you to be able to take on BOTH roles or serve in both capacities.
You may get more of what you need if you give her some of what she needs. But you should be honest that a relationship completely devoid of D/s and SM is never going to work, there has to be some of that for you to be happy and it was something you had come to expect from all your interactions to this point.
I married my husband with many complex attractions to him. Yes, he does my laundry and massages my feet, and I like to grab him by the hair, but he also really really knows how to fuck, how to stand down a dickhead in a bar, and how to argue with me to keep my mind lively. Those things are all useful and desired in a submissive romantic partner - for me.
luvz2beg4it
Virgin
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- Feb 10, 2007
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sub4info said:
It would seem to me that, at this point in time, your D/s relationship is in danger of falling apart. If you want D/s to continue, it would be a mistake if the lines of communication were to break down. Elise Sutton's books might be of interest to you. She addresses how to encourage a wife or girlfriend to pursue the dominant role by use to positive reinforcement. It seems like you are doing at least a few things right by pampering and catering to her, but it may take some time and patience. Also, you may want to try to find a Kink-Aware Professional (KAP) who does couple's counseling in your area. Speaking as a submissive guy who thought his wife might have been a potential dominant, but didn't give it enough time and patience to fully-develop, it is in your best interest to make this work. Good luck to you both.
ScottishWhore1
Virgin
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- Feb 1, 2007
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i think it time to switch roles
i think it is time for u 2 to switch role s for one night and it will rekindel every thing for u both
i think it is time for u 2 to switch role s for one night and it will rekindel every thing for u both
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